Still believing - Spoiler alert - Update

[TheDisneyNurse]

I’m in the “let her believe” camp. At 14, her classmates probably don’t even have discussions over who does or doesn’t believe in Santa. And if they do, it’s probably a very fleeting topic.


I don’t understand the whole “telling kids Santa isn’t real” thing. Granted, I don’t have kids. But if it’s something that bring someone joy and magic, who really cares? The mean kids in question will always find a reason to pick on someone.

 

[mom2rtk]

I’m in the “let her believe” camp. At 14, her classmates probably don’t even have discussions over who does or doesn’t believe in Santa. And if they do, it’s probably a very fleeting topic.


I don’t understand the whole “telling kids Santa isn’t real” thing. Granted, I don’t have kids. But if it’s something that bring someone joy and magic, who really cares? The mean kids in question will always find a reason to pick on someone.

Once you've seen your child attacked and bullied for other things, you start to keep an eye out for other opportunities they might try to exploit.

 

[TheDisneyNurse]

Once you've seen your child attacked and bullied for other things, you start to keep an eye out for other opportunities they might try to exploit.

Thank you for explaining. I wish that wasn’t something that had to be done, but as someone that was bullied for my weight all 13 years of schooling... I totally understand why it has to be done. We’ll never understand why some people are so mean.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

My dh had a talk with our oldest two between 4th and 5th for our son and 5th and 6th for our daughter. He told them both but made them promise not tell me they knew.

They are 15 and 13 and still sit with our youngest writing their letters to Santa. They have never directly told me they don't believe. They do now however take on the darn elf on the shelf responsibility and it's fun to watch them plan together.

We've all told DH when he has that conversation with the youngest he has to promise her not to tell ANY of us she knows - it's more fun when someone believes.

 

[cabanafrau]

I’m in the “let her believe” camp. At 14, her classmates probably don’t even have discussions over who does or doesn’t believe in Santa. And if they do, it’s probably a very fleeting topic.


I don’t understand the whole “telling kids Santa isn’t real” thing. Granted, I don’t have kids. But if it’s something that bring someone joy and magic, who really cares? The mean kids in question will always find a reason to pick on someone.

Once you've seen your child attacked and bullied for other things, you start to keep an eye out for other opportunities they might try to exploit.

I would be having the discussion with a 14 year old, unless there were serious cognitive or emotional issues to consider. For your average, run of the mill 14 year old or 14 year olds with issues in certain areas who are for the most part participating in rather mainstream 14 year old lifestyle, education and social lives I would be working towards an understanding of what is real and what is fictional.

 

[mom2rtk]

I would be having the discussion with a 14 year old, unless there were serious cognitive or emotional issues to consider. For your average, run of the mill 14 year old or 14 year olds with issues in certain areas who are for the most part participating in rather mainstream 14 year old lifestyle, education and social lives I would be working towards an understanding of what is real and what is fictional.

As much as it would pain me, I would too. And did. Our oldest was pretty upset about it (he was in 5th grade I believe), but would have been more upset if the kids at school had bullied him over it. Which they were fully capable of.

 

[luvsJack]

Have any of you actually had a kid bullied about belief in Santa? Or are you just assuming it will happen?

I had a child that was bullied. I have had my kids tell me about other kids who were bullied. NEVER was it ever about Santa. Most of the time the bully wouldn't know the kid believed in Santa anyway. Honestly it was usually about much more mundane stuff than that. Stuff a kid couldn't do anything about. Like weight, height, wearing glasses, looking different in general. DS was bullied because he was small.

I keep seeing this here and yet have never heard anyone irl say their kid was bullied for this reason or actually anyone here say their kid was bullied for this reason. I get the whole looking out for your kid but I can't see not allowing them to have a normal childhood because they "may" be bullied over something.

 

[cabanafrau]

Have any of you actually had a kid bullied about belief in Santa? Or are you just assuming it will happen?

