Hijacked 1st Trip

[stephk1981]

I agree with a few previous posters. While they should have discussed their trip with you before booking, this is your bf's mom, you need to try your hardest to make this work. I wouldn't change my plans, and would even perhaps keep a few hours each day as just the 3 of you, but would let his family know your other plans.....dining reservations, fast passes, which park on what days etc. If you plan to stay with bf for the foreseeable future, sometimes you have to be flexible even when you REALLY don't want to. We have always lived fairly far from both sides of my and DH family. Our DS first Christmas I wanted to spend it just the three of us. With whomever arriving later in the day or next day. Instead my In-laws booked a trip to come stay with us from December 23-January 3. I was upset, but my DH was excited to share our son's first Christmas with his parents....even though he too would have rather they had asked before coming to stay in our home( uninvited .) At the end of the day, that is your bf's family, try to accommodate by letting them know your schedule, and making them feel loved and welcomed. Have a great trip.

 

[sullyfam]

I would be peeved too if I were you! You were looking forward to this family time with just the 3 of you and that is really crappy that they inserted themselves into it without asking. But, at the end of the day, it sounds like there's not much you can do about it. So instead of spending your energy being angry, do what you can to make the best of it.

Let them know you have already made all your plans. Tell them your plans but make it clear they may or may not be able to add on depending on availability. There is a chance they won't be able to which will mean some family time for just the 3 of you. I would at least make an effort to change 1 ADR so that you can all dine together for a meal. It will go a long way to making them feel welcome. But again, I would not change all my plans to accommodate them by any means.

When your son falls asleep in the stroller, maybe they can walk him around while you and your BF do some rides. It can be a good thing to have extra sets of hands although I know what you mean about your son likely not warming up to them. But it sounds like you won't see them very often so at least your son will have pictures from this trip to look back on. That's important too. My son only met my dad when he was a baby so he has no memory of it, but I show him pictures and he appreciates that.

Remember, you can't control other's behavior, only your reaction to it. So focus on your son and the memories you make while there. Plan another longer trip when he's a bit older and keep it to yourselves. Life is very short and starting a war with them over this does not seem worth it in the grand scheme of things if you plan to be with your BF for the foreseeable future.

 

[PleasejointheFarque]

At the end of the day, its great that they have taken an interest. A lot of children never get to meet their other family, so maybe just take it as a gift that they actually care and enjoy the experience.

Life is too short.

 

[Nancyg56]

I realize that this is an intrusion you were not expecting, and one that has the potential to derail your first family trip, however I would encourage you to try to include your BF family and see how it goes. The good news is that your little one is still a baby, so while you need to be sure you have a schedule for him, you will not need to worry that the grands will disrupt his vacation beyond repair.

I have no idea why they chose a WDW vacation as their first opportunity to meet their new grandchild, but for some reason they did. How you and your BF react to them can color their ongoing relationship with your child, and IMO kids need all the love they can get from their extended family.

I would share your schedule, and ask them how they wanted to join you. ONce they see that you have plans in place, a schedule mapped out, and need to know when and where they want to meet, you may be surprised in that they do not want to be together the entire time, but want to meet periodically. Folks who do not "do" Disney do not always understand that it is not conducive to spontaneous family reunions. Meetings need to be scheduled, dinners booked, and park plans set in stone. If you reach out to them, and offer to include them in YOUR plans whenever possible, they may decide that this is nto the trip they envisioned. Or they may just want to hang by the pool, and meet for an afternoon here and there.

 

[jljohnston89]

I realize that this is an intrusion you were not expecting, and one that has the potential to derail your first family trip, however I would encourage you to try to include your BF family and see how it goes. The good news is that your little one is still a baby, so while you need to be sure you have a schedule for him, you will not need to worry that the grands will disrupt his vacation beyond repair.

I have no idea why they chose a WDW vacation as their first opportunity to meet their new grandchild, but for some reason they did. How you and your BF react to them can color their ongoing relationship with your child, and IMO kids need all the love they can get from their extended family.

I would share your schedule, and ask them how they wanted to join you. ONce they see that you have plans in place, a schedule mapped out, and need to know when and where they want to meet, you may be surprised in that they do not want to be together the entire time, but want to meet periodically. Folks who do not "do" Disney do not always understand that it is not conducive to spontaneous family reunions. Meetings need to be scheduled, dinners booked, and park plans set in stone. If you reach out to them, and offer to include them in YOUR plans whenever possible, they may decide that this is nto the trip they envisioned. Or they may just want to hang by the pool, and meet for an afternoon here and there.

