Laugh or Cry....HS Senior Prom 2009 Long Sorry

[MELSMICE]

diskids2 - I'm sure you had a great time shopping & planning with your DD. I think the "tone" of your OP made it seem like your DD is a little spoiled & you were indulging her. I'm not saying this is the case, just how your OP read to some of us here.

As far as the stress between prom & an AP exam...in our house the stress over an AP exam is much worse than any stress over prom. I have 3 girls & the only prom stress we've ever had is when my oldest was the one in charge of the limo & kids didn't come up with their money on time. Not a big deal though - everyone came through.

I, personally (& this is just me) don't feel the need to spend as much money as you did/have on prom. I have laid down a strict budget with my DD's. They know it & they follow it. We could afford much more than the budget I give them, but I don't feel it's necessary.

What you do with your DD is your business & how you spend your money is your business. Some people agree with what you are doing, other's don't. I'm in the "don't" corner.

There is no reason for anyone to be rude, but on an open forum/discussion board opinions are given & we don't always like the answer.

 

[diskids2]

diskids2 - I'm sure you had a great time shopping & planning with your DD. I think the "tone" of your OP made it seem like your DD is a little spoiled & you were indulging her. I'm not saying this is the case, just how your OP read to some of us here.

As far as the stress between prom & an AP exam...in our house the stress over an AP exam is much worse than any stress over prom. I have 3 girls & the only prom stress we've ever had is when my oldest was the one in charge of the limo & kids didn't come up with their money on time. Not a big deal though - everyone came through.

I, personally (& this is just me) don't feel the need to spend as much money as you did/have on prom. I have laid down a strict budget with my DD's. They know it & they follow it. We could afford much more than the budget I give them, but I don't feel it's necessary.

What you do with your DD is your business & how you spend your money is your business. Some people agree with what you are doing, other's don't. I'm in the "don't" corner.

There is no reason for anyone to be rude, but on an open forum/discussion board opinions are given & we don't always like the answer.

I was not rude in any of the posts about anything. And, I am sharing my opinion as well. And, I acknnowleged everyone's opinion. In addition when someone posts on this forum or any other spirited discussion is welcome, but not with rude attacks. That is completely not acceptable. And, I'm glad I'm in the corner that supports their children and does what they can as appropriate within their means to do that. I can't help it if others feel differently. Again, if you have something more to say on a personal level feel free to PM me as I will only answer positive comments regarding prom styles and will not deal with personal attacks.

 

[Kirby]

I'm glad I got my daughter's picture in before this thread closed. I hate to see it close because I would enjoy seeing everyone's prom attire.

I spent more than some on this thread and less than others. Was it worth what I spent? Definately! Carol felt beautiful that night and I wouldn't change a thing. Prom was important to her yet she didn't stress out about it. I think that you could call her a middle of the road between the other two descriptions posted earlier.

As far as the OP. I never felt that your daughter was spoiled. As I said before, you sound a lot like me when it comes to getting that perfect outfit for a special occasion. Was I weary at times? Yes but seeing what joy it brought to my daughter's face was worth it. Is she spoiled? No, we always had a budget and stuck to it.

Diskids, I hope that your daughter has a great time at her prom. I'd love to see pictures of that evening.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, You'd better have a good photographer after all this trouble!

I have 2 sons. Oldest DS went to his prom back in 1990. Youngest DS, who will be a senior next year does not like to go to school dances.

I'm really enjoying seeing all the pictures of your kids at their prom. It is so nice to see them looking like young ladies and gentlemen. (OMG I just said something that made me sound like my mom!)

TC

 

[diskids2]

I'm glad I got my daughter's picture in before this thread closed. I hate to see it close because I would enjoy seeing everyone's prom attire.

I spent more than some on this thread and less than others. Was it worth what I spent? Definately! Carol felt beautiful that night and I wouldn't change a thing. Prom was important to her yet she didn't stress out about it. I think that you could call her a middle of the road between the other two descriptions posted earlier.

