Wedding gift?

[kaytieeldr]

Because of this I’d do at least $200 for a couple, but if it was me I’d give $300 even though you aren’t close to ensure I covered my plate

Mother's cousin's kid? Second cousin. $50-$100.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thanks for all the input everyone! I was thinking old school since back in the day it was expected to “pay for your plate” however I’ve read that is thankfully no longer a thing.

I’m thinking we might be ok to give between $100-150 I don’t want to be cheap but I also,feel like I don’t really know them so I don’t feel the need to give more if that makes sense
In hindsight we should have declined the invite and just sent a small gift

It’s still a thing, just not for out of stater’s on the DIS... And you could’ve said no, but it will probably be really fun, and even if you don’t know them well, you will catch up with family at an event that isn’t a wake/funeral, which is a blessing. And if that is what you can afford, it’s perfect.

 

[WVMomof3]

I am pretty darn cheap and I think $100 would be absolute minimum. I got married 25 years ago and $50 was a standard gift then, so I can't believe people are suggesting $50 while attending the event. Maybe if you truly didn't know them well AND were not going, then $50 might be acceptable. We just went to DH's cousins wedding that he has only seen a handful of times and gave $200. I wanted to give $150 but gave DH the card and didn't realize he put $200 in till later. I do feel a little bad because we also went to the dinner the day before so I think they really spent way over $200 on the 2 of us between both dinners and drinks.

 

[mel&me]

Enough to cover plate is the minimum.

 

[speedyfishy]

Mother's cousin's kid? Second cousin. $50-$100.

$50-100 if they were not attending the wedding. OP said this was a wedding in NJ. Weddings in the Northeast are different. I would not attend one giving $50.

 

[kaytieeldr]

$50-100 if they were not attending the wedding. OP said this was a wedding in NJ. Weddings in the Northeast are different. I would not attend one giving $50.

I have no idea why, but i thought they weren't attending. I take back my response

 

[moniqueand2]

$100.00 since you are not close.

 

[Anthony1971]

Northern/Central NJ are more like NY where $$$ is expected as the wedding is expensive that is just how it is in that area no offense to anyone but if you want a wedding in that area the price is the price....... so below
A lot of people from these areas are having the reception in Southern NJ and PA as the Venues are a lot cheaper and so are the traditions of how much to give or a gift rather than cash...also if part of the family is from that area the traditions are different.
I am not saying it is cheap to have a wedding any where these days but in the areas above you can expect to pay over 100 a plate at the normal places and when you add on the expected full open premium bar, happy hour add ons and special dessert hour it gets into big bucks and does not include a DJ or flowers or the big cakes ...Limos, photographer etc as yours alone..... and no one (hopefully) goes into a wedding expecting to get back what they paid they hopefully would invite some have them at the wedding period....

 

[StacyStrong]

I'm curious if the amounts people are quoting are per person or per couple.

 

[Hikergirl]

I base my gift on the closeness to the couple. For one of my parent's cousin's sons that I haven't seen in years and don't really know I'd give $50 or maybe a nice gift. I personally don't care what the standard is, or what somebody else thinks I should give.
If I don't know you (and I'm talking about the bride or groom), I'm not worried if you think I'm cheap.

 

[HHMcG]

The wedding is in south jersey at a small beach venue. Ceremony on beach reception after in restaurant attached

Now I am curious where the wedding is being held??? Asking as a Southern Jersey girl who feels like back in the day I was to every wedding venue around.

 

[mjkacmom]

Northern/Central NJ are more like NY where $$$ is expected as the wedding is expensive that is just how it is in that area no offense to anyone but if you want a wedding in that area the price is the price....... so below
A lot of people from these areas are having the reception in Southern NJ and PA as the Venues are a lot cheaper and so are the traditions of how much to give or a gift rather than cash...also if part of the family is from that area the traditions are different.
I am not saying it is cheap to have a wedding any where these days but in the areas above you can expect to pay over 100 a plate at the normal places and when you add on the expected full open premium bar, happy hour add ons and special dessert hour it gets into big bucks and does not include a DJ or flowers or the big cakes ...Limos, photographer etc as yours alone..... and no one (hopefully) goes into a wedding expecting to get back what they paid they hopefully would invite some have them at the wedding period....

