Wedding registry- and etiquette

[jaiminee krikit]

Register, and tell them to ask for anything and everything they want. We registered at Target and Bed Bath and Beyond. Amazon even has a bridal registry now, I'd much prefer that one (free shipping with Amazon Prime!)
I was surprised that we got almost everything on our registry, even the things I never thought we'd get (families/coworkers went together to buy the big gifts). Doing the registry is kinda like Christmas! We did have an issue with Target, though. We registered for a large wall clock, ended up getting 3 of them, and they wouldn't let us return more than one without a receipt (no one gave us gift receipts). I am sure one of the buyers didn't have the cashier mark it off the registry, but I know the other 2 did, so I don't know what happened.
I don't like the idea of a honeymoon registry, though. I anticipate they will still receive cash from some as a gift, so to me personally a formal request for cash seems tacky.

 

[sjrec]

Congratulations! Lots of fun planning ahead of you!
I think it’s considerate to register for a range of items-people will use them for showers as well.

Am I the only person that gets out my wedding gifts and remembers with fondness the people that gave them to me? I never use my silver salt and pepper shakers without thinking of my parent’s best friends or my aunt and uncle that gave me my favorite candle holders. I understand giving checks to couples you don’t know really well, but I’m glad so many of my friends and family gave me a gift that I love and use after 38 years of marriage. Especially since some of them are gone now.

 

[_19disnA]

They aren't separate, a honeymoon registry asks for contributions towards the honeymoon rather than items for the house.

A registry is typically to select items of the style/color/brands the couple prefers. Everyone already knows what money is so to ask for that is still tacky.

 

[Nancyg56]

A registry is typically to select items of the style/color/brands the couple prefers. Everyone already knows what money is so to ask for that is still tacky.

I guess folks can choose to be offended if they want. I choose to respect that this is something that offers suggestions, just as a gift registry does. The only time I was a bit taken aback was when we were invited to my DH coworker's daughters wedding. The invitation was some cutesy poem that was a request that guests give money towards the purchase of a house. Now, I always give money for wedding gifts, so that's what they were getting, but I could not ignore the invitation, it was basically a price of admission. A registry I can just choose to avoid if I want. That poem was something I had never encountered before, and have not since.

 

[Skellingtonj]

I guess folks can choose to be offended if they want. I choose to respect that this is something that offers suggestions, just as a gift registry does. The only time I was a bit taken aback was when we were invited to my DH coworker's daughters wedding. The invitation was some cutesy poem that was a request that guests give money towards the purchase of a house. Now, I always give money for wedding gifts, so that's what they were getting, but I could not ignore the invitation, it was basically a price of admission. A registry I can just choose to avoid if I want. That poem was something I had never encountered before, and have not since.

Ew putting that on a wedding invitation is beyond tacky. They could have had a shower and not registered or let others know they were looking for cash. I’d never put that on a wedding invite.

 

[QueenIsabella]

See, that's the thing--asking for money or other gifts is tacky. Having a registry is different--it's meant to aid people who CHOOSE to give to the wedding couple, and want to get something they genuinely need/want. Most people choose to give some manner of wedding gift as a token of well wishes and to help the couple forward in their new journey.

I still put honeymoon registries in the "tacky" category. Have the wedding and honeymoon that suits your budget. If well-wishers CHOOSE to give you money, that you then CHOOSE to put towards specific honeymoon experiences--great. I guess I see honeymoon registries as wanting a fancier honeymoon than you can really afford, but hoping that your friends and family will come through and fund the lifestyle that you feel entitled to. It just sits wrong with me.

 

[mumto3girls]

A Honeymoon Registry wouldn't have bothered me until I learned here that you are not actually purchasing that event for the couple and the registry is just then cutting them a check and taking a percentage. That bothers me. I’d rather cut out the middleman and give them a check directly. Typically that is what I do anyway—an actual item purchased from the registry for the shower and a check at the wedding. If anything I would have subbed the honeymoon registery gift for the shower gift and still given a check for the actual wedding.

I am a bit introverted and hate being the center of attention. I did not have a wedding shower or a baby shower and so no need to register. We had a very small (parents and siblings only) wedding at Disney. I still think it is very common for people to register for both events though.

 

[luvsJack]

See, that's the thing--asking for money or other gifts is tacky. Having a registry is different--it's meant to aid people who CHOOSE to give to the wedding couple, and want to get something they genuinely need/want. Most people choose to give some manner of wedding gift as a token of well wishes and to help the couple forward in their new journey.

I still put honeymoon registries in the "tacky" category. Have the wedding and honeymoon that suits your budget. If well-wishers CHOOSE to give you money, that you then CHOOSE to put towards specific honeymoon experiences--great. I guess I see honeymoon registries as wanting a fancier honeymoon than you can really afford, but hoping that your friends and family will come through and fund the lifestyle that you feel entitled to. It just sits wrong with me.

I don’t know about all honeymoon registries but most of the ones I have seen are for things at a place where the honeymoon has already been booked and paid or mostly paid for. They aren’t trying to take a trip they can’t pay for. The honeymoon isn’t dependent on the gifts.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I don’t know about all honeymoon registries but most of the ones I have seen are for things at a place where the honeymoon has already been booked and paid or mostly paid for. They aren’t trying to take a trip they can’t pay for. The honeymoon isn’t dependent on the gifts.

Then why a honeymoon registry? Just take some of the wedding gift money and pay for the remainder of the honeymoon (or pay off the credit card bill when you get home). A lot of people give money to the wedding couple--what the couple spends it on is up to them.

