Still believing - Spoiler alert - Update

[china mom]

If you still believe in Santa - please stop reading this thread.






For those still here. I have a dilemma. What do you do about a child who still believes but is probably a little too old to still believe.

My daughter is turning 14 in a couple of weeks. We have all been wondering if she still really believes or is faking it for our sake. I have a friend whose adult daughter have never admitted that they know Santa is not real but play along for fun. My friend was trying to convince me that my daughter HAS to know.

But, then, just yesterday, I was talking about needing a Christmas list so I have something to tell relatives and she gave me several items on her list but then admitted that she was holding one item back because it was too expensive to ask us for so she was going to ask Santa.

My husband is adamant that I don't spoil this for her. My son (16) makes a compelling argument for cluing her in. None of us want her to be made fun of in school and DS reminds me that finding out stings for a day or so but then you get over it.

What do you think? Tell her or not?

 

[ronandannette]

If you still believe in Santa - please stop reading this thread.






For those still here. I have a dilemma. What do you do about a child who still believes but is probably a little too old to still believe.

My daughter is turning 14 in a couple of weeks. We have all been wondering if she still really believes or is faking it for our sake. I have a friend whose adult daughter have never admitted that they know Santa is not real but play along for fun. My friend was trying to convince me that my daughter HAS to know.

But, then, just yesterday, I was talking about needing a Christmas list so I have something to tell relatives and she gave me several items on her list but then admitted that she was holding one item back because it was too expensive to ask us for so she was going to ask Santa.

My husband is adamant that I don't spoil this for her. My son (16) makes a compelling argument for cluing her in. None of us want her to be made fun of in school and DS reminds me that finding out stings for a day or so but then you get over it.

What do you think? Tell her or not?

What do I think? I think it's really not possible for a neuro-typical person her age living in the real world to actually still believe in Santa - period. That said, go ahead and keep doing the full-on Santa thing for Christmas. Why not? As for being made fun of in school? That would have happened waaaay before now.

 

[ICF]

My daughter was one that believed until around the time she was 13 (7th grade I think it was)-- or at least did a great job pretending that she did.

It got the point that we wondered what to do as well. Other people claimed she "had" to know...but she must be one heck of an actress caused always portrayed to us that she thought he was real.

We decided that we were going to tell her prior to the next Christmas (when she would have been 14)-- but by then she said she knew the truth and was just joking with us before (we still don't believe she was, but was just too embarrassed to admit she still believed at that age).

On one had I think it's sweet when kids still hold on to the magic of the season....on the other hand, I'd have to think that as you get to be 14/15 you will be teased mercilessly if the wrong classmate(s) find out that you still believed in Santa as you hit 8th/9th grade.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'd have a chat.

 

[foodiddiedoo]

I believed fully until I was 12 years old...granted I'm almost 35 and this was in the 90s (a simpler less internet filled time). I was one of the last people in my class to hold on to the belief. It stung a bit to find out, because I wanted magic to be real so badly and Santa seemed like the last vestige of anything truly magical in the universe. If she still believes really and wants to hold on for one last Christmas, why not wait till after the New Year to tell her? I feel like it's so much harder these days to believe in kids' magic like Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny because of the internet and smartphones being everywhere. Also, pro tip, letting her down easy with "St. Nicholas was a real person, and Santa exists in the magic of wanting to make the Holidays special for your friends and family" is a nice way of doing it.

 

[china mom]

What do I think? I think it's really not possible for a neuro-typical person her age living in the real world to actually still believe in Santa - period.

DD is an enigma. In some areas, she is very bright and in other areas, she struggles with a language processing delay that spills over into other areas. She has incredible logic in some moments and can be oblivious in others. She spends hours watching you tube vides involving technology (smart phones, ipads etc) and can explain how to fix things but then moments later demonstrated such little understanding about something like did she just meet the real Ariel.

She is in 7th grade. Do some seventh graders still believe?

 

[china mom]

My daughter was one that believed until around the time she was 13 (7th grade I think it was)--

See, she is in 7th grade so it is possible that she is not the last one.

 

[cabanafrau]

DD is an enigma. In some areas, she is very bright and in other areas, she struggles with a language processing delay that spills over into other areas. She has incredible logic in some moments and can be oblivious in others. She spends hours watching you tube vides involving technology (smart phones, ipads etc) and can explain how to fix things but then moments later demonstrated such little understanding about something like did she just meet the real Ariel.

She is in 7th grade. Do some seventh graders still believe?

No, they don't.

 

[mom2rtk]

She is in 7th grade. Do some seventh graders still believe?

No. They really don't.

 

[Floridaman999]

Maybe she's playing you because she thinks it's important to YOU that she still believes?

