At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[jevs]

Are we still talking about pants?

 

[Floridaman999]

Are we still talking about pants?

I'm not sure what the heck is going on at this point.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OK, so ignoring the weird side bar with Denise, here is what i have got so far:

-My kids wore pants/skirts most of the time, even as toddlers---unless they were playing in water or eating blackberries outside before being hosed down because those are such a mess with toddlers, etc. I might think it is odd to see someone else's preschooler running around pantsless at someone'S house, but not a big deal.

-OP---you clearly dislike how your sister is raising her son. You may be right, you may not be---I don't know. I DO know that setting up power struggles between the adults in his life that he is present for and in the middle of is not at all helpful to him, nor will it endear your sister to you or your parenting techniques to put her on the spot and force her to defend her parenting or give in.

-It is abundantly clear in your comments that you knew the wearing or not wearing of pants to dinner is a topic your sister and her husband disagree on and that you knew the little boy is often allowed not to wear them---thus this was not a helpful bit of auntie and uncle parenting that accidentally went awry---this was a power play to show who was in charge and show your sister how you think she should parent. I find that pretty awful. Your sister sounds far more forgiving than I would be.

- Sure, some families all the extended family parent each other's kids and it works great---then again, if this family were that close, the aunt and uncle being over would not be "company" and certainly even in those cases if you KNOW something is a bone of contention between the parents and no one is in danger and your own belongings, etc are now being messed with---why on earth would such a friendly family group intentionally create division?

- It is downright silly to say the boy was not at HIS house when he lives in a house the yard belongs with

- And even if you are going to play the above silly game of saying that makes it all OK, the OP was not the owner of that strip of grass either. If Grandma, as hostess, was so very bothered by the pants issue, she could have said something to her daughter or grandson about it.

-I very much doubt that there are many places in the US where it is illegal to be out in public wearing non see through underwear which is covering all the bits normally required to be covered. It might raise eyebrows. It might even lead to police asking questions or monitoring---but I cannot imagine that it is illegal in more than a handful of places.

 

[jevs]

I'm not sure what the heck is going on at this point.

Can we talk about how annoying wearing a bra is? Dang that woman who must have really been a man who invented the stupid things.

 

[mummabear]

A little off topic but not by much. My husband (2 dads) and I have a 3yo. We go swimming every Sunday. It's at our local gym and we go to the locker room and change into our swim suits and then off we go. Two weeks ago another family was at the pool (father, grandfather, 2 young boys and a 4-5 yo girl) and we finished around the same time. My son and i went to the locker room and the other family came in not too long after us. This is a MENS locker room. I was shocked to see that they brought the 5 yo girl into the locker room. They had her undress in the common area (where all the other men were undressing)which i thought was pretty inappropriate given the fact this is an adult gym, not the YMCA -- so not family orientated. Thoughts? Am I the only one who thinks that was a bizarre move on their part?

It's often an issue, for other school aged kids who don't want someone of the opposite sex seeing them naked. By 5 they should either be changing in their own sexes bathroom and meeting the parents or changing in a family change room.

Not enforcing OUR values, HIS FATHER also told him to put pants on at previous Formal Sunday dinners hosted by DMUM.

His father only got involved after you stuck your nose in it. I can imagine it could be difficult for the father to tell his Sister in law to back off at a dinner hosted by his mother in law...

His father had no issue me correcting, only my sister. He overruled her.

You made a mountain out of a molehill. Your sister had an issue with you butting in to her mid, at her house. She isnt the bad guy here.

I would and have corrected my nieces and nephews when their parents are around. If they are not doing something that is considered socially acceptable then they need to be told. If the parent isn’t going to do it then someone needs to. Someone needs to teach a child how to behave. I see nothing wrong with telling a child to put pants on. The child should be wearing pants.

Its not up to you to determine what is and isnt socially acceptable. Its entirely possible a parent isnt doung anything because they dmhave decided nothing needs to be done.

 

[Floridaman999]

Can we talk about how annoying wearing a bra is? Dang that woman who must have really been a man who invented the stupid things.

I had to put some pants on just so I would feel right replying to this thread.

 

[jevs]

I had to put some pants on just so I would feel right replying to this thread.

I’m glad someone has manners. You can take them off now, I’ve finished eating.

 

[Floridaman999]

I’m glad someone has manners. You can take them off now, I’ve finished eating.

 

[sk!mom]

Never in a million years would I think it was my place to set the rules for someone else’s child at their home. And yes, if they were having a meal outside the “granny shack” that sits in their yard the kid would understandably feel like he was at home.

