Telling your family: We won't be home for Christmas, We're going to Disney!

I would not make any special calls or announcement. I would just casually mention it in a normal, regular conversation.

Are they really that difficult? I can't imagine myself. If they are that difficult, I probably wouldn't tell them until early November or possibly over Thanksgiving. I wouldn't want 1) to have to hear a guilt rip for the next 6 months or 2) risk them saying "great, we'll come too" and crash your plans.

laughing at the "are they really that difficult" lmao.. yeah...we once couldn't make it up to the cabin because of snow and they were like come now before it gets bad at 930pm and its 5 hour drive and another time we said wed stay home they said you dont get your presents until we get back.... i wanted to say ummmm ill wait... but thanks...lol buuuutttt we caved cause we were young and lived with them while finishing college. weve had our own house 8 years now. i dont think theyll come, but yeah tough struggle of hearing negative comments now or it possibly being worse if we wait and they be more mad we "hid it"
 
Just make it direct. You're going on vacation and you'd love to get together at a different time than Christmas Day.

We don't see our families on Christmas Day. Not because we are out of town, but because it became too chaotic to try to please everyone, so about 11 years ago we began our own tradition of staying home with our immediate family. so we just do Christmas with others on a day in late December or early January. Our kids love it because it means that they get more than one holiday.

Boundaries are a good thing. You can be direct and not feel guilty about it. You're a grown up. You're not telling them that you will hate them forever (even though some families interpret it that way) You're just telling them that you're making plans for a holiday and it doesn't have to be their plans.
LOVE your tradition! :thumbsup2::yes::
 
I can relate. In 2007, we were at my sister's house for Christmas just like every other year. My parents have long since passed on, and my brother and his family would only pop in for an hour before going to his in-law's. The vast majority of the 30 people at her house for Christmas were her in-laws who had become my adopted family over the years. That Christmas in 2007 was really rough. My sister and her husband were fighting the entire day, and my sister got trashed. It was miserable. We had spent many awful holidays with them, and I was absolutely done.

As we pulled out of their driveway that Christmas night, I promised my family that we would spend the following Christmas anywhere else. DH suggested WDW, and DD and I screamed, "Yes!" We also planned on visiting my in-laws who lived in Florida at the time.

We went ahead and booked it without telling anyone. When it got to be autumn, I informed my family that we were visiting my in-laws and going to WDW for Christmas and New Years, and we hoped that they would understand that our little family needed this. I got a lot of attitude, but it didn't stop us. The trip had been booked for months. There was no going back.

It was the BEST Christmas of our lives.
 
I would let them know, but not do any messaging on Christmas that emphasizes that you're having a grand vacation while they're having Christmas at home without you.
I have to agree with that. We called on Christmas from WDW where it was a gorgeous 87 degrees having the time of our lives. It was very awkward, and the worst was my nephew's wife who felt like she was left holding the bag since we weren't there. She was irate. Not a fun phone call.
 
I don't know that you need to tell them today, but please tell them directly with enough time for people to make changes in arrangements if needed.

My mother was from a family of 9 children. For about 50 years the sisters each had their assigned holiday, and Christmas was always my mother's holiday. The other families had always had their individual celebrations on Christmas Eve. Each family had their traditional contributions for our Christmas Day dinner - we provided the turkey, gravy, a salad and some desserts. The same family brought mashed potatoes, dressing, sides and extra desserts, etc each year from the other families.

After my mother died I took over her hosting duties at her home (I lived out of state) for several years. But one year my cousin (who'd taken over for her mother for many years) decided not to come - but SHE DID NOT TELL ME. Now I (a single person) had hosted approximately 15 members of her family for years and years.

I do not blame her for wanting to change tradition, but it was cowardly and so inconsiderate for her to just not show up. Her brother called me at midnight to let me know (far too late to make any changes) as he was appalled that she had not told me that none of them were coming. We had no dressing, mashed potatoes or green beans the next day. Thank goodness her brother called me or I would have been waiting dinner on them.

Now that was cruddy (%#^&**^%#$) behavior. Ask me how much help I've been to her as she's dealt with breast cancer, death of her husband, and a heart attack. Now I have not done anything overtly mean to her. I've even delivered a casserole or two - but in terms of really being there for her - no.

When I decided (a couple of decades later after taking over for my mother) that I was going to opt out I made it clear to everyone months ahead of time that my DH and I were going to spend Christmas in New Orleans. For a couple of years earlier my sister had hosted when I was living in a tiny condo. But as my sister is a vegetarian and non cook I still had to provide the turkey, gravy, dressing, pies, homemade rolls, homemade cranberry salsa, sweet potatoes and a side vegetable. So much work and then I had to transport it.

For the past two years my DH and I have skipped out - New Orleans has been great. We have a condo there with a great little boutique hotel next door. We've eaten there and then waddled home.

But I have committed this year to host again - but I've decided not to do the whole big Christmas dinner thing. Most people have had multiple turkey dinners by Christmas day. I'm going to make jambalaya - and I do a bang up job of it since my NOLA friends have taught me well. I've started telling people what it's going to be.

Funny thing - my sister the 35 year vegetarian will have a piece of turkey on Christmas Day with cranberry sauce. She's the only one who has complained that I am not planning on doing a turkey.
 


We told his parents...”we won’t be in Wisconsin for any holidays this year. If you want to do a family christmas, we can do it the first weekend of November when we come up to meet the new baby (his sister is pregnant).” His mom wasn’t happy. Too bad

We told my family...”we won’t be here for Christmas this year. In fact, starting this year, we may take a family aviation every year over Christmas/New Years week.” My family all was fine with it. We will do Christmas celebrations on January 1st with them.

