Help School Issue Need Level Headed Opinions For Meeting Tomorrow

[3DisneyNUTS]

OK A huge amount of stuff went down at DS preschool and it has been a stressful week for us.

First off my son teacher was on leave pending and investigation into and "incident" that happened to a child. Anyway it was cleared and she was found not to have done anything wrong. I am happy about this because I like his teacher.

While she was gone 3 days...they had a "special event" at my son's school. This is where the parents are invited in to celebrate the theme of the month with an activity. This month was a craft. This happened to be a Thursday.

When I arrived (my son is in a 12-1-1) We all paired up with our children. Only 2 parents had attended including myself . Each child was assigned an aid so they had someone to help them with the craft. Being 2 of us were there 2 "aides" were left without a child so they just helped out on a whole.

There was a little child who had a permenant one to one aid (she is there for him always everyday not just for the event). She was having a rough time getting him/her to cooperate for the craft and instead of giving her/him time to regroup, she was almost forcing her/him to participate..I say almost because it bothered me how she was dealing with the situation but it didn't cross a line yet. It just seemed she was losing control a little and losing her patience. She was almost treating her/him like a sibling would treat an annoying brother/sister.

(ok I am switching to just using a generic "him")

When the activity was finished we were able to go back to class and since it was lunch time we were able to stay with our kids. This child had a hard time sitting and was protesting when the aid tried to get him to sit. Quickly she lost control and he threw himself out of his chair onto the floor right on his back. she gets up and says in a high voice " I am done! I can't do this anymore! I quit. I can't take this anymore I quit!" and runs from the classroom without checking to see if he was ok, leaving him on the floor.

Since there were so many other staff members in the class because of the special event, they rushed to the child and immediately started damage control. The took the boy for a walk to calm him down (I am not sure if it was to the nurse) and I was trying to keep my son from getting upset (he was ready to cry) and direct him back to his linch. Two other children started to act out and throw food at each other and the other mom just looked like she was in shock. The chaos quickly was back to normal since the aide was gone and the little boy was taken for a walk. About 5 minutes later the boy came back and sat at his table to each lunch. It was like night and day for him.

So two of the administrators come into the room and walk through. Thinking they would say something about what just happened I waited with my son helping him eat lunch. One comes and goes and the other comes in and walks over to the teacher and the other staff in the room. After about 5-10 minutes she says nothing and they all act like nothing happened. So I am angry and decide I am taking my son home since I need time to think about how to approach this. I really did not want to leave him in the class with all the turmoil.

While I am leaving I cannot let this "go" until later and I ask to speak to the director in the hallway. She proceeds to tell me the aid was having a "bad day". I told her I hope so since this was completely unacceptable. I then have to leave because I could feel myself getting upset and I did not want to have this discussion infront of my son.

So I drop my son off the next day and the aid is not there. I do not see her in the class anymore and assume it is all taken care of. AND his teacher is back from leave and it seems like they took care of the situation. I calmed down immediately and thought all was well.

WELL this morning I bring my son to school and I see the aid is back in the classroom. I am shocked. My son is pushing me out of the room because he is so excited to be back with his friends. I had a PTA meeting so I went to that (in the school a few doors away). The entire time I am worried about this aid being back. So I go home (ds takes the bus) and I call the school. I needed to speak with the head director of the entire school. She has left the building and I leave a voicemail. I call DH and explain to him what is going on. He is furious.

I wait 3 hours for a call back. All the while I am worrying about if I should just go and pick him up from school. It is tearing me apart since I know he needs the therapy he receives there and if I take him out he misses it.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

continued...

So no call and now I am getting more aggrivated. So I call back and the director has left for the day so they transfer me to another administrator. I explai it all. She tries to excuse the behavior of the aid and I cannot accept it. IMO it is not acceptable to leave a child who is in your care crying on the floor without checking to see if he is ok or asking another to help him while you take a break. Also it is extremely unprofessional IMO to run out of a room yelling about quitting etc infront of a bunch of kids no less those with special needs. AND WHILE PARENTS ARE SITTING RIGHT THERE. She did not have enough self control to handle the situation better?

