Tweens/Teens and Phones

[CaptainAmerica]

There is a HUGE difference between a phone and a smartphone as far as I'm concerned. My kids will not have smartphones until they're grown and out of the house. They'll get a plain old dumb phone with talk and text when they start after school activities in middle school.

 

[wenrob]

Probably around 10, my kids started walking to school around 8 and were at practices/activities without us before 20 (the oldest had flip phones because that’s all there was, $10 a month per line). I’d rather give them freedom and have a way to keep in touch. Smart phones ranged from 15 - 12, the older ones had to wait for them to be invented.

Right? My younger two have never used a landline in their lives. I’m not sure they’ve even seen a flip phone. Older DD was on the cusp of all that. Getting an iPod was a HUGE deal for her.

DD was almost 13 (her birthday is in early February) but we gave it to her for Christmas as I got it on a really good deal when I upgraded my phone.

It was always going to be 13. She did have an iPod which did a lot of stuff, just didn't have cellular capability.

She is keenly aware that although we call it "her phone" it is really "our phone" and we can check it at any time and she has to ask permission to download apps or the phone is gone. She has no social media other than Pinterest. It seems like it took forever, but she finally quit asking for TikTok & SnapChat.

I have loosened up quite a bit with my kids but I can shut it all down with a single touch. They know those phones are mine.

Also, Pinterest is not as benign as it seems. I found this out with younger DD at 13 when she also did not have social media. They can get to other things through it and there are boards dedicated to a lot more than crafting/cooking/wish type stuff. Just a heads up from one mom to another.

 

[neverlandsky]

For us, it was the 2018-2019 school year. We have summer kids. So Oldest was 10th grade/15 years old and Youngest was 8th grade/13 years old. 6th grade was when they got TVs in their bedrooms.

 

[NYCgrrl]

DGD got her first phone when she was around 8 y/o and came to live with us. Basically, so her mother could “helicopter“ her movements. It ended when the mother couldn’t pay for it anymore.

The man and I added DGD to the family plan when she was around 11 or 12. She is currently using an iPhone 8 but her mom thinks she needs a new version. That will be on the parents’ dime (if it ever happens) so fine by me.

 

[fivikse]

December of 5th grade. It was a necessity for mine starting in 6th grade, but I did it at the end of elementary because it was easier for me to monitor and establish rules while they were still in elementary. I monitored their texts (even intervening on group chats when I thought things were going off the rails). I could do that with my 5th graders at their small elementary school without causing social problems for them. If I had waited until middle school it could have had negative consequences for them socially. So I wanted to be able to teach them what I thought was appropriate before the peer pressure of middle school took over.

I do think it was hard for the kids in middle school who didn't have them. A lot of friends were established early on by exchanging numbers and texting about homework - the kids without were left out of those initial groups. Mine rode the bus starting in middle school and did after school activities so I also wanted it for safety reasons.

 

[mom2rtk]

It's really a prerequisite for her ever staying home alone.

In my mind the phone is great. It's social media that's the problem. Thing long and hard about how you want to move forward with all of that. Set some firm rules from the get go.

 

[design_mom]

Mine are older now and we still have a landline, but we got them phones when they were in middle school. That was about the time that we started dropping them off places (like the park for soccer practice or at the movie theater to see a movie with friends). There were a couple of instances where plans changed and they used a friend's phone to call home to let me know. I honestly didn't realize that there aren't pay phones most places till I forgot my phone at home one time and needed to make a call. I could not find one anywhere and finally a stranger took pity on me. I didn't want them to have to mooch a phone every time they needed to let me know something.

They both had a talk/text only phone for the first couple of years, but I don't know if those are as readily available now as they were then. (They weren't "cool" then, but... you could get one.)

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Mine were all in 5th, so 10-11 years old. That’s when they started having late evening rehearsals. They had a lot of restrictions on their phones at that age though so it wasn’t a free for all.

 

[bennifer]

My older son got one when he was 10 because his dad took him on a vacation, the longest time ever away from me and when DS asked his father if he could call me after 5 days, his father wouldn't allow him. I didn't even have a cell at that time, but as soon as he got home and told me, we went straight to the mall kiosk and got them.

Younger son, 14 years later, also go one when he was 10. That one was a difficult decision, but we camp a lot and with spotty wifi for his ipod but good cell service, we decided that he needed it. And then I could also start leaving him home alone for a quick run to the store, too.

 

[tvguy]

Another issue for us was my kids High School didn't allow student cell phones on campus unless they were secured in their locker or car.

 

[DLgal]

We got our oldest a phone before the start of 7th grade, because he wanted to ride his bike about 2 miles to school daily and we wanted to be able to track him in real time on a map because he is autistic and we worry.

My youngest got one before the start of high school because it is required in his special education program since they do community based life skills field trips and cell phones are required in case of emergency.

My kids aren't into social media or anything like that. They only use their phones for texting and watching YouTube.

