How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[LSUmiss]

Interesting. In MA, buffets are usually cheaper than sit down, unless you have premium carving stations with the buffet.

Apparently the only thing consistent about weddings around the US are the inconsistencies.

Lol! It’s usually pretty extravagant foods though. Most have carving stations & most other foods are seafood dishes.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

In MA, the venue carries the liability insurance. I've never heard of individuals carrying liability insurance, unless on private property. Even then, I think the caterer serving/providing the alcohol is liable. MA has some insane liquor laws. If you are under 25, it's almost impossible to get a drink in Boston with an out of state license.

You may have not experienced it yourself but it's not a State thing. If you aren't seeing it it's because the particular venues don't require it. Via google an individual can get special event liability insurance in MA (and private property is not a stipulation).

It could also be communication being crossed here. When a venue requires liability insurance/Certificate of Liability it's not related to the caterer or the person providing alcohol. It's related to injuries that occur where the host is liable for it, for damage the host is liable for, for theft the host is liable for, etc. Arguably alcohol can increase the odds of this happening.

Something that I could see a catering or the person serving the alcohol would be liable for is serving to underage drinking-but special event/Certificate of Liability in the context that I'm personally speaking about that does not pertain to that--the company we used for our bartending, for example, is responsible for that not us as the bride and groom--unless we gave alcohol ourselves personally to someone underage.

Our venue required it mostly in case of theft or damage to their property during our event thus it was required regardless of alcohol being there or not.

 

[kiddo76]

You may have not experienced it yourself but it's not a State thing. If you aren't seeing it it's because the particular venues don't require it. Via google an individual can get special event liability insurance in MA (and private property is not a stipulation).

I have never heard of anyone in MA carrying liability insurance individually for an event at a banquet facility. It's not that they can't get it, it's just not typically necessary. The business carries the insurance and I assume the cost is passed on to the consumer.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I have never heard of anyone in MA carrying liability insurance individually for an event at a banquet facility. It's not that they can't get it, it's just not typically necessary. The business carries the insurance and I assume the cost is passed on to the consumer.

It's available there for sure just there are venues that aren't requiring it and maybe it's a norm not to require it in specific areas (you mentioned Boston earlier).

But you could totally be right that the venues that don't require it figure the costs of possible damage, theft, etc into the price--they still have a chance for that stuff just as much as other venues around the nation that require it but they are accounting for it in a different manner.

 

[kiddo76]

Lol! It’s usually pretty extravagant foods though. Most have carving stations & most other foods are seafood dishes.

Well everyone knows New England seafood is better than Southern Coast seafood!.

 

[LSUmiss]

Well everyone knows New England seafood is better than Southern Coast seafood!.

Ha! Not sure about better but clearly more expensive! Lol!

 

[NotUrsula]

Party buffets in S. Louisiana are expensive because they are served continuously for the entire event, and the foods are mostly expensive heavy appetizers that can be eaten while standing and socializing. The tradition for weddings is to dance for the entire event, so there is no set time to serve a meal; guests eat whenever they feel peckish.

There is actually a bit of a trend of New Yorkers doing destination weddings in New Orleans in recent years. I've been told that the Audubon Aquarium's Gulf of Mexico exhibit is a very popular venue with them, as is Degas House. My personal favorite NOLA venue at the moment is the Lakefront Airport Terminal. It is just amazing since the renovation, and not really high priced. Messina's has the lease from the City, so it's their food.

 

[luvsJack]

There are some gorgeous venues in NOLA. I can sure see the attraction for a destination wedding. But I would have to choose some of the gorgeous antebellum mansions and houses. The beautiful house with the New Orleans atmosphere make for some beautiful weddings.

We were in the French quarter one day and saw a wedding party at St Louis Catherdral. Don’t know if the wedding was there or maybe just the photo shoot but oh my! Just gorgeous.

 

[LSUmiss]

There are some gorgeous venues in NOLA. I can sure see the attraction for a destination wedding. But I would have to choose some of the gorgeous antebellum mansions and houses. The beautiful house with the New Orleans atmosphere make for some beautiful weddings.

We were in the French quarter one day and saw a wedding party at St Louis Catherdral. Don’t know if the wedding was there or maybe just the photo shoot but oh my! Just gorgeous.

The thing with a lot of the houses is the size. I looked into that for mine & most could only hold under 50-100 ppl. We wanted that type of atmosphere so we went to St. Fransciville LA to a plantation. Plus, I got engaged on August 27, 2005 so my choices in NOLA were limited & most ppl we knew were living in MS or Baton Rouge temporarily at the time. There are a lot more venues now since Katrina.

 

[luvsJack]

The thing with a lot of the houses is the size. I looked into that for mine & most could only hold under 50-100 ppl. We wanted that type of atmosphere so we went to St. Fransciville LA to a plantation. Plus, I got engaged on August 27, 2005 so my choices in NOLA were limited & most ppl we knew were living in MS or Baton Rouge temporarily at the time. There are a lot more venues now since Katrina.

