What stresses you out the most during the holidays?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Plus, we live in Southern CA. Every town touches every other town. I can drive through 5 cities in 20 minutes.

I think it's that way with a lot of metros lol.

We cross city lines all the time here in my metro.

 

[1GoldenSun]

Having house guests for prolonged periods of time. Every year since my kids have been born (so 14 years now), we have had a grandparent/grandparents stay with us for 2 weeks at Christmas. We live across the country from both of them. I hate having house guests because I always feel responsible for making sure they aren't bored, are fed at every meal (which is a huge burden, as our little family typically is very low maintenance about meals...we will do sandwiches, smoothies, or breakfast for dinner routinely, while the grandparents expect a solid 3 hot meals a day). I feel like I am always in the kitchen cooking meals, and we spend a FORTUNE on groceries. I am over it, but I cannot think of a way to stop this practice without a LOT of hurt feelings. My MIL is a widow and my husband is her only child that is married with kids (the other two kids are huge losers, TBH). So, if she doesn't come here, she stays home alone. She comes every other year. My parents come every other year, but when they come, it's even more stressful, because I just don't have a great relationship with them. There is always drama. I at least have 2 sisters who have kids, so my parents rotate who they go to for Christmas, but one sister lives very close by, so we see them every year regardless. For a long time, I was the only one with a guest room, so they always stay with us, while my sisters would at least have the luxury of them staying in a hotel when they visit.

I am seriously considering just announcing that this will be the last year I will host people for the holidays. I am over it. I would be fine if they want to visit starting on the 26th and stay through New Year's, but I would just like to have Christmas be a nuclear family deal from now on.

Wow.

Did you ever think that if you tally up the cost of food, entertainment, transportation, electricity, water, etc. for two weeks, that depending on how much your parents/in-laws pay for airfare, they may actually be SAVING money by staying with you for those two weeks?

 

[Colleen27]

My mother. I seriously suck at being an only (surviving) child and I'm terrible at dealing with other people's grief, so since my brother died last year, trying to help her get through the holidays is absolutely the most stressful part of the season. Fortunately she and my MIL get on well, so I don't have to do a lot of "two places at once" juggling over dinners and such, but the emotional end of it is really taxing and I'm never quite sure I'm doing enough/doing it right.

 

[Colleen27]

we decided our kids would always wake up in their own home on christmas morning the christmas morning years before we had kids of our own when dh's young nephews asked their parents why santa had NEVER visited THEIR HOUSE (always had spent the day at one set of grandparents or the others). when we had ours we told the grands that they were welcome over on christmas day but that was a 'no travel' day for us/the kids.

We did the same thing. On Christmas morning, we always wake up at home, open presents, go to mass, and have brunch here. Anyone who wants to come over is welcome, but we spend the day at home.

 

[DLgal]

Wow.

Did you ever think that if you tally up the cost of food, entertainment, transportation, electricity, water, etc. for two weeks, that depending on how much your parents/in-laws pay for airfare, they may actually be SAVING money by staying with you for those two weeks?

Of course they are saving money. They're cheap. That's why they balk at having to stay at a hotel when they visit my other sister. They never pay for airfare either...always use Southwest points.

At least last year, my dad handed me a $300 check to help with the cost of groceries...

 

[ronandannette]

Of course they are saving money. They're cheap. That's why they balk at having to stay at a hotel when they visit my other sister. They never pay for airfare either...always use Southwest points.

At least last year, my dad handed me a $300 check to help with the cost of groceries...

Is there any way you and/or your husband could have an honest talk with them? Most people would be completely mortified to be somewhere they are so unwanted. It would be a kindness to them to let them know.

 

[DLgal]

Is there any way you and/or your husband could have an honest talk with them? Most people would be completely mortified to be somewhere they are so unwanted. It would be a kindness to them to let them know.

Oh yeah, been there done that. 3 years ago I had a full on crying breakdown. They felt badly at the time, but last year when they came back, more of the same.

Honestly, I don't mind my MIL. She is very unobtrusive and agreeable. She kind of blends right in and spends a good amount of time reading or hanging with the kids. She eats whatever I am making without fuss or questioning and she prepares her own breakfasts and lunches. She's fine. But I don't feel like I can ban my parents and continue to allow MIL to visit. That would open up a HUGE can of drama.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...Every town touches every other town. I can drive through 5 cities in 20 minutes.

Off topic, but that's how it is here, too, and it took me so long to get used to! I grew up with a pattern more like: town...20 miles of farmland...different town...20 miles of farmland...

 

[DLgal]

Off topic, but that's how it is here, too, and it took me so long to get used to! I grew up with a pattern more like: town...20 miles of farmland...different town...20 miles of farmland...