That's what the dont understand. We have reservations for chef Mickey, ohana and fp for sdmt, Peter pan, etc. Things I had to get up early on the 180 and 60day marks for and there is no way to join us for. Unfortunately this is a much shorter trip than we normally take as we didnt want to press our luck with kiddo so we dont have off days. We fly in, 2 back to back park days then fly out so down time outside ofwhatever is necessary for babys needs isnt going to happen. We tried to be accommodating and said we would do dinner on arrival night but asked that it be moved up as the 730 in DS they had booked would keep us out too late for babys bedtime. Instead theycancelled it saying it would be awkward and now refuse to speak to us. So at this point I'm not sure what will happen. We tried to be nice about it and accommodate to an extent but I think they just want a reason to argue.

 

[Navychica]

Oof. Your request to move up dinner was completely reasonable with an infant. I just don’t see anyone leaving this trip happy.

That's what the dont understand. We have reservations for chef Mickey, ohana and fp for sdmt, Peter pan, etc. Things I had to get up early on the 180 and 60day marks for and there is no way to join us for. Unfortunately this is a much shorter trip than we normally take as we didnt want to press our luck with kiddo so we dont have off days. We fly in, 2 back to back park days then fly out so down time outside ofwhatever is necessary for babys needs isnt going to happen. We tried to be accommodating and said we would do dinner on arrival night but asked that it be moved up as the 730 in DS they had booked would keep us out too late for babys bedtime. Instead theycancelled it saying it would be awkward and now refuse to speak to us. So at this point I'm not sure what will happen. We tried to be nice about it and accommodate to an extent but I think they just want a reason to argue.

 

[jljohnston89]

Unfortunately I don't either. Everyone is upset for one reason or another and as they refuse to talk to either of us there is little hope of figuring out a plan since we are 2 weeks out now.

 

[Nancyg56]

That's what the dont understand. We have reservations for chef Mickey, ohana and fp for sdmt, Peter pan, etc. Things I had to get up early on the 180 and 60day marks for and there is no way to join us for. Unfortunately this is a much shorter trip than we normally take as we didnt want to press our luck with kiddo so we dont have off days. We fly in, 2 back to back park days then fly out so down time outside ofwhatever is necessary for babys needs isnt going to happen. We tried to be accommodating and said we would do dinner on arrival night but asked that it be moved up as the 730 in DS they had booked would keep us out too late for babys bedtime. Instead theycancelled it saying it would be awkward and now refuse to speak to us. So at this point I'm not sure what will happen. We tried to be nice about it and accommodate to an extent but I think they just want a reason to argue.

Well you tried and they refused to accomodate. For me, at this point it iwould be game over. At no point in any reasonable person's mind would having a baby be displaced be accceptable, so this tell me they had benn rethinking this trip.

 

[Nancyg56]

That's what the dont understand. We have reservations for chef Mickey, ohana and fp for sdmt, Peter pan, etc. Things I had to get up early on the 180 and 60day marks for and there is no way to join us for. Unfortunately this is a much shorter trip than we normally take as we didnt want to press our luck with kiddo so we dont have off days. We fly in, 2 back to back park days then fly out so down time outside ofwhatever is necessary for babys needs isnt going to happen. We tried to be accommodating and said we would do dinner on arrival night but asked that it be moved up as the 730 in DS they had booked would keep us out too late for babys bedtime. Instead theycancelled it saying it would be awkward and now refuse to speak to us. So at this point I'm not sure what will happen. We tried to be nice about it and accommodate to an extent but I think they just want a reason to argue.

actually they could have tried to join you but they would have had to be checking MDE constantly to make ADR's to match yours. If I wanted to join my family I would move Heaven and Earth to make it work, and they did not move an inch.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

they can't hijack if you don't include them or communicate your plans. it's probably extremely unlikely that they will be able to get plans matching yours, so just go, ignore them, and move on with your lives.

 

[DuskKodesh]

I'm going with the 'leave them out' vote here. You had no warning, they sprung it on you. You even tried to accommodate, they decided to be babies and you already have one baby to deal with.

I have family like that and I always tried to include them, even on my wedding when they started a tiff over the decorations (They decided white was apropos for a wedding even though I picked out my colors months back and said I'd handle the decor. Expressly no white. Then here they come with white decor and flowers because they said we needed them...) and I went to hide and talk to the groomsmaid... okay, so I was crying. It'd been a rough day. Well when I did my hubby... errr fiance' at the time blew up at them. Like I have never heard this man yell, and he yelled like a fire engine siren. They didn't talk to me for months. Moped around after that, then they got the heck over it and started talking to us again. BUT they never tried to take over anything like that ever again.

