A wedding gift WWYD

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

DH has a sister, 37, who announced her engagement in late August. She and her husband-to-be are marrying in December.

First marriage for the sister. 2nd for the fiancé (he has two children, one in university and the other 14 and lives with him).

Both have established homes. She will be renting hers out and moving into his.

Both have good jobs (she will be leaving hers and seeking work in her new city, but will have her rental income and unemployment insurance in the interim).

Its a big wedding. 250 people or more.

A couple of weeks ago, DH and I purchased their wedding gift. Its a 4-piece matching set of luggage. We knew they had enough household stuff (since they have two complete households to merge) and thought they could use the luggage for their honeymoon (and in the years beyond). The last trip the sister took to visit family out west, she borrowed my luggage as hers had broken.

I was handed the wedding invitation at yesterdays bridal shower for the sister. Inside it had a card that read:

WE ARE SENDING OUT THIS INVITATION
AND HOPE YOU WILL JOIN OUR CELEBRATION.
IF TO SEND A GIFT IS YOUR INTENTION
IN MODESTY WE WOULD LIKE TO MENTION
WE ALREADY HAVE A KETTLE AND A TOASTER
CROCKERY, DINNER MATS AND COASTERS.
RATHER THAN SOMETHING WE HAVE ALREADY GOT
WE WOULD APPRECIATE MONEY FOR OUR SAVINGS POT.
BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE REQUEST
THAT YOU JOIN US AS OUR WEDDING GUEST.

Of course, I didn't get a gift receipt for the luggage . We thought it was a unique enough idea that she wouldn't get a duplicate.

So now, do I take it back and give them the cash instead....or do I give them the gift anyway and not worry about it. The crappy thing is that I got a great deal on the luggage (60% off) so the value of the gift is better than the cash equivalent. Its a quality set of luggage, so even with the discount it cost over $75, but still. Sigh.

DH is disgusted that they came right out and asked for money. Old poops that we are (married 20 years ago), it certainly wasn't the norm in 1993 . Maybe that's changed and we need to move with the times.

Anyhoo, just wondering if you guys would give them the gift or return it and give them the cash they want. I am pondering what to do and am interested in your perspectives.

(and yes.....lesson learned.....next time, I will definitely get the gift receipt!!!)

 

[allegoricduck]

I'd either return the gift and give them nothing, or just give them the luggage. It seems like a nice gift.

They are super tacky.

 

[aprescher]

I would just give them the luggage. I take those notes as suggestions but not a rule. I think it is unique enough for them to appreciate.

 

[disneyhand]

DH has a sister, 37, who announced her engagement in late August. She and her husband-to-be are marrying in December.

First marriage for the sister. 2nd for the fiancé (he has two children, one in university and the other 14 and lives with him).

Both have established homes. She will be renting hers out and moving into his.

Both have good jobs (she will be leaving hers and seeking work in her new city, but will have her rental income and unemployment insurance in the interim).

Its a big wedding. 250 people or more.

A couple of weeks ago, DH and I purchased their wedding gift. Its a 4-piece matching set of luggage. We knew they had enough household stuff (since they have two complete households to merge) and thought they could use the luggage for their honeymoon (and in the years beyond). The last trip the sister took to visit family out west, she borrowed my luggage as hers had broken.

I was handed the wedding invitation at yesterdays bridal shower for the sister. Inside it had a card that read:

WE ARE SENDING OUT THIS INVITATION
AND HOPE YOU WILL JOIN OUR CELEBRATION.
IF TO SEND A GIFT IS YOUR INTENTION
IN MODESTY WE WOULD LIKE TO MENTION
WE ALREADY HAVE A KETTLE AND A TOASTER
CROCKERY, DINNER MATS AND COASTERS.
RATHER THAN SOMETHING WE HAVE ALREADY GOT
WE WOULD APPRECIATE MONEY FOR OUR SAVINGS POT.
BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE REQUEST
THAT YOU JOIN US AS OUR WEDDING GUEST.

Of course, I didn't get a gift receipt for the luggage . We thought it was a unique enough idea that she wouldn't get a duplicate.

So now, do I take it back and give them the cash instead....or do I give them the gift anyway and not worry about it. The crappy thing is that I got a great deal on the luggage (60% off) so the value of the gift is better than the cash equivalent. Its a quality set of luggage, so even with the discount it cost over $75, but still. Sigh.

DH is disgusted that they came right out and asked for money. Old poops that we are (married 20 years ago), it certainly wasn't the norm in 1993 . Maybe that's changed and we need to move with the times.

