Childless and Moving On

[PrincessSuzanne]

I screen pts(uninsured)for public assistance (medicaid/disability) services and crime victim services. I actully work for a company out of Louisville, KY and we are contracted to the billing services, who are contracted by the hospital. Not to shabby money wise compared to what jobs around here pay, and I have to remember that when I have a really bad day/week I would not want to be a nurse. I am a Medical Assistant and started out working clinicals in a doctors office and worked my way up. I have done a little of everything, including running an office, almost (my last job, the doctor didn't want an Office Manager because we had had some terrible ones, so she and I ran the place) until she went back to Canada.

It was one of our techs that was shot, he was trying to stop the shooter who had shot one of the nurses and then the guy shot him, then ran out of the hospital and shot an older gentleman in the parking lot before he could be stopped. I had just gotten to work as they captured him. It was a terrible day.

I used a good bit of mom life insurance to pay down some of our debt, we still have some, but not too bad. I just feel like I have to do this for us, especially thinking back on the events of last year. I was within seconds of being hit by a car this afternoon on my way home from a doctors appt. I felt the hand of GOD stop me and looked and there was a car barreling down the road. If I hadn't stopped, I would have been seriously injured or more likely killed, because the SUV would have hit the drivers side door and I don't have side air bags. I am a very lucky person today. I am still shaky over it and that happened just over 3 hours ago.

Well, I can't decide between Atlanta Downtown (World of Coke, Aquarium, and Zoo) or Destin (Sandestin Golf and Beach Resort). I am looking at the second weekend 12-14 or last weekend in March 26-28. We are 1 1/2 hours from downtown Atlanta and 4 hours from Destin. I am just not sure it will be warm enough to go to the beach in March. I have only been to the beach, like 2 times in my life and that was during the summer. I have always wanted to stay in one of those fancy hotels in Downtown Atlanta. We drove through that area on Saturday night and it is really nice, now, compared to the last time I was there. I just can't decide. Then there is Biloxi, MS; Savannah, GA; Tennessee; South Carolina. I just can't make up my mind. I need to make a decision soon, so I can get some reservations made and request my time off. Decisions, Decisions. HELP

Suzanne

 

[Disney Darling]

Hey Suzanne

Did you get my PM?

 

[avspilot69]

We too were once kidless years ago and I know exactly how it feels. We too endured the "questions" which were really implied insults, the naggings, the baby shower invitations etc. We had a tough time but things went better when we moved on and accepted the fact that we would be childless.

Eventhough now we have 2 kids, I still feel very strongly for those who are kidless not by choice or otherwise.

 

[Disney Darling]

Hello avspilot,
Thank you for sharing your kind words. Please drop by and share in the conversations with us anytime.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hey DD, I did get your PM, sorry I haven't replied, I have been really sick. I just wanted to pop in for a minute to see what was up before I get back to work. I will catch up as soon as I am feeling better.

Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hey DD, hope you got my long winded response. I have been swamped here and at home.

I am not looking forwrd to tomorrow, it would have been mom's 61st birthday and her present: her headstone. Not exactly the kind of present you wnat to get your mom for her birthday. I do hope it has been installed, as I want to take her some flowers. the cemetary will throw them out if there is not a vase.

I am looking forward to Valentine's Day, for the first time probably in my life. Dh proposed to me on Valentine's Day in 2001. We are going to Atlanta for the weekend. DD are you two doing anything special? After the flower disaster of 2008, I wasn't sure if we should attempt to do anything besides stay at home, but we are going to be adventurous.

I have to throw this out here, because I thought it was hilarious sort of. DH told me the other day, he was ready for a baby , I looked at him like he was crazy WTH, he knows what we went through in 2004/2005, I guess he just needed a reminder. I am NOT going down that road again to come out empty handed AGAIN, my body doesn't work, what part of that doesn't he understand Where was he????? Oh, yeah, he was in California with the Army for several of those months, the worst of those months, I should say I love him anyway

Talk to you later:

Suzanne

 

[Disney Darling]

Suzanne, I am just so sorry about your mom. She was young. May I ask how she passed?

Was her headstone installed? I'm sure it's beautiful.

