An adult was mean to my child--VENT

[Mermaid02]

The more I think about it- I wonder if the old bat was drunk rather than senile.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Nope, sorry. It really is beyond ridiculous to deny a child a treat because they won't come out of their shell. You speak of open mindedness and being positive, which I agree with completely. But withholding a treat on a fun day where every other kid is getting one is absolutely ridiculous. It's a punishment. It's not positive reinforcement, and it's not some cranky old lady's job to do so anyway.

AMEN!!!!!!!

I don't care what so called 'excuse' this old bat may have had.
There is simply NO EXCUSE for that behavior, period.

NOT her place.
And, not the OP's place to try to talk to the woman and use this ghastly behavior as a 'teaching opportunity'.

IMHO, the OP was entirely correct in letting her child know that this was caused by somebody elses inexplicable rude behavior, and taking her by the hand and walking off as fast as their feet could carry them.

I am sorry, but there are still too many people who are like the proverbial old bat teacher with the ruler in her hand.... There is just never, ever, a reason to make an innocent child subject to an adults cruel 'control issues'.

The one recent 'no costume - no candy' thread had me going...


PS: Yes, we too have one weirdo nearby.... We simply do NOT go to her house....
Unfortunately, if one is going outside of your known neighbors, you really have to be prepared to run into this kind of thing.

I WOULD HAVE REACTED THE SAME WAY AS THE OP...
HOWEVER, I WOULD HAVE JUST WRITTEN THIS OFF AS SOME UNEXPLAINABLE OLD BAT, AND LEFT IT BEHIND.
WHILE I AM IN NO WAY THROWING THIS LABEL AT THE OP.... TO COME HERE ON THE DIS LATER AND TO POST THIS THREAD DOES HAVE UNDERTONES OF 'SOMEBODY WAS NOT NICE TO MY LITTLE SNOWFLAKE". SO, WHILE I AGREE WITH THE OP, SHE MIGHT WANT TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT HOW SHE VENTS ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Sorry someone was mean to your dd. I'm a mom to a special needs kid, so I know it isn't easy. My youngest does not speak very well, so we always make sure he has a buddy with him. That way they can help him if he gets into trouble. That's just something to think about next year.

As for the mean lady, there is really nothing you can do, but to work through your own feelings about it. And this may be one of those things that stays with you. I can still remember senseless things that people have said about my son. I still remember telling my cousin that my son was autistic. She actually called him an idiot savant. And she didn't understand that it was bad to say that.

There will always be mean people in the world. But I do feel your pain. If it makes you feel any better, karma has a way of coming back to haunt people.

 

[Kat77]

The more I think about it- I wonder if the old bat was drunk rather than senile.

That could be. DD12's BF has an old drunk woman in her neighborhood who likes to yell insults at them as they walk the dogs past her home. They think it's hysterical, I keep tell them it's just sad and to run if she ever leaves her front porch.

I'm still rooting for the fake vomit! I think its appropiate here.

 

[DizBelle]

Sorry someone was mean to your dd. I'm a mom to a special needs kid, so I know it isn't easy. My youngest does not speak very well, so we always make sure he has a buddy with him. That way they can help him if he gets into trouble. That's just something to think about next year.

As for the mean lady, there is really nothing you can do, but to work through your own feelings about it. And this may be one of those things that stays with you. I can still remember senseless things that people have said about my son. I still remember telling my cousin that my son was autistic. She actually called him an idiot savant. And she didn't understand that it was bad to say that.

There will always be mean people in the world. But I do feel your pain. If it makes you feel any better, karma has a way of coming back to haunt people.

idiot savant: a person affected with a mental disability who exhibits exceptional skill or brilliance in some limited field.

This doesn't sound all that bad to me.

 

[Kat77]

idiot savant: a person affected with a mental disability who exhibits exceptional skill or brilliance in some limited field.

This doesn't sound all that bad to me.

First, the term idiot is just rude. Second, savants are very rare.

 

[DizBelle]

First, the term idiot is just rude. Second, savants are very rare.

Rudeness depends on the context. A word, in an of itself, can't be rude. It's a word. What constitutes rudeness is how it is used.

I don't think she was being mean. She just didn't undersand what the phrase meant.

 

[Kat77]

Rudeness depends on the context. A word, in an of itself, can't be rude. It's a word. What constitutes rudeness is how it is used.

I don't think she was being mean. She just didn't undersand what the phrase meant.

I understand your thinking but I disagree. A word in itself CAN be rude. Quite a few words are vulgar by definition. Other words are understood to be taboo and not to be parroted back so foolishly. I do not care to debate context. We will all differ on our opinions over usage of offensive terms.

