Is it rude to ask guests to attend/pay for a destination wedding?

Would you be irritated by being invited to attend a cruise wedding and having to pay your own way?


  • Total voters
    73
  • Poll closed .

sethschroeder

DIS Veteran
Joined
Feb 24, 2013
Not everyone lives close the their families. Those stating it's rude to have a destination wedding aren't considering those of us who have moved across the country from our families.

Am I to have a wedding in either my hometown or my husband's hometown even though we don't live there so none of our guests have to travel. But wait, we met while living away from our families and our families don't live in the same town. Do we have two weddings? One in each home town so that only we, the couple, are out travel expenses?

That doesn't seem reasonable now does it? We had a destination wedding. Everyone had to travel to attend and we had our wedding in a place that was important to us. Those that could make it did and those that couldn't were missed but we understood.
That person just stated their opinion and you are the minority. The average American lives in the state they are born or even in the same city.

In the end you do what feels right for you. Some people will be turned off by a destination wedding (which is different than having a wedding in the area you now live).

With weddings the only right answers comes from what do I like and can I afford it.
 

jerseygal

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jan 1, 2008
Oldest DS and DIL had a destination wedding in VT last August. Since they were engaged for 2 years, chose the venue about 3 months after their engagement, friends and relatives knew well in advance of the location and the fact that for relatives and friends coming from NJ it require minimally a Sat night stay. They were prepared that some would not be able to make it for various reasons. Since it was in mid August and in a beautiful state like Vermont, many of their friends and our relatives thought of it as a long weekend getaway. They sent out Save the Date in December for an August wedding and invitations beginning of April to make guests aware of the plans along with a very detailed website.
Much to our surprise, we had 135 guests, we thought we would only get about 100 guests, many of whom booked Friday night and Saturday night(immediate family extended to Thursday to chill before the weekend). Probably a year and a half in advance, they reserved a block of rooms at the Hampton Inn, which was very reasonably priced and we provided transportation from the Hampton for the convenience of our guests. Since all of our guests were from out of town, we had a lovely welcome reception for all guests on Friday evening immediately after our rehearsal dinner(which was just for wedding party, minister and wife, and parents of bride and groom)Wedding was on a gorgeous late Saturday afternoon. We also provided a farewell brunch on Sunday morning.
Again, this was their wedding and this is the location that they wanted. The weekend was AMAZING, lots of planning though with destination weddings! Follow your hearts, those that can make it will join you to celebrate your most happy day!:love:Congrats in advance!
 
Last edited:

AnnaS

DIS Sponsoor/Veteran
Joined
Jul 7, 2001
I would love to offer breakfast/brunch the next morning to all the guests coming for my dd's wedding but everyone is spread all over the Disney resorts and outside..........When we attend a wedding near our home, we stay overnight (we usually book a room if it's at least an hour + drive home). Breakfast is usually offered but there is only hotel involved where rooms are blocked.

Again, for destination wedding.......if the guests can come - beautiful - as long as the couple is not "expecting" people to come and no one is disappointed. If that makes any sense.
 
  • wendlle

    Aussie Wendy
    Joined
    Jan 7, 2014
    I think TBH if you want a destination wedding then you do it and don't expect anyone to come.
    We wanted one, we're from Australia and got married in Las Vegas, we eloped and it was just the two of us.
    I wouldn't have it any other way, it was perfect.
    I don't get the whole "big wedding" thing. What is it for? Aren't you supposed to be marrying your partner not your whole family and friends.
    I'm also not a "look at me" person so the thought of doing all this in front of people wasn't for me.

    If I got invited to a destination wedding, I surely wouldn't go. If I want a vacation I want to do it on my own terms, not someone elses.
     

    skyblue17

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Nov 4, 2017
    I think the most important thing about a wedding, and one that can be hardest to manage, is that it's YOUR celebration. The couple should celebrate how they like.

