Wait Staff Disappointment

[cobright]

Frankly, if my husband made a big scene about being my white knight and mansplaining to the waitstaff why I am the one one paying the bills instead of letting me speak for myself, I'd be offended (and embarrassed)!

I would imagine so. I'm firmly in the camp that any discussion at a table, between guests or between guests and service should be a discrete private affair.

My place is to simply hand it to whomever is paying.

Actually, it really is the waiters place to put the sales slip into the hand of the person paying, not yours. And it really is your place to tell someone you are paying to do a job whether or not they did a good job.

Three wrong orders? No. At that point, it's time to see a manager.

Whoa. Some kid gets your side item wrong a couple times on a packed crowded night and your response is to get him written up by his boss? I mean, I might say something to the server, but as long as I'm sure the person's doing their best, I'm not going to go after their paycheck. that's barbaric.

I’m sorry but putting the book back in from of the person of the wrong gender isn’t an “error”

It really is. It is standard practice everywhere to give the card back to the person who gave it to you. Consider this, you buy a pack of gum and give the cashier a $5 bill. The cashier makes change and then flags your wife down right in front of you to give the change to her instead of you. You can kid yourself and us for the sake of this argument and say that's a totally normal thing to do. But it's not. If it were to happen to you you would see just how weird that is.

The people who work in restaurants are your servers, not your servants. I’ve seen so many demeaning comments and attitudes expressed on these threads.

I couldn't agree with you more. What I learned waiting tables, and have been told by every waiter/ress worth their salt since, is that the waiter is the point of intercession between the customer and the kitchen, the customer and the bar, the customer and the management. The best situation is a relationship built on trust and responsibility to each other. That means that between you and the kitchen/bar/house you and the server are (supposed to be) in it together. Part of this relationship, as I see it, is that as long as everyone is actually working towards that common goal, you do your best to work out differences directly.

Maybe try it this way... Is it one's 'place' to let their server know that he or she is doing a good job? Is that inappropriate? Is it only that waiter/ress' s boss who should be paying that server a compliment? I see a moral obligation to call out better than average service, and when it rises to a certain level, a word with management on the subject is in order. It's sort of a cupcake morality to accept this as normal but mark the exact same reaction to less than stellar service as some sort of nastiness.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I'm the primary breadwinner and always pay the check. When a server gives the check to my husband (or returns my card to him), I politely say "I'll take that please."

What? What? You react politely, rather than acting like a drill sergeant or making a "joke"?

 

[kaytieeldr]

I would imagine so. I'm firmly in the camp that any discussion at a table, between guests or between guests and service should be a discrete private affair.

Then making "jokes"/revealing one's family's employment or financial situation is especially inappropriate. Just have an adult conversation with the server. The person to whom the folder was handed simply says, "that goes to (correct person)". Or did you actually mean separate?

, it really is the waiters place to put the sales slip into the hand of the person paying, not yours.

The sales slip? So before the server knows whose name is on the card (and I agree with the PP who really doesn't want the server studying my card), the server should divine who is paying?

Or if your ten year old wants to hand the server the card, or the folder, or the receipt - then the server must need to hand back to the child? Or the person closest to the server hands over the card, for convenience?

What about gender neutral names?

Whoa. Some kid gets your side item wrong a couple times on a packed crowded night and your response is to get him written up by his boss?

Please don't use a hypothetical situation - especially one where the facility policy is not known - to defend one's actions but then try to justify by claiming to save the server's job. Managers are there to manage. Why I'm the world do you think the server will get written up? Or fired?

It really is. It is standard practice everywhere to give the card back to the person who gave it to you.

So again, it your child hands the card to the server, unless there is just a sole adult at the table, to whom should the server hand it back?

Consider this, you buy a pack of gum and give the cashier a $5 bill. The cashier makes change and then flags your wife down right in front of you to give the change to her instead of you.

Entirely different situation.

 

[Moliphino]

It really is. It is standard practice everywhere to give the card back to the person who gave it to you. Consider this, you buy a pack of gum and give the cashier a $5 bill. The cashier makes change and then flags your wife down right in front of you to give the change to her instead of you. You can kid yourself and us for the sake of this argument and say that's a totally normal thing to do. But it's not. If it were to happen to you you would see just how weird that is.

A lot of times they don't even see who put the card in. They leave the check and pick it up when they see the card in it.

 

[rg35]

Did you have a TIW card per chance? I have a theory that if you tell them you have TIW at beginning they will be less attentive since they know they get the automatic 18% tip no matter what. I now wait to tell them at end.

That theory is unfounded. It is rumor/heresay perpetuated on this board.
We have never gotten bad service when using TiW.

On our August trip -- 16 table service meals over 10 days -- we only had bad service at Yak & Yeti, but it wasn't limited to us. Tables all around us were having issues.

