I need some unbiased opinions...

[DietCoke18]

The one thing that strikes me is how you keep referring to them as your MIL & FIL - no reference to the fact that these are your husband`s parents. Out of respect for him, who is likely grieving his mother and may actually want to be closer to his dad this year, tell your DH your feelings and let him decide. If he agrees that it would be best to exclude his dad, let him explain it to them.

All due respect you have no idea what her husband is feeling. Don’t speak for him.

 

[ronandannette]

All due respect you have no idea what her husband is feeling. Don’t speak for him.

No, I don't have any idea because the OP hasn't mentioned it. He may be equally estranged from them as the OP. Either way, in my "unbiased opinion" (which is what the thread title requested), in fairness, his feelings should be factored in and if hard decisions are made, he should handle them with his family.

 

[Allison]

I can understand the op’s position. Stop judging because you don’t know the whole story. Nor should we. I get it. It’s a tough spot to be In.

She literally asked for opinions.

 

[DietCoke18]

No, I don't have any idea because the OP hasn't mentioned it. He may be equally estranged from them as the OP. Either way, in my "unbiased opinion" (which is what the thread title requested), in fairness, his feelings should be factored in and if hard decisions are made, he should handle them with his family.

Agreed and that’s why these posts are tough. We never know the whole story. Even if all involved were on these boards. There is Always another side

 

[Allison]

All due respect you have no idea what her husband is feeling. Don’t speak for him.

She didn't.

 

[DietCoke18]

She literally asked for opinions.

And the opinion is invite him because he’s family. Even though she has said they don’t get along.

 

[J'aime Paris]

It sounds like a large gathering if there are multiple families involved. You won't be babysitting your FIL...let him mingle with others. He's probably lonely after all.

He's dealt with a spouse that passed from a terrible disease. That certainly deserves some compassion!

Plus, you never know?? Your relationship with FIL could change for the better now that MIL is gone.

 

[DietCoke18]

She didn't.

And dont speak for her either

 

[ronandannette]

And the opinion is invite him because he’s family. Even though she has said they don’t get along.

That wasn't my opinion - did you even read my post before you lit into me?

 

[ronandannette]

And dont speak for her either

You're coming off pretty hostile here - is there a particular reason why?

 

[Allison]

And the opinion is invite him because he’s family. Even though she has said they don’t get along.

Yes. That is the most popular opinion she is getting. She is getting what she requested. You may have a different opinion. If so, state it. You don't get to control the opinion of others.

 

[Allison]

And dont speak for her either

What are you talking about? Are you intentionally trying to derail this conversation?

 

[skyblue17]

I think it's best to invite him. Is it possible that he will opt out of one event simply because it's a LOT of people to see in a short span of time, especially considering he doesn't really know them well? Maybe you can be clear and say that he is welcome to come, but is under no obligation to come if he'd rather not. Either way, they sound like large events with lots of people. There's got to be a cranky uncle he can hang out and commiserate with?

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, I see that your "Need objective opinions" thread is already being derailed a bit.
I will try to give you my most objective thoughts.

First, I did not have a positive relationship with my inlaws. ( I think they meet the same description you gave.)
I do understand how you feel. And, I agree with that!!!
So, know that in that respect, I am with you.

However, being objective, if your FIL now lives with your brother, and things are so interwoven, I don't think a major family holiday such as thanksgiving is the time to make "only the ones that I consider MY side", a factor.

You do have all the other dates and times of the year to see 'your side' without inlaws.

Trying to be objective, personally, even though I could easily do without seeing my inlaws most every time... I don't think this the time or place to draw lines or sides.

Unless there are bigger issues, and both the brother and husband agree that FIL should not be there at your Thanksgiving, then I think you have to go with it.

 

[Tallis]

It sounds like a large gathering if there are multiple families involved. You won't be babysitting your FIL...let him mingle with others. He's probably lonely after all.

He's dealt with a spouse that passed from a terrible disease. That certainly deserves some compassion!

Plus, you never know?? Your relationship with FIL could change for the better now that MIL is gone.

These are my thoughts as well. Sounds like there will be plenty of people there and you won't really have to interact with him too much. Who knows, there may end up being some people there who get along with him well.

Unless his behavior is wildly inappropriate, he should be included.

 

[moniqueand2]

I have found "family combining" can be hard to get used to. But it is the right thing to do and can lead to good outcomes.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think if he wasn't now living with family it might make the situation different though this year might still have him included regardless given his recent loss. That said because he does living with family I agree with others he's part of the family that should be invited to these types of events. He's free to decline of course but regardless of the feelings you may have it kinda goes with the situation at hand. Tough spot for all involved really IMO.

 

[DietCoke18]

That wasn't my opinion - did you even read my post before you lit into me?

Wow overreact much. Who lit into you?

 

[DietCoke18]

You're coming off pretty hostile here - is there a particular reason why?

It’s a typed response on the internet. Why are you so obsessed with my response. Move along now

 

[disneychrista]

Is it reasonable for my father in law to attend all events with the "Maiden Name" side?

You are suggesting that he forgo the holiday's with HIS family?