Sometimes in the parenting dept, I wonder

VandVsmama

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 28, 2011
...I wonder what the heck goes on at a kid's home, you know? Case in point:

A child (DC for short) is going to be 10 in <2 months. Over the course of a few days over a short period time (like spread out over 2 weeks), I have observed the following behaviors and I wonder: (a) what's with the parents? and (b) what's up with this kid?

  1. DC's voice only seems to operate at 1 level - loud. Like shouting. Nothing wrong w/DC's hearing. Parents have had it checked by an audiologist & ENT specialist. Kid can hear just fine.
  2. Blurts out swear words regularly...swear words for male body parts, says stuff like "Oh f-word" and the like.
  3. Constantly interrupts during conversations
  4. ADHD behaviors like getting up in the middle of a meal or playing a board game to run around the table. Almost can't handle sitting still. Constantly moving.
  5. Climbs on the furniture with shoes on. Continues to do it despite being told not to.
  6. Whines, pouts, has temper tantrums when doesn't get her way.
  7. No sense of personal space. Climbs on people...adults AND children. Gets angry when person DC is climbing on tell her to please stop it. This occurs regardless of the age of the person DC climbs on. Gets really close to you when she talks to you. Person she talks to backs up, and she inches closer. Doesn't understand why people find this off-putting.
  8. Tells 'Yo Mama' jokes. And DC is of an ethnic origin who should NOT be repeating such jokes.
  9. Argumentative & passionately justifies why DC thinks what she does is ok.
  10. Blurted out to a boy at school in her group of friends (all boys, isn't friends w/any girls) that she has a crush on him. Then wondered why everybody in school started asking her if she likes Boy X. Then decided that a good & logical way to get them all to stop asking her would be to try and hit all of them. When instructed by an adult that this was not ok and she'd get in trouble for it, said, "What? They wouldn't stop, so I just did it. If they had only stopped asking me, then I wouldn't have to hit them."
  11. Has, like, zero social intelligence. It's like DC's social radar is off. Gets a few inches from your face when she talks to you. Then shouts back at you. Shouts even louder when excited, which is often.
  12. Has encyclopedia level knowledge of 1 or 2 subjects.
  13. Cheats all the time at games, then claims that she temporarily 'forgot' the game rules. Repeatedly in a short period of time. Like it happened enough that it was obvious the kid wasn't just 'forgetting'
  14. LICKS board game pieces and even puts them in her mouth. Cries, pouts, whines, & almost has a melt down when scolded & corrected.
  15. Has zero ability to think of something from another kid's point of view. Honestly thinks that it's fine to just blurt out whatever you are thinking. So if DC thinks that a kid's outfit is ugly, she'll go up to that kid and say, "Your outfit is ugly." If she thinks your hair looks weird, DC will say, "Your hair looks weird." When told by the kid or the person that isn't very nice and she shouldn't say such things, DC argues, gets mad and says, "What? I'm just being HONEST! I'm just saying....!"
  16. Almost got kicked out of an after school program a little over a year ago for stabbing a kid with a pencil. Why did that happen? "Because he was bothering me and he wouldn't stop."
  17. Brags about getting other kids at school (often kids older than her) to carry her backpack for her and do other stuff for her. Says stuff like "I just tell them ___ so they feel sorry for me and do stuff for me." However, the kid's mother does this, too.
  18. Mild self-stimulating behavior. Like sucks on fingers when excited. Or sucks on her forearm during half of a kid's movie, like her arm was a tasty treat or something.
  19. Totally oblivious to personal hygiene & cleanliness, but some of this is age appropriate, I think.
  20. Picky about clothing. Freaks out when there are tags in her clothes that rub on her skin, so the parents cut the tags out of everything and they have to have DC try on every article of clothing before they buy it (apparently that's been going on for years). Would be perfectly happy wearing same outfit for an entire week.
  21. Gets along best when playing with other kids when it's parallel play, not interactive play. When engaged in interactive play, is happiest when she's like the director of a play and tells the other kids what to do & what to say & who's going to say this first and that second. Gets very angry & argumentative & disruptive when told by playmates & friends that they don't want to play like that.
I have a couple of theories about this, but I am going to be brave and put this out into the DIS Community Board to hear what you guys think.
 
from what I have read and seen on TV (yes I know not first hand personal experience ) sounds to me like Tourettes or somewhere along the autism spectrum
 
...I wonder what the heck goes on at a kid's home, you know? Case in point:

A child (DC for short) is going to be 10 in <2 months. Over the course of a few days over a short period time (like spread out over 2 weeks), I have observed the following behaviors and I wonder: (a) what's with the parents? and (b) what's up with this kid?

