Worst Christmas movie?

[mjkacmom]

Rare Exports - DH found it on Netflix (along with dozens of other weird disturbing movies he makes us watch).

 

[Xenith22]

Pffft you guys don't know REALLY bad Christmas movies...

1. Santa With Muscles (1996)

How to summarize this stinker...screw it just watch the trailer as there is no way to do the amount of stupid in this movie justice with mere words. There are movies that are so bad they are good like Santa Clause vs the Martians or The Santa Clause Movie from the 1950s... Then there are movies like this which are just so bad they are just plain bad.

2. Elf-Man (2012)

An girl makes a wish on an elf doll, and so Santa abandons one of his elves at her house (The elf is played by Wee-Man BTW). Her father is a spy movie type computer scientist who has been kidnapped and held hostage (at the farmhouse across the street...) and so she and her brother, and a butcher lady who is the scientists love interest convince the elf to save him. There are just so many *** moments in this movie, from the aforementioned location of the kidnappers secret hideout, to the kids repeatedly throwing fruitcakes at the bad guys, the mistletoe which turns into something resembling a japanese tentacle porn scene, the plan to make the girlfriend was in the shower, and the man eating fruit cake monster.... Someone was clearly high as a kite when they wrote this script.

3. Santa Clause and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

Sadly I could not find a trailer for this, but the full movie is on YouTube as are part of the Rifftrax commentary.
Santa Clause gets stuck on a beach and complains about being hot. He magically summons a bunch of kids who all have exotic animals that try to pull his slay out from being stuck. (This includes a goat, an elephant, and a guy in an awful gorilla suit). Then he tells them the worst acted story of Thumbellina you can imagine. Eventually he is rescued by the Ice Cream Bunny driiving a firetruck... On the bright side it has made for a brilliant Rifftrax video commentary.

4. The Christmas Martian (1971)

Again no trailer and the whole movie is on YouTube if you are crazy enough to look for it.
We can thank Canada for this gem. An martian (basically a guy in an overcoat and the terrible mask you see above) convinces a couple of kids to come onto his ship where he nearly drowns them with candy. The military tries to capture him. Unexplained stupid crap goes down such as him leaving then suddenly being back, captured then free with no explanations given for anything. Overall though this movie is just plain Dumb and Dull.

5. A Christmas Story 2 (2012)

Take a Christmas Story, remove all the heart then repeat all the gags, make the father a bigger jerk, and then add some poor slapstick comedy and you get this blatant attempt to cash in on the popularity of a classic.

Others which did not quite reach my Top 5 but still deserve to be named and shamed....Jingle All the Way 2 (Larry the Cable Guy, and has nothing at all to do with the first movie...blatant cash grab), Christmas Vacation 2 (yet another cash grab sequel starring someone else), Bone Alone (As the name suggest it's a home alone ripoff but with a talking dog...), Chilly Christmas (pretty similar to Bone Alone but the dog does not talk, and there are some kids instead. Probably worse than Bone Alone actually)and The Nutcracker 3D (Visually it was nice although the 3D seemed very tacked on unnecessary, but substance wise this is possibly the worst version of the Nutcracker ever done. I mean when Scooby-Doo, Barbie, and the Care Bears have all done a more faithful and entertaining version...and what the heck was with all the Nazi/Holocaust imagery in a movie that was billed as for families and kids of all ages? I'm also trying really hard to resist the urge to make a joke about wooden acting...dang it could not help myself.)

Saving Christmas is a Documentary so I did not count it...but it's quite possibly one of the worst things ever put to film. It was #1 on IMDBs worst list for a wrong time for a good reason. DO NOT allow yourself to be subjected to this abomination.

If we are including Christmas Specials then Frosty Returns is a pretty lame/awful failed attempt to cash in on the original, and Grandma Got Run-over by a Reindeer was extremely disappointing given that it was by the same person who wrote the original song. The Star Wars Holiday Special deserves an honorable mention for having nothing to do with Christmas and barely being recognizable as Star Wars... However nothing and I mean nothing can come close to touching the pure top to bottom awfulness of The Christmas Tree (1991). Plot, acting, animation, music, everything about this thing is just soooooo awful. (It did make for an great episode of NostalgiaCritic though...so I guess it has that gong for it?)

 

[EMom]

I don't know, I guess the whole dysfunctional family as humor thing doesn't appeal to me, although it's a common theme in movies and tv shows. It's full of unlikeable characters and bad stereotypes. The parents are dumb and mean. The mom is loopy. Everyone yells at each other. Even Santa Claus is nasty. It's been described as heartwarming but I don't get that at all. JMHO of course.

I've never seen them as dysfunctional. They aren't perfect. But I don't see "dumb and mean." The parents love each other even if they do bicker about that leg lamp. Heck, I'd bicker over that leg lamp. The mom is devoted to the kids, if overprotective and a little overwhelmed at times. The dad loves them in his own gruff way, which was the way of a lot of dads back then. Warm and fuzzy was not common parenting for dads of the day. In fact, they all love each other.

