Would you let your 4th grader go?

[Planogirl]

I would have let my DS go without hesitation. He didn't have such an opportunity in 4th grade but did go to a weekend camp with his class in the 5th grade. He had a blast.

To those who say they wouldn't allow their child to go, at what age would you start to let them do such things? Just curious.

 

[Mkrop]

No I do not know any of the parents chosen. This is only the 2nd year for our school to be open. Students came from 2 different schools to form this new school. We built a new home and only moved into the area 2 months before the school opened so we knew noone. My dd is not the kind of kid that rolls with the punches or goes with the flow. She's the kid that has to know 2 days in advance everything that you are going to do and freaks if anything changes. Shes the kid that completely lost it at school bc the cafeteria changed the way the tables are set up this year compared to last year.

I get how you are feeling about having an anxious child, not one to go with a flow child. I have two. But DS12 is great now, much more laid back than he use to be. I would let both of my kids go. They need to learn to cope with their anxiety. You will not always be there for them. Talk with her as much about the trip as possible, pull up sites on what they are going to see. Part of my job as their parent is teaching my kids how to cope in the real world and these types of experiences help accomplish that.

Am I nervous during the day, absolutley but I deal with it.

I am afraid of her being over 3 hours away in case of an accident. I am afraid of dd freaking out and basically noone giving a damn except to be annoyed about the 1 kid crying and not able to "go with the program". I don't exactly get warm fuzzy feelings from the 3 teachers that are going.

I hate to say but any of this could happen at school, or at a field trip that is only a half hour away. You could go to Austin for the day to feel better about if there is an accident. But if your DD melts down I dont think anyone will ignore her feelings, but distance isnt going to matter for that.

Maybe you could ask for her to be in the teacher's group if she has one, she is use to your DD and you know her.

No way. I think it is very rude and irresponsible of the school to threaten parents about not following the bus. To me, that is a red flag.

I thought that too before I talked with a friend of mine about a trip to the zoo last year...

It is tradition that the 8th graders and the 1st graders go on a trip together to the Phila zoo. The 8th grader is responisble for their first grader as well as an 8th grade parent for a small group.

So my BFF who has a 1st grader decided to take her younger DD to the zoo that day and follow the trip. Well when she got there, her DS saw her and took off from the group. The chaperone and the 8th grader went running after the kid, having no idea why this kid bolted off. Then the whole group had to wait while the DS insisted that she take him to the bathroom, and while she give him more money bc he had spent all of his. This took time and attention away from the whole group. Another chaperone stayed behind with the other kids while they waited for my friend and her DS to say goodbye. The chaperone told me later that she was concerned that the kid wasnt going to want to leave mom and then what, plus she didnt know if mom was allowed near the kid to begin with, what if there was a custody dispute and that parent just showed up etc. You just never know.

Now my BFF had every right to be there as the zoo is a public place. Was it the best decision for her DS, probably not.

 

[Susan C]

Maybe this would be a good opportunity to teach your dd that she will be okay without her parents being there. It's our job as parents to raise adults, and it's a long process. All of my kids are fine without me, and feel safe and secure with other adults (and the older kids without any adults present).

I don't think our schools would be happy to have non-chaparone parents show up at a field trip - only a certain amount are chosen, and they are under the supervision of the schools when they are on field trips.

LET GO..... You will both be better off from the experience.

 

[2poohbears]

for me, it would depend on how well i knew the adults that were going on the trip and whether I felt they were responsible adults. i think that is a long day, and a long drive. at our school any adults who volunteer for helping with any school activities must undergo a background check. however, a background check does not ensure that someone is a responsible human being with common sense.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

absolutely DD would go. I would send her with her camera, some money and tell her to have a good time. I don't understand the problem with this at all. I remember tons of field trips and I don't think my mother went on one of them with me. My niece and nephew went on a 3 night trip in 3rd grade. My sister didn't go with them. They had a blast. The only thing negative my sister said about it was that she didn't think my nephew washed his hair or changed his underwear while there. That's it.

