What would you consider an Emotional Affair?

"Yes, and he needs to ignore this jezebel co-worker immediately!"

Fixed it for you. Our language is sorely lacking in certain words, notably an equally reprehinsible, insulting, and offensive term for the OP's friend. The female co-worker is not in this situation alone; the male is so far from blameless I can't even.
Lol I was expecting a few comments about the un-pc comment.
 
I agree with many ithat what puts this over the edge of the definition of emotional affair is blaming his wife for his relationship with another woman. He dipped his toes into an emotional relationship with this other woman. He doesn't get to claim total innocence because he didnt dive all the way in.

I actually think things can get dangerous for your marriage when you put the emotional needs of any outsider ahead of your spouse. If you've reached the point where you are strategizing against your spouse with someone else, romantic or not, it's a problem.
 


Oh completely agree it's his fault too. I didnt mean to have it be assumed that he was not at fault. I'm going off the part where she told him she's single and ready to be with him.

Yeah bu you know. Life is messy. She is single, and as far as we know is not looking to be his side chick.
I actually don't see something wrong with her saying "I have feelings for you, but if you want if you something to happen you have to end things with your wife" and pulling away if he doesnt.
Now if she is saying "I dont care you are married" that is something else all together.

As car as an affair etc, all that would matter to me is if DH was attracted to a coworker that he cut off all non essential contact, ca 't help meeting etc but water cooler chat, keep your distance
 
Yeah bu you know. Life is messy. She is single, and as far as we know is not looking to be his side chick.
I actually don't see something wrong with her saying "I have feelings for you, but if you want if you something to happen you have to end things with your wife" and pulling away if he doesnt.
Now if she is saying "I dont care you are married" that is something else all together.

Yikes. To me she IS saying she doesn't care if he is married if someone would present themselves as an option to a married person. I believe the married person is always responsible if they cheat, but that doesn't make an unmarried party to cheating (that knew the other person was married) innocent. Just as married person shouldn't cheat, an unmarried person shouldn't be trying to hook up with a married person. Both fit the definition of cheating.
 
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Yikes. To me she IS saying she doesn't care if he is married if someone would present themselves as an option to a married person. I believe the married person is always responsible if they cheat, but that doesn't make an unmarried party to cheating (that knew the other person was married) innocent. Just as married person shouldn't cheat, an unmarried person shouldn't be trying to hook up with a married person. Both fit the definition of cheating.

I agree that an unmarried person should not be presenting themselves as an option for cheating.
I guess I see it as different for someone to share their feelings, when they are stronger, when they are looking for a relationship from someone giving them the signals. For them to say, I'm interested but not while you are married. Is a far cry from forget your wife here is my hotel key.
 


Sorry if I missed something, but I couldn't discern whether the friend and co-worker are just attracted to each other and flirty at work, or whether they actually communicate outside of work and he confides in her. If the latter, I would most definitely consider it an emotional affair. Otherwise, I'm not sure I'd label it as an emotional affair, but I would consider it inappropriate. He's doing the right thing by distancing himself, but he really needs to communicate everything to the wife so they can work through it together. If things improve in his marriage, it hopefully will help motivate him to stay away from the co-worker making the temptation less.
 
As soon as a person gets to the point in a relationship where they are feeling "he/she isn't giving me what I want" it's in trouble. Whether it's perceived or actual. If you have good communication you won't get to that point. Love is the wanting of the good for the other person. When you make it about what's good for me...trouble ahead. It is always two in a relationship. It is never just the spouses fault. He should look at why the wife isnt "fulfillng" him. Maybe he isn't doing his part. We can't ever change the other person. We can only change ourselves and how we respond/react to the other person!
He should never have let the emotions for the coworker get to the point where he would want to leave his wife. Great that he is at that point now. The coworker should have backed off as soon as she knew she had feelings and he was married. Married people are COMPLETELY off limits. It doesn't matter what you "feel". Who cares, grow up, way too many people invovled that can be hurt and lives ruined.
But to answer the question--yes, definitely, an emotional affair. As soon as you start thinking you would rather be with the other person than your spouse, that's an emotional affair. To me anyway.
 
This story is very familiar to me. In my case, it ended with my ex having a full-blown affair with the coworker. They are now living together. It was my fault because I "wasn't paying enough attention to him". IMHO, there's already more going on with the coworker than he's admitting.

It is definitely an emotional affair, if not more. The coworker shouldn't be encouraging him/giving signals (whatever) but in the end it's your friend's responsibility because he's the one who is married.
 
Yikes. To me she IS saying she doesn't care if he is married if someone would present themselves as an option to a married person. I believe the married person is always responsible if they cheat, but that doesn't make an unmarried party to cheating (that knew the other person was married) innocent. Just as married person shouldn't cheat, an unmarried person shouldn't be trying to hook up with a married person. Both fit the definition of cheating.
Exactly.
 
