I get it was my choice as well as dhs

[L&Lfan]

In Catholic marriage preparation, the groom and bride are both asked in separate interviews (so there's no pressure to answer a certain way), whether they are willing to accept children, if God grants such. They are free to answer no, but I'm sure the priest would further investigate a "no" answer, especially if the other party answers yes.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, your feelings are very normal and understandable.
In most all cases, 'feelings' are valid!!!! (Not necessarily 'selfish' in and of themselves)
As somebody who experienced infertility, and thought I might never become a parent, I completely and totally understand.
The desire to become a parent, for most people, at some point, is a very natural and very strong thing!
It is like 'grieving'!!! A very real land serious thing.
I am sending you hugs....

I am also thinking about how it was just Mother's Day... with all of the idealistic and promo polished focus and images of the 'IDEAL' of mother's day... (not always a realistic image/vision of what a being a parent/mother really can be) That makes this kind of thing even harder.

Also, ALL of us have things that might not be possible for us.
ALL of us probably have some regrets. and, a lot of wishful thinking.
I know that I do....

It can be very difficult.
But, I think you know, in your heart, that most of us here are right. Your husband seems to continue to feel that he does not want to become a parent. And, with love and with all due respect, I think that, maybe, becoming a parent would not be the best thing for the two of you.

Perhaps, as mentioned, this is something that you can talk to somebody, specifically, about.
While your feelings are very real and understandable, you don't want to let something like this come between you and your husband.

Hope this helps!

 

[Gracie09]

In Catholic marriage preparation, the groom and bride are both asked in separate interviews (so there's no pressure to answer a certain way), whether they are willing to accept children, if God grants such. They are free to answer no, but I'm sure the priest would further investigate a "no" answer, especially if the other party answers yes.

right but I would venture to say the majority of wedding ceremonies are not Catholic so the Catholic service really is not the standard to go by. If I was single, I could get married at the courthouse or town hall tomorrow and never promise to accept children into the marriage. Just because one set of religions requires it, does not mean that everyone has vowed to do that.

 

[Gracie09]

We have a LOT of Catholic family so I have been to many Catholic weddings. A wedding is a sacrament in the Catholic faith and so must follow certain standards. From what I understand it, for churches that follow the tenets of the faith as written, this is a requirement.

right but if you're not Catholic the Catholic ceremony would not apply

 

[Wishing on a star]

Does the original poster's persoanal thread really have to be hijacked by a 'religious' discussion....

 

[DaisyJ]

I'm surprised a Catholic hospital would offer the procedure as well. I wanted to have a tubal ligation after my last was born since I was having a c-section. The hospital wasn't Catholic, but it was built on land that had been bought from the Catholic Church, and part of the sales agreement was no surgeries for birth control.

You don't make a promise to procreate, but "willingly accept children" or something like that.

Children were not mentioned in my vows. Yours must have been different.

 

[DaisyJ]

We have a LOT of Catholic family so I have been to many Catholic weddings. A wedding is a sacrament in the Catholic faith and so must follow certain standards. From what I understand it, for churches that follow the tenets of the faith as written, this is a requirement.

Not everyone was married in a catholic church.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

Not everyone was married in a catholic church.

right but it your not Catholic the Catholic ceremony would not apply

right, but we were taking about a Catholic ceremony, so that's what I was addressing. If you are not married in the Catholic church the church doesn't recognize the marriage, so all "Catholic" weddings take place in the church.

 

[tzolkin]

right but I would venture to say the majority of wedding ceremonies are not Catholic so the Catholic service really is not the standard to go by. If I was single, I could get married at the courthouse or town hall tomorrow and never promise to accept children into the marriage. Just because one set of religions requires it, does not mean that everyone has vowed to do that.

Not everyone was married in a catholic church.

The poster who originally mentioned the vows to procreate also made a comment about a Catholic hospital in the same post. So I think some people were lumping together the "Catholic" and "marriage vows" topics. No one said or implied that was the only type of marriage ceremony/vows.