LOL. That would drive me crazy. I need at least 5 Targets within a 5 mile radius.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Having house guests for prolonged periods of time. Every year since my kids have been born (so 14 years now), we have had a grandparent/grandparents stay with us for 2 weeks at Christmas. We live across the country from both of them. I hate having house guests because I always feel responsible for making sure they aren't bored, are fed at every meal (which is a huge burden, as our little family typically is very low maintenance about meals...we will do sandwiches, smoothies, or breakfast for dinner routinely, while the grandparents expect a solid 3 hot meals a day). I feel like I am always in the kitchen cooking meals, and we spend a FORTUNE on groceries. I am over it, but I cannot think of a way to stop this practice without a LOT of hurt feelings. My MIL is a widow and my husband is her only child that is married with kids (the other two kids are huge losers, TBH). So, if she doesn't come here, she stays home alone. She comes every other year. My parents come every other year, but when they come, it's even more stressful, because I just don't have a great relationship with them. There is always drama. I at least have 2 sisters who have kids, so my parents rotate who they go to for Christmas, but one sister lives very close by, so we see them every year regardless. For a long time, I was the only one with a guest room, so they always stay with us, while my sisters would at least have the luxury of them staying in a hotel when they visit.

I am seriously considering just announcing that this will be the last year I will host people for the holidays. I am over it. I would be fine if they want to visit starting on the 26th and stay through New Year's, but I would just like to have Christmas be a nuclear family deal from now on.

Here's a compromise to think of for next year: First go ahead and cut the length of time for the invitation in half with your stated reason being immediate family week needed.

Simplify the need to cook 3 meals during the grandparents' remaining visit time by making some lunch and/or dinner entrees that can be home frozen and reheatable. As I tell my son that freezer was made for more than Texas toast and ice cubes. For instance, soups (don't add potatoes to the base as they don't freeze well), lasagna, spaghetti meat sauce (Bolognese), and chili come to mind. For hot breakfasts you can make items like a strada in a crockpot (any size will do) and it'll cook overnight; steel cut oats also cooks nicely overnight. Top with fresh fruit and done. Use one of those over ripe bananas intially meant for your smoothies and add to pancakes. Cook all the batter at one time and wrap the remainder in saran wrap; they nuke easy. As for spending a fortune on groceries well you are certainly going to spend more when hosting for one meal or several days but there are still ways to serve quality meals without breaking the bank. Read those supermarket fliers with gusto and utilise your freezer for the sale goods.
I've been hosting guests and holiday meals for decades now and find that doing the above makes all more comfortable w/o the stress. Since we live in a large city with lots to do, after a day or two of introductory touring, I leave guests to their own devices. I put public transport, attraction and similar info in the guest rooms along with a coffee or tea pot so they can have " I vant to be alone" time same as me. Spending time with the multi generations is fun for me and all who live w/ me but I don't need to feel stuck on them for the entire time. A little alone time restores the soul.

HTH and best of luck for next year no matter how you choose to spend it.

 

[Southernmiss]

Multiple posts-wifi hiccup

 

[Southernmiss]

Multiple posts-wifi hiccup

 

[Southernmiss]

Multiple posts-wifi hiccup

 

[Southernmiss]

Multiple posts-wifi hiccup

 

[Southernmiss]

Multiple posts-wifi hiccup

 

[Southernmiss]

The messiness of Christmas. Boxes, paper, rearranging the furniture and moving items to put up Christmas items. Remembering where you put said items and deciding "Do I really want that back in the house?"

DH loves to display his Santa figures. I had close to a meltdown today because of the mess in the family room as he put the displays all up. I like them when they are up and the mess is cleaned up-but getting there drives me nuts. He also moved the LR furniture at Thanksgiving to make room for tables and family gathering. Furniture has stayed that way and will be that way until Christmas comes down. He says, "I like the feel of more space." Well, if you would have taken out the honking entertainment center in January when I cleared it off and moved it out we would now have the tv mounted on the wall and more space. Arghh!!! He promises me it will come down this January. Hope so!

I have decided that i could live with very little, but DH has not made that leap and may never. That will be our struggle going forward!

 

[Floridaman999]

What?

 

[superme80]

Currently: Hoping the kittens don't knock over my Christmas tree. It is up. DH will add lights tomorrow. We will start adding one thing at a time in the coming weeks to get them accustomed to it.
Long term: Both sides of the family have health issues, so I am stressing about people being in the hospital or possibly passing away. Getting old sucks!

 

[Skellingtonj]

My mother in law. Every holiday really. She has no boundaries and does whatever she wants. And I feel for my sister in law as she is starting to see what I’ve seen over the last 16+ years.

 

[wgeo]

Most stressful thing for me is family and the sadness that comes with not being with them (because they don't want to be with me, since my religious choices aren't good enough for them I guess.) What makes it even harder is having well intentioned people constantly asking about what my Christmas plans are and trying to be vague when I explain it because there are some people who think that you have to be with your family for the holidays no matter what. And also just having to constantly be reminded that I'm not celebating the holidays the way most other people are. The whole "you'll miss them when they're gone" philosophy can be pretty hurtful at times. They're still here and I already miss them, but that doesn't mean I can spend the holidays with them.