Irrational grandmother

[NYCgrrl]

This sounds like the sort of thing my MIL is always worried about. We went on the ferry across the Long Island Sound the other day. She advised me that I should have DS15 wear the life preserver on the ride over because he's not a good swimmer. Interestingly, she wasn't concerned that I might drown. Hmmm...

It's no longer all about you on that level.
Ohhh we love ya and all but but it's sorta like we taught you the best we knew how and now it's on to a different game.
.

 

[jaiminee krikit]

I am also an irrational thinker when it comes to anything to do with DD15. I have been like that since she was very little. I used to get up multiple times every night to make sure she was breathing, I would make sure her windows were locked, no one hiding in her closet. I actually still (but rarely) get up in the middle of the night to check on her. I'll have a bad dream or bad thought and think "What if I didn't check on her and something bad happened?" It's crazy but it's my life. I hate when she goes anywhere with her father, I'm always worried about car accidents. She told me once when she was about 6 that her dad left her alone in an aisle of a store - she turned around and he was gone, she was terrified. I think now how lucky we were that she wasn't taken. I never let her out of my sight when we would go shopping, and most of the time I was holding her hand. Being 15 now, she is going out with friends. I have an app on our phones that will tell me where she is. That app has saved my sanity more times than I can count. I have bad thoughts multiple times a day, but it is much less than it used to be. Thank goodness.

Not that this is you, but my parents have 24 hour cable news on... uh, all the time. Like, ALL the time. I'm not a big TV watcher, I work from home, and prefer the peaceful quietness that occurs when my kids are all at school. If I have any noise it's typically music, Pandora or a record. But when I'm at their house visiting -- that news is.always.on. In the kitchen, in the office, in the family room.... sometimes all 3 TVs are on at the same time whether someone is watching them or not. Ahhh!! When they come here to visit, I don't have cable, so my dad streams it on his iPad and leaves it laying around my house blaring cable news. Stooooop.

Totally my mother! OMG it drives me mad. Growing up I was used to it, but as soon as I moved out I grew to appreciate the quiet. My car stereo even broke and it took me several months to fix it, I liked the quiet! Now my parents are obsessed with Law & Order SVU. Every time we go over there, they are watching it. I sit down in the living room and they won't even pause it. They talk over it, but are easily distracted by it. They have a DVR, they can hit pause, or mute. And they wonder why I don't visit often.

 

[MillauFr]

I am also an irrational thinker when it comes to anything to do with DD15.

How are you able to let her get in a car and be driven by someone? Even yourself? That actually is relatively dangerous. There is nothing irrational about having a fear of driving in a car.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

i agree with the older and wiser thing. my kids are 8 years apart and I was a much more carefree mother at 21 than I have been in my 30s. I'm just so much more aware of all the things that can go wrong now and I know that'll only get worse as I get older.

Have you ever seen a therapist or been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? It's something to consider if these fleeting thoughts ever become more insistent or start to disrupt your life. I have noticed that my anxious thoughts are more intrusive when i am feeling sad or depressed or when something stressful is going on in my life.

 

[rodeo65]

My parents are worriers. mom keeps hers mostly to herself but my dad is forever warning me about everything and even now when my brother and I are 49 and 53, needs a phone call to let him know we're home safely. My brother lives in the US (we're Canadian) so if he doesn't get in touch when my dad has calculated he should be home, I am asked to send a text and see if he's ok. I am probably a hybrid of the two. I do worry but (mostly) keep it quiet. My kids would argue the point but I know how much I never voice.

It's about to become interesting, though. My parents were very strict and hovering with my brother and I when we grew up. He has become their complete opposite, deliberately, I'm sure. To the degree I think he's sometimes callous of their feelings in an effort to make a point that they're being overly concerned. Having lost DH six months ago, the kids and I are preparing to move in with my parents shortly. (DH was) and I am much more permissive with our kids than they were, and while I worry when they're out, I don't keep them hobbled for my own comfort. I am expecting many evenings with my dad asking if I know where the kids are and when they'll be in.

We have regular conversations about the "dangers of the world today." Not without truth in our experience. DS was mugged at knife-point last year. It was frightening, however, I remind my dad regularly that he handled the situation very well with quick thinking and got himself out of it without harm.

 

[momto2girls]

I feel for those of you who worry a lot and/or have anxiety. I used to be such a worrier! It was so miserable. I remember worrying about all kinds of things as a child (for some reason I used to worry about contracting leprosy-- LOL!). As an adult, I used to worry about everything, and I had several panic attacks. I took medication for short periods several times as an adult.

Happily, unlike most people, my worry and anxiety has virtually disappeared now that I'm older (I'm 49). I would definitely recommend getting help if it becomes too much to deal with!

