How do you decompress? Sorry long rant!

[LordBaltimore]

This is kind of a S/O of the WFH....burnout thread, I'm working form home 3 days per week, and I like it. However my wife works from home 100% and has for 4 years, I have a son who due to a medical illness have been in online High School for 3 years., so all three of us are home Tuesday Wednesday and Friday.
Due to my sons illness he has dry heaves that he cant control (It sound like a pterodactyl screeching every 2 to 3 min) We also have 5 cats and two dogs who run around the house, and love to come to visit the office many times per day.
My SIL who had cancer for 9 years died 2 weeks ago, I she and my wife were best friends, so the stress is starting to get to me!

How do you decompress from life? I know that I need a hobby, but have not found one I like. I try and claim some me time, but that never happens. I am at me wits end, I don't even sleep at night, I need some advice.

 

[ronandannette]

This is kind of a S/O of the WFH....burnout thread, I'm working form home 3 days per week, and I like it. However my wife works from home 100% and has for 4 years, I have a son who due to a medical illness have been in online High School for 3 years., so all three of us are home Tuesday Wednesday and Friday.
Due to my sons illness he has dry heaves that he cant control (It sound like a pterodactyl screeching every 2 to 3 min) We also have 5 cats and two dogs who run around the house, and love to come to visit the office many times per day.
My SIL who had cancer for 9 years died 2 weeks ago, I she and my wife were best friends, so the stress is starting to get to me!

How do you decompress from life? I know that I need a hobby, but have not found one I like. I try and claim some me time, but that never happens. I am at me wits end, I don't even sleep at night, I need some advice.

So sorry to hear...you've got a lot on your plate and everybody has their limits. Are you extroverted or introverted? The reason I ask is that depending on your temperament, different things will give you refreshment and renewal. As an introvert with a million-and-one demands that I engage with people all day long, for me, the ONLY thing that really works is time completely alone where nobody needs or expects anything from me. There are a variety of ways I achieve it and I don't feel guilty for one second.

 

[BrianL]

Well, I'm not gonna lie, for me when I get to feeling a bit too tightly wound (I'm always a little tightly wound by nature), I go on a trip to Disney. It really does make me feel better - it feeds the soul, you know? That may not be as plausible fo you, so I'll go with my da-to-day method, a really hot shower or bath, maybe even with something scented. I'll keep the lights off and just forget everything else - or try to.

Best wishes!

 

[LordBaltimore]

So sorry to hear...you've got a lot on your plate and everybody has their limits. Are you extroverted or introverted? The reason I ask is that depending on your temperament, different things will give you refreshment and renewal. As an introvert with a million-and-one demands that I engage with people all day long, for me, the ONLY thing that really works is time completely alone where nobody needs or expects anything from me. There are a variety of ways I achieve it and I don't feel guilty for one second.

Oh, I'm a complete Introverted, I was never around a person 24/7 until my wife of 20 years and I got married. I would love just one day with out another person or pet around me. And I do love them, but I love not another soul around.

 

[BadPinkTink]

Solo travel has always been my way of decompressing and having me time. With Covid travel hasnt been possible so instead I have taken time out and stayed a week at a local hotel every few months. I treat it like going to a different country, no work, sleeping in, going shopping etc.

 

[White Cat]

I would start by getting rid of the pets. Seriously.
You could start riding a bike and go for long walks.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Aromatherapy bubble bath
Steaming hot water
A few comic books
A cup of hot vanilla tea with ginger

Close the bathroom door after running said bath, step in, and read and sip tea for an hour...or don't read and just plunge into the bubbles

That's decompression for me - if you do it 1-2 hours before bed, it should also help you sleep, as long as you don't stress out between the end of the bath and going to sleep...

PS - Every Thanksgiving, I'm most thankful for hot water. I'm not sure what I would do without it - it is the ultimate luxury...

 

[LordBaltimore]

Well, I'm not gonna lie, for me when I get to feeling a bit too tightly wound (I'm always a little tightly wound by nature), I go on a trip to Disney. It really does make me feel better - it feeds the soul, you know? That may not be as plausible fo you, so I'll go with my da-to-day method, a really hot shower or bath, maybe even with something scented. I'll keep the lights off and just forget everything else - or try to.

Best wishes!

oh I agree about the Disney, but I would have to take them with me, and at this point I just need to be away from people I know. I do like the "something scented. I'll keep the lights off and just forget everything else." Part! today I stared to play big band music. even thou that was but my time period.

 

[LordBaltimore]

I would start by getting rid of the pets. Seriously.
You could start riding a bike and go for long walks.

No I would not get rid of the pets I love them more than most people, but I am thing about locking them out untill work is over and I want to spend time with them on my terms.

 

[BrianL]

oh I agree about the Disney, but I would have to take them with me, and at this point I just need to be away from people I know. I do like the "something scented. I'll keep the lights off and just forget everything else." Part! today I stared to play big band music. even thou that was but my time period.

Ehh, go without them! Maybe at the very least you could get some time for just you in the parks - send them off to do something else for a while. That is always amazing.

Yeah, you can get scented stuff for the bath easily enough, even jsut some scented epsom salts work nicely.

 

[ronandannette]

Oh, I'm a complete Introverted, I was never around a person 24/7 until my wife of 20 years and I got married. I would love just one day with out another person or pet around me. And I do love them, but I love not another soul around.

