Leaving 10 year old behind!?

[Childs1stTime2Disney]

I don’t think it would be a great idea to leave her behind. I think it would be something that she would hold against you (even if it was her decision). I agree have her plan some of the trip. Make her feel like this trip is for her. After all the one year old won’t care or remember anyways.

I hope you don't mind but I agree with this also. I think she "says" she wants to stay behind, when in actuality she is hoping you beg her to come along. I am going to assume it's just for attention. Therefore, I don't think it's a great idea to go ahead without her, despite what she says. Tough situation, don't envy the position you are in.

 

[Childs1stTime2Disney]

I'll just say at age 10, unless she had some huge thing going on that conflicted with the trip, her going would not be negotiable. Now, my oldest is 16 and 2 years ago we were very close to letting him stay home for a football thing and if he didn't want to go at this point, I wouldn't force him, but at 10 no way. I also think it's especially important for her to go if there are issues going on. This is a very easy way for her to alienate herself from the 3 of you even more. I'd just explain to her that it's a family vacation so all are going and try asking her about things that would make it more enjoyable for her. Also telling her that she could definitely get some alone time with the grandparents at a different time, but I think she needs to be included in this and if you have to force her, so be it. There are so many things I said I didn't want to do it be a part of when I was a kid and many my parents made me and I'm so thankful they did.

Well said.

 

[cadawson]

I agree that she shouldn’t be left behind for your family vacation. We always tell our 2 (6 1/2 yrs apart in age) - we’re a team and we go together. However, I don’t understand taking her out of school for WDW, especially when you’ve been recently. 4th/5th grade gets pretty stressful. Maybe there’s more to it than jealousy, as others have posted. Maybe she’s feeling stressed. We pretty much protect school time and go on trips during school breaks. It’s hard to miss a day - especially in math at that age. I hope it all works and you’re able to find a good compromise.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Thank you everyone for your responses. Dd seems to have come around since talking with her. I basically informed her that the trip was nonnegotiable as it was a family vacation. I focused on the fact that it was important that we all go and spend time together, but I also reassured her that there would be alone time built in to spend with her dad and I. Dd expressed that she was actually excited to be able to attend the Christmas party for the first time as we are usually at Disney during other times of the year. I expect there to be some regression as she tends to go back and forth with things in general since becoming a little older, but I simply let her know that her staying home was not an option as we want her with us. Again, thank you everyone for your feedback.

I think you made the right decision!

Keep reassuring her that she is special and important, subtly point out good things about her relationship with the baby when they naturally occur (don't risk making it seem fake) and enjoy the vacation.

I definitely think she was testing to make sure you wouldn't leave her, but there may also have been a small element of getting attention from grandma and grandpa (who have probably doted on the new baby quite a bit) - so it wouldn't be a bad idea for them to invite just her on a local outing or to sleep over or something.

 

[rdaky]

I think you made the right decision. I don't believe that family vacations are negotiable at that age.

Something for you to know, too, is that some of this may not even have to do with her brother, but her age. My oldest is 12.5 and these years are full of lack of decision making, need for reassurance, and testing waters. And even if she does complain (I'm pretty certain that my girls complain at some point on every vacation) does not mean that she's miserable. Yes, it could be jealousy. My 3 girls get jealous of each other and they are biological siblings. So sometimes they do get one on one time. And sometimes they have to learn that life doesn't revolve around them and they have to learn how to be kind when it's someone else's turn to ride a ride or get the attention. Life long lessons can be learned from vacations and learning how to find joy even when every detail doesn't go our way. This is my ongoing lesson with my girls.

 

[DomesticPrincess]

Our next trip is scheduled for the week after Thanksgiving, 2018.
Originally, it was supposed to be just our little family (dh, ds (1), dd (9) and myself); however, dd has informed us that she doesn’t want to go now and will be happy staying home with her grandparents (my parents) and going to school. I’m not against the idea, as I would never want to force her to go only to have a bad or even miserable time. Dd has been having some issues lately with emotions, etc. and there has been some adjustments that she’s had to get use to. We adopted ds, but have fostered him since birth. Dd went from being an only child to a sibling basically overnight and I tend to think that part of her decision to stay behind is partially due to some jealousy for ds. She loves her brother, but I’ve noticed some jealous tendencies lately. I tried talking to dd about the trip and her feelings about the adoption in general, but it seems that I can’t say or do anything right. Not sure if anyone has any advice or similar experiences that they would like to share, but thought I would see what others thoughts are. Thanks in advance.

I'm gonna be honest and say this isn't exactly a situation I've dealt with so I am just having to go with gut instinct, but I have dealt with some blended family issues. With that in mind:

I don't think I would ever consider leaving a child behind if I thought their request to stay home had to do with the type of situation you lay out. No matter what that child says, I do think they're probably deep down hoping you choose to stay home with them over taking the newly adopted sibling to of all places Disney World. There is no way they're not going to feel you have basically abandoned them without a care in favor of the newly adopted child. I think you'd do much better for your family long term investing the Disney World trip money in some good quality family counsel. Find someone who's experienced dealing with blending family issues. Then once you've resolved some of the jealousy take everyone on a celebratory Disney trip.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you and your family happiness. Good luck!

 

[Vintage princess]

I'm gonna be honest and say this isn't exactly a situation I've dealt with so I am just having to go with gut instinct, but I have dealt with some blended family issues. With that in mind:

I don't think I would ever consider leaving a child behind if I thought their request to stay home had to do with the type of situation you lay out. No matter what that child says, I do think they're probably deep down hoping you choose to stay home with them over taking the newly adopted sibling to of all places Disney World. There is no way they're not going to feel you have basically abandoned them without a care in favor of the newly adopted child. I think you'd do much better for your family long term investing the Disney World trip money in some good quality family counsel. Find someone who's experienced dealing with blending family issues. Then once you've resolved some of the jealousy take everyone on a celebratory Disney trip.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you and your family happiness. Good luck!