 

[tlbwriter]

I disagree - it's an opportunity for the shy ones to come out of their shell. No different than being rewarded with a sticker for an achievement at school.

It is not some random stranger's responsibility, or right, to draw a child out of their shell. They don't know that child and they don't know that child's shell, and it's completely inappropriate to take that into your own hands.

 

[tlbwriter]

I understand your thinking but I disagree. A word in itself CAN be rude. Quite a few words are vulgar by defination. Other words are understood to be taboo and not to be parroted back so foolishly.

That's true, but is "idiot savant" one of those words? Is it no longer used? What replaced it?

 

[Jennasis]

That's true, but is "idiot savant" one of those words? Is it no longer used? What replaced it?

For the most part..."AUTISTIC".

Idiot Savant is no longer an acceptable/correct term.

 

[Kat77]

That's true, but is "idiot savant" one of those words? Is it no longer used? What replaced it?

Savant! There is no point to the "idiot" portion.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree, the word idiot is nothing but totally and completely negative.
It is considered name calling.
My son is not allowed to use the word.

I don't care if it may have been an 'accepted' term decades ago.

IMHO, no child should EVER be called an idiot.
Also, we do not know this poster's child to be a savant.

He does have a bona-fide diagnosis that does apply.

Anybody who is so presumptuous to tell another person that their child is an 'idiot savant' is only showing their own behind.
Very rude, by any standard.

 

[Heidict]

Obviously you have never had someone close to you suffer from alzheimer's. Not that I'm saying that this is the case here, but yes sometimes the health of a person is an excuse.

OP, I'm sorry your dd was treated like that, I hope she was able to enjoy the rest of her night

Yes, I unfortunately have had family members who have suffered from Alzheimer's. I also worked in nursing homes when I was younger and therefore came into contact with quite of few people who suffered from it.

If this woman was suffering from dementia, Alzheimer's or some other 'illness' that could cause her to be mean to a young child, then she should not have been left alone to had out candy.

I disagree - it's an opportunity for the shy ones to come out of their shell. No different than being rewarded with a sticker for an achievement at school. (Well, without the tooth decay, lol.) Just because it's different from your experience doesn't make it "beyond ridiculous." It's a fun way to interact on Halloween and as evidenced by the responses to this thread, it's not a unique idea.

It can be a very overwhelming holiday for shy kids and a time when they are least likely to come out of their shell.

And refusing to give them candy because they didn't do a song and dance and then making them cry doesn't really sound like a fun way to interact with a kid.

This woman was mean. To refuse a child candy, yet give it to all the others is a sick power play.

 

[FireDancer]

It's been a while since the word police showed up, I was wondering where they went.

Use any word you would like. Words are just that, words. They only have the power you give them so if you choose not to give them any power they will have none.

FWIW Idiot: "a person of subnormal intelligence". If the definition fits...

 

[wvjules]

Ok so let me see if I have this right?

An older lady acts mean and weird that makes her a crotchety old lady.

A young child acts out in a store (temper tantrums, crying, whatever) they might have a disability.

When it comes to bad behavior - old people are just crotchety and kids are just on the spectrum? Is that how it goes?

 

[Jennasis]

It's been a while since the word police showed up, I was wondering where they went.

Use any word you would like. Words are just that, words. They only have the power you give them so if you choose not to give them any power they will have none.

Seriously dude...the term idiot Savant is no longer used (or acceptable) any more than the term DUMB is for those who are mute.

It's not about rude/not rude. This is about correct/incorrect.

 

[FireDancer]

Ok so let me see if I have this right?

An older lady acts mean and weird that makes her a crotchety old lady.

A young child acts out in a store (temper tantrums, crying, whatever) they might have a disability.

When it comes to bad behavior - old people are just crotchety and kids are just on the spectrum? Is that how it goes?

You must have missed where the old lady may have had an unseen disability or dementia. Here on the community board no one's behavior is an indication of personality no matter what the age. I'm also sure there is an emotional support animal for both parties in this situation that could have combined forces to make everything alright for everyone.

 

[Kat77]

Ok so let me see if I have this right?

When it comes to bad behavior - old people are just crotchety and kids are just on the spectrum? Is that how it goes?

You got it!
Women of childbearing age all have PMS and men are just pigs!

 

[Mermaid02]

You must have missed where the old lady may have had an unseen disability lor dementia. Here on the community board no one's behavior is an indication of personality no matter what the age. I'm also sure there is an emotional support animal for both parties in this situation that could have combined forces to make everything alright for everyone.

You must have missed my post- I say the old battle axe was drunk! Her emotional support animal was out back, it was obviously the Budweiser Clydesdale.