Getting married REALLY early

[mjkacmom]

That feeling that you "know" is not uncommon in early relationships. I think it's mostly infatuation or wishful thinking. I've "known" a few times. Time proved me wrong in every case.

A person's character reveals itself slowly, over time. When a relationship is new, both parties are on their best behavior, in carefully planned situations (dates), and most of what you know about the other person is what they tell you. IMO, it takes a lot of time, watching the person in day-to-day life, to really know them. How do they react to tough situations? Do they lose their temper? Blame others? Fold up and hide from the problem? Do they have your back, or do they react out of selfishness?

Are they the person you'd want at your side though illness, financial problems, raising a child, dealing with aging parents?

I think all you can know after a few weeks or months is that the relationship has potential. You can certainly know that you like the person, and that you're strongly attracted to them. Anything else is pure gambling. You WILL find out negative things about the person over months or years (we all have our not-so-great features). Whether those not-good features of their personality will be something you can live with, or something that's an absolute dealbreaker...that's a roll of the dice.

Marriage isn't something I'd want to roll the dice on.

Everyone has flaws, and what are dealbreakers for some might not bother another. Flaws do not usually show up early in relationships.

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

A person's character reveals itself slowly, over time. When a relationship is new, both parties are on their best behavior, in carefully planned situations (dates), and most of what you know about the other person is what they tell you.

Everyone has flaws, and what are dealbreakers for some might not bother another. Flaws do not usually show up early in relationships.

Funny thing is, my partner has literally seen all my flaws. I went into the relationship not wanting a relationship at all. So I showed him all my "crazy" because I thought, "why not, it may not go anywhere". Jokes on me because I fell for them very hard. Lol. It's nice not having to hide who you are, even the not so good parts.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

I knew I was going to marry my husband after 2 months of dating. My MIL said she knew her son was going to marry me after meeting me once and my mom actually started an engagement quilt for us in the first year...however we still waited close to 2 years before getting engaged. I didn’t want that feeling to turn out to be just infatuation. I know people who have rushed in and are still going strong but I also know some that crashed and burned after really getting to know each other, so I didn’t want to end up like the latter.

 

[disneyfantotheend]

I moved in with my now husband of 25 years after being with him 3 months. We got married after 9 months. So far living happily ever after.

 

[amberpi]

"Oh, THERE you are, I've been waiting for you" (insert awwwwwwwwwwww's). And the date wasn't perfect.

That’s exactly what I experienced on my first date with my husband...why did it take so long to find you...and our first date was perfect. We can now walk to that restaurant in fact

 

[Simba's Mom]

We're friends with a couple who got engaged 3 weeks after meeting, and got married 4 months later. They recently celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary. They say it was funny all the looks at her stomach after the quick wedding. And yet, they never had kids.

 

[KPeterso]

My parents... Met in late April. Engaged around Memorial Day and then married on July 3. Going on 49 years this year. And since my Mom was asked the question a lot, no she was not pregnant. Only child that did not arrive for many years afterwards. My Mom knew the day after she met him that she was marrying him. Told all the people at work the next day. First real date confirmed it in her mind.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My parents got married 7 months after they met. That was over 57 years ago. My dad didn't get married until he was 35. Apparently he dated lots of women, but was very particular about who he was going to marry. He saw my mom at work one day (he was a police officer, she had just started her job as a jail nurse). He thought, "I'm going to marry that girl." He made up his mind that quickly. Then he started getting mysterious "headaches" and kept having to see the nurse to get aspirin. She thought he was weird and had something wrong with his head. She finally said, "If you have headaches everyday, you should probably see a doctor." He said, "I don't really have headaches, I just wanted to know if you'll go to dinner with me." She was new in town, didn't know many people, so she said, "Sure. Why not." The rest is history.

 

[quandrea]

One of my best friends married after two months together. It was a disaster. Marriage lasted about five very unhappy years. Two children.

Her second husband was a relationship of about three months. It’s been very rocky. They are together nine years now, but she lives here and he lives across the world in Hong Kong now. She asked him not to go. He went. It’s permanent. They are trying to make it work, but I’m not sure how long they can go on like this.