Oh I bet that was gorgeous at a plantation house!

The one we were looking at had the ceremony outside on the steps and the reception inside. They said 100-200 but I can see where size would be an issue.

 

[ronandannette]

There is definitely the same here as well, Every state has their areas with money and areas without. My wedding was much more economical, but we did a Saturday morning brunch type which was 4 hours instead of 5, a buffet rather than plated, and mimosas were included, we refused to pay for an open bar for people to get drunk in the morning lol. Different strokes for different folks, but in general I think venues cost more on the coasts.

All discussion of costs or the size of gifts aside, I think your event sounds lovely. Not that I EVER intend to marry again, but if I did I think having a morning ceremony and elegant brunch would be perfect!

 

[Suprachica79]

All discussion of costs or the size of gifts aside, I think your event sounds lovely. Not that I EVER intend to marry again, but if I did I think having a morning ceremony and elegant brunch would be perfect!

Thanks! We really enjoyed it. We only had 40ish people and it was a struggle to find a venue that had anything below a 100-guest minimum. At our venue, the brunch option had a 50-guest minimum so we had to pay half a plate for every person under the minimum. It was considerably cheaper than many other venues and was exactly what we were looking for so we lucked out.

 

[ronandannette]

Thanks! We really enjoyed it. We only had 40ish people and it was a struggle to find a venue that had anything below a 100-guest minimum. At our venue, the brunch option had a 50-guest minimum so we had to pay half a plate for every person under the minimum. It was considerably cheaper than many other venues and was exactly what we were looking for so we lucked out.

So did you pick 10 people at random to inform they needed to "cover" a plate-and-a-half?

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

So did you pick 10 people at random to inform they needed to "cover" a plate-and-a-half?

Well De Beers originally came out with one month's pay for the ring. It was two for a very long time. Now it's three supposedly. So now it's double your plate cover!!!!

 

[snapppyd]

I don't think couples have an "expectation" that guests will cover their plate. My DH and I do it because we want to.

I also don't like the assumption that couples are throwing weddings that they can't afford. My nephew recently married for the first time at 46 years of age. His wife is 42. They threw an elaborate reception that they paid for themselves. They did not "expect" anything.

My Dh and I gave a large gift (1) because we were so happy for them and (2) because we could afford it. There was no engagement party or bridal shower. I took that into consideration when giving the wedding gift. I have other nephews who had engagement parties, showers, rehearsal dinner, which all cost us a lot extra.

It comes down to what is the norm in your region, what you can afford, etc. There is no right or wrong.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't think couples have an "expectation" that guests will cover their plate. My DH and I do it because we want to.

Not that it's really much of any point but if you live in a place where it is a social custom and norm it is by nature and definition an expectation. That's a major part of what a social norm/custom is. Whether other people think that is acceptable is another story but it's still is an expectation. Social norms and customs are very important in general; it just so happens that cover your plate is a mentality that if looking to the DIS the majority of posters don't have that particular social norm or custom in their area with some not even knowing about it.

If by you saying you don't think couples have an expectation that guests will cover their plates as in the bride and groom I would agree. I don't know who officially came up with the norm in the areas that do this but it's clear that it's just done at weddings there not that the bride and groom saying to do it-they don't have to say it because it's part of social customs and norms of weddings there so it's implicitly clear that's the thing you should be doing.

 

[aprilgail]

Our local paper had an article about wedding after parties today- I have been to a few after parties over the past few years but they are becoming more and more now.

After four hours of playing host to nearly 300 guests during their wedding reception, Sari and Joseph Ripepe of Long Beach could finally do their thing.

Joseph Ripepe headed for a plate of chicken and waffles — and to a pool match fit for the Rat Pack — while his new wife and some of her friends and family gathered in a garden downstairs gazing up at the stars. “I was looking for Mars and Saturn," recalls Sari Ripepe. “I was obsessing over that while he [Joseph] was upstairs playing pool.”

The place where the newlyweds finally got to unwind was at the same venue — The Carltun in East Meadow — as their earlier wedding events had taken place, only the after-party was in the more out-of-the-way garden courtyard.

Impromptu gatherings held at bars or elsewhere after weddings are nothing new, but planned — and pricey — after-parties are growing in popularity, according to those involved in the wedding business on Long Island. And some of these affairs are now being offered as part of a wedding package, with the sky as the limit when it comes to cost.


Celebrity event planner Michael Russo says after-parties have been popular in Hollywood for about 20 years but have since become the thing to do everywhere else. “They definitely have elevated themselves from when they first originated,” Russo says. “It’s, ‘I have to do better than the last person.’ ”

Russo did the after-party for the 2004 wedding of NSYNC’s Joey Fatone, who married Kelly Baldwin at Huntington’s Oheka Castle. That carnival-themed event included bumper cars, rides and food trucks. “It was really out of control,” Russo says.