I’ve been to wedding down the shore that have been just as pricy as up here, I think the breakers starts at $100 pp. South is generally cheaper than north, with the exception of beach areas, where a small hotel room runs $300+ peak season.

 

[shoney]

I wouldn’t accept any wedding invite if I wasn’t willing to shell out $200 min.

Willing is the point. Sometimes even if you have a million to spare you just don’t want to spend it. Lol.



A little old
Couple on SS shouldn’t be held to that. Give what u can!

 

[Eastern]

I would say for a couple, $200 minimum. I generally wouldn't base the gift on relationship level, except to give more if the relationship was closer.

$50 for a couple, no, except if anyone was experiencing hardship, in which case a card would be ok.

Trivia: I got married in NJ in early 90s. Average couple gift was $100. Some $150s, a few more generous gifts, and a few $50 and $60s from older, distant relatives.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I would say for a couple, $200 minimum. I generally wouldn't base the gift on relationship level, except to give more if the relationship was closer.

$50 for a couple, no, except if anyone was experiencing hardship, in which case a card would be ok.

Trivia: I got married in NJ in early 90s. Average couple gift was $100. Some $150s, a few more generous gifts, and a few $50 and $60s from older, distant relatives.

But I think it's also the age of attendees (and the couple). I got married in South NJ after you (when I had just graduated), and most gifts were $50 (and many of my college friends gave just $20 as individuals). Only my older brother and both sets of parents gave more than $50 (and we solely asked for money at the wedding, since we were using it for our honeymoon)...so, weddings vary as much by "invitees" as they do "location."

PS - $50 did not quite cover the plate cost for 1...but it did cover the "I valued you" cost, which is what we're usually discussing...

 

[disneylover23]

Thank you to all who replied for your input it was helpful and appreciated!

 

[Eastern]

PS - $50 did not quite cover the plate cost for 1...but it did cover the "I valued you" cost, which is what we're usually discussing...

Of course whatever someone *can give* is what they should give, and there are myriad factors that impact the average amount, but if you asked me, with no parameters, "what should I give for a couple attending a wedding in NJ", I would say, $200-$300 per couple. I recently attended a wedding of a seldom seen cousin in NJ, and I was told by my elderly aunt, "I hope you gave $300, that is the standard". My mother received the same advice. ymmv

*and ps I did not give $300...

 

[nycdisneygal]

I think you are ok with $100
I am from NYC. I hate the having to cover your plate as its not you who decided how much the plate costs!
I got married in NYC in early 2000s. Many people gave much less than 100. I was so grateful that people made effort to be there. The only gifts I thought of as cheap where the 2 people (they were actually siblings) who each brought uninvited guests and gave gifts less than $40. But I did not make a deal of it. They came with good intentions though and I know they had small income so I just let it go.... I know they always wish us well and that was most important.

 

[AlohaNow]

It sounds like the OP is here in Jersey, we don’t give actual wedding gifts here.

True. In the northeast the shower is for gifts, the wedding is for $$$. We got married just outside of NYC and dang, did the older Sicilian ladies in DH's family take care of us! They all worked together to make sure we received a complete set of formal China at the shower. It's so old school, I kind of loved it!

My go to shower gift is a picture frame from Tiffany. There are quite a few lovely gifts for under $100 that they sell. We received a couple of gifts from Tiffany and, not gonna lie, it is such a thrill to get that blue box. Everyone should have that at least once in their life!

 

[TCRAIG]

As a Southerner, I never give money. I'd pick something from their registry.

Born in NJ but live in SC for a long time...weddings are still very different between regions...up North - registry gifts are more for showers and wedding gifts are cash. But to answer the question - if you go to the wedding - I would try and give enough to cover the cost of the reception - if not attending then I would do $50.