As far as the OP. I never felt that your daughter was spoiled. As I said before, you sound a lot like me when it comes to getting that perfect outfit for a special occasion. Was I weary at times? Yes but seeing what joy it brought to my daughter's face was worth it. Is she spoiled? No, we always had a budget and stuck to it.

Diskids, I hope that your daughter has a great time at her prom. I'd love to see pictures of that evening.

That's how I felt too....It just got to be too much. I dealt with someone telling me they had a better daughter than I did...what the heck is that all about. I mean seriously. I even answered that nicely at least I thought I did. I dealt with people saying that I wasn't a better mom then they were because of what I did. I didn't say one rude thing. Then to sit and read a lecture about how mom's live through their daughters and the prom isn't something to be stressed out over....well that was it! And then after I defended my point of view to be told that my daughter is a spoiled princess by someone doesn't even know her....that's rude.

What really bothers me is that I truly feel that everyone has a right to their opinion "even if I don't like it" but at least make an opinion on all the information you have in front of you. I can't imagine if someone had bothered to read ALL of the posts...that they would have felt my DD was spoiled. I mentioned she works...I mentioned how much fun this was for both of us...I mentioned the great feeling I had to spend time with her....I don't believe I was ever nasty or rude to anyone even when told she wasn't better than someone else.

I just think people need to read everything before they pass judgment. I am a firm believer in "putting yourself in someone else's shoes". And honestly, IMHO, which I'm entitled to...I feel bad for children who have mom's who think they know everything and believe they can pass that kind of judgment on someone else.

But, I move on and Kirby...thanks for your kind words....it was nice "meeting" you.

 

[N&B'smom]

Am I reading it right that your DD is going away for several days to Wildwood after the prom???? (is that typically what kids do now?) Freaks me out a bit, I don't live THAT far from there and from what I've heard I don't know that I'd have my daughter going there without adult supervision.

 

[MELSMICE]

Again, if you have something more to say on a personal level feel free to PM me as I will only answer positive comments regarding prom styles and will not deal with personal attacks.

I am by no means trying to personally attack you. I apologize if any of my posts have come across that way.

You have gotten offended by some of the posts on the thread & I was just trying to give another "view" of how your OP may have come across to some posters. It's tough to set a "tone" on a message board.

I am not trying to judge you, belittle you or pass judgement on you. You are free to spend your money exactly how you want. Unfortunately, on an open forum, such as this, judgements are made by some, feelings get hurt & people get offended. I'm sure some think I'm a cheap mom, considering my total prom cost for 2 DD's is less than the cost of your DD's dress. I just choose to do the prom thing with them differently. We still had fun shopping for dresses, etc.

I'm sure your DD will have a great time, as will my 2, regardless of how much money we each have spent.

 

[diskids2]

I am by no means trying to personally attack you. I apologize if any of my posts have come across that way.

You have gotten offended by some of the posts on the thread & I was just trying to give another "view" of how your OP may have come across to some posters. It's tough to set a "tone" on a message board.

I am not trying to judge you, belittle you or pass judgement on you. You are free to spend your money exactly how you want. Unfortunately, on an open forum, such as this, judgements are made by some, feelings get hurt & people get offended. I'm sure some think I'm a cheap mom, considering my total prom cost for 2 DD's is less than the cost of your DD's dress. I just choose to do the prom thing with them differently. We still had fun shopping for dresses, etc.

I'm sure your DD will have a great time, as will my 2, regardless of how much money we each have spent.

Well I don't think you're a cheap Mom...just a Mom that is doing what she thinks is best. And thank you for clarifying...you are correct it is difficult to set a "tone" which is why I wish people would resist from making judgments and keep it focused in another way. Yes and I really do hope your 2 have a great time!

 

[diskids2]

Am I reading it right that your DD is going away for several days to Wildwood after the prom???? (is that typically what kids do now?) Freaks me out a bit, I don't live THAT far from there and from what I've heard I don't know that I'd have my daughter going there without adult supervision.

Yes...you are reading it right. She is going to Wildwood the day after the prom for three nights. As far as typically....I'm not going to even say most....but many in our area do. In fact some even take the prom limo direct from the prom to the Jersey Shore. Out of those that go.....the majority go to Seaside Heights.