  1. DC's voice only seems to operate at 1 level - loud. Like shouting. Nothing wrong w/DC's hearing. Parents have had it checked by an audiologist & ENT specialist. Kid can hear just fine.
  2. Blurts out swear words regularly...swear words for male body parts, says stuff like "Oh f-word" and the like.
  3. Constantly interrupts during conversations
  4. ADHD behaviors like getting up in the middle of a meal or playing a board game to run around the table. Almost can't handle sitting still. Constantly moving.
  5. Climbs on the furniture with shoes on. Continues to do it despite being told not to.
  6. Whines, pouts, has temper tantrums when doesn't get her way.
  7. No sense of personal space. Climbs on people...adults AND children. Gets angry when person DC is climbing on tell her to please stop it. This occurs regardless of the age of the person DC climbs on. Gets really close to you when she talks to you. Person she talks to backs up, and she inches closer. Doesn't understand why people find this off-putting.
  8. Tells 'Yo Mama' jokes. And DC is of an ethnic origin who should NOT be repeating such jokes.
  9. Argumentative & passionately justifies why DC thinks what she does is ok.
  10. Blurted out to a boy at school in her group of friends (all boys, isn't friends w/any girls) that she has a crush on him. Then wondered why everybody in school started asking her if she likes Boy X. Then decided that a good & logical way to get them all to stop asking her would be to try and hit all of them. When instructed by an adult that this was not ok and she'd get in trouble for it, said, "What? They wouldn't stop, so I just did it. If they had only stopped asking me, then I wouldn't have to hit them."
  11. Has, like, zero social intelligence. It's like DC's social radar is off. Gets a few inches from your face when she talks to you. Then shouts back at you. Shouts even louder when excited, which is often.
  12. Has encyclopedia level knowledge of 1 or 2 subjects.
  13. Cheats all the time at games, then claims that she temporarily 'forgot' the game rules. Repeatedly in a short period of time. Like it happened enough that it was obvious the kid wasn't just 'forgetting'
  14. LICKS board game pieces and even puts them in her mouth. Cries, pouts, whines, & almost has a melt down when scolded & corrected.
  15. Has zero ability to think of something from another kid's point of view. Honestly thinks that it's fine to just blurt out whatever you are thinking. So if DC thinks that a kid's outfit is ugly, she'll go up to that kid and say, "Your outfit is ugly." If she thinks your hair looks weird, DC will say, "Your hair looks weird." When told by the kid or the person that isn't very nice and she shouldn't say such things, DC argues, gets mad and says, "What? I'm just being HONEST! I'm just saying....!"
  16. Almost got kicked out of an after school program a little over a year ago for stabbing a kid with a pencil. Why did that happen? "Because he was bothering me and he wouldn't stop."
  17. Brags about getting other kids at school (often kids older than her) to carry her backpack for her and do other stuff for her. Says stuff like "I just tell them ___ so they feel sorry for me and do stuff for me." However, the kid's mother does this, too.
  18. Mild self-stimulating behavior. Like sucks on fingers when excited. Or sucks on her forearm during half of a kid's movie, like her arm was a tasty treat or something.
  19. Totally oblivious to personal hygiene & cleanliness, but some of this is age appropriate, I think.
  20. Picky about clothing. Freaks out when there are tags in her clothes that rub on her skin, so the parents cut the tags out of everything and they have to have DC try on every article of clothing before they buy it (apparently that's been going on for years). Would be perfectly happy wearing same outfit for an entire week.
  21. Gets along best when playing with other kids when it's parallel play, not interactive play. When engaged in interactive play, is happiest when she's like the director of a play and tells the other kids what to do & what to say & who's going to say this first and that second. Gets very angry & argumentative & disruptive when told by playmates & friends that they don't want to play like that.
I have a couple of theories about this, but I am going to be brave and put this out into the DIS Community Board to hear what you guys think.
So what are your thoughts about the parents?
 