As far as the characters being unlikeable, I adore the father. He and Ralphie are my favorites.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Any of the Christmas-related films that DW watches on the Lifetime or Hallmark Channels are enough to make me puke my guts out.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I don't know, I guess the whole dysfunctional family as humor thing doesn't appeal to me

How is that family dysfunctional???

 

[DopeyDame]

I don't know, I guess the whole dysfunctional family as humor thing doesn't appeal to me, although it's a common theme in movies and tv shows. It's full of unlikeable characters and bad stereotypes. The parents are dumb and mean. The mom is loopy. Everyone yells at each other. Even Santa Claus is nasty. It's been described as heartwarming but I don't get that at all. JMHO of course.

This. 1000 times this. It is just a MEAN movie. I remember watching it as a kid and feeling so uncomfortable watching it thinking about how horrid and nasty everyone is, and not at all understanding why people were laughing. And as an adult, I totally feel the same way.

 

[Disney Ella]

I don't hate A Christmas Story, but I have no desire to ever see it again either. Christmas With the Kranks was on last night, and I had forgotten how bad it was. Jamie Lee Curtis must have been really desperate for work when she accepted that role.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I just ordered the book "Christmas with the Kranks" is based on -- I'm hoping I will enjoy the book, I've never seen the movie!

Maria

 

[Disney Ella]

I haven't read the John Grisham book Christmas With the Kranks was based on, but I know people who have read it and liked it. Of course, everything gets exaggerated in movies, so I'm sure the book is a lot better than the movie.

 

[NCRedding]

In honor of Star Wars being released today, I would nominate the Star Wars Christmas special that showed on television in the late 1970s. You can Youtube it. It is so bad that George Lucas has attempted to buy up and destroy every copy made, but you can't stop Youtube.

I despise Frosty, don't love Elf, but it isn't Christmas until I've seen "Its a Wonderful Life" and "A Christmas Story".

 

[Gumbo4x4]

This. 1000 times this. It is just a MEAN movie. I remember watching it as a kid and feeling so uncomfortable watching it thinking about how horrid and nasty everyone is, and not at all understanding why people were laughing. And as an adult, I totally feel the same way.

Seriously?

 

[DopeyDame]

Seriously?

Yup, seriously.

 

[ofcabbagesandkings]

Agree with Four Christmases. Just a nasty movie about nasty people and I haven't liked Vince Vaughn since Swingers. The Family Stone is a similar movie about people just being jerks for no reason, the Sarah Jessica Parker character IS really uptight, but it's not like she killed anybody. I guess some people wanted to make the opposite of the typical feel-good holiday cheese fests, but then at least be funny.

 

[low-key]

Rotten Tomatoes list the 7 worse Christmas Movies ever

http://editorial.rottentomatoes.com/article/7-christmas-movies-so-bad-theyre-bad/

 

[tvguy]

I love A Christmas Story and never fail to watch it when it's on. Perhaps it's because I'm originally from Cleveland where much of that movie was filmed and it reminds me of how things were when I was young and seeing the old Higbee's (a now defunct N.E. Ohio store) department store in all it's former Christmas splendor. It saddens me to know this building is now being used as the Horse Shoe Casino. Oh, and I actually think it's a pretty good movie.

Christmas Story is probably one of the worst films of any kind ever made. But, that pretty much is a requirement of a cult film, it has to stink. Bombed at the box office, but has made millions since because it is sooo bad, it's good.

 

[Xenith22]

Agree with Four Christmases. Just a nasty movie about nasty people and I haven't liked Vince Vaughn since Swingers. The Family Stone is a similar movie about people just being jerks for no reason, the Sarah Jessica Parker character IS really uptight, but it's not like she killed anybody. I guess some people wanted to make the opposite of the typical feel-good holiday cheese fests, but then at least be funny.

Oh...you just reminded me of another one that is filled with nothing but nasty characters. Coopers' Christmas (not to be confused with the recently released Christmas with the Coopers which I have not seen yet). The movie I am talking about is also known as Coopers' Camera.

This indie Christmas movie was billed as being by the some of the same funny people responsible for the daily show at its height. So how could it not be hilarious and awesome? I checked the IMDB on it before renting and mostly positive reviews with a 3 star score average. And so I watched. Ugh. Where to start.... Okay the plot: The dad loaned a substantial amount of money to a shady friend of his. Around Christmas time he goes to collect the debt, and somehow gets talked into taking the guys movie camera instead. (A movie camera that the guy just recorded a sex tape between himself and his girlfriend which will occasionally be shown as a transition between scenes. Classy.) Anyways he gives the camera to his family and his sons take turns recording stuff. It starts out innocently enough with his one son putting on a bad play. But it goes downhill fast. Christmas day the Dad's brother shows up and we learn that the two of them do not get along. Apparently the Dad stole his wife from his brother while they were dating, oh but she slept with the brother on her wedding day and one of her kids is actually his. Basically every character in this movie is despicable an un-relatable. EVERY CHARACTER even the youngest son is a pervert who has a crush on his cousin to the point where he pays her to strip for him. What passes for humor in this movie is either disgusting (like one of the boys filming the dad talking while on a toilet taking a crap....hilarious. *shakes head* Or completely mean spirited. Even the ending where the dad and his wife re-affirm their relationship still manages to leave you feeling more icky than good. Terrible, terrible Christmas movie which I had blocked out of my mind of else it would have been numero uno on my list. What the heck is wrong with all the people who rated this as an good movie???