I had a child that was bullied. I have had my kids tell me about other kids who were bullied. NEVER was it ever about Santa. Most of the time the bully wouldn't know the kid believed in Santa anyway. Honestly it was usually about much more mundane stuff than that. Stuff a kid couldn't do anything about. Like weight, height, wearing glasses, looking different in general. DS was bullied because he was small.

I keep seeing this here and yet have never heard anyone irl say their kid was bullied for this reason or actually anyone here say their kid was bullied for this reason. I get the whole looking out for your kid but I can't see not allowing them to have a normal childhood because they "may" be bullied over something.

Kids will bully about anything that they perceive as a weakness. A 14 year old is usually in 8th grade or a freshman in HS, far too old to be having any issue with discerning the difference between someone who is real and someone who is fictional.

Just because your children didn't happen experience something doesn't speak for the average experience of everyone. I can't even imagine the experience of a middle school kid whose peers discovered he or she believed in Santa.

 

[Turn the Page]

Have any of you actually had a kid bullied about belief in Santa? Or are you just assuming it will happen?

I had a child that was bullied. I have had my kids tell me about other kids who were bullied. NEVER was it ever about Santa. Most of the time the bully wouldn't know the kid believed in Santa anyway. Honestly it was usually about much more mundane stuff than that. Stuff a kid couldn't do anything about. Like weight, height, wearing glasses, looking different in general. DS was bullied because he was small.

I keep seeing this here and yet have never heard anyone irl say their kid was bullied for this reason or actually anyone here say their kid was bullied for this reason. I get the whole looking out for your kid but I can't see not allowing them to have a normal childhood because they "may" be bullied over something.

DD12 was teased about it in 3rd or 4th grade. Not bullied but she was teased.

 

[Anastasi]

I thought I did share that she has special needs. She has a language processing delay that affects her abilities in more than one area but her needs are not profound and she is very capable of learning, understanding logic in many areas. It is hard to explain her and nearly impossible to pinpoint which thought processes are affected and when. She is very intelligent but at the same time naive.

My apologies. I misread and was confused over your daughter having some processing delays. When I read that she was very intelligent, I mistakenly did not take into account that the processing delays caused her to be 2 grades behind her typical age group.

Do you have a neurologist for the processing delays? I would be discussing the best ways to approach this or make an appointment with the school psychologist to get her input (if she is on an IEP.)

Like I said, we gave up trying to force our daughter not to believe. Now we work on proper social interactions regarding her beliefs. She has learned that believing in Santa may not be appropriate for her age group, so she knows not to bring it up in conversation.

 

[Turn the Page]

My apologies. I misread and was confused over your daughter having some processing delays. When I read that she was very intelligent, I mistakenly did not take into account that the processing delays caused her to be 2 grades behind her typical age group.

Do you have a neurologist for the processing delays? I would be discussing the best ways to approach this or make an appointment with the school psychologist to get her input (if she is on an IEP.)

Like I said, we gave up trying to force our daughter not to believe. Now we work on proper social interactions regarding her beliefs. She has learned that believing in Santa may not be appropriate for her age group, so she knows not to bring it up in conversation.

I swear I'm not being snarky, I am genuinely curious. How does she know that believing in Santa is not appropriate for her age group but still believe?

 

[Anastasi]

I swear I'm not being snarky, I am genuinely curious. How does she know that believing in Santa is not appropriate for her age group but still believe?

It is something that frustrates us. We tell her over and over and over that Santa is not real, that the Disney characters are not real, that characters on tv are not real. She says she understands. When you ask her if Santa is real, she will tell you no and that she does not believe. But then she does things that makes you know she absolutely believes he is real. Last year while at Epcot, we visited Anna and Elsa. I prepped her that they were Anna and Elsa were just characters (she is a teen) and were not real people. And that these were women in costumes just like she dresses up for Halloween. But when we got in there, you know your kid, and the squeals of joy and the way she talked about the meeting after, you know she thought that there is an Anna and Elsa and that these women were them. So, on one plane, she cognitively recognizes that they are not real, but then on another level, she absolutely believes they are real. In conversations with our visit, I have to remind her that they were just characters, and she always answers "I know, I know." But she is savvy enough to tell us what we want to hear. So, we use that to our advantage and teach her that in social settings she needs to acknowledge that while fun, she realizes they are not real.

