My marriage is ending--how to I help my son!

[tmli]

Some of you may have read on the community board that my marriage is ending and we have a ds with all the issues I listed in previous threads.

How do you help them understand? How can we make this as easy for him as possible? My dh and I had alot of trouble co parenting when we were married but have commited to doing a better job through this break up. For now we have decided to share the house so my ds doesn't have to move between us. Since this is my dh's choice I am a little bitter, so I've told him this arrangement will end if I can't control my hurt and not say mean things in front of my ds. The choice is mine how we proceed.

Have any of you been through this. Divorce is very tough on kids but especially hard on our children.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

Bump for advice
As for husband- The best revenge is being happier without him!
Try meditation for more peace and joy, help others in need to better appreciate all you do have.
Best wishes.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

You guys are sharing the house in the same living space or will he live in something like an apartment in the basement? I think it is going to be extremely hard on you to have your husband in he house with you. So definitely try and figure out a plan that will make sure you are happy too.

 

[mbb]

We're here to listen

 

[SueM in MN]

I don't have any advice either, just sending lots of pixie dust.
I do think it would be hard to both be living in the same house, but you are right to think most about your child. I have read about people who did the same thing (parents sharing the house) where they had very defined "spaces" for each parent and then sort of neutral area that was family space. Another family I read about once had the parents move in and out instead of the children moving from place to place. I don't know how that worked exactly, but it worked for them.
Lots of pixie dust on the way to you.

 

[tmli]

Thank you all for your replies. It's tough, our situation is not typical. We are a few days into this and I must say it is a little easier than I thought. We actually are getting along better than we did before. We have seperate spots in the house and more common areas that we share.

My ds is very self absorbed, his reactions tend to me a direct result of the amount of change he will experience. If he gets to stay in his house with his stuff and we are both here with him that's perfectly fine with him! We will consult all of his dr.'s and communicate with the school to keep a close eye to see if he reacts to our situation in other ways. We too have played with the idea of each of us moving in and out while he stays put. We've decided to give this current arrangement a couple of months before we make any major decisions as to what we should next.

 

[Raggedy]

I don't know how you do it. I left my son's father about 9 years ago. My son was 5. He is 14 now. It was the best thing i have ever done for myself and my son. How i handled it was, i used to tell my self.

I will hurt with him, and if i stay the hurt will never go away. If i leave him , I will hurt real bad, but it does go away.

This is what you have to do for yourself. It is one of the hardest things i ever had to do. He Loved me and my son. The sad thing is he loved me more, and he would admit to that. It has been 9 years that i have left and he still tells me how lmuch he loves me.

but he never wanted to work and , he was too jealous. I am re married and i love my husband and he loves my son. He has been in my sons life for 9 years now and he is my son's father. Good luck....nancy

 

[SueOKW]

I can definitely see why you don't want to disrupt your son's life / environment. My thoughts are with you - it is not easy.

My personal opinion is to be searching for other arrangements slowly but surely. For example - after a bit have a separate place where one adult will "live" while the other is at "home". DS visits both places... gets used to both.

I had a friend who had children and was separated from her spouse - but he also stayed on and lived in the basement. It kept both of them from moving on and getting new lives, but for a while it was convenient.

good luck!!
sue