Still believing - Spoiler alert - Update

But, then, just yesterday, I was talking about needing a Christmas list so I have something to tell relatives and she gave me several items on her list but then admitted that she was holding one item back because it was too expensive to ask us for so she was going to ask Santa.

Starting around 13 or 14 my kids started asking Santa for items they knew we could not ordinarily afford for Christmas. It was their way of acknowledging that Christmas is expensive and that if possible they would really like that item but completely understand if we can't afford it.
 
I do think in the incident I witnessed, that had the other kids not intervened, the boy would have been a sobbing mess by the time the bully got through with him. :sad: :sad: :sad: This kid was fortunate. But, not all are so lucky.

Probably so, which is why it really was a good thing the other boys did by stepping in.
 


I "came up with that one" from reading your comments over the years. The experiences of your children, the people you know, always magically align with your opinion in discussions, always support the idea you're putting forth. I'd say that's enough of a coinky dink to qualify under phenomenon.

As far as my daughters, I cannot summon up an experience or opinion about an endless array of topics without asking them quite a bit of the time. They're their own people, with their own thoughts, their own opinions and their own experiences. I'm not privy to absolutely everything as if it were my experience, to be summoned up out of my own mind spontaneously, nor would I want to be -- let alone that of their friends, despite many of them being in and out of my home for 15 years, some more, some less.

Probably the proof in the pudding of my lousy mothering -- my daughters actually have their own opinions about things that differ from my own, and won't hesitate to stand up for them in a discussion with me or anyone else. I'll wear my badge or sash with pride -- possibly out of complete ignorance. Bless my heart.

Because my opinions are formed by my experiences so yes, experiences of my own, my family members or people in my life are going to align with my opinion. Its not magic, its life.

I don't actually know anyone who forms opinions about things without some kind of experience to base that opinion on.

All of my kids have their own lives, experiences and opinions also. And sometimes they differ from mine, sometimes quite a bit. We have many lively debates concerning things. We enjoy that. And I can't help but giggle at your ever so slight insinuation that they don't or that they wouldn't stand up for them. Oh, they do, sometimes to a fault.

I remember that my 20 year old daughter had a junior high classmate that believed in Santa. I don't know details like that about her friends now, unless she tells us. I remember things that happened when either of my sons were in school but I don't know all of their friends now OTOH, one of dd's best friends in college is now at our campus. Just today she came by office to say hello. And some of the friends of my sons are the same way. THOSE kinds of things may be regional, I have no idea. But none of that means that any one of my kids are not their own person with their own thoughts, dreams, goals and opinions.
 


Last year I ended up accidentally spilling the beans to my almost 12 year old niece. My brother and I had figured she'd pretty much figured it out because she had figured out the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy but still insisted Santa was real. Part of that was because I was Santa not her parents. My DSIL and her adult daughter are from an Asian culture/religion (part of DSIL's family are Buddhist and some are Christian) so didn't believe in Santa One year when DN was little, DSIL found the receipts DB had and returned all of the toys saying DN had too many already. So after that he gave me money to shop for the Santa gifts for DN and my DSIL's grandson. There were years she had told me but not DB what she wanted so that helped keep it going. Last year we were in the car and a commercial came on the radio, she made a comment which made think she didn't believe anymore so I made a comment which confirmed it. She claimed she had been on the fence because she had done some snooping at home at home and never found anything. She had also wondered why Santa always brought her young nephew's gifts to their house instead of her half sister's house.
 
I see the thread has spiraled, so I didn't bother reading all 7 pages. Apologies if I am repeating, but OP, my concern would be that if she honestly still believes, perhaps someone might innocently make a remark that would reveal Santa isn't real. I'm guessing people would not expect someone her age to still believe, so someone may very well not think twice about it. Same goes for TV - she should be astute enough to understand things alluding to this on TV as well. Finding out by accident would probably suck for all of you, so IMO, its better to tell her yourself where you can let her down easy.
 
When I thought my 10 year old was still a believer I had a talk with him in the summertime. I just waited for an opening where he was questioning and had an open discussion with him rather than being vague like I was when he was younger and asked questions. It was just giving more information as he aged, something we did on any topic. I didn't feel like I was "ruining" anything.

I'm always surprised on this board how long people continue to believe not only in Santa, etc. but also that the Mickey Mouse's etc. at WDW are the real deal. I consider it not only possible to continue to very much continue to enjoy characters after understanding they aren't "real" in a literal sense, but essential to development to understand the difference between real/fiction.
 
