I get it was my choice as well as dhs

[eeyoreandtink]

No one was talking about a catholic ceremony other than the one person that mentioned their vows said something about children.

And that was the person I was replying to.

 

[tzolkin]

I was married in a Catholic Mass. it wasn't mentioned in my vows either.

You should have been asked three questions prior to the vows. One of which is "Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?" It's really an essential aspect of a Catholic marriage because there are rules about making these promises even if one of the spouses is not Catholic/not Christian, so I can't see how/why it would be left out.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

So Mother's Day and and my birthday which is tomorrow are the two times of the year that Mother Nature reminds that my time clock is ticking

Yes I got from the thread that I want the baby for selfish reasons witch is wrong

Yes I get dh and I would make horrible parents heck we could not even keep a cat alive but even though I know it would be the worst idea for all involved I can't help but think something is missing and for what it's worth I know it's not the baby's place to fill a void

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

That's true but it takes 2 to create a pregnancy. It doesn't take 2 to tie your tubes or get snipped.

Actually, in my state it does. Before a member of a married couple gets a vasectomy or tubes tied, a signature is required of the spouse. I know this because it happened to us.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Actually, in my state it does. Before a member of a married couple gets a vasectomy or tubes tied, a signature is required of the spouse. I know this because it happened to us.

I guess the way around that is just to go out of state or tell doc you're single.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I guess the way around that is just to go out of state or tell doc you're single.

Saying you're single prob wouldnt work when the insurance is in the spouses name. I don't know about going out of state. The law didn't bother me so I didn't look into it.

 

[cabanafrau]

Saying you're single prob wouldnt work when the insurance is in the spouses name. I don't know about going out of state. The law didn't bother me so I didn't look into it.

Not to mention your insurance will probably question paying out of state (potentially out of network?) for routine, elective medical care. If your policy requires referral to specialists by your primary care physician that's also going to be problematic.

 

[DaisyJ]

I guess the way around that is just to go out of state or tell doc you're single.

LOL I'm guessing you don't have insurance?

 

[Nancyg56]

So Mother's Day and and my birthday which is tomorrow are the two times of the year that Mother Nature reminds that my time clock is ticking

Yes I got from the thread that I want the baby for selfish reasons witch is wrong

Yes I get dh and I would make horrible parents heck we could not even keep a cat alive but even though I know it would be the worst idea for all involved I can't help but think something is missing and for what it's worth I know it's not the baby's place to fill a void

Tink-I first want to say I understand how you feel, I honestly do. I had my tubes ties when I was 22 years old. At the time that was the best decision for my family, and while you and I have different reasons for making the difficult decision not to have more children, we might have had similar regrets. My first husband died when I was 23 and soon after I met a wonderful man. He accepted my children and raised them as his own, but both of us always wished that we could have had a child together. We decided not to undergo a reversal but we both have talked about what might have been. Our regret does not change that we have a wonderful family and life, but we both think about it.

As to your parenting skills. I do not think anyone has come close to saying that you would be a lousy parent. What people here who know you are suggesting is that you think about the challenges that you and your DH overcome on a daily basis, and if the two of you can add a baby into that mix. A marriage is hard under the best of circumstances, and you are blessed with a very good one. Your DH has made it clear that he does not want to add the stress of a child into that mix. and I think he is realistic about how that stress could affect the tow of you, as well as the baby.

I know that there are certain occasion that make you look at your life and wonder what it might be with that baby to "complete" your family, just as I have done for 37 years. It can be very painful. I would not insult you by telling your feelings are not valid, they are. I will say that we all make decision that are very difficult because they are the right thing to do, so we can have a pity party and then move on.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Tink, as I had posted before.... A desire to have a child is not necessarily selfish!!! It is totally natural and almost to be expected!
If there are posts here that you feel are expressing judgement, just ignore them.

It is just too bad, and too sad, but just the way it goes here on the DIS, that others have to take a personal and sensitive topic and try to derail it for their own purely selfish agendas.

I am sending hugs!!!!
Just remember that nobody, nobody, has everything. I think everyone has those areas where they feel like something is missing.

 

[lanejudy]

... my birthday which is tomorrow ...

I hope you are having a terrific birthday, with plans to celebrate you!