Here's the thing: as a teacher, I cannot ever, EVER suggest that a kid has a disability of any sort. I simply don't have the professional background to make that call.

What I can do is supply a list of symptoms, and encourage the parents to bring that list to the kid's pediatrician at his annual physical. It's summer, so many kids have a physical coming up.

You seem to know a lot about the details of this child's behavior. So I'm guessing you're close enough to the parents to do the same.

Beyond that, I learned a long time ago that my job is to parent my kids. When and if I'm awarded the Queen Parent role, that's when I can critique someone else's choices for their child.

I do wonder about your #8: "Tells 'Yo Mama' jokes. And DC is of an ethnic origin who should NOT be repeating such jokes."

I'm sorry; you've lost me there. I'm not sure which ethnic origins make those jokes OK, and which are not.
 
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...I wonder what the heck goes on at a kid's home, you know? Case in point:

A child (DC for short) is going to be 10 in <2 months. Over the course of a few days over a short period time (like spread out over 2 weeks), I have observed the following behaviors and I wonder: (a) what's with the parents? and (b) what's up with this kid?

  1. DC's voice only seems to operate at 1 level - loud. Like shouting. Nothing wrong w/DC's hearing. Parents have had it checked by an audiologist & ENT specialist. Kid can hear just fine.
  2. Blurts out swear words regularly...swear words for male body parts, says stuff like "Oh f-word" and the like.
  3. Constantly interrupts during conversations
  4. ADHD behaviors like getting up in the middle of a meal or playing a board game to run around the table. Almost can't handle sitting still. Constantly moving.
  5. Climbs on the furniture with shoes on. Continues to do it despite being told not to.
  6. Whines, pouts, has temper tantrums when doesn't get her way.
  7. No sense of personal space. Climbs on people...adults AND children. Gets angry when person DC is climbing on tell her to please stop it. This occurs regardless of the age of the person DC climbs on. Gets really close to you when she talks to you. Person she talks to backs up, and she inches closer. Doesn't understand why people find this off-putting.
  8. Tells 'Yo Mama' jokes. And DC is of an ethnic origin who should NOT be repeating such jokes.
  9. Argumentative & passionately justifies why DC thinks what she does is ok.
  10. Blurted out to a boy at school in her group of friends (all boys, isn't friends w/any girls) that she has a crush on him. Then wondered why everybody in school started asking her if she likes Boy X. Then decided that a good & logical way to get them all to stop asking her would be to try and hit all of them. When instructed by an adult that this was not ok and she'd get in trouble for it, said, "What? They wouldn't stop, so I just did it. If they had only stopped asking me, then I wouldn't have to hit them."
  11. Has, like, zero social intelligence. It's like DC's social radar is off. Gets a few inches from your face when she talks to you. Then shouts back at you. Shouts even louder when excited, which is often.
  12. Has encyclopedia level knowledge of 1 or 2 subjects.
  13. Cheats all the time at games, then claims that she temporarily 'forgot' the game rules. Repeatedly in a short period of time. Like it happened enough that it was obvious the kid wasn't just 'forgetting'
  14. LICKS board game pieces and even puts them in her mouth. Cries, pouts, whines, & almost has a melt down when scolded & corrected.
  15. Has zero ability to think of something from another kid's point of view. Honestly thinks that it's fine to just blurt out whatever you are thinking. So if DC thinks that a kid's outfit is ugly, she'll go up to that kid and say, "Your outfit is ugly." If she thinks your hair looks weird, DC will say, "Your hair looks weird." When told by the kid or the person that isn't very nice and she shouldn't say such things, DC argues, gets mad and says, "What? I'm just being HONEST! I'm just saying....!"
  16. Almost got kicked out of an after school program a little over a year ago for stabbing a kid with a pencil. Why did that happen? "Because he was bothering me and he wouldn't stop."
  17. Brags about getting other kids at school (often kids older than her) to carry her backpack for her and do other stuff for her. Says stuff like "I just tell them ___ so they feel sorry for me and do stuff for me." However, the kid's mother does this, too.
  18. Mild self-stimulating behavior. Like sucks on fingers when excited. Or sucks on her forearm during half of a kid's movie, like her arm was a tasty treat or something.
  19. Totally oblivious to personal hygiene & cleanliness, but some of this is age appropriate, I think.
  20. Picky about clothing. Freaks out when there are tags in her clothes that rub on her skin, so the parents cut the tags out of everything and they have to have DC try on every article of clothing before they buy it (apparently that's been going on for years). Would be perfectly happy wearing same outfit for an entire week.
  21. Gets along best when playing with other kids when it's parallel play, not interactive play. When engaged in interactive play, is happiest when she's like the director of a play and tells the other kids what to do & what to say & who's going to say this first and that second. Gets very angry & argumentative & disruptive when told by playmates & friends that they don't want to play like that.
I have a couple of theories about this, but I am going to be brave and put this out into the DIS Community Board to hear what you guys think.