    I do agree that in the case of a destination wedding, it's best to keep expectations reasonable. Not everyone you love and care about will be able or willing to attend. I think as long as the couple is pretty chill about the whole thing, giving lots of notice, providing details about lodging and activities, etc., it can be a fun vacation but it's still basically planning someone else's vacation and that's just not going to work for a lot of people. But it will be a blast for those than want to and can attend!

    To balance it out, have smaller events in each hometown for family/friends who might've wanted to attend but simply couldn't swing it. That way, you're doing what you love on your day, but those who love YOU still have the opportunity to celebrate.
     

    a1tinkfans

    Spreading Some Pixie Dust Today!
    Joined
    Aug 12, 2006
    Op: if you won’t be disappointed that people may not choose to attend whether it’s financial reasons or otherwise.. it’s your wedding, you should do what is best for you and ur future spouse.
    We’ve had two destination weddings to attend this year. One down, one to go. We decided to make them wedding vacations and fortunately we ve been able to add days to both.
    I know others who just could not do it and will not attend. It’s a choice.

    The Only thing I do not agree with ..are these new invitations that brides are asking for money ( bridal shower/wedding gift) for their perfect wedding or honeymoon. If one can’t afford the fancy wedding or the fancy honeymoon make other plans, imho.
    I just think it’s tacky.
     

    elaine amj

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 26, 2012
    The Only thing I do not agree with ..are these new invitations that brides are asking for money ( bridal shower/wedding gift) for their perfect wedding or honeymoon. If one can’t afford the fancy wedding or the fancy honeymoon make other plans, imho.
    I just think it’s tacky.
    Awww...I actually like it. Much prefer contributing to a honeymoon instead of a blender or more towels. I love travel and love to share it with others.

    I bought stuff off the registry for my niece's bridal shower because she mentioned she really hoped ppl would buy stuff from her registry. I was super tempted to give her a more personalized gift (like a hotel night stay), but ended up choosing to stick to her wishes. But at the wedding, I plan to stuff my cash gift into a Vacation Fund jar and give it to them with the hope that they will use it for whatever trip they plan to take next.
     
  • HopperFan

    "It's a bug-eat-bug world out there, princess."
    Joined
    Sep 6, 2003
    The Only thing I do not agree with ..are these new invitations that brides are asking for money ( bridal shower/wedding gift) for their perfect wedding or honeymoon. If one can’t afford the fancy wedding or the fancy honeymoon make other plans, imho.
    I just think it’s tacky.
    Agree. I usually give cash or gift card to somewhere on the registry ... and they are free to use it however they want. But to ASK me to pay for your honeymoon is tacky. I still stick with the groom pays for that or if couple is older, they can pay for it together ... but the guests should not be ASKED to pay for it.

    Same with a wedding. We had one where their wedding was going to be simple. A nice pond side at family farm with bbq reception. I have no issue with that, you have what you can afford without debt and it sounded nice. Well we get a call a couple weeks out telling us the couple (DH relative) want something nicer, they booked a hall and a DJ, so they asked if we would help cover catering costs for them. I was fuming but then pleased when DH told his sister no, they have what THEY can afford for THEIR wedding.
     

    Karin1984

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 5, 2012
    The Only thing I do not agree with ..are these new invitations that brides are asking for money ( bridal shower/wedding gift) for their perfect wedding or honeymoon. If one can’t afford the fancy wedding or the fancy honeymoon make other plans, imho.
    I just think it’s tacky.
    Agree. I usually give cash or gift card to somewhere on the registry ... and they are free to use it however they want. But to ASK me to pay for your honeymoon is tacky. I still stick with the groom pays for that or if couple is older, they can pay for it together ... but the guests should not be ASKED to pay for it.