 

[rg35]

While it was the Marines and not civilian there are some Marines still alive today because they learned when I yelled at them.

If you think yelling at waitstaff is appropriate behavior, then you need therapy. I hope the VA can provide it to you because the military seems to have ruined your perspective of how to appropriately conduct yourself in "civilian life."

 

[gharter]

That theory is unfounded. It is rumor/heresay perpetuated on this board.
We have never gotten bad service when using TiW.

On our August trip -- 16 table service meals over 10 days -- we only had bad service at Yak & Yeti, but it wasn't limited to us. Tables all around us were having issues.

I would agree. We have had the TiW card for several years. Sometimes we tell them at the start, sometimes we don't or they don't ask. I've never noticed a drop in service becasue they know we have the card. the few times we've had bad service, it wasn't just our table, so can't relate it to the card.

 

[rg35]

I don't really have time to read this thread aside from skimming it, but man.

My wife and I and kids eat out a lot. Usually once a week. On vacation all the time. We go everywhere from fast casual to fine dining establishments. Sometimes you get a bad server. The law of averages just bears that out.

There is no way to guarantee every time you go out that you're going to get good service, even if you're the most considerate customer in the world. The only real takeaway is that people should always try to treat others with respect and like they are people. Many people go out and don't seem to know how to do this -they make a mess, they act as if the service staff are their personal servants, and so forth. I'm not sure if it's insecurity or some kind of power trip, or what. Just treat people with respect. They are breaking their *** trying to earn a living doing a job that a lot of us wouldn't want to ever do.

 

[marikujawa]

That theory is unfounded. It is rumor/heresay perpetuated on this board.
We have never gotten bad service when using TiW.

On our August trip -- 16 table service meals over 10 days -- we only had bad service at Yak & Yeti, but it wasn't limited to us. Tables all around us were having issues.

People who think that way have an oddly pessimistic view of human nature. One person asked why any server would do an excellent job if they knew they were guaranteed a good tip. I can think of personal integrity, pride in one's work performance, loyalty to one's employer, and I'm sure there are others.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

No. Demeaning is assuming the man pays the bill. Cracking a joke to let the server know they made an error is a kindness.

Your joke is lost though to most people when you make a comment like that-body language, tone or otherwise.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

A lot of times they don't even see who put the card in. They leave the check and pick it up when they see the card in it.

I'd say this is more my norm. They just place it on the table and unless they are right there they don't know who put the card in. That goes for most of the time.

I've had lots of times where servers try to be discrete about the bill-preferring to not disrupt the meal if they can just quickly drop it off at the edge of the table and be on their way.

 

[Vacations66]

Y

People who think that way have an oddly pessimistic view of human nature. One person asked why any server would do an excellent job if they knew they were guaranteed a good tip. I can think of personal integrity, pride in one's work performance, loyalty to one's employer, and I'm sure there are others.

Lol too funny

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It really is. It is standard practice everywhere to give the card back to the person who gave it to you. Consider this, you buy a pack of gum and give the cashier a $5 bill. The cashier makes change and then flags your wife down right in front of you to give the change to her instead of you. You can kid yourself and us for the sake of this argument and say that's a totally normal thing to do. But it's not. If it were to happen to you you would see just how weird that is.

Hmm I'm just not sure your example is apples to apples. It's not that I don't know what you're referring to at a restaurant (though lordy it just does not matter to me who the check is given to) but your example isn't a logical situation one would be in in the first place. Maybe a different example would have worked more than that. Like say businesses that feel a wife should consult with her husband first or essentially the husband is the decision-maker of the relationship (like the assumption that he's the one who will be paying). Well actually you did come up with that example but you framed it that you joked about being the decider on what amount to tip

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I've had so-so wait staff at surprising places too - Tiffins and Be Our Guest for dinner come to mind.

But I did go back to Tiffins on my last trip and had a wonderful server - I filled out a cast compliment card for him. This was in August 2019.

I also had fantastic service my last 2 times at the Plaza. (Both times were in August 2019).

I don't eat at Table Service places as much anymore since the prices have gone up so much but I always feel a bit sad when I hear people haven't gotten good service.

 

[cobright]

revealing one's family's employment or financial situation is especially inappropriate.

I had to go back and look into this one. Is this how you see my comment, "Hand the bill to my accountant. She pays the bills."? As revealing my wife's occupation? My wife isn't my accountant? It's a gag. A bit. Delivered in such a way that it's obviously so. Revealing our financial situation? I think I have mentioned on the Dis that my wife is in finance and that we do well enough to put us solidly into the upper class. Something mentioned only to point out a reversal of traditional breadwinner roles as that was a part of the topic being discussed. Certainly nothing I've ever suggested discussing with a waiter.

The sales slip? So before the server knows whose name is on the card ... the server should divine who is paying?