I think these are all signs of the child being on the autistic spectrum.
 
These don't sound like things you have observed in two weeks worth of time. You even reference one thing being a year ago.

Are you wanting to critique the parenting, speculate what goes on in the home, or come up with a diagnosis? If you are able to observe all of this about a child in such a supposed short amount of time, you must be close enough to the situation to know what is going on.
 
These don't sound like things you have observed in two weeks worth of time. You even reference one thing being a year ago.

Are you wanting to critique the parenting, speculate what goes on in the home, or come up with a diagnosis? If you are able to observe all of this about a child in such a supposed short amount of time, you must be close enough to the situation to know what is going on.
Yes, 1 thing was ~ a year ago, but all the rest of the above were over 3 days spread over 2 weeks. No joke.

I'm not trying to come up with a diagnosis. Just trying to determine if my own radar of "something's off here" is working properly or if it's off kilter since child behavior comes in all shapes & sizes.
 
My personal feeling is that you shouldn’t judge/blame the parents.
Assuming she has loving, involved parents, they are aware of her challenges since they live with her each & every day. They have started with the physical (questioning a hearing problem) to investigate what could be causing some of her behaviors & they will hopefully be directed on to other professionals for a proper diagnosis, perhaps it will be physical, behavioral or a combo of the two.
I’m not sure what your relationship is to this family, but the best thing you can do is be non-judgy & supportive.
Believe me, I’m sure they are used to the raised eyebrows of other adults that interact with their child on a regular basis, so be the opposite of that & if you can’t than limit your involvement with them because you are not a part of the solution if you are only focusing on the negative.
You listed 21 points that critique & criticize this nearly 10 year old, can you offer any that sing her praises?
 
...I wonder what the heck goes on at a kid's home, you know? Case in point:

A child (DC for short) is going to be 10 in <2 months. Over the course of a few days over a short period time (like spread out over 2 weeks), I have observed the following behaviors and I wonder: (a) what's with the parents? and (b) what's up with this kid?