 

[goofy4prez]

Christmas Story is probably one of the worst films of any kind ever made. But, that pretty much is a requirement of a cult film, it has to stink. Bombed at the box office, but has made millions since because it is sooo bad, it's good.

Not to flame you, but that is based off of opinion... Yours! Many critics and movie fans believe it is an excellent movie. There are many movies I don't like that many others do... Avatar is perhaps one I can think of that is loved and I think is a terrible movie... but that is my opinion. As for bombing at the box office, I can name a few that were box office flops and became movies loved generations later. Some that you may know are the Wizard of Oz which flopped miserably and didn't make a profit until 10 years later with a re-release. Another box office flop was Citizen Kane along with one mentioned on this thread, It's a Wonderful Life. Others include Shawshank Redemption regarded by many as one of the greatest movies ever (I share that opinion), Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory and Blade Runner.

I Googled and looked at many lists of all time worst movies and not one of them listed Christmas Story as one of the worst films of any kind ever made.

Here's a list of worst movies on Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_considered_the_worst

Here's a list of the worst 100 alltime from IMDb (includes several Christmas movies)
http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom

And another top 100 or should we say bottom 100. LOL
http://www.flickchart.com/Charts.aspx?order=desc&perpage=100

Here's the opinion of Christmas Story on Rotten Tomato which includes critics along with movie goers.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1004151-christmas_story/

Roger Ebert
http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-a-christmas-story-1983

OH sure, there are some critics, perhaps many who didn't like the movie. But I wouldn't put this one on the list of one of the worst films ever made. Perhaps TV Guys list, but not among most.

 

[EMom]

Not to flame you, but that is based off of opinion... Yours! Many critics and movie fans believe it is an excellent movie....,,


I Googled and looked at many lists of all time worst movies and not one of them listed Christmas Story as one of the worst films of any kind ever made.


Here's the opinion of Christmas Story on Rotten Tomato which includes critics along with movie goers.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1004151-christmas_story/

Roger Ebert
http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-a-christmas-story-1983

OH sure, there are some critics, perhaps many who didn't like the movie. But I wouldn't put this one on the list of one of the worst films ever made. Perhaps TV Guys list, but not among most.

Thank you. I adore A Christmas Story and agreed with Roger Ebert 99.5% of the time. This goes on my
"Best Christmas Movies" list.

 

[tvguy]

Not to flame you, but that is based off of opinion... Yours! Many critics and movie fans believe it is an excellent movie. There are many movies I don't like that many others do... Avatar is perhaps one I can think of that is loved and I think is a terrible movie... but that is my opinion. As for bombing at the box office, I can name a few that were box office flops and became movies loved generations later. Some that you may know are the Wizard of Oz which flopped miserably and didn't make a profit until 10 years later with a re-release. Another box office flop was Citizen Kane along with one mentioned on this thread, It's a Wonderful Life. Others include Shawshank Redemption regarded by many as one of the greatest movies ever (I share that opinion), Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory and Blade Runner.

I Googled and looked at many lists of all time worst movies and not one of them listed Christmas Story as one of the worst films of any kind ever made.

Here's a list of worst movies on Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_considered_the_worst

Here's a list of the worst 100 alltime from IMDb (includes several Christmas movies)
http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom

And another top 100 or should we say bottom 100. LOL
http://www.flickchart.com/Charts.aspx?order=desc&perpage=100

Here's the opinion of Christmas Story on Rotten Tomato which includes critics along with movie goers.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1004151-christmas_story/

Roger Ebert
http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-a-christmas-story-1983

OH sure, there are some critics, perhaps many who didn't like the movie. But I wouldn't put this one on the list of one of the worst films ever made. Perhaps TV Guys list, but not among most.

Of course it's a little bit of my opinion, hey I love Rocky Horror and that film was a bomb too.
Cult films, by definition are bombs that find an audience years later. Remember, Warner Brothers GAVE the rights to a Christmas Story to MGM in 1986 to make it the 50th movie title sold to them as part of a 50 picture deal. The biggest reason A Christmas Story became a cult hit was TBS in 1988 ran a marathon as a stunt. TBS picked the movie because of course it had a Christmas them, and because it was cheap. Less than running the Gilligan's Island marathon they considered.

A Christmas Story itself TO DATE has only made $20 million. $19 million of that was in 1983 when it was released. Of course that does NOT include merchandise ( leg lamps, etc). http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=christmasstory.htm
They make a ton on those shot glasses A Christmas Story fans use for their drunken "Take A shot Every time they say Ralphie" parties

 

[Kellykins1218]

Pffft you guys don't know REALLY bad Christmas movies...
2. Elf-Man (2012)

LOL A friend of mine was in Elf-Man