    Same with a wedding. We had one where their wedding was going to be simple. A nice pond side at family farm with bbq reception. I have no issue with that, you have what you can afford without debt and it sounded nice. Well we get a call a couple weeks out telling us the couple (DH relative) want something nicer, they booked a hall and a DJ, so they asked if we would help cover catering costs for them. I was fuming but then pleased when DH told his sister no, they have what THEY can afford for THEIR wedding.
    Funny, because that's the most common thing and most accepted thing to request for a gift at a wedding in the Netherlands. You put a little envelope-icon on the invitation and everyone knows what you want. @olafLover did you have this at your wedding?

    What you spend it on is your decision. If you risk it to have a more expensive wedding and hope you will receive enough money from your guests, is your own problem if you don't. Asking for a specific amount or playing the guilt-card, is tacky.
    If you have 'funny' guests, they will give you 50 euro in pennies. Preferably packed in something icky, like sawdust and syrup.

    We do not have registries in NL where you can make lists of everything you need/want in products. In addition, many people have lived on their own from their late teens, early twenties when they go to college and have things like pots & pans etc. Or the couple was already living together and doesn't need more household stuff.
     

    skyblue17

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Nov 4, 2017
    Awww...I actually like it. Much prefer contributing to a honeymoon instead of a blender or more towels. I love travel and love to share it with others.

    I bought stuff off the registry for my niece's bridal shower because she mentioned she really hoped ppl would buy stuff from her registry. I was super tempted to give her a more personalized gift (like a hotel night stay), but ended up choosing to stick to her wishes. But at the wedding, I plan to stuff my cash gift into a Vacation Fund jar and give it to them with the hope that they will use it for whatever trip they plan to take next.
    Same. I've yet to find a satisfying explanation to why it's tacky to ask for donations to a honeymoon fund but not tacky to ask for literally anything else, which is what a registry is. If a couple already has what it takes to build a home, or would rather shop for those items together instead of having people gift them, why do wedding guests get to insist upon purchasing things they do not need or want? And if someone is perfectly fine in handing over cash, what's wrong with knowing the cash is going toward something the couple is looking forward to and appreciates rather than toward literally any other thing? The mind boggles.
     
  • elaine amj

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 26, 2012
    Same with a wedding. We had one where their wedding was going to be simple. A nice pond side at family farm with bbq reception. I have no issue with that, you have what you can afford without debt and it sounded nice. Well we get a call a couple weeks out telling us the couple (DH relative) want something nicer, they booked a hall and a DJ, so they asked if we would help cover catering costs for them. I was fuming but then pleased when DH told his sister no, they have what THEY can afford for THEIR wedding.
    Here it is a thing to host "Jack and Jill's" . Basically a giant fundraiser for your wedding. You sell tickets (to the public too), organize games guests have to pay to play, sell raffle tickets, etc etc.

    It's rough to be a wedding guest. You spend a bundle at the Jack and Jill. Then spend on the shower. And then give yet another cash gift at the wedding. I've only ever been invited to one - my niece's... but we couldn't go for some major reason (can't remember why). I feel a bit guilty but kinda glad my entire gift budget went to her honeymoon fund as requested.

    Then there is a Jack n Jill I heard of recently thrown by a super wealthy groom. It was over a $100 to buy a raffle ticket at that thing! Everything was super over the top and guests left with tons of expensive gifts and prizes. I kinda think they broke even....which apparently was the point since they sure didn't need the money for the wedding. Odd thing to do since they could easily have the big show at the shower, the bachelor parties, and the wedding. What was the point of a Jack n jill too? More rich folks schmoozing?
     

    XSeabiscuitX

    Duffy's Biggest Fan
    Joined
    Mar 3, 2012
    I'm going to follow up and say that we are having a DCL wedding because we didn't want a large wedding and I didn't want my dad's extended family I haven't seen in ten years demanding invitations.

    Guess what, they're still demanding invitations. They live in the same state as me but I haven't seen most of them since I was 13. The moral of the story, DO WHAT YOU WANT. It's your wedding.
     