 

[mrsheppo]

I started dating my DH in April of 1998 and we got married July 1998 so we have been married almost 20 years. We both had bad first marriages but within a couple of dates we both knew this was different and wanted to be together.

 

[Fldisneyfamily4321]

Yeh me .. and WOW I’m the poster child for why you should wait ! I married my ex husband after 16 days .. ( yep bad choice ) after 7 years of physical abuse I left , had him served with injunction and and two years later married the officer that served him and have been married ever since ( I’m 42 ) . I would like to say it was all a mistake but I have my son and if not for that would not have met my husband and had my daughter so it is what it is .
I would still say wait and KNOW the person .

 

[Tess]

Met in June (while on a summer vacation in FL with girlfriends--2 whole days with him, his friends and mine, hanging out by the pool and dancing the night away), engaged on August 15 and married October 9--oh yeah, we also lived 8 hours from one another so only had about 8 total days, during that time frame, spent together with lots of letters and phone calls. Been married 37 years this October! I can't imagine life without this man and I know he feels likewise.

Lengthy courtship doesn't always work for the best either--trust me, we have lived it since January with our daughter and soon to be ex-son-in-law. They were together (dating/engaged/married) for a total of 8 years and only married 2.5 of those. Such a sorry situation for our daughter who was completely in love, devoted to him/the marriage and totally blindsided by his roving eye. She would never have believed he would cheat and for that matter--neither did we nor anyone that knew the couple including the priest that married them.

A dichotomy for sure--just shows, life is a crap shoot!

 

[larissawbb]

That’s exactly what I experienced on my first date with my husband...why did it take so long to find you...and our first date was perfect. We can now walk to that restaurant in fact

It’s awesome that you guys retained a strong friendship.

 

[Colleen27]

We got married two years to the day after our first date, however we were living together completely within a few weeks of meeting and at that point we both knew we were going to marry. That was over 20 years ago.

DH & I were the same. We met in May, were practically living together by the end of June and I officially moved in/gave up my apartment when the lease expired in Aug. By then, we both knew we were going to get married eventually, but we had a long-ish engagement because we were paying for most of the wedding ourselves and got sidetracked by buying a house first. We got married just over two years after we met. We've been together 18 years/married 16 now.

 

[Kimkimba]

My parents married 2 weeks after meeting. They were married almost 49 years before my dad’s death.

Me. We met online and then in person 6 days later. We got engaged 2 weeks later and then married in 2 1/2 months. Had our baby 6 months after that. It was my third marriage and everyone thought I was nuts. We have 3 kids and he still gives me butterflies. Next week is our 21st anniversary.

 

[superme80]

My parents. Met in May of 1969 and got married September of 1969. They are still married.

 

[tcufrog]

A couple we knew in college met in an AOL chat room. A few months later they had a shotgun wedding. They’ve been happily married for more than 15 years and have 4 kids now.

 

[DISNEY1975]

Me. 4 months after meeting I was engaged. Married 2 months after that. 27 years and 3 kids later.....he is right behind me as I type this!

Should you know someone a little better? Probably, but that doesnt always work out either.

 

[goofyernmost]

Back in August of 1971 I took an evening division history course in college and sat next to the person that shortly after became my wife. We got engaged in late October and married the first week of January. We rushed it because her mother had terminal cancer and we wanted to do the wedding while she could still attend. So that was only two months from meeting to engagement.

We were married for 29 years, had two children and 4 grandchildren. We did divorce in that final year, but, it was due to a mental illness problem that prompted her to decide that she no longer wanted to be married. I, of course, felt bad, but, we did have 29 years together and raised a great family before the bad stuff happened. I would do it over again because a whole lot of those days were pleasant, great and my children and grandchildren would not exist if we hadn't made that move. I don't think that there is a standard time. If it feels right, do it! You never know what will work until you try.

 

[kuhltiffany]

We met online in July, in person in August, got engaged in September, married in October. So from the day we met to the day we got married was 7 weeks, 6 days. It just felt right for both of us... Then we got pregnant in November, sold my house, sold his house, picked a house out together and moved into it, and had a baby, all within a year. Almost 15 years ago now, still going strong