My first Christmas without my mom

charming23

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jul 15, 2009
This year will be my first Christmas without my mom and my first Christmas with no parents. My dad died in 2009 and my mom just about a month and a half ago. I don’t know what to do this year. I’ve always lived with my mom and my dad when he was alive I have never been on my own. I did decorate my house and I have Christmas plans. I have Aunts, Uncles and cousins to spend it with but it won’t be the same.

Anyone have any words of wisdom or maybe some traditions that they have done? None of my friends have been through this and while they try and help, it is hard because they have no idea what I am going through.

Thanks
 
I'm so sorry. It was super hard when we lost my dad back in 2013 we tried to keep everything the same for Christmas as he liked it. Nothing is really the same when there not there. Hugs for you
 
My condolences. As someone who has also lost both parents, I wish I had advice that would make it easier for you. :hug: Have you thought about going on vacation, during the holidays? My sisters & our families still get together on Christmas Eve, as we always did, but it's not the same. If it weren't for disappointing them, I'd go away on vacation with DH & DS. Starting a new tradition would make it easier to not think about who is missing.
 
I would treat yourself, if you can. Get a cushy hotel room for a few days. Get a spa treatment. Take an hour long hot shower. Spend Christmas in the hot tub or in your luxe bed, eating your favorite pizza, watching your favorite show.

Doesn't have to be an every year thing, but this first year...not gonna lie...is going to sting very hard. You just need to be kind to yourself.
 


The day after Christmas (7 yrs ago) my Dad's cancer spread to his brain and a month later he was gone. Last May my Mom moved half way across the country to live with her sister. Though my situation doesn't compare in the least to what you are going through, it is hard. I can only imagine how adrift you must feel. I know when my Dad passed I felt kind of rudderless! I just try to focus on church and the family I still have around. I keep myself busy with being an old, dorky lady doing crafts and planning my Christmas meal etc :) If I didn't still have 2 of my adult dd's still at home, I probably wouldn't even do much decorating.

It'll probably take awhile to find a way to make it feel like Christmas again. And it's ok to not get into the "hype" of Christmas if you aren't feeling like it :) Sorry I don't really have any suggestions :( Just some internet hugs :grouphug:
 
The thing I learned from my mom the year we lost my Dad and my brother is do something different. Don't try to keep the traditions. If they spent the holiday with your relatives, it's going to be really hard on you to do that this year.

That first Christmas without Dad,Mom changed things up. She spent Christmas Day visiting each of us. Christmas breakfast with my sister, dinner with me and my family and that afternoon and evening with my brother. It kept her moving and out of the house. The next year she was ready to go back to our traditions.

When Dh lost his Dad, brother and nephew all in the same year, I kept telling them to encourage their Mom to change things up. Just having the family gathering in a different place and spending Christmas Day somewhere besides home would help. But they didn't. She went into a deep depression. Scared us all for awhile there. The next year we started making changes.

Last year was my first year without my Mom and it was hard. I had to decide how to fill that void of Christmas dinner. Thank God for my Dil. She saw the need and filled it for me.

You don't have to make huge changes but something. The suggestion the pp made of staying at a hotel, long shower, hot tub, just relaxing would be great for you.
 


I'm so sorry for your lose. Both my parents are also dead. My mama died about 6 years after my daddy. We went on a trip, I just wasn't in a mood to put up a tree. My brother's and I used to go to her house on Christmas Eve and I didn't want to deal with that either. My son was married and was going to have to go to his wife's family so honey and I packed up and went on a dive trip to Palau.
 
My Dad died in 2005, my DM has rolled into dementia, this year is the first year she knows none of us. So while she is alive she is not with us .
 
:hug:

I lost my mom 20 years ago, and I still sometimes randomly miss her during Christmastime because she loved it so much. But it does get easier. I think doing something new is a good idea, and my best advice is to remember that your feelings are OK - don't feel guilty if you want to skip some things this year, but don't feel guilty when you start to find moments of happiness in the holiday again either.
 
I'm sad when I think about my parents being gone at Christmas time......but happy when I think about all the great Christmases we shared.
This will be the my 5th Christmas without my mom, and my 51st without my dad. They're right there looking at the Christmas tree with me in my memories.
 
I lost my Mom last week, and though I have my own family at home, I feel quite lost. I hope you find some happiness this season.
 
I guess I am different than the norm but my mom passed suddenly before Christmas (massive heart attack) and my dad a year earlier. I felt keeping the traditions going was the best way for me to honor them. It was hard. Extremely hard but now 15 years later I feel I did the right thing. I faced it and didn't "run". Christmas is much easier now. I am sorry for your loss. It's so hard to think it will get better but time does heal a broken heart. Hugs.
 