 

[mom2rtk]

Maybe she's playing you because she thinks it's important to YOU that she still believes?

That's my bet.

 

[Klayfish]

Without a doubt, tell her. Tell her now. I'm as big of a Christmas spirit person as you're going to find, I spent many years dressing up as Santa and visiting daycares. But at some point kids are simply too old (agreed that we're talking kids without special needs or disabilities of some sort). We told our twins earlier this summer, they were 10, just turning 11. DS11 didn't believe anyway, but DD11 was on the fence at that point. I'm sure it's been wonderful, but it's time...if indeed she isn't just playing you as noted above.

To my knowledge, the overwhelming majority of 6th graders don't believe, let alone 7th graders. I'd very much be concerned about being teased and bullying. If she's almost 14 and in 7th grade, is she already having a hard time because she's older than most kids in her class? If so, believing in Santa may only make that worse.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I found out the truth about Santa when I was nine and I was absolutely mortified that I’d fallen victim to that ruse for as long as I did, not to mention the betrayal I felt knowing my parents would actively lie to me for that many years on end. If it had been allowed to go on until I was fourteen, I probably would’ve ended up a teen runaway. So yeah, she’s long past the point of needing to know the truth, IMO.

That said, I really do not think it’s possible that she still believes. One would have to have zero critical thinking skills, unlikely odds within their social interactions, and no access to the internet in order to continue believing to the age of fourteen in this day and age.

ETA: Just saw she’s in 7th grade, so maybe it’s not quite as bad as I imagined if she does still believe. At 14, I was in my Sophomore year of high school so that’s what I was picturing.

 

[mumto3girls]

What do I think? I think it's really not possible for a neuro-typical person her age living in the real world to actually still believe in Santa - period.

Every bit of this. Is it possible that she is pretending for your sake? It has been many years but when I was a kid I had a friend who was the 4th of 6 kids. She learned that as her older siblings figured out the Santa thing they stopped getting many gifts. For some reason these parents only bought a couple of small gifts for non believers while showering the believers with Santa presents. She was a teeanager and still sitting on Santa’s lap telling him what she wanted. Not saying that you wouldn’t buy for your daughter, but something along those lines? Maybe she’s overheard you telling someone that Christmas won’t be the same when you don’t have a child who believes?

My kids are 18, 15 and 12. Oldest 2 stopped believing around 8 or 9. Youngest didn’t make it to 7. She said it never really made sense to her. That said there were often talks around the holidays about kids who still believed and other kids teasing them or even teachers discussing it openly in middle school. I think she must know.

 

[foodiddiedoo]

It absolutely helps to not have any siblings to keep on believing. Does she have any brothers or sisters?

 

[Klayfish]

Oh, and I'll add that this will be the first year that we are 100% sure none of our kids believe in Santa, so the game is officially over. However, it hasn't changed our Christmas spirit one bit. We still plan to pull out the Elf on a Shelf and the Elf pets and all, just for the fun of it.

In some ways, it's a relief. I'll never forget the first year we did Elf pets. DD11 was 7 years old. She carried that Elf pet everywhere, she was so attached to it. When it was Xmas Eve and time for the Elf pet to "go back to the North Pole", she was in major tears. Having to take it from her arms as she was crying was heartbreaking.

 

[china mom]

It absolutely helps to not have any siblings to keep on believing. Does she have any brothers or sisters?

Her older brother was probably six or seven when he looked me in the eye and told me that he wanted the truth. He is now 16. He has been playing along with us for the past ten years. But, even he is now shaking his head.

 

[china mom]

You all are pretty much confirming what my gut tells me - its time to tell her. Convincing my husband of that is going to be the hard part. He doesn't want to ruin this for her.

I do still believe that, while she might have doubts, she still believes. She absolutely would not tell me what this secret gift was because she knew it was too expensive for us to get her but Santa would. I managed to get a look at her list. She wants a Mac but specifically a 2015 model. It would make my life easier if I could explain that you can't buy a new 2015 Mac in 2018

 

[Nayan]

I would say it's time to have a chat, like a PP said. It's fine to play along, but she needs to know the truth if she truly doesn't already.

 

[mumto3girls]

I would say it's time to have a chat, like a PP said. It's fine to play along, but she needs to know the truth if she truly doesn't already.

Yes, absolutely. I always did the little advent calendars on their bedroom doors and still do. I wait until after they are in bed Christmas Eve to put out the gifts and fill their stockings. And still sign the gift tags from Santa. We did do Elf on the Shelf when it became popular, but I never enjoyed it—too much pressure LOL, but now DD15 and DD12 take turns hiding him from each other. We still talk about Santa as though he exists and have fun with it.