No, not the check. That's the slip you get first, the check. I suppose the correct term for what I'm discussing is the credit card receipt, or credit card slip. When I worked retail, the deal was done when the customer signed the "sales slip" that included their CC # or other payment information. I just assumed the term was descriptive enough to be universal. And as I described the interaction I find troubling in detail at least twice, it should have been clear from context (and syntax for that matter) that I was not referring to the check. I'll quote myself just to clarify, as it seems you've inadvertantly put words in my mouth...

... while I think the habit of bringing the bill to the man by default demonstrates a pretty deeply ingrained gender bias, it's not something I would comment on or really, by itself, hold against a server.

My complaint rises from the model case of when the bill is brought to the table (usually to me) and returned by my wife to the server with a credit card with her name on it, taken to the POS terminal, and returned with the sales slip (~sigh~ credit card slip) and handed to me to be signed.

Taken at face value, it seems you think I'm complaining about a situation in which the server brings the check (or bill) to the table, receives my wife's credit card from my wife, takes them back to run the card and then comes back to the table with another bill that he hands to me. I think one would have to try pretty hard to get that meaning from what I wrote, but ... I did call the credit card slip a "sales slip" so my fault I guess.

Please don't use a hypothetical situation

Followed immediately by a...

So again, it your child hands the card to the server, unless there is just a sole adult at the table, to whom should the server hand it back?

hypothetical situation. But okay; do as I say, not as I do I suppose. If for some reason one lets one's child handle one's credit card and the payments made with it in such a way as the card's true providence is unclear to the server, the server should return to the table with the credit card slip and either directly ask who will be signing it or perhaps less directly let the table know that they require an adult signature for the payment. Then the server should wait until the person who wishes to pay indicates as such.

Are you proposing that the server should come back to the table and just set it down in front of someone at random? What if the actual payer is treating that person and doesn't really want them to know just how much was spent on them (or on the dinner as a whole anyway)?

"you buy a pack of gum and give the cashier a $5 bill. The cashier makes change and then flags your wife down right in front of you to give the change to her instead of you."
Entirely different situation.

In both cases you initiate a financial transaction that the employee decides should be finalized by your spouse. That's weird. I mean, it's weird to me. Maybe it's a generational thing. If a cashier or a waiter or whatever took my credit card and then handed it back to anyone else besides me to be signed I would think it pretty flippy strange. To be honest, I don't think it's ever happened. Yet it happens to my wife about half the time we eat out.

 

[cobright]

A lot of times they don't even see who put the card in. They leave the check and pick it up when they see the card in it.

True enough, and when that's the case I don't hold it against a server for making an educated guess as to who should get the slip to sign. BUT... doing so is still wrong. The right thing to do is to ask to whom they should present the slip, or... in cases where they return with the slip and everyone is still up to there elbows in dessert or engaged in a lively conversation, indicate that they are going to, "leave this for the table" and place it in an obviously neutral location.

Your joke is lost though to most people when you make a comment like that-body language, tone or otherwise.

Either you underestimate my ability to convey a joke, or I overestimate it. Only one of us has experienced it first hand, so I feel like I'm the better judge. At the same time, I may be blinded by my own ego. Let's call it a draw then.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Let's call it a draw then.

Fair enough

 

[marikujawa]

True enough, and when that's the case I don't hold it against a server for making an educated guess as to who should get the slip to sign. BUT... doing so is still wrong. The right thing to do is to ask to whom they should present the slip, or... in cases where they return with the slip and everyone is still up to there elbows in dessert or engaged in a lively conversation, indicate that they are going to, "leave this for the table" and place it in an obviously neutral location.


Either you underestimate my ability to convey a joke, or I overestimate it. Only one of us has experienced it first hand, so I feel like I'm the better judge. At the same time, I may be blinded by my own ego. Let's call it a draw then.

You’re working hard here, no doubt. But that passive aggressive comment to your server threatening the amount of the tip was not a joke, funny or otherwise. Jokes aren’t intended to produce “nervous laughter.”

 

[gharter]

I've had so-so wait staff at surprising places too - Tiffins and Be Our Guest for dinner come to mind.

But I did go back to Tiffins on my last trip and had a wonderful server - I filled out a cast compliment card for him. This was in August 2019.

I also had fantastic service my last 2 times at the Plaza. (Both times were in August 2019).

I don't eat at Table Service places as much anymore since the prices have gone up so much but I always feel a bit sad when I hear people haven't gotten good service.

Our previous trip to Tiffins, our server was good, not great. Our last trip, he was awesome! Also filled out a card for him.
BoG we have been there in our last 2 trips, in 2 different rooms and had great servers. Maybe we got lucky.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Sounds to me like a staffing problem. Higher ups like to short- staff to save money, then let the front end staff deal with the fallout. A person can only do so much.