The Ripepes' after-party was out of this world, say Joseph and Sari, both 27, and a must-have to unwind at the end of a long day. It cost $5,000.

“There are so many formalities and the speeches and saying hello to guests during the five or six hours of the wedding reception, so it’s a nice time for the couple to relax,” says Bill Lodato, general manager at the Heritage Club at Bethpage. He adds that 80 percent of the weddings involve formal after-parties.

John Ovanessian, who handles after-parties at the Peconic Bay Yacht Club in Southold, says they can be held in a speak-easy on the lower level, where there’s a wine cellar and a tasting room. They can also arrange gatherings around a bonfire with tiki torches. Prices for after-parties there generally range from $2,000 to $4,000 for an hour or two, Ovanessian says. He adds that usually the couple wants it held in a part of the venue where nothing else relating to the wedding has already been held, so it’s new.

While after-parties are popular with couples of all ages, experts say they’re particularly trendy among 20- and 30-somethings.

“They’re very popular right now,” Russo says. He adds that a planned after-party is better than an impromptu trip to a bar where there will be people not invited to the wedding and the newlyweds (along with their guests) will have to share the attention of the wait staff.

Ashley Douglass, owner of Ashley Douglass Events & Wedding Planners in Huntington, notes, however, that many wedding venues on Long Island don't offer after-parties because it takes a lot of time, space, effort and money to keep a party that has already gone on for hours.

"A lot of our weddings have prior planned after-parties, but I'd say more [venues] don't [provide them] than do," Douglass says. "They want to close down and a lot of venues don't have the space, so the party goes to another location."

Wedding venues on Long Island that do arrange after-parties typically offer a choice between a savory or sweet menu along with drinks and dessert liqueurs — with selections such as sliders, chicken fingers, grilled cheese and steak sandwiches or all desserts. Music can be provided by a DJ or a live band.

Phil Vollaro, owner of After Hours Entertainment, has arranged a food truck to be parked outside an after-party for guests craving a sweet treat or fast food from McDonald’s, Domino's, Wendy’s and Taco Bell. “It’s something different,” Vollaro says. Prices for his packages range from $1,200 to $3,500.

Philip and Elise Luongo, who like the Ripepes are both 27, say they won't forget their outdoor after-party following their Sept. 2 wedding at the Heritage Club. About 80 percent of the weddings there include after-parties, and the Luongos' cost about $4,000.

More than three-quarters of the couple's 175 wedding guests stayed for the late-night celebration.

Included was a 10-piece reggae band and tiki torches — and on the menu, mozzarella sticks and chicken Parmesan hero sandwiches. Guests danced in a conga line and there was a limbo contest. The Luongos' dog, Charlie, made his grand entrance in his tuxedo as the band played "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

"At one point I had a cordial-dipped cigar in one hand and a chicken parm sandwich in the other and I felt I was in heaven," Philip Luongo says. He adds, “Some of the best wedding memories are of the after-party. It was a really good time.”

 

[snapppyd]

Not that it's really much of any point but if you live in a place where it is a social custom and norm it is by nature and definition an expectation. That's a major part of what a social norm/custom is. Whether other people think that is acceptable is another story but it's still is an expectation. Social norms and customs are very important in general; it just so happens that cover your plate is a mentality that if looking to the DIS the majority of posters don't have that particular social norm or custom in their area with some not even knowing about it.

If by you saying you don't think couples have an expectation that guests will cover their plates as in the bride and groom I would agree. I don't know who officially came up with the norm in the areas that do this but it's clear that it's just done at weddings there not that the bride and groom saying to do it-they don't have to say it because it's part of social customs and norms of weddings there so it's implicitly clear that's the thing you should be doing.

thanks for the lesson.

 

[ronandannette]

I don't think couples have an "expectation" that guests will cover their plate. My DH and I do it because we want to.

I also don't like the assumption that couples are throwing weddings that they can't afford. My nephew recently married for the first time at 46 years of age. His wife is 42. They threw an elaborate reception that they paid for themselves. They did not "expect" anything.

My Dh and I gave a large gift (1) because we were so happy for them and (2) because we could afford it. There was no engagement party or bridal shower. I took that into consideration when giving the wedding gift. I have other nephews who had engagement parties, showers, rehearsal dinner, which all cost us a lot extra.

It comes down to what is the norm in your region, what you can afford, etc. There is no right or wrong.

Just one question though - if you attend a very modest wedding do you adjust the gift down accordingly? Maybe nobody in your circle does budget DIY-type events or cake-and-punch or things like that; here practically anything goes.

 

[snapppyd]

This is not the first time someone has posted a thread like this. People in the past have said "well if they want to throw a party they can't afford don't expect me to pay for it".

My point was I don't think the bridge and groom are necessarily doing that. I don't adjust according to the size of the party, my gift is from the heart, as I said, because we are happy for them. If it is my niece or nephew and they had a small party at home I would give the same because it is for their future, not the party.