After reading this far into the thread, I've forgotten my initial response. :laughing:

I don't remember exactly what age I moved from believing in a "person" to believing in an "idea" - but I'm pretty sure I was on the older side. Between the Pascal's Wager effect someone already mentioned and the fact that I had a younger brother and didn't want to ruin it for him, I avoided trying to figure it out for a long time. (And then when I did, I didn't want to spoil it for my mom. She grew up poor, and loved being able to "do" Christmas for us in a way that her mom hadn't been able to. So I played along quite late.)

But OP, I understand what a really tough call it can be! My gut says your DD is questioning, and testing her theory with the MAC request. If you think she really wants to know, I'd kind of push a little about her reluctance to tell you her wish. - See if she asks you.

And if she does, gently explain that Santa is a very real concept, but one that's hard for little kids to understand. So we give him a face, and a red suit, and a way for kids to really "picture" Santa in a concrete way. But that now that she's older, she can understand that Santa represents the spirit of Christmas itself - whenever we do something nice for someone without expecting anything in return, we're part of that spirit.

Remind her that Santa has helpers in all of the traditional stories - elves, reindeer, etc. - but in the real world, all of us can help the spirit of Christmas along, and if there's something she wants to do to "play Santa" for someone, you'll try to facilitate that.
 
I don't remember exactly how old I was when I found out Santa wasn't real, I think around 10 or so, but I was heartbroken. I always thought it couldn't be true, I mean, it's impossible, but I held onto the hope. We also still got visits from the Easter Bunny, and one Easter morning we were staying at my aunt's house. All the kids had slept in the living room on the floor, and I woke up first. I looked around and didn't see any baskets, and I was so sad! Then I heard all the adults come downstairs and hear my aunt say "Let's get the baskets set out before the kids wake up". I was heartbroken. I have two younger sisters and never told them, but I was so bummed.
I say let her hold onto that hope as long as she can. DD15 has known for a long time, I know that, but I still don't think I can come out and say "No, Santa isn't real".

Maybe she's playing you because she thinks it's important to YOU that she still believes?

Or maybe she doesn't want to get socks and underwear for Christmas from here on out! ;)
 
I'm baaack - and with an update on my 14 1/2 year old Santa believer.

I decided that the best strategy with my daughter would be to break it to her that the Easter bunny isn't real and let her ease into the idea that maybe Santa isn't real either.

So, yesterday evening, I had her alone in her room and I asked her if she was expecting an Easter basket. She didn't get what I was asking so I specifically told her that the Easter baskets are made by me every year and since this year her bother is on a diet, he isn't getting candy - what would she lie in hers. She just would not comprehend what I was saying until I had explained it several times.

Finally, she asked me if Kyle knew about this and I said yes, he knew when he was very young. She wanted verification so we called him in. He looked at me in a panic at first because he didn't know where I was heading (should he keep it going to tell the truth). I convinced him that it was truth time so he told her.

She said "I'm going to ask Dad" and headed downstairs with Kyle and I in tow.

Now, I will admit to making several mistakes, the first of which was no not include my husband in the fact that i was breaking it to her. Second, I underestimated what a foul mood DH was in due to crazy work hours and generally being a ____. But he not only didn't help me, he made things worse.

He told her that I was lying and that there is an Easter Bunny. He was also in the middle of a huge tantrum about dinner not working out and going between demanding help and chasing everyone out.

So, I decide to get more back-up. we headed into our tenant/family friend's apartment (attached to the house) to ask carol to verify. I quickly told carol that I wanted her to tell Nicole the truth. She adamantly refused. She told Nicole that the Easter bunny and Santa were real and she would get baskets and presents as long as she lived. Carol and I actually argued about what she was saying and I told her that she had better plan on driving to Nicole's college dorm to deliver these baskets and presents if that is what she is telling her.

Nicole just kept repeating "I'm so confused" over and over.

We all ended up back in our part of the house and were in the kitchen area when a door to door salesman had the misfortune of knocking on our screen door. he was trying to sell me exterminator services and would not believe me when I told him that we had no bugs. So I said he could give me a proposal on mosquito services. he said he would be right back. well, while he was away from the door, the argument exploded and every single member of the family was yelling. DH was yelling at DS that if he wanted to be the parent then go ahead and parent DD. I was angrily barking at Carol that she needed to back me up. She was snearing back at me "I will not tell her" DD was repeated that she was "so confused"

A this point I remembered the salesman, who by now, was standing at the screen door with a look of terror on his face. I told him that this was not a good time and he could not have run away faster. :teeth:

Anyway, in the end, DD agreed to write up a list of her favorite candies and seems to have accepted the death of the Easter Bunny.