You'll have to give me your impressions of Wildwood. (So I can really be worried!...Really I want to hear them...not even joking or being sarcastic about that).... We've gone as a family, but that was a few years ago. Actually it's been about four years since we went and before that we went alot (once a year for like ten years)...maybe that is why I feel comfortable with her going. Also, (and I'm sure people will have something to say about this) she is an adult at the age of 18 even though I still want her to be a little girl This was not an easy call for my DH and I.

 

[N&B'smom]

Yes...you are reading it right. She is going to Wildwood the day after the prom for three nights. As far as typically....I'm not going to even say most....but many in our area do. In fact some even take the prom limo direct from the prom to the Jersey Shore. Out of those that go.....the majority go to Seaside Heights.

You'll have to give me your impressions of Wildwood. (So I can really be worried!...Really I want to hear them...not even joking or being sarcastic about that).... We've gone as a family, but that was a few years ago. Actually it's been about four years since we went and before that we went alot (once a year for like ten years)...maybe that is why I feel comfortable with her going. Also, (and I'm sure people will have something to say about this) she is an adult at the age of 18 even though I still want her to be a little girl This was not an easy call for my DH and I.

I sent you a PM. You're right...I just didn't realize we were talking about an 18 year old. 18 is an adult!

 

[LisaNJ25]

Yes...you are reading it right. She is going to Wildwood the day after the prom for three nights. As far as typically....I'm not going to even say most....but many in our area do. In fact some even take the prom limo direct from the prom to the Jersey Shore. Out of those that go.....the majority go to Seaside Heights.

You'll have to give me your impressions of Wildwood. (So I can really be worried!...Really I want to hear them...not even joking or being sarcastic about that).... We've gone as a family, but that was a few years ago. Actually it's been about four years since we went and before that we went alot (once a year for like ten years)...maybe that is why I feel comfortable with her going. Also, (and I'm sure people will have something to say about this) she is an adult at the age of 18 even though I still want her to be a little girl This was not an easy call for my DH and I.

Its very common here also.. just be realistic and know drinking will be going on. Remind her of the 17yos that may be with her.

My junior prom my mother wouldn't let me go to Seaside right after the prom but I was able to go in the morning.. So I got home from the prom at 2am an left at 6am to go to the shore

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Yes...you are reading it right. She is going to Wildwood the day after the prom for three nights. As far as typically....I'm not going to even say most....but many in our area do. In fact some even take the prom limo direct from the prom to the Jersey Shore. Out of those that go.....the majority go to Seaside Heights.

You'll have to give me your impressions of Wildwood. (So I can really be worried!...Really I want to hear them...not even joking or being sarcastic about that).... We've gone as a family, but that was a few years ago. Actually it's been about four years since we went and before that we went alot (once a year for like ten years)...maybe that is why I feel comfortable with her going. Also, (and I'm sure people will have something to say about this) she is an adult at the age of 18 even though I still want her to be a little girl This was not an easy call for my DH and I.

My DD school is going to Seaside Heights. Mojority of these kids will be going away to college in 4 months so I have no poblem with them going to the Jersey Shore.
Just don't know why they can't stay on the Island and go to the Hamptons or somewhere around there.

 

[diskids2]

Hi everyone....I'm posting an update. The prom is still about two weeks away.

I just want to start off with this....I am having so much fun going through this with my DD. We have spent more time together then we have in years. I also noticed that when we disagree....we fight less....and talk more about it.

So here is what we have accomplished:

Dress is at the seamstress and ready to be picked up next week.
Shoes are at the shoe store being dyed ready to be picked up next week.
We got the jewlery....necklace and earings.
She went to the hair salon and picked out the style she wants and we bought the hair clips.
The limo is paid in full.
Her make up is purchased...yet we can't find it!
Appointments for nails, waxing, hair, makeup have been made.
After prom outfit is purchased with shoes.
After prom tickets bought.

So we are really winding down and other then picking things up and finding that makeup....we think my DH moved it although he won't admit it!....we just have to go to the florist for DD's BF.

I still can't believe she is graduating. I remember her first day of Pre-K.

