Parenting is hard..

[mnrose]

You haven’t gone from liking something as an adult, to disliking the same thing? I know I have.

Well sure I have! But, that's why I want her to be a full blown adult, with a fully functioning frontal lobe, BEFORE she gets that first tattoo. Right now, the "concept" of "my likes change" isn't fully cemented or understood by her (even when I point it out....LOL). I NOW understand how much my likes/dislikes change (something I did not appreciate when I was younger). So, that would definitely influence my choice of what I would tattoo on my body if I were to do it. I'd go with something very classic and timeless. And, I definitely would NOT tattoo any person's name or initials unless they were a person absolutely "permanent" in my life (parent or child....anything else can change.). Right now, my DD is "in love" with her boyfriend. Will it last? I'd say it has the same odds as any other teenage relationship....not good....LOL. But, if you asked her TODAY, she'd love to tattoo something about him on her body because she's "sure" he is "the one."

 

[kimblebee]

Well sure I have! But, that's why I want her to be a full blown adult, with a fully functioning frontal lobe, BEFORE she gets that first tattoo. Right now, the "concept" of "my likes change" isn't fully cemented or understood by her (even when I point it out....LOL). I NOW understand how much my likes/dislikes change (something I did not appreciate when I was younger). So, that would definitely influence my choice of what I would tattoo on my body if I were to do it. I'd go with something very classic and timeless. And, I definitely would NOT tattoo any person's name or initials unless they were a person absolutely "permanent" in my life (parent or child....anything else can change.). Right now, my DD is "in love" with her boyfriend. Will it last? I'd say it has the same odds as any other teenage relationship....not good....LOL. But, if you asked her TODAY, she'd love to tattoo something about him on her body because she's "sure" he is "the one."

I agree with everything you’re saying, I would throttle her if she gave herself her bf name or initials.

 

[anniemae]

I have never heard of this before. I agree with a pp about there being laws about tattoos for a reason. I also agree with a pp about NEVER giving one to a friend. I would talk to her about the importance of going to a reputable tattoo artist. Also maybe let her plan out a time and tattoo she can get in the future to keep her busy and to have it to look forward to.

 

[dish rag]

Eh, it’s been around since the dawn of time. My sister has two done like this when she was a teen.

Self expression is absolutely normal behavior. However, at 17 sometimes you don’t tend to think things all the way through. Like I mentioned above, there are laws for a reason. One of those reasons is liability and one of my concerns as a parent would be the tattoos she’s doing for others would come back on her/me. An angry parent or worse, someone getting an infection. I have two tattoos and the shops I got them in the sterilization and cleanliness rivaled a surgery set up. I’d even dare say they were better than some doctors offices I’ve been in. “Stick and Poke” is playing with fire IMO. As SoldiersSweeties mentioned if she doesn’t have a real set up she’s taking big chances.

No I never heard of it. Self expression is normal but 17 yr old doing this to their friends and themselves is not normal in my world. None of my 3 now adult children and none of their friends did this. I'm very happy about that. There are other more healthy ways for one to express themselves.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Parenting IS hard.

Personally, I would have been upset by the first one, and REALLY upset to learn she'd been giving tattoos to others even though has has no training or certification, etc. The possibility of causing someone harm and/or being held liable would be of primary importance and I would have done everything I could to put a stop to it as soon as I knew.

If your only reason for being upset now is that you do not care for the esthetic of this particular tattoo, well, I can understand your DD's confusion.

 

[ronandannette]

...I can lay down the law, and she does and will listen. She didn’t do it to be rebellious, she did it for the artistic aspect and frankly, because others are doing it too. Don’t take that to mean she might start drinking or doing drugs..she’s not that kind of kid.

I do agree that she probably hasn’t thought about infections even though I’m sure she’s being ‘safe’, but never in a million years would a parent sue her. As far as I know she’s only done it for one friend, but I will be finding out more today when I see her.




Trying to think back to the time line..she may not have done the first one before she got the ink in the mail.

I definitely will reiterate the no friends thing.

I totally get both of the bolded statements; it's exactly the same with my DS. Well, not exactly, I guess because he's legally an adult and he and his peers don't need anybody's permission to mutilate one another. In general though, civil litigation just isn't even a thing here the way it is in the States.

 

[mjkacmom]

No I never heard of it. Self expression is normal but 17 yr old doing this to their friends and themselves is not normal in my world. None of my 3 now adult children and none of their friends did this. I'm very happy about that. There are other more healthy ways for one to express themselves.

I’m living a pretty white bread life, but this seems normal to me. DH’s sister pierced his ear for him, my friends and I used to scratch our skin with needles making scab art. Dd17 lives giving henna tattoos, but she’s as goody goody as it gets. I remember teens having amateur tattoos back in my day, before YouTube instructional videos and online shopping.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Parenting is hard. My 23 year old Dad got her first tattoo at 18. Her father and I were not real thrilled, but at least in was small and on her foot. She is currently up to 8. It was somewhat of a “pick your battle” deal with us. She’s a good kid, works hard and saves up Birthday and Christmas money to fund her ink. At least hers are “cute” and not creepy.