 

[DLgal]

Another issue for us was my kids High School didn't allow student cell phones on campus unless they were secured in their locker or car.

Phones are pretty much a requirement at our high school. They use a lot of apps in class for various things.

 

[fly girl]

Right? My younger two have never used a landline in their lives. I’m not sure they’ve even seen a flip phone. Older DD was on the cusp of all that. Getting an iPod was a HUGE deal for her.

I have loosened up quite a bit with my kids but I can shut it all down with a single touch. They know those phones are mine.

Also, Pinterest is not as benign as it seems. I found this out with younger DD at 13 when she also did not have social media. They can get to other things through it and there are boards dedicated to a lot more than crafting/cooking/wish type stuff. Just a heads up from one mom to another.

Thanks for the heads up. She originally got it for a science project last year, her teacher recommended the students use it. And they use chrome books at school with Bark, and they/I will get alerted if something can be a potential issue. Bark is ok, I don't trust it 100%, but I know at school they block just about everything. (They wanted students to take a wellness quiz and for over a week they can't access it because of Bark, LOL). Thankfully, she is never on Pinterest it as it is linked to my email account and I get notices every time she logs on. I can't tell you the last time she was on it.

I know she is watching TikTok stuff through YouTube, and with links from friends in texts. I've watched them. Oh geez. What she watches is just dumb.

I did catch her watching some popular Minecraft vloggers that were saying the f*bomb like it was nothing. She got in trouble over that one. I know people swear, heck I swear, and I am not stupid enough to think she doesn't swear. But she knows what we would consider acceptable and not acceptable. This was every other word. No meaningful content, just yelling, swearing, and making fun of others. Nope. She was busted.

But no doubt, NOTHING is safe online.

 

[tvguy]

Phones are pretty much a requirement at our high school. They use a lot of apps in class for various things.

The school provides iPads so no need for phones. Gives the school control over what the students are looking at during school. Lord knows how many laptops were handed out for free to students during the pandemic, cell phones shouldn't be needed anymore.

 

[wenrob]

Phones are pretty much a requirement at our high school. They use a lot of apps in class for various things.

Same here. They can’t technically require them but they are used often in classes and need various school/class/educational apps for assignments.

 

[wenrob]

The school provides iPads so no need for phones. Gives the school control over what the students are looking at during school. Lord knows how many laptops were handed out for free to students during the pandemic, cell phones shouldn't be needed anymore.

A lot of the apps needed are not made for laptops/Chromebooks and some will work on iPads but not all.

 

[DLgal]

The school provides iPads so no need for phones. Gives the school control over what the students are looking at during school. Lord knows how many laptops were handed out for free to students during the pandemic, cell phones shouldn't be needed anymore.

Same at our school, although they use Chromebooks. They still use their phone cameras often for group projects. And a few apps that aren't available on Chromebooks. Students are expected to have a means to contact home if needed. Our school has a policy of only allowing cell phone use when permitted by the teacher. They actually encourage kids to have headphones and cell phones so they can keep themselves occupied on test days if they finish early so they don't disrupt the rest of the class. And my kids use them for mental breaks throughout the day, it's written into their IEPs as an accommodation.

 

[DisTXMom]

Youngest got it in 6th because she was mature and going to be home alone. Oldest got it in 7th because she didn’t demonstrate the appropriate responsibility until that time. IMO, the decisions you make about what goes on the phone matter more than the act of giving them a phone. Social media, specifically, will be what opens them up to the big scary world more than the phone itself. That is something you’ll need to research and get a feel for where you stand ahead of time. We didn’t allow social media until older (DD15 has it, DD13 does not)- but it’s truly a parental decision and something that would have a very split view on a forum such as this. We use Apple, so any apps come to us for approval and we can use the Apple parental controls and location tracking (which are pretty good and easy to use). Good luck!

 

[Skippy918]

13 and in 8th grade. My son bikes 1.5 miles to school so he needed something to be able to reach me in case of an accident or bike issue. I can track him via gps so I know he arrived safely. We gave him my old iPhone 7 when dh and I upgraded. He doesn’t really use the phone except to text me. He’s not interested in social media or texting friends.
We do have a house phone the kids can reach us on if they are home alone. My 10yo doesn’t have a phone but a lot of her friends do. For her it’s not necessary cause she’s never by herself out and about. She’s either at school, after care or a friend’s house where I can reach the parents.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

The school provides iPads so no need for phones. Gives the school control over what the students are looking at during school. Lord knows how many laptops were handed out for free to students during the pandemic, cell phones shouldn't be needed anymore.

Since I have high schoolers, I can confidently say you’re wrong about this. First, they use Chromebooks at our schools, not iPads. Second, they are heavily locked down, so would never replace a phone. And lastly, they collected them all back and reissued at the beginning of the year. They weren’t given away for free. They were loaned.

Cell phones are absolutely needed for my teenagers for a multitude of reasons.