If you're really serious, start making a concrete plan to take a total "circuit-breaker" - a day or two somewhere away from home, completely alone. My guess is that you'll sleep most of it away - I've been in a place of just being so, so mentally and emotionally exhausted that as soon as the pressure is off, you basically fall into a coma. That's OK though. Once you get a tiny bit of "mental space" back, plan to regularly protect part of the day for yourself. The bad news is that it will likely require giving up some sleep and either staying up after everyone's in bed or getting up before they arise. Even if you can't do it every day/night, you will find the times that you can to be very nourishing. I hope for your sake and the sake of those around you that you do something soon. It's not selfish - it's preventative maintenance for everybody's best interest. I wish you all well.

 

[neverlandsky]

Together: Recently, me & DH went to weekday happy hour and had one drink then went to the movies to see Shang-Chi. For a quiet night at home, last night we split a bowl of vanilla ice cream while watching The Sopranos. We tend to exercise together, where we're both in the zone listening to our headphone music and working out.

Solo: Me: Listening to music, movies, exercising, & reading. DH: Listening to music, movies, gaming, and reading.

 

[VandVsmama]

I do gardening in the backyard. When I'm working from home and need a break, I step outside into the backyard.

And I go to Disneyland or WDW. And plan for the next DL/WDW trip. And figure out what I'm going to plant next in the backyard. And plan out how I'm going to DIY a pebble mosaic pattern around the fire pit in the backyard.

 

[LordBaltimore]

Aromatherapy bubble bath
Steaming hot water
A few comic books
A cup of hot vanilla tea with ginger

Close the bathroom door after running said bath, step in, and read and sip tea for an hour...or don't read and just plunge into the bubbles

That's decompression for me - if you do it 1-2 hours before bed, it should also help you sleep, as long as you don't stress out between the end of the bath and going to sleep...

PS - Every Thanksgiving, I'm most thankful for hot water. I'm not sure what I would do without it - it is the ultimate luxury...

So true about! "PS - Every Thanksgiving, I'm most thankful for hot water. I'm not sure what I would do without it - it is the ultimate luxury.

 

[mommasita]

You most certainly have a lot to deal with, To you and your family.
Personally I walk. This is my time, solo. No headphones, music, just quiet. Somewhat like yourself, but still Different , my days are very hectic, without this I think I would combust. That and long soaks in the tub.
You need to find what is it YOU need to have an escape, and your wife as well. You can perhaps relieve each other, and give each other a much needed break.

 

[LordBaltimore]

I do gardening in the backyard. When I'm working from home and need a break, I step outside into the backyard.

And I go to Disneyland or WDW. And plan for the next DL/WDW trip. And figure out what I'm going to plant next in the backyard. And plan out how I'm going to DIY a pebble mosaic pattern around the fire pit in the backyard.

The "DIY a pebble mosaic pattern around the fire pit in the backyard. " sounds cool!

 

[ronandannette]

Together: Recently, me & DH went to weekday happy hour and had one drink then went to the movies to see Shang-Chi. For a quiet night at home, last night we split a bowl of vanilla ice cream while watching The Sopranos. We tend to exercise together, where we're both in the zone listening to our headphone music and working out.

Solo: Me: Listening to music, movies, exercising, & reading. DH: Listening to music, movies, gaming, and reading.

No offence but as introverts, those scenarios are exactly what we're trying to avoid.

 

[LordBaltimore]

If you're really serious, start making a concrete plan to take a total "circuit-breaker" - a day or two somewhere away from home, completely alone. My guess is that you'll sleep most of it away - I've been in a place of just being so, so mentally and emotionally exhausted that as soon as the pressure is off, you basically fall into a coma. That's OK though. Once you get a tiny bit of "mental space" back, plan to regularly protect part of the day for yourself. The bad news is that it will likely require giving up some sleep and either staying up after everyone's in bed or getting up before they arise. Even if you can't do it every day/night, you will find the times that you can to be very nourishing. I hope for your sake and the sake of those around you that you do something soon. It's not selfish - it's preventative maintenance for everybody's best interest. I wish you all well.

I think you are right, I'm the family caretaker, I make all the meals, and the one who cleans that house. I feel like i'm never off!

 

[neverlandsky]

No offence but as introverts, those scenarios are exactly what we're trying to avoid.

Very true. I'm the introvert and DH is the extrovert. So we do balance. His love laungage is quality time & physical touch. I'm words of affirmation & acts of service. We went out on a Monday night. There was only 2 other couples at the movies with us with over 200 seats. We were together like he likes and for me it was super quiet watching a movie. We have an apartment gym where no one really works out at so it's just me & DH 9 times out of 10. I do split my workouts and go solo in the mornings then team up with him when he worksout in the afternoons. I'm truly a crowed avoider aka running errands early in the morning or late at night. When I truly need to get away, I do retreat to our bedroom and let Youngest who also an extrovert hangout with DH. Another reason why I take showers at night is to retreat.

 

[ronandannette]

I think you are right, I'm the family caretaker, I make all the meals, and the one who cleans that house. I feel like i'm never off!

Based on what you've said, your wife is a competent adult and your DS is not in an urgent medical crisis. THEY CAN SURVIVE FOR A DAY OR TWO WITHOUT YOU!! I say this gently, as someone who really understands, but to a degree, we get ourselves into this position by either actively or passively just accepting more and more responsibility as others in the household become accustomed to doing less and less. It's not a dynamic that can turn on a dime, or maybe it never really will but do trust me when I say THEY CAN SURVIVE FOR A DAY OR TWO WITHOUT YOU!! You don't want to start feeling like a martyr; that won't help anything but it is pretty inevitable when you've got no safety valve. Please look at taking a break.