Going to WDW over one child's b-day but not the other.

[abbyndrewmom]

We have celebrated both of my childrens birthday's at WDW not really on purpose just seemed how the timing worked out. MY DS turned 2 at WDW Septermber 2001. We has been in Flordia visiting Grandma and decided to go to WDW for a few days before flying home, we arrived on his birthday and had dinner with Pooh bear, when I told the CM booking the dinner reservation that it was his birthday that night she noted it on every PS we made for the 4 days we were there. so DS got cupcakes breakfast, lunch and dinner. We all enjoyed it. That was probably the only trip Ds will get to WDW on his birthday as it is September 4th and will be the beginning of the school year for many years.

Last June we again made plans to meet MIL in Flordia for DD 5th birthday we decided since we had just had DS birthday at WDW we should try to have hers their as well. We were only there for 2 days and she had breakfast with the princessses at CRT, and dinner with Pooh. She had a great time in the parks and recieved lots of attenetion with her birthday buttton (something we didn't even know about for DS birthdya.)

Neither time did one seem jealous of the other, they both enjoyed the attention and everyone shared the cupcakes, of course this could have had a lot to do with the ages.

Allison

 

[travelitis]

I think the key is to make all the kids feel special. Maybe you don't want to do what I'm doing and let each pick a character meal, but there are other ways to let kids have something special that they feel is theirs. I think any situation that results in siblings getting jealous, while it might not have big effects at the time, can only undermine sibling relations as they age. I don't agree with knowing a kid is jealous and letting it go or expecting them to suck it up. I'm also not condoning spoiling and catering to a kid to avoid jealousy or making sure everyone gets exactly the same thing. We tell our kids that while everyone doesn't get exactly the same thing we strive to make things fair. People are different. I see my dh and his sister struggle to this day because their parents looked the other way and created situations that naturally resulted in jealousy. Celebrating 1 kid's birthday and not doing anything for the other 2 is inviting sibling rivalry. In our case the oldest wants the distinction of celebration all to himself, and he needs his siblings to have their spotlight more than they do. He's getting a small party with his friends before the trip, so he's not getting short-changed. Even if it doesn't come up at Disney, I'm pretty certain at some time it'd come back to haunt me if I didn't find a way to make everyone feel they had a special moment.

 

[wenpop]

We ended up going in 2000 for my son 4th birthday not really a plan but turned into one. He had a great day, we went to MK to eat at the Crystal Palace with Pooh, and ride the Pooh Ride, and then the Buzz Ride, went to All Star Movies to see ANdy's room and to swim, then we had a party out our Hotel,, All star Sports, Went to MGM, Met Buzz and Woody, Had dinner at Chef Mickeys and watch the Fire WOrks, SO he had a great day!! I have 3 other children, and the 2 oldest would bring up, that Chase had the best birthday ever and it wasn't fair...
So this year we are getting to go over their b-day, Their birthday is only 4 days apart... So now I won't have to hear how Chase go to go to Disney on His birthday again. I think we are doing Cindys' for my daughter and the Hoop Dee Doo, and My son will have Chef Mickeys and the Whispering Canyon Cafe...

 

[wenpop]

We ended up going in 2000 for my son 4th birthday not really a plan but turned into one. He had a great day, we went to MK to eat at the Crystal Palace with Pooh, and ride the Pooh Ride, and then the Buzz Ride, went to All Star Movies to see ANdy's room and to swim, then we had a party out our Hotel,, All star Sports, Went to MGM, Met Buzz and Woody, Had dinner at Chef Mickeys and watch the Fire WOrks, SO he had a great day!! I have 3 other children, and the 2 oldest would bring up, that Chase had the best birthday ever and it wasn't fair...
So this year we are getting to go over their b-day, Their birthday is only 4 days apart... So now I won't have to hear how Chase go to go to Disney on His birthday again. I think we are doing Cindys' for my daughter and the Hoop Dee Doo, and My son will have Chef Mickeys and the Whispering Canyon Cafe...

 

[crisi]

For the people who think everything has to be fair for all children, I just think you are making your lives more complicated than they need to be. You are taking EVERYONE to WDW. As someone said earlier, "How cool is that?" It's not like you're leaving the non-birthday child in the room and taking the birthday kid out for the time of his life, for Pete's sake!
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Julie,

While for some families it probably needlessly complicates things, for other families it probably simplifies them a lot. Family dynamics are extremely different between families.

I don't think anyone is saying that "everything" has to be fair for "all" children. Most parents realize immediately that is impossible. Just as no one is saying that you can treat one child like a princess and be the wicked stepmother from Cinderella to the other child. Some place between these two extremes there is a reasonable balance. For some families, making a big celebration of a birthday while in Disney is within the balance of fair. For some families, planning a vacation over a birthday at all is outside the balance of fair. For some, its only going to be fair if it is discrete. Even timing can make a big difference. What works as fair for my toddlers might not be nearly as fair when they are teenagers. Likewise, when they are teenagers, they may stop caring about who gets more frosting on their cake.

My father came from a family where his mother didn't take "fair" into account. The family dynamics, as a result, are horrible. I have cousins where one child is visably preferred over the other - with disasterous results to both kids. So, when I was growing up, treating us fairly (which does not mean treating us the same, but means that taking fairness of decisions into account and mitigating some of the unfairness of life, and not showing favoritism) was a big deal.

We can each only speak to our own family dynamics and parenting philosophies. There are some definately wrong answers (leaving the child in the room or at home while taking the other one out for the time of his life would be wrong) - there are plenty of right ones as well. We are throwing out ideas and advice - which is what the original poster asked for. Not making judgements on how you treat your family.

 

[paduncan]

well said, crisi. Thanks