Sorry if I missed something, but I couldn't discern whether the friend and co-worker are just attracted to each other and flirty at work, or whether they actually communicate outside of work and he confides in her. If the latter, I would most definitely consider it an emotional affair. Otherwise, I'm not sure I'd label it as an emotional affair, but I would consider it inappropriate. He's doing the right thing by distancing himself, but he really needs to communicate everything to the wife so they can work through it together. If things improve in his marriage, it hopefully will help motivate him to stay away from the co-worker making the temptation less.

I asked DH last night if he knows about anything happening outside of work (his group does a lot of social functions with clients in and outside of working hours) and he said that he knows they are on social media together because he is friends with both of them- which tells me that she knows a lot about his family life from that but the wife doesn't know anything about her at all because the husband won't give her details (name, etc). They have attended after-work functions together but nothing outside work other than social media and I think texts, but I'm not sure if I understood that right. It could have been private messages through FB. He said that the guy has been MIA lately at these functions and he is pretty sure it's because he is trying to keep his distance. I said it sounds like it's gotten to the point where he doesn't trust himself around her.

IMO, I think the fact that this woman is allowed to have access and know pretty much everything about the man and his family even including their intimate family moments captured on social media (as private as social media can be, I guess), while the wife knows nothing except what he is telling her, is horrible! I can't imagine that the woman isn't using some of that as emotional leverage with the husband. DH agreed about that part.
 
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This story is very familiar to me. In my case, it ended with my ex having a full-blown affair with the coworker. They are now living together. It was my fault because I "wasn't paying enough attention to him". IMHO, there's already more going on with the coworker than he's admitting.

It is definitely an emotional affair, if not more. The coworker shouldn't be encouraging him/giving signals (whatever) but in the end it's your friend's responsibility because he's the one who is married.

Your ex ended up leaving, or was it a mutual decision? I mean, at some point he had to have decided whether to continue on and move to a full affair, or be willing to stop all communication, right? Although I guess moving on with it pretty much made the decision for him in regard to your relationship...

I don't see a happy ending for this couple, either. So sad.
 
What else would you call a woman who knowingly goes after a married man? My word for it would be much more un-pc than "jezebel".
Exactly! Although he is 100% at fault here and needs counseling big time, I can attest to the fact that when a woman goes after another woman's man, she does not refer to the other woman in politically correct terms. Single people should only share their feelings of attraction with other single people. This has now clouded his judgement on his current relationship and a family could possibly be broken up unnecessarily.
 
This story is very familiar to me. In my case, it ended with my ex having a full-blown affair with the coworker. They are now living together. It was my fault because I "wasn't paying enough attention to him". IMHO, there's already more going on with the coworker than he's admitting.

It is definitely an emotional affair, if not more. The coworker shouldn't be encouraging him/giving signals (whatever) but in the end it's your friend's responsibility because he's the one who is married.

This happened to me years ago. Except the co-worker was married as well. However, the co-worker seems to have already been contemplating divorce when things heated up with my then husband. I too have an idea that more has happened between these two than anyone else really knows. By the time the situation escalates to the point where either person is discussing it out loud, the train has left the station, IMO.

My ex made the choice to continue to see the co-worker even after he said he would stop. That sealed the deal for me.

My ex also tried to place the blame on me - I was not paying attention to him, life was boring - she was exciting, whatever.

Anyway, yes it is at least an emotional affair.

ETA: My husband even went to counseling with me and tried to blame me for the marital woes and did not even mention the co-worker.
 
Your ex ended up leaving, or was it a mutual decision? I mean, at some point he had to have decided whether to continue on and move to a full affair, or be willing to stop all communication, right? Although I guess moving on with it pretty much made the decision for him in regard to your relationship...

I don't see a happy ending for this couple, either. So sad.

I agreed to seek counseling with him in an attempt to save the relationship. I caught him communicating with her again, he purchased her a gift. I then told him I wanted a divorce. He asked again later to reconcile, but I refused.
 
I asked DH last night if he knows about anything happening outside of work (his group does a lot of social functions with clients in and outside of working hours) and he said that he knows they are on social media together because he is friends with both of them- which tells me that she knows a lot about his family life from that but the wife doesn't know anything about her at all because the husband won't give her details (name, etc). They have attended after-work functions together but nothing outside work other than social media and I think texts, but I'm not sure if I understood that right. It could have been private messages through FB. He said that the guy has been MIA lately at these functions and he is pretty sure it's because he is trying to keep his distance. I said it sounds like it's gotten to the point where he doesn't trust himself around her.
He has put himself in a huge danger zone with social media. I'm 90% sure he does not want to attend the social functions because he does not want to give away the secret he is hiding with her. Im pretty positive he is getting most of his kicks from chats on messenger that he can delete and are not traceable on the phone bill. This is probably 10x worse than what this man makes it seem. He just wants to look innocent because he's probably very close to getting caught. The, ahem, *other woman* should be careful because some women will become very catty when another goes after her man.
 

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