 

[luvsJack]

Then why a honeymoon registry? Just take some of the wedding gift money and pay for the remainder of the honeymoon (or pay off the credit card bill when you get home). A lot of people give money to the wedding couple--what the couple spends it on is up to them.

Because it’s a way for these travel companies to make money? I don’t know honestly. I do know that some people feel a check is not personal and feel better paying for a “couples massage” or a carriage ride at Disney or whatever.

The couple can take the money and spend it on exactly what the gifter intended or on something else.

Also just like any registry, there can be experiences that are a range of prices. So if someone wants to give something for the honeymoon but can’t afford to give a lot, they can do something smaller and not feel “cheap”.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

Multiple registries are appreciated by me so I know I'm getting the couple something they actually want. The honeymoon registry doesn't bother me either. As long as there are a range of prices so people can comfortably afford things, just go for it...and go for the cuisinart. It's funny what you said about Noritake also. My china set is from them. Guess where I keep it...my mom's attic. It's been there since we got married and I never had a use for it. My mom complains about it, but I remind "you made me register for it". LOL

 

[maxaroni]

We are now in the camp of our friends kids getting married, or DS25 friends getting married. All seem to have a couple of registries with Bed Bathand Beyond and Target being the 2 big ones. The one time that we saw a honeymoon registry, it was for experiences on their planned honeymoon. They were going to Sandals in Jamaica and had horseback riding, Dunns River Falls as well as a few other things that I can’t recall. It wasn’t to pay for the actual honeymoon.

 

[mummabear]

A registry is typically to select items of the style/color/brands the couple prefers. Everyone already knows what money is so to ask for that is still tacky.

I guess I see honeymoon registries as wanting a fancier honeymoon than you can really afford, but hoping that your friends and family will come through and fund the lifestyle that you feel entitled to. It just sits wrong with me.

The way I see it is the social contract of accepting a wedding invitation is to give a gift. Registries have long been deemed acceptable as a way to guide people to buy useful things for the couple, the same argument you are making about honeymoon registries could be made about couples not living within their means and wanting flasher stuff than they can afford.
A honeymoon registry guides people into not buying toasters etc that the couple has no need for.

 

[Nancyg56]

Ew putting that on a wedding invitation is beyond tacky. They could have had a shower and not registered or let others know they were looking for cash. I’d never put that on a wedding invite.

It was pretty awkward. Almost as bad as the wedding we were invited to that had my assigned dish to bring on the invitation. That was a first for me: pot luck wedding, not an issue, but I did not even get a chance to volunteer to bring something, or the opportunity to decide what I wanted to bring.
I will take a honeymoon registry over that any day of the week.

 

[QueenIsabella]

It was pretty awkward. Almost as bad as the wedding we were invited to that had my assigned dish to bring on the invitation. That was a first for me: pot luck wedding, not an issue, but I did not even get a chance to volunteer to bring something, or the opportunity to decide what I wanted to bring.
I will take a honeymoon registry over that any day of the week.

Wow, I've never heard of that! I mean, I can see having a potluck, and even maybe requesting that you contact someone to see what you could bring. I can understand them not wanting 14 potato salads or 8 pans of brownies. And I would assume that, if you're invited to a potluck wedding, that you know the family and the circumstances fairly well. I would hate to be assigned deviled eggs if I don't make them, or something like that.

 

[tcufrog]

As many people said, don't be afraid to register for big-ticket items if the store offers a completion discount. We registered for a few expensive things we needed that we didn't expect anyone to buy for us and used cash given and returns of duplicate items to buy those items at a discount. I was grateful to those who included gift receipts when they bought something that wasn't on the registry.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

While it may be common in NZ, in the USA it has never been a common practice to expect one gift for the wedding and separate gift for the honeymoon. I don't see the posts people are making as 'hate', but simply providing input on what is commonly done here.

Any wedding that I've been invited to that had a honeymoon registry (which hasn't been too many) it was always understood it was not in addition to another registry; it was simply a different means to give a gift. Maybe you're hanging around different people than me, IDK?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

One advantage I can think of with a honeymoon registry is the pain it can be to cash checks.

We couldn't cash half our checks til 1) I got my name changed 2) I had to change my name on my bank accounts AND because I hyphenated my name it created another hurdle. All because of how certain people addressed the check to us.

I didn't get my name changed until something like a month after my wedding.

Either way I don't really care if someone has a honeymoon registry. Doesn't bother me in the least.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Pretty much around here Bed Bath and Beyond is a given but Target is common too. Sometimes Crate and Barrel, sometimes Walmart. Amazon is actually becoming very common as well.

While it's not a wedding registry I had a baby shower last month, have a baby shower next weekend, my mom has a baby shower in 1 1/2 months all have been registered at Amazon.

 

[sjrec]

Multiple registries are appreciated by me so I know I'm getting the couple something they actually want. The honeymoon registry doesn't bother me either. As long as there are a range of prices so people can comfortably afford things, just go for it...and go for the cuisinart. It's funny what you said about Noritake also. My china set is from them. Guess where I keep it...my mom's attic. It's been there since we got married and I never had a use for it. My mom complains about it, but I remind "you made me register for it". LOL

Registering for china you’ll never use is a such a waste. I registered for good quality every day china (a simple white pattern) and I still use it 38 years later. Three moves and I have only broken one plate. I didn’t register for sterling flatware (it was really expensive at the time with the price of silver) but good every day silverware. I just replaced it last year. I probably received almost full place settings because it was affordable-

Boardwalk Jedi, I would get that china out of the attic and sell it! I’m sure there’s someone out there that would buy it!