Hard to explain, but the mind of the child with special needs just doesn't work our way.

 

[mumto3girls]

DD12 was teased about it in 3rd or 4th grade. Not bullied but she was teased.

Yes. My DD was also teased about still believing in either 3rd or 4th grade and that is what pushed her into figuring it out. She was embarrassed when she realized she was “wrong” in insisting that Santa was real. It still occasionally comes up. She is a senior now.

 

[Turn the Page]

It is something that frustrates us. We tell her over and over and over that Santa is not real, that the Disney characters are not real, that characters on tv are not real. She says she understands. When you ask her if Santa is real, she will tell you no and that she does not believe. But then she does things that makes you know she absolutely believes he is real. Last year while at Epcot, we visited Anna and Elsa. I prepped her that they were Anna and Elsa were just characters (she is a teen) and were not real people. And that these were women in costumes just like she dresses up for Halloween. But when we got in there, you know your kid, and the squeals of joy and the way she talked about the meeting after, you know she thought that there is an Anna and Elsa and that these women were them. So, on one plane, she cognitively recognizes that they are not real, but then on another level, she absolutely believes they are real. In conversations with our visit, I have to remind her that they were just characters, and she always answers "I know, I know." But she is savvy enough to tell us what we want to hear. So, we use that to our advantage and teach her that in social settings she needs to acknowledge that while fun, she realizes they are not real.

Hard to explain, but the mind of the child with special needs just doesn't work our way.

Oh I see. I missed that your DD was also special needs. I understand now. I feel your frustration, some things with SD8 "stick" and other things just don't.

 

[luvsJack]

Kids will bully about anything that they perceive as a weakness. A 14 year old is usually in 8th grade or a freshman in HS, far too old to be having any issue with discerning the difference between someone who is real and someone who is fictional.

Just because your children didn't happen experience something doesn't speak for the average experience of everyone. I can't even imagine the experience of a middle school kid whose peers discovered he or she believed in Santa.

Did your children experience it? Have you known a child who did, that was my question. Everyone keeps saying it and yet no one seems to have the experience. The OP’s child didn’t just start believing, so if she wasn’t bullied at 13, why assume she will be at 14. I am asking BECAUSE I know that what my kids or their peers didn’t experience may be experienced by others.

The classmate of dd’s was in middle school. It was just something they all left alone. Like Dd said, they just didn’t discuss it. Santa isn’t exactly a usual topic of conversation at that age.

 

[Turn the Page]

DD12 was teased about it in 3rd or 4th grade. Not bullied but she was teased.

Yes. My DD was also teased about still believing in either 3rd or 4th grade and that is what pushed her into figuring it out. She was embarrassed when she realized she was “wrong” in insisting that Santa was real. It still occasionally comes up. She is a senior now.

Did your children experience it? Have you known a child who did, that was my question. Everyone keeps saying it and yet no one seems to have the experience. The OP’s child didn’t just start believing, so if she wasn’t bullied at 13, why assume she will be at 14. I am asking BECAUSE I know that what my kids or their peers didn’t experience may be experienced by others.

The classmate of dd’s was in middle school. It was just something they all left alone. Like Dd said, they just didn’t discuss it. Santa isn’t exactly a usual topic of conversation at that age.

Yes, I quoted my post and another poster that both say their kids were teased about it at a much younger age than OP's DD.