    Amunet

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 31, 2011
    The Only thing I do not agree with ..are these new invitations that brides are asking for money ( bridal shower/wedding gift) for their perfect wedding or honeymoon. If one can’t afford the fancy wedding or the fancy honeymoon make other plans, imho.
    I just think it’s tacky.
    Okay, question, serious question too:
    Bride & Groom have lived together for years prior to engagement and marriage, already have the stuff for normal building household registry.
    Wedding is destination, all gifts brought would have to be flown in/out, unless done via registry.
    If not cash or a registry for cash ( money used for wedding/honeymoon experiences; couple spa treatments, beachside dinner, etc etc) then what would not be tacky?
     

    sweetpeama

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Nov 30, 2013
    Okay, question, serious question too:
    Bride & Groom have lived together for years prior to engagement and marriage, already have the stuff for normal building household registry.
    Wedding is destination, all gifts brought would have to be flown in/out, unless done via registry.
    If not cash or a registry for cash ( money used for wedding/honeymoon experiences; couple spa treatments, beachside dinner, etc etc) then what would not be tacky?
    Items for activities that you like such as if you enjoy the outdoors maybe a new tent and some sleeping bags along with some fun items for camping or fishing.
    Novel board games
    Movies
    specialized cooking items that you do not have but would enjoy
    list of local to you places to dine because gift cards for those are always nice to receive but if you don't have cheesecake factory in your area I would rather give you a gift card to applebees if I was invited to your wedding because I know you would be able to use it if that is what was in your area.
    fun but not necessary items such as a heated recliner throw (ok maybe those are necessary if you live in a climate where it can get sub zero for weeks on end in the middle of January and February because they can fit around you and you can enjoy a nice Disney Movie or a Pixar One if you perfer.
    Places that you would love club of the month gifts from such as popcorn, fruit basket, breads, cookies, ect.
    For close family to give you things like a collection of favorite recipes does your aunt make a really awesome salad at every family gathering, does your grandmother make the worlds best cinnamon rolls, does your uncle have the most wonderful smoked turkey recipe you have ever tasted. Of a photo album of family memories such as those picture of the time you went taboggoning off the barn roof on grandparents farm with all your cousins into a pile of straw covered in snow or those pictures of you with all your cousins in a snow fort the day that the snow was chest deep on a grown man
    A quilt square from each person or family to represent them if you happen to quilt or know someone who does might be a fun gift to receive.
    Growing up we used to do tupperware showers for relatives that either they or their spouse was in the military and stationed away from us as they often were only able to come home for the wedding on a short leave. Instead of watching the bride to be unwrap all the gifts we would get together and wrap them in a group and then package them all together (we would put a who it was from tapped to the item before wraping it just incase a card came off
     

    Amunet

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 31, 2011
    That is a lot of ideas and ones that could be used in those certain circumstances. In my case, the majority would not work out for me.
     

    robinb

    DIS veteran
    Joined
    Aug 29, 1999
    Okay, question, serious question too:
    Bride & Groom have lived together for years prior to engagement and marriage, already have the stuff for normal building household registry.
    Wedding is destination, all gifts brought would have to be flown in/out, unless done via registry.
    If not cash or a registry for cash ( money used for wedding/honeymoon experiences; couple spa treatments, beachside dinner, etc etc) then what would not be tacky?
    I think asking for cash is always tacky.

    FTR, the last two weddings I attended were for couples who lived elsewhere and could not pack up their gifts and bring them home. I sent my gift to their home, along with a check. In addition, my DH and I lived together for 7 years before we were married. People understood that and didn't give us everyday household things. I think you should go with the flow and accept whatever people want to give you as a gift.
     

    Amunet

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 31, 2011
    I think asking for cash is always tacky.

    FTR, the last two weddings I attended were for couples who lived elsewhere and could not pack up their gifts and bring them home. I sent my gift to their home, along with a check. In addition, my DH and I lived together for 7 years before we were married. People understood that and didn't give us everyday household things. I think you should go with the flow and accept whatever people want to give you as a gift.
    Thank you for your opinion :)
     


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