Anyway the administrator passes the info onto another and the new one calls back and makes every excuse known to man on how the aid had a bad day and should be allowed to have a breakdown especially under the stress they were under that week. Well IMO it should not be at the expense of the child she was caring for or at the expense of the other kids in the class. So more excuses about how she was under stress so the administrator told me that I will have to meet with the highest up from the school in the morning since I feel my son should not be in the same class as that aid. I feel that is she snapped once under pressure whose to say she won't again. The admin said that she deserves another chance.

So my question to you guys is am I over reacting? I know it is hard to convey the entire story through type. I just need to think of all angles before the meeting tomorrow.

 

[Talking Hands]

You are not overreacting. An aide needs to have enough control over herself to ask the teacher or another aide to intervene until she can gather her wits. Leave a child you are responsible for without checking to see he is ok. No way. BAd day or not you can''t behave that way with kids. I would not want my child there.
Another question I would have is why another aid did not take over and let her get herself together. Or the teacher. Sometimes the mix is not right that day and another person can step in and the child's whole attitude change.

 

[gritzel4]

You are definitely not over-reacting. The aide should have been mature and responsible enough to ask assistance from a coworker. I would demand to know what her qualifications are for the job and ask that she be re-assigned to another classroom (if the school deems that she is mentally able to handle her job). Why should your child have to go through anymore drama at school? I would not tolerate anyone either mentally, physically or emotionally abusing a child. That is what she did and IMO she shouldn't be working with special needs children if she can't handle it or any other children for that matter.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

Thanks guys that is EXACTLY what I was saying all day today. AND in NY I am not sure if it is in other states but the qualifications to be a 1to1 aide is a HS diploma. Nice right?

When this happened I volunteered myself to be this child's aid so they could get rid of her and the school has a policy that parents of the special ed kids cannot work there but regular develpoing kids parents can and therapists children attend go figure! I am over qualified but have the understanding since we have our own child with dev delays KWIM? I am so angry I could spit. This has not been a good month for us. UGH!

 

[SueM in MN]

Originally posted by Talking Hands

Another question I would have is why another aid did not take over and let her get herself together. Or the teacher. Sometimes the mix is not right that day and another person can step in and the child's whole attitude change.

That's my question too.
Sometimes there is just not a rapport between the child and the aide and no way is that child going to cooperate with the aid. But, with that many people in the room, someone besides you should have stepped in before the situation got to a boiling point.
The school may have a situation where they can't just get rid of the aide on one situation.They might have to give her a warning and then a chance to improve. If it's such a stressful situation for the aide to be there, I don't understand why she is choosing to stay.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

The administrator tried to tell me the child was never in harm because there were so many staff members there. I replied that it makes it worse because all she had to do was look to one of her collegues say help and then excuse herself. Flip out in the bathroom outside anything, count to ten but don't EVER blow up in the classroom at a child infront of other kids. If she is doing that in front of parents what is happening when we are not there? or when no one is there?

PLUS it did happen quickly and the staff in the class probably thought she had everything under control. It was explosive and quick so the staff in the class acted responsibly as far as tending to the child.

My problem is how everything is handled after the fact. The administrator was unaware that he fell on his back and the parents of the child were not informed because an "incident" didn't happen according to administration. She was unaware that he fell. SO this child has the same aid and the parents were NEVER informed that anything happened. I told her that if this were my child he would never be back in the care of this person AND I don't even want Chris in the same classroom with her. She should either be moved to a different position or let go IMO.

At the special event part she was having a rough time but still it really seemed like she was handling iut. It wasn't until he threw himself of the chair that she totally lost it.