We shall see how Santa fares.
 
I'm baaack - and with an update on my 14 1/2 year old Santa believer.

I decided that the best strategy with my daughter would be to break it to her that the Easter bunny isn't real and let her ease into the idea that maybe Santa isn't real either.

So, yesterday evening, I had her alone in her room and I asked her if she was expecting an Easter basket. She didn't get what I was asking so I specifically told her that the Easter baskets are made by me every year and since this year her bother is on a diet, he isn't getting candy - what would she lie in hers. She just would not comprehend what I was saying until I had explained it several times.

Finally, she asked me if Kyle knew about this and I said yes, he knew when he was very young. She wanted verification so we called him in. He looked at me in a panic at first because he didn't know where I was heading (should he keep it going to tell the truth). I convinced him that it was truth time so he told her.

She said "I'm going to ask Dad" and headed downstairs with Kyle and I in tow.

Now, I will admit to making several mistakes, the first of which was no not include my husband in the fact that i was breaking it to her. Second, I underestimated what a foul mood DH was in due to crazy work hours and generally being a ____. But he not only didn't help me, he made things worse.

He told her that I was lying and that there is an Easter Bunny. He was also in the middle of a huge tantrum about dinner not working out and going between demanding help and chasing everyone out.

So, I decide to get more back-up. we headed into our tenant/family friend's apartment (attached to the house) to ask carol to verify. I quickly told carol that I wanted her to tell Nicole the truth. She adamantly refused. She told Nicole that the Easter bunny and Santa were real and she would get baskets and presents as long as she lived. Carol and I actually argued about what she was saying and I told her that she had better plan on driving to Nicole's college dorm to deliver these baskets and presents if that is what she is telling her.

Nicole just kept repeating "I'm so confused" over and over.

We all ended up back in our part of the house and were in the kitchen area when a door to door salesman had the misfortune of knocking on our screen door. he was trying to sell me exterminator services and would not believe me when I told him that we had no bugs. So I said he could give me a proposal on mosquito services. he said he would be right back. well, while he was away from the door, the argument exploded and every single member of the family was yelling. DH was yelling at DS that if he wanted to be the parent then go ahead and parent DD. I was angrily barking at Carol that she needed to back me up. She was snearing back at me "I will not tell her" DD was repeated that she was "so confused"

A this point I remembered the salesman, who by now, was standing at the screen door with a look of terror on his face. I told him that this was not a good time and he could not have run away faster. :teeth:

Anyway, in the end, DD agreed to write up a list of her favorite candies and seems to have accepted the death of the Easter Bunny.

We shall see how Santa fares.
Sounds like a hot mess.
 
Sounds like a hot mess.

It was. I ended up telling DH that he is not allowed to speak to me until tomorrow afternoon as I headed out to pick up carry out Chinese for the kids. carol retreated to her apartment and cooked her own dinner (she usually eats with us). DS needed reassuring that DH was wrong to blame him for assuming that he was in on telling DD. And it is going to take me a while to get over carol imposing her parenting ideas on my family.

And I will never hear from the exterminator again.
 
It was. I ended up telling DH that he is not allowed to speak to me until tomorrow afternoon as I headed out to pick up carry out Chinese for the kids. carol retreated to her apartment and cooked her own dinner (she usually eats with us). DS needed reassuring that DH was wrong to blame him for assuming that he was in on telling DD. And it is going to take me a while to get over carol imposing her parenting ideas on my family.

And I will never hear from the exterminator again.

Well, at least the bolded part is ONE good thing to come out of that mess! LOL

Sounds like perhaps your dd had an easier time taking to the idea than your dh! Poor kid, no wonder she was confused! Stay strong Mom. You did the right thing.
 
I cannot for the life of me conceive of a need ever arising where my daughters would need to consult anyone else when I was leveling with them about something -- let alone I ever feel the need to drag in an outsider. It's not uncommon for kids to know their parents on certain levels even better than long-time, close spouses understand each other about some things because those parent/child relationships are just a part of them on an instinctual level. This situation makes absolutely no sense.
 

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