 

[Gracie09]

right, but we were taking about a Catholic ceremony, so that's what I was addressing. If you are not married in the Catholic church the church doesn't recognize the marriage, so all "Catholic" weddings take place in the church.

the original post quoted said Catholic hospital, not anything about a Catholic marriage ceremony. You can go to a Catholic hospital and not be Catholic.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

the original post quoted said Catholic hospital, not anything about a Catholic marriage ceremony. You can go to a Catholic hospital and not be Catholic.

The one I quoted and was replying about was about a wedding ceremony, not a hospital. Someone said that the vow to accept children required of Cathloics would depend on what vows you took. I was saying that every truly "Catholic" (as in recognized by the church) wedding takes place in a Catholic church and requires this.

It's WHY Catholic hospitals will not do tubal ligations. They view it as breaking a vow to the church. They also believe that everyone who seeks treatment from them should be held to the same standard, regardless of their religious affiliation.

 

[DaisyJ]

The poster who originally mentioned the vows to procreate also made a comment about a Catholic hospital in the same post. So I think some people were lumping together the "Catholic" and "marriage vows" topics. No one said or implied that was the only type of marriage ceremony/vows.

No they didn't. I mentioned a Catholic hospital, not a catholic wedding.

 

[DaisyJ]

right, but we were taking about a Catholic ceremony, so that's what I was addressing. If you are not married in the Catholic church the church doesn't recognize the marriage, so all "Catholic" weddings take place in the church.

No one was talking about a catholic ceremony other than the one person that mentioned their vows said something about children.

 

[Allison]

Perhaps the religious discussion could be moved to a different thread so the OP's isn't closed.

 

[DisneyOma]

I don't think he meant any snark or insult with his reply. What I think he means (sorry Low-key if I'm wrong), is that just because you don't have any disabilities doesn't mean that you children "Will turn out great". Yeah, yours did, and that is wonderful, but not everyone does. And I don't get how your daughter's research is relevant to this discussion.

"next time someone you love has to get treatment for cancer" Seriously? Where did that come from?

It was a rebuttal to the generalization that today's kids are not turning out great - (mine are great, doing great things) which is how I read the statement with the emoji - as I stated I'm not sure what he really meant by the statement. I didn't think he meant disabilities (although both of my daughters have minor disabilities) because of the whistling emoji after the statement. No one should tongue in cheek whistle at a disability. So then I tried to figure out what he really meant, and all I could come up with is that he looked down on a younger generation. So I posted some info I had about my daughter, who is of the younger generation and trying to come up with better treatments for cancer.

 

[tzolkin]

No they didn't. I mentioned a Catholic hospital, not a catholic wedding.

I don't know why you are so argumentative in every response.

I was referring to Party.of.4's post which mentioned both Catholic hospital and wedding vows in the same post. I think some people lumped together the words "Catholic" and "marriage vows" and went off topic with that. Here's the post below. I didn't just make it up.

I'm surprised this surgery was offered at a catholic hospital. I wonder if that is the common thread among those that had to have spouse sign a consent form?

Hmmm, I don't remember making a promise to procreate in my wedding vows. I'm really stumped, more shocked really, that a spouse's consent is required. Learn something new every day I guess.

 

[BLAZEY]

I had to sign a form acknowledging I was aware that DH was having the vasectomy. I drove Dh there was in the room while he had it done, went and had breakfast afterwards. I made sure DH didn't pass out as he has really low blood pressure. I took place at his GP's office, BC Canada.

 

[Cheetie]

Children were not mentioned in my vows. Yours must have been different.

Right. I was talking about a Catholic service.

 

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

I meant to say upthread that I understand that it is selfish of me to want to bring a disabled child into this world and hardly anyone can say that they have exprenced every life exprence and I well be happy with the life experiences (sp) I have had

I wouldn't say it's selfish at all to want to bring a child into the world. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to be a mother.
Also to the bolded, these are truly wise words you have typed. I would be willing to bet everyone that has commented on this thread desires something they don't have.

 

[okeydokey]

Right. I was talking about a Catholic service.

I was married in a Catholic Mass. it wasn't mentioned in my vows either.