 

[JinniLynn33]

Do you know who I am? Not only my childs mother but his advocate as well. I know that being an aide is not the best paying job in the world nor does it require special training BUT it is their job. If they are not doing it correctly it should be addressed and corrected. Anything less is unacceptable. This spring when my son was in the hospital for spinal fusion surgery that turned into 3 surgeries he lost a lot of weight. Well before all of this time he was on a diet because he really eats like a big pig...............definately not a concern. So any way upon stay number 4 to the hospital we went in to the PICU. he was really not feeling well because he had been on IV antibiotics for over a month and plus they wanted him to take, I kid you not.....19 pills a day. Well some of the pills he takes on a regular basis are like flintstones and other suppliments that arent a medical necessity, so we quit taking them so we could get the important ones down. Anyway after getting down to the regular floor they said that he wasnt eating enough and they were going to have to put a feeding tube down his nose. I said absolutely not. That was such a slippery slope into a g-tube that was in for 3 years.for no reason except I was an uninformed parent. He eats fine. Well anyway this time al the doctors would ay was that he wasnt taking in enough calories. So I asked what is the goal? They said 2000 a day. Okay we can do that. I just need to talk to the dietician to get and idea of what our best bet is going to be for food choices. Well guess what? This dietician doesnt know the calorie content for a childrens menu at the hospital she works at menu. She is the pediatric dietician..........she doesn't know the calorie content of the 20 itms on their menu. BUT they are willing to put a tube down my son for no reason other than this woman says he is not getting enough calories. WRONG!!!!!!! I was so mad. I went and talked to the administrative office immediately. I can't tell you how done I am with second rate care for my child. That is over we need to make sure people are accountable. My new favorite saying is "I am not interested in excuses, just results" Keep talking until some one listens. Fire doctors. Switch care providers or make it better. YOU are you childs advocate!!!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Virginia

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

Thanks Virginia

The wacko thing is is I am part of the Parent Councel at the school. I am there constantly the one woman who started the school still shows up long after she retired always preaching how you should bring your concerns to the admin, we are our children's advocates and when I did I get arguements. Not even an address to my concern just a defense for this dirtbag of an employee. I cannot even sleep over this..

 

[JinniLynn33]

OH yeah, I forgot to add that! That is TOTAL CRAP that they would explain that away. And my rebuttal to that is "well how often does it happen when I am not here to see it? " And if they were comfortable enough to do it in front of me, I think it is far more likey that it happens more times than not.
My son lives in a care facility because of his size (5'7 140lbs)and medical needs. A couple of weeks ago when we were visiting it was like 730 pm ok, my son wears briefs (diapers) well he hadnt been checked since he got home from school and that is not going to work for me. So I told the supervisor and she went and got on the cna's assigned to him. Then she came back and said you know Teddy really needs to tell us if he needs changed. OMG i went off!!!!!!!!!!! Teddy is one of 5 children out of 60 that can verbalize anything. He is the only one on grade level there. I said so what is happening to all the kids that cant say anyting to you??? Then I went to the director and for the second time in the last 2 moths expressed a concern regarding the quality of people they were hiring and why they had such a high turn over. And he said well that is just what the industry is like. I told him that he knows he would not allow these people into his home to take care of his children, and that I would appreciate the same consideration when they are selecting eployees for the facility. They like me a lot. I also got tired of the hemming and hawing and just say if you cant (insert issue) tell me who can and I will be more than happy to go and talk to them

Go Team Rah!!!!

V

 

[wide awake]

As a teacher who has had to put up with aides...the schools are always short handed and they put up with ANYTHING to keep the aides happy. It is such garbage. I've never had one in my classroom that had a brain...same story with the ones who have worked with my son...Do you know the other child's family ? If they knew what happened they may be able to at least get her out of the classroom. You are not over-reacting...your instincts are correct that there is a BIG problem, and it needs to be addressed.

 

[Schmeck]

If you want better trained aides in classrooms, you have to get your town/city to increase the requirements to become an aide, and then they have to increase the pay. You will have to be willing to either lose some other services from your town to pay for the increase, or accept an increase in taxes.

You could encourage your PTA to sponsor training courses for aides. In my hometown all aides must be working towards at least an associate's degree in early childhood education.

It sounds like the dynamics of your child's classroom are way off - teacher suspected with wrongdoing, frustrated aides leaving, etc. We had a similar situation in one preschool classroom, and it caused both aides to quit. The classroom teacher spent way too much time out of the class, and the aides were expected to pick up the slack. After a few months of this, they both asked to be moved to another classroom. They did not get their wish, they quit, and then the school system had to scramble to cover their positions.

wide awake, I'm glad I was never an aide in your classroom.