My wife lost her father just after we met and her mother had died years before. I never met either of her parents as her dad was living in another state the few months we overlapped. She had a rough first Christmas but since it was also our first Christmas together a big part of what helped her was making new traditions. Instead of just doing what she used to do and thinking about her parents not being there we did new things she never did before and started new traditions.

It was still not easy for her but she said that was a big part of making that first Christmas bearable. Good luck.
 
This year will be my first Christmas without my mom and my first Christmas with no parents. My dad died in 2009 and my mom just about a month and a half ago. I don’t know what to do this year. I’ve always lived with my mom and my dad when he was alive I have never been on my own. I did decorate my house and I have Christmas plans. I have Aunts, Uncles and cousins to spend it with but it won’t be the same.

Anyone have any words of wisdom or maybe some traditions that they have done? None of my friends have been through this and while they try and help, it is hard because they have no idea what I am going through.

Thanks
I'm so sorry for your loss! When my mom died 7 yr ago, it was in September. That first Christmas after her death sucked. It wasn't much fun at all. But I still put up a Christmas tree. And I still baked stuff that she used to bake for us when we were kids...I did stuff that Christmas that brought back some happy memories. And we also introduced new things into our Christmas routine. So something old and something new.

The following Christmas was a lot easier.
And the Christmas after that was easier than the year before.
And so on.

Now I really enjoy Christmas. Last year, we went to a Christmas Eve service at a church that my mom really would have loved. I purposely picked that church because it reminded me of my mom. The service was really nice and singing some of the Christmas carols made me cry. But I was glad to be there. It was pretty special.

Christmas without your parents won't be the same as when they were alive. It WILL be different. But it won't be a horrible holiday forever.
 
I’m so sorry. That makes Christmas difficult. I’m glad you have somewhere to go for Christmas. It sounds like you will be with people who care about you and love you. That is the main thing, to be loved and share love. It won’t be the same as when your parents were here so keep their love and wonderful memories in your thoughts and heart. :hug:
 
May you know the Lord is always with you. We care, too. I also second doing something fun. Definitely check out a church service and maybe see if there is one near you with a live Nativity. Hugs to you and God Bless.
 
This year will be my first Christmas without my mom and my first Christmas with no parents. My dad died in 2009 and my mom just about a month and a half ago. I don’t know what to do this year. I’ve always lived with my mom and my dad when he was alive I have never been on my own. I did decorate my house and I have Christmas plans. I have Aunts, Uncles and cousins to spend it with but it won’t be the same.

Anyone have any words of wisdom or maybe some traditions that they have done? None of my friends have been through this and while they try and help, it is hard because they have no idea what I am going through.

Thanks

It will never be "the same." You have to accept that. Remember the good times with your parents, be thankful for the time you had with them.

My Dad passed away in 2008 (Alzheimer's) and that first Christmas without him was hard. My Mom died this past July. In my experience it was hard to lose my Dad, but so much harder to lose my Mom. All the "firsts" are hard, it's true. But I'm 60 years old, and just so thankful for the TIME I did have with my parents. Many people don't get the time with their parents that I had with mine. Many aren't close to their parents like I was with mine, so for those things I am truly thankful.

Yes, it will be hard as our family Christmas is this Sunday, at our house as it always is. Mom won't be here in body, but I know she will be in spirit. She was very ill when she passed away, and I wouldn't wish her back the way she was. All I can do is be thankful for our time together and that we were close. We took many trips (Disney, a Caribbean cruise, rented cabins, short 2-night hotel stays for her birthday each year in the destination of her choice, etc.) together and I am so glad I took the time to do that with her. Wonderful memories.

The last couple of years we took my Mom to a Chinese restaurant on Christmas Day, as we always have our family celebration before or after Christmas. I didn't want Mom to be alone on Christmas Day. This year it will be different. DH suggested we still go to the same restaurant, I would rather not as it just wouldn't be "the same."

We have to do something different, create new traditions, make new memories. I think I'm going to get a pre-made dinner from Bob Evans or Cracker Barrel, and we'll stay indoors and watch Christmas movies in our PJ's all day. :)

I don't have any siblings, but I'm focusing my attention on our adult children, grandchildren and our new great-granddaughter who was born in September. :)

I'm glad you have aunts, uncles and cousins to spend Christmas with. Focus on what you DO have, not on what you DON'T have anymore. :) Hugs to you!
 

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