Is anyone else dealing with a family member with mental health issues?

[Ready to go in Ok]

Untreated. I am dealing with my inlaws, and I gotta tell ya, I'm about ready to check myself into a hospital somewhere. The sad thing is, I work in mental health, so you would think that I'm fairly well equipped to deal with it. My SIL is bi-polar, but refuses treatment. She's also an alcoholic. On average, every 5 days, she cycles, and gets into a fight with MIL who we (DH and I) then have to rescue. I am so tired of this, but SIL won't get treatment, and MIL won't stay away from her. Anyone in a similar situation? I'm feeling helpless and hopeless. SIL is leaving a message as I type cursing all of us for not enabling her. I am ready to scream, or leave. Or both.

 

[jann1033]

sorry you have to deal with this. mental health issues are hard enough to deal with without denial involved. thankfully my family is willing to be treated for theirs. but if they aren't what can you do except maybe if you know someone whose opinion they respect that might convince them they need help...but dont know how likely that would be . people can be so maddeningly resistant to get mental help

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Thanks. She's alienated everyone. Her husband left her over a month ago and she has run all of her friends off. The last one because she wasn't appropriately sad when SIL was sad. The police have been involved to the point that they know the name and address before they get there. They will hospitalize her, she stays 3 days, and they release her. Then we start over. I am just at a loss.

 

[Philagoofy]

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. My husband's (bi-polar & depression but being treated) mother was also bi-polar. She did take medicine but it didn't seem to help much. I can't really help but to say that you must both take care of your selves first. You can and only should put up with so much, your MIL also should not let herself be treated badly by her daughter but that is up to her. And being that it's her daughter, it may be hard for her to stand up to her daughter. We found it very difficult to stand up to my husband's mother.

I hope you all can find strength & peace of mind, also for your SIL.

 

[jann1033]

even though it's hard to do, i guess when dealing with a situation like the above( or really any serious mental health issue) you have to try to remember their thinking and judgment are so off what seems normal thinking to a mentally healthy person is not the way they are thinking. ie my "normally" logical, morally upright daughter does some totally off the wall things when she is suffering from a bad bout. she acts like a different person and doesn't even realize her actions are so different. some of it is self destructive behavior that she would totally shun were she not depressed. so while it might seem like your mil is letting herself be abused, it's hard when you know it is your child that is suffering and not really "herself". plus even though it's probably unfounded you always think, "should i have done something different when they were young" or "what did i miss that should have made me get them help earlier." it's hard not to feel guilty even though it probably is unfounded guilt
we have a lot of chronic illness in our family, physical for my whole life and now mental ( one daughter with clinical depression, one with panic attacks) and by far even though the physical are serious and difficult to deal with, the mental are harder for me personally to deal with, at least partly cause they are my kids having them, plus it changes the person they are so drastically
my daughter ended up divorced due to her illness. ex sil in not a skuz ball but just to show how weird people view mental illness, even though his mother is definitely not mentally healthy and he makes allowances for her( and his sister and his nephew who have minor depression problems) he told me out right he was divorcing her due to her mental illness. i asked him what if she had cancer or some "physical" illness. he said that would be different, me of course thinking "how, what makes it ok to ditch someone with a brain disorder due to a chemical "abnormality" but not ok to ditch someone with a another chemical "abnormality" because it doesn't affect their brain".and i think a lot of people think that way, just a totally different mindset about physical and mental illness.
maybe cause one of my illnesses is very misunderstood and trivialized it makes me more able to relate, i don't know. i just know chronic illness in general and mental illness in particular is "h.e.double hockey sticks".

 

[Deesknee]

prayers to all. not an easy situation. lots of prayers from here.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

prayers to all. not an easy situation. lots of prayers from here.

Thank you.

 

[pilgrimage]

I am so sorry you're walking down that path. It hurts when someone
we love is in bad health--from brain chemistry to Alzheimers to leukemia.

I bet there are good bulletin boards/ chat rooms where you could
connect, and be a CIVILIAN, not professional. You deserve support as
well.

 

[LUV DA MOUSE]

Do you have any more info on bi-polar? I think a friend of mine is. I noticed he has "cycles", he will be fine for a few days and then he just wakes up angry, crabby and screaming and yelling at everyone. It's like you can see it in his eyes, they look like they are going to pop out or they get beety(sp). When he is in a cycle it lasts about 2-3 days, he refuses to seek treatment. There is a history of mental illness on his mom's side. Any info you have or ideas on how to get him to go to the doctor are appreciated.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

http://www.bipolar.com/

Here you go. Be careful about "diagnosing" your friend though. There are many categories of mental illness, and a person has to meet certain criteria for a diagnosis of any kind. I would encourage your friend to seek treatment, although I know firsthand that can be a losing battle. Unfortunately, if they don't want help, there's not a lot you can do. That's what's so frustrating about it. Hope this helps!

 

[jann1033]

in men straight clinical depression can include aggression but i agree, if you can convince him to go to a pro it would help.

i have a good friend ( female ) who is bipolar ( treated)and her manic times she starts a bunch of projects at once( was making 6 blankets at one time once,never finished any), talks really fast, doesn't sleep. i was just reading an article that mentioned there is also a psuedo fibromyalgia with bipolar but it doesn't respond to treatment for fibro. also there is often a family history of it. .

 

[njdisneyfreak]

I don't know how much this will help, beyond knowing that you're all not alone, but my DM has extremem bi-polarism. She's had it my whole life (I'm in my early 30s) and she's had it since she was 23 (for the last 34 years now). When she's not in a cycle, she has no recollection of anything that occurred. When she is in a cycle, she has no recollection of the way she "normally" behaves, which is completely opposite. Normally, she's calm, sweet, always wanting to help, a great person. When she's in a cycle, she is aggressive, foul mouth, etc. Like one of you posted, the police have had to take her in a number of times and know my family well as a result, and she's been in and out of facilities the entire time. For the last number of years, she was taken in and she never returned to her self. She's been institutionalized for all this time. It's never easy. It has never been easy.

But, I agree that you do have to think of yourself. As her daughter, I've often done what I can. But, I came to a point where in many ways, I have had to distance myself from her, because of what it kept doing to me. You do what you have to do, and don't let others make you feel guilty.

Also, for those who divorce someone who is mentally ill, I will never fault them for it. I have seen what my mom can do when she is in that state of mind and it is something that no spouse should ever have to endure, let alone for years upon years upon years. Please try to never fault someone who has to leave such a situation. I agree that one should hang in as long as they can, but do not agree that it's the same as sticking by someone with another type of illness, such as cancer. The level of abuse that loved ones endure when a bipolar person is in and even when they're out of those episodes is sometimes beyond explicable.

For those of you who are suffering with and for your loved suffering from mental illness, please remember that you're not alone. I also recommend that you find support to help.

One thing that mental illness has taught me is that above all, compassion on everyone's part is needed, as well as understanding. Nobody can ever truly know what they would feel and do in another person's shoes. Mental illness is horrific.

Thank you to the OP for starting this thread. It helped me to read that others understand, in a society that makes it difficult to discuss.