It's good to have your space. Put your foot down, let them be babies. They'll get over it in time. This is a time in your life you'll never get back with your kiddo and the BF. Enjoy it guilt free.

 

[LSUmiss]

One thing you posted concerns me - you said you have lots of things planned and very little time to meet up with them. You are going to have a baby with you. You have to have flexibility. Yes, babies are easy in some ways to travel with, but they can’t do a jam packed schedule. I don’t care how well they stroller nap or nap in a carrier. They will be out of their normal environment, at a place full of stimulation. I took a baby that age, and even with him being a laid back kid and a stroller napper, we had to adapt as things went and did less that we hoped to. (And my MIL tagged along for that trip and proved to be an asset. 3 adult sets of hands are better than 2.)

Yes my DS first trip was at this age & we did like 2-3 things a day. Sometimes we had rides planned but bad just fallen asleep or needed a bottle or whatever. It was my favorite trip we ever took so far but we didn’t do all that many planned things.

 

[jljohnston89]

Well you tried and they refused to accomodate. For me, at this point it iwould be game over. At no point in any reasonable person's mind would having a baby be displaced be accceptable, so this tell me they had benn rethinking this trip.

Oh they're still coming. I think now they simply try to find us so it's on their terms again. Bf accepted their friends and family mde invite so for a brief bit they were able to see all of our reservations. I suspect their new plan will be to ambush us instead.

 

[Nancyg56]

Oh they're still coming. I think now they simply try to find us so it's on their terms again. Bf accepted their friends and family mde invite so for a brief bit they were able to see all of our reservations. I suspect their new plan will be to ambush us instead.

Oh dear!

 

[jljohnston89]

Yes my DS first trip was at this age & we did like 2-3 things a day. Sometimes we had rides planned but bad just fallen asleep or needed a bottle or whatever. It was my favorite trip we ever took so far but we didn’t do all that many planned things.

I 100% expect there will be things we will have to skip or miss due to having a baby. I have spaced things for nap times, etc and understand it'll be a different trip than we usually do. Just like our babymoon trip in march was different from our usual as I was waddling my 8 month pregnant butt around. But in all the months of planning I didn't account for 4 extra adults or any real time for sitting and visiting. It's a very short trip so I didn't schedule days off etc.

 

[Nancyg56]

I 100% expect there will be things we will have to skip or miss due to having a baby. I have spaced things for nap times, etc and understand it'll be a different trip than we usually do. Just like our babymoon trip in march was different from our usual as I was waddling my 8 month pregnant butt around. But in all the months of planning I didn't account for 4 extra adults or any real time for sitting and visiting. It's a very short trip so I didn't schedule days off etc.

You probably will not need to worry about it. It sounds like they are going to do what they want, regardless of your baby's needs and your family's wants. If they are still coming but they are not speaking to you, they will have a tough time managing your schedule, and honestly, if they thought you could just switch the trip up on a whim, they have no idea what WDW entails. God help them.

 

[jljohnston89]

You probably will not need to worry about it. It sounds like they are going to do what they want, regardless of your baby's needs and your family's wants. If they are still coming but they are not speaking to you, they will have a tough time managing your schedule, and honestly, if they thought you could just switch the trip up on a whim, they have no idea what WDW entails. God help them.

I tried explaining that to them. Our meals and fast passes are very hard to get so not only can they not just join us but it's not like I could change it to a later time for everyone. At this point I'm just over the whole thing. If they find us they find us but I will not be sharing our room number (they booked the same hotel) nor our daily plans since they've decided to act like this. If we have time we'll stop and say hi, if we're on our way to a reservation then sorry.

 

[mjkacmom]

I tried explaining that to them. Our meals and fast passes are very hard to get so not only can they not just join us but it's not like I could change it to a later time for everyone. At this point I'm just over the whole thing. If they find us they find us but I will not be sharing our room number (they booked the same hotel) nor our daily plans since they've decided to act like this. If we have time we'll stop and say hi, if we're on our way to a reservation then sorry.

What if your boyfriend shares your room number with his mother?

 

[jljohnston89]

What if your boyfriend shares your room number with his mother?

We've discussed it and our room number wont be shared. We usually are only in the room for sleep/ shower and this time naps so if they need us they can text. But our room is off limits as his mother has no boundaries and is a night owl who would come knocking any time she pleased.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Life is too short.

You're right life is too short. My husband and I wished we had set up stricter boundaries with his family long before we did. It would have saved us years of feeling of encroachment and boundary issues