Honestly, I use to work in a law school and would get law students coming in not able to take care of things like arrange their class schedule, or even talk to their professor about a bad grade because their mom always did that for them and now the professor/registrar won't talk to their mom. These type of things are the start of the helicopter syndrome.

 

[pooh4evr]

I have a 9 yr old 4th grade DD as well- ABSOLUTELY she would go- you need to let her go for her and yourself it will be OK she needs to learn that you can't "fix" everything tell her there isn't enough room, give her a chance to get to know some new kids, make friends and be herself without and adult hovering over her-- and do not follow the bus and hang out with the group- they will know you are there- my DD would be so embarrassed if I tried that- now going becuase you were chosen OK but don't sneak. Give her a chance to grow.

 

[Jey12]

I have to admit when I first read the OP's post I thought what is the big deal? Field trips were the BEST part of being in school. The bus ride usually was the most memorable part of the fun. Then I read that your child isn't like myself or like my 4 year old DD. We do go with the flow and are both very independant. I can understand your hesitation with the situation if you feel your child might have a meltdown and you won't be there to comfort her. I know you are new to the school and not yet comfortable with them, but how did they deal with your child's melt down about the cafeteria? Do you feel confident that they, although maybe not the way you would have done, did a good job calming her down and getting her to refocus? You keep sending her to school so I'm going to assume you at least have some sort of comfort level with the teacher and schoool when it comes to your child and her needs.

I think this is a great opprotunity for all involved. 9 is a good age to learn how to deal with anxiety without having a parent there to comfort them and tell them it's going to be ok. This will be in the usually controlled environment of a school field trip so it's not like she'll be out on her own really. Communicate with the teacher about your concerns and come to an agreement that not only works for you, but the teacher and rest of the class should a situation arrise. Talk every day for a couple of minutes with your child that she will be going without you. That only so many parents could go and that even though you'd like to, it's not your turn this time. Tell her that maybe on a future trip it will be your turn. Children this age understand waiting their turn for certain things so she should be able to relate that it's not your turn to be the parent on a field trip yet. Even if you are dying inside about it, don't let her know that you're the least bit worried or she's going to add your anxiety to her own. Give her examples of times when she's been away from you and everything was fine to calm her fears. Google the capital and look for pictures or videos on what she might see and that way you can prepare her for the trip. If she has an idea of what she's going to see you have eliminated that uncertainty. Find out what the bus looks like and show her on a map the route they will take. Take a virtual trip with her so when she does go by herself everything isn't so foreign. You say she wants to go, so as long as cost isn't a factor I think it will be a great trip for her and you.

Don't follow along or go behind the teacher's back to prove that you have the "right" to go anywhere you want. If your child spots you lurking and runs to you that's 59 students that are not being supervised like they should because now your child running off is everyone's main focus. This is why they have the no follow along rules in place. School field trips aren't like someone deciding to take their kids and some neighbor kids to the zoo. The trip must be approved and well planned out by all involved. The parents going probably have to pass a background check and the school foots the bill for that. I had to have a background check just to be assistant coach for DD's T-ball team this summer or I wouldn't have even been allowed near the dugout. These rules are there for your child's safety not your inconvenience.

If she wants to go let her. In my opinion your job as a parent is to prepare your child in the best way possible for the trip and then let her go and tell her to have a great time. You'll see her when she gets back and she can tell you about all of the great things she's seen.

 

[mom2val]

Thanks to everyone for giving their opinions. I still do not know what we are going to do. The trip is not until December so we have lots of time to pray about it and make a choice that we feel is best for our family.

 

[nicki.momof3]

OP - Sorry to say you are what is called a

HELICOPTOR PARENT

In our district all 5th graders go to 3 nights / 4 days of overnight camp and no parents are allowed to go. The students are supervised by school staff and camp staff.

Give your children some room to grow - it is good for them.