Anyhoo, just wondering if you guys would give them the gift or return it and give them the cash they want. I am pondering what to do and am interested in your perspectives.

(and yes.....lesson learned.....next time, I will definitely get the gift receipt!!!)

How long do you have to return it with the receipt for a refund?

I would lean towards wrapping and giving them the luggage before the wedding, with a nice note saying some of what you explained to us above.

Then I would offer to return it for $, with in the refund time frame, if they'd rather have money. I bet they will like the luggage and want to keep it, if they haven't already bought some for themselves. I think they just don't need more house hold items.

 

[OrangeCountyCommuter]

Sorry but she may be your sister but asking for money is rude. Give her whatever you want. There's no need to be blackmailed into giving cash

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

How long do you have to return it with the receipt for a refund?

I have the receipt, so I don't think there is any real maximum as far as time to return it goes. It was purchased from a major retailer, so as long as I can produce my receipt, I am sure I would have no problems getting the credit back to my MasterCard.

Sorry but she may be your sister but asking for money is rude. Give her whatever you want. There's no need to be blackmailed into giving cash

lol, not MY sister. She is my DHs sister. I am the outlaw....I mean, inlaw .

 

[C-CMom]

Your gift idea seems very thoughtful. Personally, I would proceed with the original plan and feel good about it.

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

I would give them the luggage. It's really none of their business to know how much a gift actually cost. Eh&on second thought, take a pic of the luggage, return it, & give them the cash with pic. They chose door #2.

 

[lizabu]

Your gift idea seems very thoughtful. Personally, I would proceed with the original plan and feel good about it.

Me too. It's rude to even ask for a gift or money. You're supposed to give them what you want.

 

[LJSquishy]

If you're 100% sure they don't have any luggage still (and would use it), I would stick with giving the luggage.

I understand where they are coming from with not wanting a bunch of random gifts, though. It definitely is tacky for them to ask for money and I would be put off by it.

 

[sweetdana]

This is about the 5th time I have heard this recently. I think this is becoming more the norm.

Here is my take if you gave them 100$ or 500$ for that matter, they would save the $$, or pay back funds they spent on the wedding/honeymoon. If you give the a gift they have to enjoy it... So based on it sounds like they are not smuggling financially, I would give them luggage with 0 thinking about it.


All receptions I go to I give 50-100$ pp cash to help off set reception costs, and then spend another 100$ on them. (Usually from register, but a close friend/family I would go else where.) I LOVED getting things I knew I could never afford. new pans, new towels, the TV tables. I LOVED starting off with my DH with a bunch of new things. (And we did live together, but honestly the things I got I WANTED, but would never have paid for at least not all at once. If we had gotten cash, we wouldn't be 1 yr closer to retirement, and we wouldn't have 1 more yr of kids college paid for... so IMO though I might have picked the cash, I AM SOOOOOOOO glad I didn't have the option.)

 

[irishsharon]

Give the gift you already got!!! You put thought behind it and found something they need. It's a great gift just make sure they have it before their honeymoon

 

[worm761]

Have you considered asking your SIL? I understand where she is coming from. DH and I lived together before getting married. We had merged 2 households and had already done the keep mine, toss yours bit. I have everything I need in my house already. I don't need another coffee maker or toaster.

My suggestion is to ask her. Tell her that you thought she would like the new luggage for her honeymoon. And ask her if she would prefer for you to return the luggage or go ahead and give it to her as the gift.

 

[okeydokey]

Give her the luggage. Just because they are rude and tacky and asked for money doesn't mean to have to give them money. Your gift is thoughtful.

 

[Robbi]

OP, give them the luggage. They may have planned to use money from their money pot to buy some.
BTW, her little note is tacky, IMO.

 

[shellstar]

Give them the luggage. It's a perfectly lovely gift. Although her request came off as tacky- I think they're trying to avoid the more traditional gifts (i.e; toaster, dishes, etc...) because not everyone will know them as well as you do.

 

[dpswift]

I would give her the luggage. If she has borrowed yours in the past she must need it. Asking for money is tacky. I understand that in this day and age people do not need the traditional gifts, however if friends or family come up with a gift that they feel the couple wants or would enjoy I see no problem giving it to them.

You cannot have a party expecting to make money. If you cannot afford the party you should not have it in the first place.

 

[Owlpost23]

How thoughtful! Luggage is a wonderful gift.Ignore her foolish poem.It doesn't make it o.k. to ask for cash just because it rhymes.

 

[monami7]

I would give the luggage.

 

[Pooh2]

That note is beyond TACKY!

Give her the luggage ahead of time so they can use it on the honeymoon.