I think for people in my age group (50) tattoos were still seen as something done by “rougher” people. You couldn’t get a decent job if you had visible ink. That was my biggest concern. Times have changed and ink has become very mainstream. DD is a preschool teacher. Her employer does not care one bit about the tattoos and the kids actually love them. I’m beginning to feel like DH and I are the only people who don’t have any.

I would be concerned that your daughter is tattooing herself and others. I would be most concerned about the risk of infection. I’d be far more worried about that then the idea that she has ink.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Unless she has an autoclave, or brand new supplies EVERYTIME she touches someone's skin, including her own she isn't as being as hygienic as a professional.

I think her interest is worth fostering, especially as an artist, but maybe just taking on a talent that takes years to develop isn't the best idea. See about getting her an apprenticeship.

I agree. No way she can be safe if she’s using the same equipment over and over again.

 

[kimblebee]

No I never heard of it. Self expression is normal but 17 yr old doing this to their friends and themselves is not normal in my world. None of my 3 now adult children and none of their friends did this. I'm very happy about that. There are other more healthy ways for one to express themselves.

You’re right, it wouldn’t be normal in your world. This is (as far as I know) a newish thing. It certainly wasn’t normal when I was growing up.

She’s an artist and has also taken an interest in plants. Her room is filled to the gills with paintings and plants. I’m not worried about her self expression choices.

I’m sure what you think are healthy ways of expression would be eyebrow raising by others.

 

[kimblebee]

I agree. No way she can be safe if she’s using the same equipment over and over again.

This just triggered my memory. I’m not changing my story, just remembering something else. After she got the ink delivered she did get a delivery of needles. I don’t remember what kind, just that they were what she was using. I’m 99% sure she isn’t reusing needles. For the ink, you pour it into a little container and dump out what isn’t used. So, as far as that goes there isn’t cross contamination.

Having said that, I’m only assuming that she is swabbing her skin before starting. When I see her today I’ll be asking more questions.

 

[clothesmindedmom]

That is a tough one for a parent. I sympathize, OP!

I got my first tattoo at 18, and my parents were furious. I was a super straight-laced kid, but it was something that was important to me to "express myself." Now, as a parent, I completely understand what I couldn't as a teenager: that I will change/grow/evolve so much over the next decades that it's frightening putting a permanent artistic expression on your body.

You want to encourage them to be themselves without them doing something they'll later regret.

 

[tvguy]

Under 18, my kids would have been in BIG BIG BIG trouble, over 18, not under my control.
DD desperately wanted a tattoo her senior year of high school. A couple of her older friends got them when they turned 18, allegedly from "reputable" established tattoo parlors. One got a very bad infection, the other had an allergic reaction. THAT was enough for DD to decide she NO LONGER wanted a tattoo.
As I have pointed out before, tattoo removal is a fast growing business, so not everyone is pleased with their tattoos.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

The most common home made tats are prison tats. Show her some of those. She'll not want to tat herself again.

 

[Skellingtonj]

This just triggered my memory. I’m not changing my story, just remembering something else. After she got the ink delivered she did get a delivery of needles. I don’t remember what kind, just that they were what she was using. I’m 99% sure she isn’t reusing needles. For the ink, you pour it into a little container and dump out what isn’t used. So, as far as that goes there isn’t cross contamination.

Having said that, I’m only assuming that she is swabbing her skin before starting. When I see her today I’ll be asking more questions.

Ok I hear you.

 

[kimblebee]

The most common home made tats are prison tats. Show her some of those. She'll not want to tat herself again.

I wish I could post a picture of hers. It looks nothing like a prison tat, in my opinion. When I think of those..this is what I picture





Hers looks nothing like this, and I doubt it ever will. Her lines are as fine as a tattoo artists. She knows what bad art looks like. She’ll be home soon so I’ll talk to her again.

 

[Dancind]

DD got her first tattoo as soon as she turned 18, then by age 22 had a total of 12 that I know of. All were professionally done, but after the first couple I begged her to slow down. My argument was, 25 year old You is not going to like the same things as 19-20 year old You.

She's 27 now, and regrets almost all of them. Especially the full thigh portrait of a character in a movie her tattoo artist talked her into. And I worry about the toxicity of all the ink she has on her body. Just another thing to worry about, I guess.

 

[sjrec]

I sympathize. No matter how careful she is, doing these herself would scare the heck out of me. It’s so hard at that age to think you’ll look back and regret decisions you made at 17 or 18. No advice but...

 

[cruiser21]

She's 17. You're paying the bills. Tell her no tats while she's in your house. Parenting is easier if you remember you're the parent not the friend.

 

[kimblebee]

She's 17. You're paying the bills. Tell her no tats while she's in your house. Parenting is easier if you remember you're the parent not the friend.

I don’t pull the ‘my house, my rules’ routine. She knows I’m the parent but she also knows she can talk to me about anything, no matter what or when. I don’t want to have the relationship where she sees me as nothing more than the rule maker who she has to fear. Honestly, if this is the worst thing she does (and it’s barely needing the label ‘worst’), I will count that as a huge success.

Having said that, if that style works for you, have at it.