FTR, a five year old in his underwear at an outdoor summer family gathering on his own property wouldn’t faze me. If he showed up at my dining room table like that I might blurt out “Where’d your pants go?” before wishing I’d kept my mouth shut as it occurred to me that they were probably out of commission due to a bathroom accident. In all cases, I’d leave the pants-wearing scolding up to his parents.

It's amazing how many pages a discussion can go on. Totally agree with TipsyTraveler and it was many pages back.

I have never really understood people walking around in their underwear. My children were taught early on that they should be dressed outside their bedrooms. Actually, not really taught. When they were babies/toddlers, I dressed them once pajamas were removed. They just naturally picked up that we dress for the day. My DH wears gym shorts around the house and my son did the same. I wouldn't try to impose my views at someone else's home. It would bother me though so I might limit my time there.

 

[wvjules]

I would have absolutely said something and would hope that my family would correct my child, or say something to them as well. I have a relationship with my family that we are all comfortable with that and it would not be overstepping.

I would not like to sit down to a nice dinner with a kid sitting there in a shirt and underwear. Totally inappropriate. Way more inappropriate than a family member asking said child to put on pants.

 

[hodgieha]

Its not up to you to determine what is and isnt socially acceptable. Its entirely possible a parent isnt doung anything because they dmhave decided nothing needs to be done.

I think society has determined pants or some item of clothing covering underwear is a requirement. If you go to a house for dinner (whether friends or family), I feel like you and your family (including children of all ages) would wear pants. This is what happened here. They went to the mom’s house (and I don’t care if the houses are connected, it is still on moms side). If I am wrong about that and it is socially acceptable I am surprised that I don’t see more people (of all ages) walking around/eating meals in underwear.

 

[RangerPooh]

I swear the moment that DH and our boys walk in the door from work or school the pants/clothes come off. It's like when a woman takes off her bra, it symbolizes comfort and that you aren't going anywhere.

For our kids the rule was that once out of diapers and into undies that bottoms (pants/shorts/skirts/etc) had to be on when company was over.

 

[Hikergirl]

OMG the horror of a 5 year old in their underwear at their own house surrounded by family, most who probably have seen the boy nude at one point in the last 5 years. Surely his parents are raising him to be a degenerate devoid of all social graces. Thank goodness the OP was there to step in and prevent a future travesty.

 

[nkereina]

Admittedly did not read the whole thread, but it seems contradictory to me to say that the kid should have pants on because "company is over", yet at the same time the family is considered close enough where no one bats an eye at disciplining the other's kid.

"Company" to me would be the kind of people you are entertaining, and also grocery shop and clean the house for before they come over. Close family are those who walk in and make themselves comfortable, while I continue to sit on the couch, all of us in sweatpants. We do Sunday dinner every weekend like this, often at my MIL's house where we would not be considered "company".

If the family is close-knit enough where they see each other frequently and get together for dinners frequently, I don't see the big deal about the pants. If Great Aunt Ethel and your third cousin are over for a formal dinner party, then yes, maybe put pants on the kid. But I wouldn't be the one to say that out loud.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

It's amazing how many pages a discussion can go on. Totally agree with TipsyTraveler and it was many pages back.

I have never really understood people walking around in their underwear. My children were taught early on that they should be dressed outside their bedrooms. Actually, not really taught. When they were babies/toddlers, I dressed them once pajamas were removed. They just naturally picked up that we dress for the day. My DH wears gym shorts around the house and my son did the same. I wouldn't try to impose my views at someone else's home. It would bother me though so I might limit my time there.

I have to agree, wearing pants is something that people normally teach their children early on. I can't imagine having guests over and having a kindergarten aged child not wearing pants to dinner. Weird. I would say something. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Maybe a quick "Where are your pants, buddy?" And then I would start thinking my sister was a whack job for allowing her school aged child to walk around in underwear in front of company.

 

[DeniseJH]

OK, so ignoring the weird side bar with Denise, here is what i have got so far:

Oops, sorry . Seems wine and insomnia aren't a good combination. My apologies to all, especially Mackenzie Click-Mickelson.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

If I am wrong about that and it is socially acceptable I am surprised that I don’t see more people (of all ages) walking around/eating meals in underwear.

Exactly.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oops, sorry . Seems wine and insomnia aren't a good combination. My apologies to all, especially Mackenzie Click-Mickelson.

I hope that the wine at least cured the insomnia?

 

[cabanafrau]

I had to put some pants on just so I would feel right replying to this thread.

Finally. I really didn't want to have to say something.

 

[DeniseJH]

I hope that the wine at least cured the insomnia?

Well, for 4 hours....will be trying for more. I had been up for 30 with no end in sight.