a little help, guys?

[Ampris]

Um. I have a problem. It's pretty stupid and I hate talking about it, but I'm fed up and want to do something about this.

Basically, my problem is that I have no social skills. Like, at all. I can't talk to people, don't get on well in social situations, have a very soft voice and just feel awkward all of the time. Engaging with other people is much harder than it should be. Not to mention (god, I feel really, really stupid right now, but bear with me) that it's well past the time I should be comfortable with normal, everyday things like, say, friendship and, potentially, romance. And yet, here I am, perfectly clueless. I have no idea about any of that stuff. :|

So. Not looking for judgment or anything here, maybe just some advice? Just, how can I feel comfortable engaging in social situations? Getting along better with people? (You know, all that first grade stuff. ) It's getting hard to put up with, now, and y'all have always been good at giving advice. Anyone?

 

[STOPxmickeytime]

If you're that uncomfortable, I'd suggest meeting new people with one REALLY close friend, who understands that you have issues with it.
And then he or she can introduce you and ease your nerves a bit.

But mainly my only advice would really be to put yourself out there as much as possible and just go with the flow.
Once you keep on going out there, you'll just gain social skills. There's no real step-by-step on it. You'll just gradually learn it all.

I hope that helped. Good luck! :]

 

[Ampris]

If you're that uncomfortable, I'd suggest meeting new people with one REALLY close friend, who understands that you have issues with it.
And then he or she can introduce you and ease your nerves a bit.

But mainly my only advice would really be to put yourself out there as much as possible and just go with the flow.
Once you keep on going out there, you'll just gain social skills. There's no real step-by-step on it. You'll just gradually learn it all.

I hope that helped. Good luck! :]

well, I appreciate the advice, but problem #2? No close friends. Just some acquaintances from classes, etc. No one I'm really close to. I'll keep trying to just get out there more, but it's so awkward at first. Plus I can't keep conversations going well. Thanks, though. =)

 

[Zip-A-Dee-Lady]

I don't have any really "close" friends either, so I understand. I'm pretty socially awkward as well.

My advice would to just be open to everyone. Smile and be friendly and let people know that you are approachable. It'll be hard at first, but trust me, it gets easier over time. Once you find a common ground with someone (interest, hobby, whatever), it will be a lot easier to talk to them.

 

[HouseMD1120]

Maybe you have socially anxiety disorder. Google it and get some info.

 

[chisnpeke]

I really only have two close friends, who I've known for a long time (kindergarten and 5th grade).

Just try to talk to people the best you can. I think you'll make friends...you just have to keep at it. I know it's hard. Do you know anyone else that is shy? Maybe you could try and initiate conversation with them.

 

[rnrlover]

1 question......were you homeschooled?...I'll 'splain later

 

[HouseMD1120]

1 question......were you homeschooled?...I'll 'splain later

This better not be a "homeschoolers have no social life" comment. I'm homeschooled and my social life is better now than it was when I was in normal school.

 

[Shelton123]

Do something to get attention! School has a talent show? Sign up for it! Fundraising car wash? Go! I didn't have much of a social life, and this worked for me. If your school doesn't do these things, then just do something! You don't have to be an attention *****, just do something that people will notice. Sorry if I'm not being sensitive enough, but this is proven by me to work.

 

[crazytp93]

Just get involved.

You'll meet new people.

 

[StitchfansJr]

well, I appreciate the advice, but problem #2? No close friends. Just some acquaintances from classes, etc. No one I'm really close to. I'll keep trying to just get out there more, but it's so awkward at first. Plus I can't keep conversations going well. Thanks, though. =)

You sound exactly like me. I don't speak that often at school. We get participation grades in classes and I fail them because I don't speak enough. A few teachers don't know what my voice sounds like. I don't feel comfortable speaking in front of groups or teachers.

I'm always afraid that I'll get ignored. Whatever friends I do have, I think I try too hard. I've realized that I've been super-clingy to them. I can't help it. I'd feel more comfortable talking to someone online than at school.

Plus, I have a stuttering problem. When teachers put me on the spot, I start stuttering. It's difficult for me to say things on the top of my head really quickly like that. Not that many people can understand that at school, though.

 

[BabyPiglet]

Aw. I'm around you know, anytime you'd like to talk. Just PM me, or AIM or something.

Just be persistant. It WILL be hard to get past the awkwardness. Trust me, but just keep trying. Just suck it up and talk to people.

Do you know anyone else who has social problems, any other kids at school that look kind of uncomfortable? Approach them, you can make jokes about the popular kids.

College will be so much better, especially if you go away for it. You can totally re-invent yourself. You'll be sharing a dorm room, so that's pretty much one friend. Plus, you can ask that person to integrate you into their group of friends. Plus, college is more relaxed, even if you just go to a local state school or community college. It's way less 'clique-y' & it's easier to make friends.

Again, I'm here if you ever want to chat about anything. Good luck, sweetie!

 

[Disney Dork]

oh my goodness, you sound exactly like me.

I've always been extremely shy and quiet in school and haven't had a really close friend since the 5th grade. When I was in elementary school, the other kids would do 'contests' to see who could make me talk first. The thing is though, I wasn't stupid, so I'd just sit there and stare at them the whole time.

I get so afraid sometimes to talk to other people, because I don't want to intrude on anything or bother them.

The only advice I could give you, and I've actually been trying to do this lately too because I'm annoying myself, is just to push yourself out of your comfort zone. There is this program that I was a member of called E.T.I. (elementary teaching internship) and in order to be a member of it you had to be interviewed. I was TERRIFIED. And my gut was saying 'Don't do it, your just going to say something wrong and embarrass yourself'.

But, those who get through this program get a contract with our local school district that guarantees them a job once through college and I was looking at all the stresses that could keep me out of later and really wanted to do it.

So...I filled out all the paper work, got the date for the interview and when that day came I just tried my absolute best to put on a brave face and make it through. I was soooooooo scared tho. And the people that were interviewing me could tell I was shy, but I did my best to answer what ever they wanted to ask me and a few weeks later I got this paper that said I had been accepted into it.

And honestly? Being in that thing helped me to break out of my shell A LOT. I do still get scared and awkward sometimes, but I now kind of know how to deal with it better and not let it take over completely like it used to.

So maybe you could join something like that?

Things like this usually never completely go away, because it's just part of who you are, but you can learn how to manage it better and then the other stuff will follow (like getting more friends, a boyfriend, etc.).

Good Luck!

 

[hkrox]

See I never have had huge problems with this cause I talk to everyone. But I have some really close friends too that I have known for all different lengths of time. Some since kindergarten all the way up to just a couple months ago. It's never too late to make close friends. Just keep trying.