 

[Liberty Belle]

So Mother's Day and and my birthday which is tomorrow are the two times of the year that Mother Nature reminds that my time clock is ticking

Yes I got from the thread that I want the baby for selfish reasons witch is wrong

Yes I get dh and I would make horrible parents heck we could not even keep a cat alive but even though I know it would be the worst idea for all involved I can't help but think something is missing and for what it's worth I know it's not the baby's place to fill a void

I understand that it's not fair, but it's good you know that you two could not be good parents. Parenting is hard for the best equipped people. If you throw in any disabilities, etc, it can be even harder.

Was the keep a cat alive thing a joke? Because I was going to suggest you get a small pet. Maybe you could start with a hamster or something and see if that will help you feel better.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Tink, as I had posted before.... A desire to have a child is not necessarily selfish!!! It is totally natural and almost to be expected!
If there are posts here that you feel are expressing judgement, just ignore them.

It is just too bad, and too sad, but just the way it goes here on the DIS, that others have to take a personal and sensitive topic and try to derail it for their own purely selfish agendas.

I am sending hugs!!!!
Just remember that nobody, nobody, has everything. I think everyone has those areas where they feel like something is missing.

Since it was my post that she claimed made her feel "selfish," I would like to respond. I believe I offered some good advice, including applauding her intent to see her therapist, which I truly hope she does, not "just ignore," as you suggest.

In NO way did I state that wanting a child is selfish. I did note that the reasons she had listed so far were more about her desire to fill a hole in her life, and when she talks to her therapist, they would presumably encourage her to explore ALL aspects of her feelings. Taking on the role of parent is a huge responsibility, one that needs to be decided together by the couple. Suggesting that she delve deeper into her feelings, her husband's feelings, and understanding the full role of a parent should, IMO, not be ignored.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I understand that it's not fair, but it's good you know that you two could not be good parents. Parenting is hard for the best equipped people. If you throw in any disabilities, etc, it can be even harder.

Was the keep a cat alive thing a joke? Because I was going to suggest you get a small pet. Maybe you could start with a hamster or something and see if that will help you feel better.

No I put pumpkin down a little over a month ago and I still claim responsibility even though the and my mom said it was not my fault he got stage four cancer within days still don't understand how that happened

 

[wilkeliza]

No I put pumpkin down a little over a month ago and I still claim responsibility even though the and my mom said it was not my fault he got stage four cancer within days still don't understand how that happened

Please don't blame yourself for that Tinkerbell! That is just cancer. Even in humans it can seem to be "fast". My cousin took care of her self and went to doctor and then one day she fainted at work and they found out she had stage 4 cancer. So if it can happen in a human who can tell you when they don't feel well and can go to the doctors on their own it can happen in a person. Usually it just means they had it for a very long time and it was either missed in routine exams or wasn't being looked for. Not all cancers have symptoms that people would know to look for.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

LOL I'm guessing you don't have insurance?

I'm single. Have no idea how it works for married folks.

 

[mom2rtk]

Please don't blame yourself for that Tinkerbell! That is just cancer. Even in humans it can seem to be "fast". My cousin took care of her self and went to doctor and then one day she fainted at work and they found out she had stage 4 cancer. So if it can happen in a human who can tell you when they don't feel well and can go to the doctors on their own it can happen in a person. Usually it just means they had it for a very long time and it was either missed in routine exams or wasn't being looked for. Not all cancers have symptoms that people would know to look for.

Plus they say cats are masters at hiding their pain.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, please don't blame yourself!!!
And I am so sorry about Pumpkin.

Thanks CarolAnne! I was def. not remembering or referring to your particular post. (Though, there are some post, especially off topic, that seem to have an agenda.)

And, I am just trying to be very sensitive to Tink and how some comments might be taken and make her feel....

 

[Pumbaa_]

Tink is it possible that the loss of your cat is the hole you are feeling in your life?

I have had to euthanize 4 dogs and 5 cats during my marriage. We currently have 2 dogs and 2 cats. We also have have no children

You did the responsible thing regarding pumpkin. It is the final gift we give our fur babies, to end their pain w a peaceful ending

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Tink is it possible that the loss of your cat is the hole you are feeling in your life?

I have had to euthanize 4 dogs and 5 cats during my marriage. We currently have 2 dogs and 2 cats. We also have have no children

You did the responsible thing regarding pumpkin. It is the final gift we give our fur babies, to end their pain w a peaceful ending

I thought about that