 

[don8life]

I second what Schmeck says. things at that school are way off. i would have serious doubts in taking my child back there. I know some people don't have an alternative. But these are BIG warning bells.

It seems like you are really agonizing over this. i would tell the parents of the child, they absolutely have the right to know. How would you feel if someone witnessed your child being abused(Becasue that is what she was doing with "she was almost forcing her/him to participate") and didn't saya word to you? I would be horrified. I would think everybody was at fault, even the parents that were there watching this and not telling me.

If she can't handle it she should not have been in a classroom with special needs kids. I'm sorry bad day or not she should be let go to pursue another career.

I know why you are torn up over this becasue it really makes me mad.

Good Luck,
Irene, plenty of bad days but never take it out on kids!

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

OK well this is how it went...BTW I have never met the mom she doesn't come to special events or anything and due to privacy laws there is no way of getting her phone # But I did tell the admin that when and if I meet this mom be prepared because I AM TELLING HER WHAT HAPPENED.

Anyway I spoke with the head of the entire school. It was hard to read her I am not sure if she was fully aware of how it really happened and how severe of a reaction the aid had.

They did write her up and put her on notice. She has worked with that child as his aid for over a year and they have never had a problem and the parents like her according to the director. Now I can't argue this and when I was waiting for the appointment I watched her take him off the bus (they were just getting to school for the day) and he was hugging her and really happy to see her.

Now the director said her behavior was inexcuseable and the aid has been disciplined , warned and it is in her file but they took into consideration her other personal issues from that week as well as she was in a chaotic classroom due to the teachers being reassigned.

The teacher is back (she never did anything wrong but they have to take her out of the class until it is proven) and the classroom is back to normal.

To move the aid would mean to seperate her from the child (which isn't fair to the child if this was an isolated incident according to the admin) move the chilkd to another classroom with the aid (not his fault why should he move) or take the action they did which was write her up warn her and inform her that this cannot happen again and if it does termination.

The director assured me it was completely out of charachter and it will never happen again.

So of course I have to make a decision now. I made it aware that I feel the parents of the child should be told (but no way I can enforce that) and when I meet her she is being told by me since I witnessed it then she can decide what she will do for her child.

I made it clear I would not allow this person to watch my dog no less my son and under no circumstances is she to have any involvemnt with my son. Normally aids only deal with their assigned child but I just wanted to make it clear she will never have anything to do with Chris. The director assured me she has no authority in the classroom and is to be under the direct instruction from the teacher. I like his teacher and his teacher's assistant.

Then I have to think about how uprooting my son will affect him. He has made friends and is now in a routine at that school for over a year. His class is in it's second month and he has made friends there. I love his speech teacher so pulling him from the class and/or changing schools will negatively impact him IMO.

so basically I am between a rock and a hard place because any choice will be a negative it is just how much of a negative do I settle for? KWIM?

 

[JinniLynn33]

I know, I know, I know............... It is really hard to make this decision. I guess at this point I personally would go with what the admininstrative office said and watch and wait. If it happened again...because I am crazy I would go and wait for that childs' parent to come in and talk to them at that time and also report it again.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

Oh Good Lord if it happens again The you know what will hit the fan worse than anything they have EVER seen. Especially since she guaranteed it will not. So believe me if anything close happens I am reporting the school to their affiliate company and my school district.

 

[wide awake]

Schmeck,
I've had two aides work for me...one a 25 year old who thought it was fun to flirt with 8th grade boys, and the other a 39 year old woman who could not do 4th grade math or speak without mangling grammar...because she was an adult and a co-worker I couldn't correct her...the answer is not better pay..."Oh, you're incompetent, we'll pay you more, that will fix it"...the answer is not putting up with paraprofessionals lacking sense...and the same goes for teachers...I've met some winners in my time. The OP posted a problem with a disabled child...a child that cannot defend himself...sorry, as a parent of an ASD child, I have no sympathy for the adult that is "normal". If she is having a bad day she needs to call in sick, not abuse a child.