Christmas break is the only week of the year I can guarantee we don’t have activities. No club volleyball. No dance performing company. No traveling swim team. So we will start planning vacations over this time because it’s what works for our little family. If they don’t want to be without us, they can come with us.
 
We've been in your situation but with 4 grandchildren in the mix. My mom did not take it well but she's recovered. As our girls get older we plan on spending more holidays traveling so we figured the sooner we get everyone used to the idea the better. Don't get me wrong I love holidays but I love "regular" days so much more!! Trying to please everyone on holidays is impossible, especially when you have parents from both sides fighting for your time. Go on your trip and enjoy every moment, your family will get used to the idea!!
 
I would also just bring it up in casual conversation when the topic comes up. I wouldn't send a separate text or make a phone call 6 months ahead. I also wouldn't give too many specifics in case they try to invite themselves.
 
I have to agree with that. We called on Christmas from WDW where it was a gorgeous 87 degrees having the time of our lives. It was very awkward, and the worst was my nephew's wife who felt like she was left holding the bag since we weren't there. She was irate. Not a fun phone call.
WOW, sounds MAGICAL!pixiedust::wizard:::yes::
NEVER been away on a holiday or my birthday....BUT, there's always a first, celebrating bday this October:cake:, F&W vaca:drinking1.. VERY EXCITED!:cheer2:
 
We are in a similar position. We have a trip booked over Christmas and have no idea how to tell the family. The problem is, if we don't go at Christmas, we don't go at all. My eldest daughter is at a stage where she just can't miss school. Christmas is our summer so they have 6 weeks off school giving us the opportunity. Christmas has always been a big deal for our family and at 50, I have never missed Christmas with my family. They are going to be terribly disappointed if we are not there and i will miss our family Christmas Day. But it may be the last chance i get to do this with my kids.
 
.but eric beat 2 rare diseases and life's short! we've mentioned going with them several times as a whole family.... so.... their loss lol ... well probably have everyone over the day after we get back... no one else will really have an issue but them...

Here's the thing that actually may make it harder on them. They may see it as we wanted to celebrate making it to Christmas. I lost an aunt to cancer and it was super important to my grandma that everyone be together the Christmas before and after her passing. They were tough, but she valued having her whole family together at those times because of the difficulties.

I also personally think it depends on how large a family and how often you visit what kind of reaction you'll get. I'm an only child. My grandparents are all deceased and my parents live far from their living siblings. If my hubby and I didn't come home over Christmas they'd be alone and to me that is sad. We also live 12 hours from family so skipping a major holiday is a big deal. It's very different for my friends that are 1 of 6 or home every weekend.

You have every right to make the decision to travel but that doesn't mean their feelings of hurt aren't also justified. Because as you said "life's short". They may be concerned they won't get another family Christmas and it may be important to them to see him doing better. You make your choice but you also have to live with the consequences it may cause.

They may not want to do Christmas early (either because of being ready or tradition or hurt feelings). They may want to go with you (and it will probably further exacerbate feelings of being abandoned/unwanted if you say no). Y'all made a grown up decision and you have deal with how other people react. You can't make them like your decision and imho they may have legitimate reasons for being hurt depending on other family dynamics.

And I'll be honest your attitude of they just need to get over because lol YOLO comes across as very immature.
 
PS. Also, got these adorable snowflake doggy mickey ears online and can't wait to do the family christmas card with us and the dogs later this fall!
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Your dog is super cute! I know you said you don't have kids, but if you plan to NOW is a good time to start your own traditions. Before things get crazy. I lived near all of my relatives until we moved to FL when I was 32. Before that, I rarely, if ever saw any of them. This includes my parents (fractured history since birth). I spent almost all holidays with my cats when I was single in my 20's. Fast forward to moving cross country, marriage and two kids and everyone wants a piece of our vacation and holiday time. I can't imagine if we were close to our families to begin with! If I were you I would casually mention your trip but like the posters on here said--beware of interlopers. It will be very tricky. Remain as vague as possible, maybe that you are just going away and give out more nuggets of info as it gets closer (and too hard for them to book). Never mention specific hotels or exact dates. People will be mad at first but will get over it. Life is too short to walk on eggshells when you could be creating fun memories.
 
Just tell them - you're both adults, right? Should past plans ever be set in stone? :confused3
Having family holidays is wonderful for the adults as well as the kids building tradition. When it comes to doing the SAME thing every single holiday and relatives being SO RiGID to not accept a family “diverting” from the norm for a particular holiday AND those relatives place “guilt” on one particular family “skipping”that holiday, is the time it becomes suffocating :scared1:and becomes a chore rather than a choice of spending a fun holiday together!
 
As others have said, I would just tell them plain and simple and then let them deal with their own anger, resentment, whatever! I got tired of being the family default event host a few years ago and we started traveling over Christmas week - it was awesome! Last year, my DS really wanted a more traditional Christmas, so we traveled the week before and I hosted Christmas again. Oh boy. It was just so bad. I felt like I got wrangled into not only hosting Christmas, but running a bed and breakfast for family for a week. I asked DS if it was important for him to be home again for Christmas this year and he said since Santa visits places all over the world, he didn't feel the need to stay home - yippee!!! Now when anyone brings Christmas up, I just say sorry (but not sorry!) we'll be away! Hope you have a Merry Christmas :) !!
 
I would just tell them this year we have made other plans. If they have a problem with it they will just have to either go with you or say have a great time. You can’t live your married life pleasing others because you will never make them happy. Enjoy yourself!!
 

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