 

[MiniGirl]

OP, I think it would be a wonderful opportunity for all of you. What a great way for your dd to have a taste of independence in a controlled and safe setting. It is also a great chance for you to let go a little.

You still have a few months. You can use that time to try to befriend one of the parents that will be going, and maybe your dd will find a new friend in the process as well.

I wouldn't hesitate to send my dd on the field trip. I would see if DH could take the day (or at least the afternoon) off, and we'd have a great time. (we have no relatives nearby, so for us, time to ourselves is pretty rare unless we hire a sitter.) It could be a great day for everyone.

 

[mom2val]

OP - Sorry to say you are what is called a

HELICOPTOR PARENT

In our district all 5th graders go to 3 nights / 4 days of overnight camp and no parents are allowed to go. The students are supervised by school staff and camp staff.

Give your children some room to grow - it is good for them.

You have never met me or my child yet you feel the need to in bold and blue color insult me? Thanks thanks alot- hope it made you feel good.

 

[nicki.momof3]

You have never met me or my child yet you feel the need to in bold and blue color insult me? Thanks thanks alot- hope it made you feel good.

Never did I say in my comment "helicoptor parent" that I was insulting you. The only way you should be insulted by that is if in fact you see your behavior such as "following the bus" as negative.

 

[Leajess99]

Just wanted to quickly respond to this- I understand where you are coming from, and that we don't want to put our kids in a bubble, HOWEVER- if, as parents, we weighed our child's reputation in the decisions we make as parents- we are essentially saying that their peers opinions of right/wrong, cool/uncool is a reliable factor... That is exactly the OPPOSITE of what we try to instill in our house. Don't just go along with the flow- make the decisions that are right for you- that support your goals, dreams and beliefs.

OP- it is a tough decision- saying no to your kid is always hard. But you are the parent, and you know your situation best.

As I was reading your post, my gut initially was that I would allow my child to go. Until I got to the part that said that parents who were not the chosen few couldn't go... Here is the deal- You are the MOM- in my belief- I am granted access 24/7 to my children. Period. Dot. End of conversation. No school, doctor, coach, etc is going to tell me or their father when we can or cannot be there. (Assuming you will have completed the school's requirement for a background check ,[for the safety of all kids there] and are willing to pay for your way). It's a tough call, but the minute a school tells me I am not "allowed" to be with my child...game on.

We have only had one incident of this, when our oldest went on a Show Choir field trip overnight to Busch Gardens. I was not a chaperone, but I was the choreographer. When they returned, I went to class the next day to congratulate them, and the principal was talking to the class (there was a behavior issue during the trip with a few kids) Rather than talking to the kids individually, they choose to bring the whole class into the conversation- that is fine, but when I went into the room, and sat in the back the principal told me I couldn't be in there when she was talking to the class... OH REALLY? I have an adult wanting to talk to my daughter in a closed room...NOPE We went around in circles, my husband came up, etc. Long story short (kindof)- we found out she was actually breaking county protocol, and had to answer to that.

The point is- you are the mom- make your decision based on your gut feeling. Good luck and let us know what you decide!

Wow, it sounds like you bully your way with the school. I could see if the Principal was talking one on one with your child but they were in a class full of kids. It is not like she was interrogating your child.

 

[mom2val]

Never did I say in my comment "helicoptor parent" that I was insulting you. The only way you should be insulted by that is if in fact you see your behavior such as "following the bus" as negative.

Not trying to get in a war of words ... but no where did I EVER say I was going to follow the bus.

I said in my original post " We have been warned that any parents that take the "it's a free country and I can follow the bus and meet them there attitude" will be asked to leave and risk being arrested."


I never said I was going to do this. I mearly put the information in my original post so noone would suggest this option.

 

[nicki.momof3]

Not trying to get in a war of words ... but no where did I EVER say I was going to follow the bus.

I said in my original post " We have been warned that any parents that take the "it's a free country and I can follow the bus and meet them there attitude" will be asked to leave and risk being arrested."