 

[Kirby]

Sounds like you have it pretty much wrapped up, just waiting for the day. Don't forget to give us pictures! My daughter graduates in one week!

 

[ophelia]

I don't understand why some people are spending so much money for their kids to just go to a prom. I don't get it. After high school nobody is going to care a fig about what people wore,etc.

EDIT: I notice that some are calling the OP a great mom for doing all of this stuff for her daughter. When did buying a bunch of material things for their child, and not saying no to them, make a mom great? Just sayin'.

 

[rainy~daze]

I don't understand why some people are spending so much money for their kids to just go to a prom. I don't get it. After high school nobody is going to care a fig about what people wore,etc.

EDIT: I notice that some are calling the OP a great mom for doing all of this stuff for her daughter. When did buying a bunch of material things for their child, and not saying no to them, make a mom great? Just sayin'.

where is that darn pot stirrin smiley???

but she's right, OP, take all the stuff back send your daughter in rags and tell her she'll appreciate life so much more because you didn't just buy her stuff. eta: insert rolling eyes smiley here-so no one thinks I agree with the PP

maybe OP is doing this for her daughter because she WANTS to and CAN. she isn't spending your money, so chill

 

[ophelia]

where is that darn pot stirrin smiley???

but she's right, OP, take all the stuff back send your daughter in rags and tell her she'll appreciate life so much more because you didn't just buy her stuff. eta: insert rolling eyes smiley here-so no one thinks I agree with the PP

maybe OP is doing this for her daughter because she WANTS to and CAN. she isn't spending your money, so chill

Maybe the reason why a lot of kids have a sense of entitlement these days is because parents don't know how to say no?

 

[goofy!]

Its very common here also.. just be realistic and know drinking will be going on. Remind her of the 17yos that may be with her.

My junior prom my mother wouldn't let me go to Seaside right after the prom but I was able to go in the morning.. So I got home from the prom at 2am an left at 6am to go to the shore

It was common even back in the dinosaur ages. I went to High School in Bergen County, so still a bit of a drive to the shore. But that did not deter us. We went directly from the Manor to the shore as did most of my classmates. And this was back in 1976.

I certainly hope today's teens are much smarter than we were back then. I am 50 now and still will not divulge to my mother what went on in that house and the surrounding ones that weekend

We were a good group of clean cut kids who were respectful to the property we rented and didn't normally ever get in trouble, but the drugs, alcohol and sex on the beach were, well, typical of the 70's.

 

[k_reile]

Wow....that's alot of drama!

Last year cost me

$500 for dress
$40 for shoes
$80 for hair
did her own make up
$20-25 for jewerly
$20 prom ticket

Last year's prom dress

This year she is going to 2 proms...one in ND with hr friends and one in Texas with her school.

$75 for dress on sale
$? for shoes...I think she already had them
prom ticket is bought from shool
riding to prom with some friends
doing her own hair make up
$? getting dress drycleaned for prom 2

Here's Prom #1 this year in North Dakota

Wow...the 1st dress would be a really pretty wedding dress...maybe she can keep it...no one would know!! I love the side detail on the 2nd dress!

 

[gina2000]

OP, sounds like you're having a wonderful, albeit somewhat stressful, mother of the prom goer experience. I love the Hammerstein Ballroom and I think it would be a fantastic place for a prom.

Your daughter's expenses pretty much mirror the expenses of many young adults in the NY metro area. And 40 years ago kids were heading down to the Jersey shore for the weekend following the prom. It's a tradition around here.

I found APs to be far less stressful than the prom. I wasn't going with anyone I cared about and I was so nervous I couldn't stand it. We didn't really have a great night but I did go. We did it on a shoestring but I was never one to spend bucks on clothing.

No one is a better or worse mother for the money they spend. It's all about time and caring. And no child is a princess just because she has more money to spend than other women going to a prom. Some comments are so ridiculously snarky. This is just one excited mom choosing to share her experiences with us. I don't have a girl so I'll never experience proms from this perspective. And I love, love, love all the pictures! (That lovely redhead in the green pleated gown is a real knockout!) Keep 'em coming.