  1. DC's voice only seems to operate at 1 level - loud. Like shouting. Nothing wrong w/DC's hearing. Parents have had it checked by an audiologist & ENT specialist. Kid can hear just fine.
  2. Blurts out swear words regularly...swear words for male body parts, says stuff like "Oh f-word" and the like.
  3. Constantly interrupts during conversations
  4. ADHD behaviors like getting up in the middle of a meal or playing a board game to run around the table. Almost can't handle sitting still. Constantly moving.
  5. Climbs on the furniture with shoes on. Continues to do it despite being told not to.
  6. Whines, pouts, has temper tantrums when doesn't get her way.
  7. No sense of personal space. Climbs on people...adults AND children. Gets angry when person DC is climbing on tell her to please stop it. This occurs regardless of the age of the person DC climbs on. Gets really close to you when she talks to you. Person she talks to backs up, and she inches closer. Doesn't understand why people find this off-putting.
  8. Tells 'Yo Mama' jokes. And DC is of an ethnic origin who should NOT be repeating such jokes.
  9. Argumentative & passionately justifies why DC thinks what she does is ok.
  10. Blurted out to a boy at school in her group of friends (all boys, isn't friends w/any girls) that she has a crush on him. Then wondered why everybody in school started asking her if she likes Boy X. Then decided that a good & logical way to get them all to stop asking her would be to try and hit all of them. When instructed by an adult that this was not ok and she'd get in trouble for it, said, "What? They wouldn't stop, so I just did it. If they had only stopped asking me, then I wouldn't have to hit them."
  11. Has, like, zero social intelligence. It's like DC's social radar is off. Gets a few inches from your face when she talks to you. Then shouts back at you. Shouts even louder when excited, which is often.
  12. Has encyclopedia level knowledge of 1 or 2 subjects.
  13. Cheats all the time at games, then claims that she temporarily 'forgot' the game rules. Repeatedly in a short period of time. Like it happened enough that it was obvious the kid wasn't just 'forgetting'
  14. LICKS board game pieces and even puts them in her mouth. Cries, pouts, whines, & almost has a melt down when scolded & corrected.
  15. Has zero ability to think of something from another kid's point of view. Honestly thinks that it's fine to just blurt out whatever you are thinking. So if DC thinks that a kid's outfit is ugly, she'll go up to that kid and say, "Your outfit is ugly." If she thinks your hair looks weird, DC will say, "Your hair looks weird." When told by the kid or the person that isn't very nice and she shouldn't say such things, DC argues, gets mad and says, "What? I'm just being HONEST! I'm just saying....!"
  16. Almost got kicked out of an after school program a little over a year ago for stabbing a kid with a pencil. Why did that happen? "Because he was bothering me and he wouldn't stop."
  17. Brags about getting other kids at school (often kids older than her) to carry her backpack for her and do other stuff for her. Says stuff like "I just tell them ___ so they feel sorry for me and do stuff for me." However, the kid's mother does this, too.
  18. Mild self-stimulating behavior. Like sucks on fingers when excited. Or sucks on her forearm during half of a kid's movie, like her arm was a tasty treat or something.
  19. Totally oblivious to personal hygiene & cleanliness, but some of this is age appropriate, I think.
  20. Picky about clothing. Freaks out when there are tags in her clothes that rub on her skin, so the parents cut the tags out of everything and they have to have DC try on every article of clothing before they buy it (apparently that's been going on for years). Would be perfectly happy wearing same outfit for an entire week.
  21. Gets along best when playing with other kids when it's parallel play, not interactive play. When engaged in interactive play, is happiest when she's like the director of a play and tells the other kids what to do & what to say & who's going to say this first and that second. Gets very angry & argumentative & disruptive when told by playmates & friends that they don't want to play like that.
I have a couple of theories about this, but I am going to be brave and put this out into the DIS Community Board to hear what you guys think.

Everything in red describes my nephew's behavior. He has ADHD, and a background rich in being babied and coddled, but rarely disciplined or guided. He just turned 12 at the end of June, we have had custody of him since last August (so, all of 6th grade so far). He has the social capacity of an 8-9 year old. He annoys kids to no end, has no concept of personal space or boundaries, and has very little understanding of social cues (body language, annoyed looks from peers, consideration for anyone else besides himself when he wants to talk, joke, or interrupt something). He is a very, very sweet, kind, considerate boy and never is a discipline problem in the way of being disrespectful or rude - he just simply cannot get control of himself and doesn't always realize that his behavior is inappropriate. He is genuinely surprised that kids and teachers don't like when he blurts out or gets up from his seat for the 10th time. We work on behavior modification constantly, but when I have a conversation with him for the 3rd time that week about classroom behavior or ban him from getting up from the table at dinner until he is finished with his food - and HE STILL DOES IT AND COMPLETELY FORGETS THAT WE EVEN HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT - the only thing I can do is take a deep breath and start all over again. And he has two subjects that interest him: Video games and scary movies that he watches with his mom when he sees her. That's it. Everything else? He couldn't care less.

I encourage you to research ADHD and you will see for yourself that pretty much all of these 21 issues are HUGE indicators of ADHD. ADHD is not just running around and jumping off the walls. There are so many aspects of it that until you live with it, you have no idea. And these kids have to live with it every day and try to figure out why everyone is so mad at them all the time when they often have no idea what they did (a by-product of not having the proper social signaling to see the signs that someone is getting mad/annoyed/irritated with them and stopping before it's too late.)
 
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