I never said I was going to do this. I mearly put the information in my original post so noone would suggest this option.

Sorry if I miss understood you OP about following the bus. My misunderstanding. However, I still stand on my original statement that your attitude as presented in the post is very characteristic of a helicopter parent (of course not knowing you I can only go by the way you presented your arguement).

 

[disneyandme]

I think calling a parent "helicopter parent" is insulting. The OP doesn't know the school staff well or the parents who will be in charge on the trip. Should she just trust them just because it's a fun trip? How is she supposed to know how this group will handle the situation if there is a problem? We can all say- it will be fine, let her go, but I have been on trips that did not go fine. As a young teacher, I was part of a field trip for 2,3, and 4th graders that was 5 hrs ways. I insisted that my students had a parent or the parents coordinated for a parent who was going to be in charge of their child. Most had a 1:1 ratio or 1:2 ratio. I had one parent who supervied 3 kids. The 2nd grade teacher did not and was 1:8. On the way home, one of the buses blew an engine- flames and a lot of smoke, but no immediate danger. So here we were on the side of the rode with 2 bus fulls of kids/adults and only on working bus. We ferried the kids to the nearest exit (by a McD's and a hotel) and had to wait 4 hours for another bus to come. My kids were safe and fed, but the 2nd grade teacher had real problems keep up with all those kids and not enough adults. We got home at 1am to a parking lot full of a lot of very worried parents who said their kids were never going on another trip without them. My students were fine, but sleepy.
I'm not trying to scare anyone, but my students and their parents knew me well and could trust me to handle unusual situations- not so mch with the other teacher.
OP- spend the next few months getting to know the school staff and parents who will be going. Then make your decision. If they are people who will handle you child well in a not so smooth situation, then let the child go.

 

[Magic Mom]

OP, have you talked to your Pediatrician about your DD's problems with change and the thing you mentioned abut her not understanding that you just can't fix things.? Freaking out about table positions seems like an extreme reaction don't you think? More that just not being able to go with the flow.

After reading everything you've said about her, this doesn't seem like an issue with a long field trip, but more of an issue with your dd's inability to deal with common problems. Maybe there is something more going on.

 

[badblackpug]

I am going to try to be gentle, but no doubt, people will be insulted. I have a 9y 4th grader, I would not hesitate to send him on the trip. Really an educational trip with 10 chaperons? No issue at all.

Now here is the part with which people are going to take issue: Maybe your daughter is so anxious and insecure because you hover too much. If you are always there to fix or orchestrate things for her she will never learn to "go with the flow." This is a good point to start allowing her some independence, to learn to handle situations, in a controlled setting, without mommy to fix it or control it. Honestly, my son wouldn't even be phased if I wasn't going. He would be excited about the trip.

Are there honestly parents who "follow the bus?" I can't imagine, for the life of me, ever doing this. I also can't imagine how humiliated my son would be if I did. I can just imagine the teasing that would ensue.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm sorry if she doesn't like it but if she doesn't let her child go on this trip she is exactly fitting the definition of a helicopter parent. She is hovering and not letting her child grow up and do anything on her own, she thinks no other adult is as capable as she is. She even said as much in her first post.

a 9 yr old is old enough to take care of themselves for a day in a structured setting with other adults there plain and simple. Heck by 9 my DD had several unaccompanied flights under her belt.

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

Using the term "Helicopter Mom" is nothing more than mean spirited toward the OP who does not want to put her child in harm's way. I live in the DC area and in no way would want my kids in the DC area without my supervision.

Here is something for you to think about: If Natalie Holloway's mom had been a "Helicopter Mom", Natalie Holloway more than likely would not be dead.

OP - Sorry to say you are what is called a

HELICOPTOR PARENT

In our district all 5th graders go to 3 nights / 4 days of overnight camp and no parents are allowed to go. The students are supervised by school staff and camp staff.

Give your children some room to grow - it is good for them.