 

[MillauFr]

Part of the problem is that most media outlets prey on those who are inclined to have anxiety. The more you watch the more they suck you in. They have you believe that the world is a dangerous place. The truth is that it is not. The United States is very safe.

 

[jaiminee krikit]

How are you able to let her get in a car and be driven by someone? Even yourself? That actually is relatively dangerous. There is nothing irrational about having a fear of driving in a car.

How is MY irrational fear dangerous?! It’s inconvenient sure, but how exactly is it dangerous?

 

[MillauFr]

How is MY irrational fear dangerous?! It’s inconvenient sure, but how exactly is it dangerous?

Accurately determining the relative levels of risk of various activities is essential to avoiding accidents. If you have fears of activities that are not dangerous it will distract you and prevent you from reducing the threat level from actually dangerous activities.

I estimated the most dangerous activity that I do on a regular basis is drive a car. I reduced my risk by getting rid of my car 17 years ago and moved to a neighborhood where you don't need to have a car to get around.

 

[Dan Murphy]

My wife and I are very mush like that, Jules. Our daughter is 38, 2 kids, 9 and 11. Our son is 41, 3 kids, 9, 7 and 2. We very often are cautioning them what to do and not do. It drives them nuts.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

No. DD's grandparents are all pretty relaxed. I do get the stranger danger stuff a bit more than I think is necesary for our very safe neighborhood, but falling off boats? My parents spend half their summer on a boat, they'd never see their grandchild if they worried about that. It's called wear a lifejacket and teach boating safety, just like they did with me growing up. And a cruise ship? My parents are huge cruisers, and are well aware of just how hard it is for anyone to "fall" off a cruise ship. I think I've heard of 1 example where it was eventually determined to be accidental. Now, falling through the ice is a real concern. I knew a kid whose brother died this way when I was younger. But there's also an easy fix - don't go on the dang ice. Living on an island, we were all brought up with that rule drummed into our heads. Water tank? Do you live in the country? I don't even know anyone who has one.

Ultimately, you only drive yourself nuts with these kinds of worries. You know what I worry about? Cars. Cars are flipping dangerous. Both riding in them and as a pedestrian. Seat belts. Proper child seats. Teaching extreme care and awareness when playing or walking near the road.

 

[karensi]

Mom, is this you? OMG I had to make sure this wasnt my mom who is also on the dis. My “kids” are 24, 20 and my sister has three kids 11-14. Im 51 and my mom will text, what I think irrational thoughts. She pieces together the worst case senarios. I dont know how she even comes up with some crazy ideas lol

Now you can both be crazy together lol but in a good loving way lol

On our cruise in August on the Allure my mom told my ds not to go into a stranger’s room and be careful about getting too close to the railings. My ds is 20 lol

Well, that's me....literally that's me. I'm js's mom and yes I do worry and do, sometimes, come up with irrational ideas. Not that what I worry about couldn't actually happen but maybe I do stretch my imagination a bit.
When my grandchildren were younger I would worry that when we were on the Peter Pan ride in MK that one of them would lean over the seat too far and would fall out.
I also still worry that on Soarin' one of them will lean forward or slide down, whatever, and will fall out of the seat. Actually I worry that that will happen to me also so I use the child safety strap (the one that goes between your legs) and ask that my grandchildren use it also. They think I'm crazy but they do it anyway.
Now I'll be going to WDW in April with DD and her family, grandsons are 14, 12 and 11 and they are going to do a water park this time. Well, I've been reading about Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon and read that TL has a pretty strong wave pool. So yes, I've already started to worry that one of my grandsons, who all can actually swim, will get knocked down by a wave and will not be able to get up and will drown. Grrrrrr, it's not easy being a grandmother!!

 

[Kaleidodad]

All I have to say is, this is a great thread title - or a pretty funny band name.

 

[aprilchem]

Just a word of advice from a daughter-in-law, try to keep some of your worries to yourself because they sometimes come across as a critique of their parenting style and/or they stifle independence in the grandchildren.

This, for sure. My in-laws and my mother do this to me constantly, and I finally had to lay down the law and tell them that I was tired of them implying that I wasn't responsible enough to keep my own children safe and that they needed to keep their comments to themselves from then on. My in-laws and mom called me endlessly about kids getting hanged in the cords of window blinds, furniture tipping over, carbon monoxide poisoning, wearing helmets while riding bikes - all things that we've got covered, because we are a safe family. I was finally at my wit's end!

 

[North of Mouse]

I have always had irrational thoughts and 'what ifs' with my children/grandchildren when they are away, but I keep them to myself for the most part because I refuse to be 'that' mother, or 'that' mother-in-law!!