 

[clori]

I'm Jewish so my kids never believed yet they knew to go along with it so as not to say anything to classmates/friends who did believe. In 6th grade a girl who definitely believed in 5th grade said something to my daughter. My daughter had no idea who still believed so she said she did. The girl gave her a really hard time teasing her. Fortunately my daughter came home thinking it was funny. I would at least have a talk with your daughter to let her know that at a certain point many people stop believing and she may hear people saying something. It doesn't mean she has to stop believing but it may give you a hint as to how much she believes. For my youngest by 6th grade (age 11) I told her she no longer had to pretend and said it would be dumb to pretend any longer because most kids already knew.

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, I quoted my post and another poster that both say their kids were teased about it at a much younger age than OP's DD.

I don’t consider teasing and bullying to be the same thing. But if you do, ok.

So do you then suggest telling children by 3rd grade for this reason? Honestly asking.

My granddaughters are in 4th and 2nd. They still believe and it seems most of their classmates still believe.

 

[Imzadi]

Did your children experience it? Have you known a child who did, that was my question. Everyone keeps saying it and yet no one seems to have the experience.

Yes, I have witnessed it. It might have been when I was in 6th(?) grade. We were all standing in two lines across from each other. Not sure what we were in line for. Across from me, this one boy was animatedly, happily chatting away to a boy next to him about what he hopes Santa was going to bring him for Christmas. He started going down his list.

A few boys down the line, another boy heard him and started sneering at him. "You still believe in Santa Claus?!? Santa still brings you stuff? How OLD are you???"

The first boy turned and kind of flinched in emotional preparation of the onslaught he must have recognised was coming, as he turned to the bully. He was a rather chubby, awkward boy. The kind that gets picked on a lot for just being chubby & awkward. He must have recognized the venom that was coming his way.

Luckily a couple other boys came to his defense. One further down the line said, "LEAVE HIM ALONE! SO WHAT IF HE STILL BELIEVES IN SANTA? LEAVE HIM ALONE IF HE DOES."

Another boy said, "Yeah, shut up! Let him believe if he does."

Both of these boys had been raised right to not burst another kid's bubble about Santa. And the bully, as they do when confronted, shut up.

The first boy, turned forward. But, he was rather subdued after that. Not only did he not want to put a target on his back again, I think I kind of saw the gears in his head turning. Unfortunately what the boys, who stuck up for him said, was kind of puzzling. "So what if he still believes in Santa?" As in, "People DON'T???" and "What's wrong with believing in Santa?"

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, I have witnessed it. It might have been when I was in 6th(?) grade. We were all standing in two lines across from each other. Not sure what we were in line for. Across from me, this one boy was animatedly, happily chatting away to a boy next to him about what he hopes Santa was going to bring him for Christmas. He started going down his list.

A few boys down the line, another boy heard him and started sneering at him. "You still believe in Santa Claus?!? Santa still brings you stuff? How OLD are you???"

The first boy turned and kind of flinched in emotional preparation of the onslaught he must have recognised was coming, as he turned to the bully. He was a rather chubby, awkward boy. The kind that gets picked on a lot for just being chubby & awkward. He must have recognized the venom that was coming his way.

Luckily a couple other boys came to his defense. One further down the line said, "LEAVE HIM ALONE! SO WHAT IF HE STILL BELIEVES IN SANTA? LEAVE HIM ALONE IF HE DOES."

Another boy said, "Yeah, shut up! Let him believe if he does."

Both of these boys had been raised right to not burst another kid's bubble about Santa. And the bully, as they do when confronted, shut up.

The first boy, turned forward. But, he was rather subdued after that. Not only did he not want to put a target on his back again, I think I kind of saw the gears in his head turning. Unfortunately what the boys, who stuck up for him said, was kind of puzzling. "So what if he still believes in Santa?" As in, "People DON'T???" and "What's wrong with believing in Santa?"

Glad to hear the other kids stepped in and perhaps that happens a lot. I would say your experience was a good thing.