Here's what's going on:
Last year, my cousin married a man serving a life sentence for murder. The crime was committed 22 years ago. He has not been a saint in prison. She met him while she was working at his prison. She divorced her husband within a year, then married this man. She no longer works at the prison.
Our family has always been really tight. Like cousins-are-siblings tight. I'd say that in the family there are 25-30 people (not including the under-18's) that get together 4-6 times a year, and more times than that in smaller groups. She knew we would not be supportive of this marriage. So she just did it, and announced it on FB.
As a family, we really didn't discuss it too much. She was ambiguous about what he is incarcerated for, but a simple google search gave us all the info. Of course, "he is innocent, was framed" is the story we get from her. This all happened just before Thanksgiving last year, and we were able to make it through the holidays without discussing it with her. She did attend the parties and gatherings, but she did not bring it up and we did not bring it up.
I am hosting the family Christmas party this year. I received a message from her, making sure it was all right that she bring along her step-children to the party. These are not young kids, they are in their 20's. After a brief discussion with her sister (her answer was no) and my mother (another no), and my husband (a 3rd no), and a week of thinking about it, I let her know gently that the Christmas party was not the ideal place for her to introduce her husband's grown children to her family. I suggested she host a low-key event herself and invite the family.
This did not go over well. I didn't expect it to.
Her argument was two-fold: first, he is not a murderer. Second, the (adult) children had nothing to do with anything. She says we are close-minded and she will no longer attend any family events.
The decision is made. I'm just curious about what you all think about it.
Last year, my cousin married a man serving a life sentence for murder. The crime was committed 22 years ago. He has not been a saint in prison. She met him while she was working at his prison. She divorced her husband within a year, then married this man. She no longer works at the prison.
Our family has always been really tight. Like cousins-are-siblings tight. I'd say that in the family there are 25-30 people (not including the under-18's) that get together 4-6 times a year, and more times than that in smaller groups. She knew we would not be supportive of this marriage. So she just did it, and announced it on FB.
As a family, we really didn't discuss it too much. She was ambiguous about what he is incarcerated for, but a simple google search gave us all the info. Of course, "he is innocent, was framed" is the story we get from her. This all happened just before Thanksgiving last year, and we were able to make it through the holidays without discussing it with her. She did attend the parties and gatherings, but she did not bring it up and we did not bring it up.
I am hosting the family Christmas party this year. I received a message from her, making sure it was all right that she bring along her step-children to the party. These are not young kids, they are in their 20's. After a brief discussion with her sister (her answer was no) and my mother (another no), and my husband (a 3rd no), and a week of thinking about it, I let her know gently that the Christmas party was not the ideal place for her to introduce her husband's grown children to her family. I suggested she host a low-key event herself and invite the family.
This did not go over well. I didn't expect it to.
Her argument was two-fold: first, he is not a murderer. Second, the (adult) children had nothing to do with anything. She says we are close-minded and she will no longer attend any family events.
The decision is made. I'm just curious about what you all think about it.