We are not doing anything for Valentine's day. DH has to be an usher at mass so we'll be in church. Nothing wrong w/ church but I'd rather do something nice, like dinner, for Valentine's Day and go to mass on Sunday.

How wonderful that you're getting away for Valentine's but I have to ask, what is the flower disaster of 2008? I don't mean to laugh if it's not funny but it sure sounds funny.

I can understand how your DH feels about the whole baby thing. I mean, sometimes I find myself going back there. Do you know the "there" of which I speak? The ups and downs of temperature taking, doctor appointments, timing, timing, timing, only to be let down! I just had surgery down in Atlanta in December for my endometriosis. I was kind of hoping that after the clean up it could happen but I don't think it is. Course DH is now adamant he does NOT want kids! I'm telling you, after that mother changed her mind last minute in that adoption we were trying for, it was like something died in DH. He doesn't hate kids but he really tries to avoid them at any cost. I don't know if it's just too painful or if he's just not used to kids? I just don't know. Most days, as you know, I'm fine that we don't have kids but every now and then. Well, it's just hard. Especially w/ each passing year. My saving grace is that we have two couples that we are friends with and they don't have children either. One couple is 37 and 40 but the other couple is 24 and 30. There's a good chance that the 24/30 could have children but she's already had two miscarriages and she suffers from PCOS and she's said she doesn't know if she can mentally handle another miscarriage. But, it is nice to not feel like you're missing out on something because everyone else has snagged the gold ring why you just keep riding the merry go round and missing your chance.

Anyway. . .
I also want to warn you that my grammar is probably a wreck. I'm sure it's very painful to read my writing with misspelled words and improper use of the English language. It's just that my thoughts fly at a hundred miles a minute and unfortunately, my brain or more like my typing fingers just can't keep up. Also, lots of time I'm writing at work and I'm only being interrupted about a zillion times from he time I start until I close. No telling what I'm saying then.

Well, I guess I will close. I'm getting ready to go watch the Office, well pretty soon anyway.

Talk to you soon.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hey DD,

My mom was young and didn't look a day over 40, that is until after she passed. She had a heart attack, I am guessing a massive one. They didn't really tell me alot, or I don't remember. It was all so hard to handle. We were talking about our trip to WDW one minute and she was gone the next. She never had any pain or grabed for her chest. She just sat up gasped and crumpled over in her recliner. I am sure she was gone before the ambulance got there, but they wouldn't tell me. She was revived at the hospital by the time I was able to see her, but I just had a feeling she wouldn't regain consciousness and she didn't. She was taken to ICU, but coded about 4 or 5 times between 11pm and 2am. The doctor who saw her talked to me for a long time then and I made te decision to let her go, I already knew that is what she would have wanted. We talked extensively about it after my aunt died. In fact, we had just been joking about it a couple of weeks before, just casually.

Sorry to share so much, but it helps and even slows down some of the flash backs I have had. I had alot of guilt because with my medical training I couldn't do anything to help her.

Oh, her headstone is beautiful. it has Mickey heads on each side of her name, since she loved Mickey and WDW so much.

I am thrilled to be getting away this weekend. I love Dh and me time, we seem to get so little during the week.

The flower disaster of 2008 is hilarious Dh had a Dell Preferred Account and they were offering a discount on arrangements for VD last year and I saw one I loved and hinted to Dh about it, so he ordered it and early too. well VD arrives and he calls me and asked if I had gotten it and I said no, so he called and they (Teleflora) said that the florist was on the way, well the arrangement that was delivered was nothing like the beautiful one he ordered and was half dead. We made several calls about it and he was not charged for it. Well, they had another florist make a similar arrnagement and deliver it the following week, well it was a little better but not much. The original arrangement was in a clear double vase filled with those little conversation hearts in the outside layer and a mixed bouquet in the inner vase and a huge VD balloon.The second florist had to improvise because VD was over. Ok, fine, they had already ruined VD for me. Then about a week or 2 later the receptionist called me out to the desk and here is another arrangement of some kind of yellow flowers, no explanation, with a card from Dh, called and he didn't order it, he called Teleflora and I think is was sort of a peace offering. All the girls at work were like WTH did Dh do, cause thye didn't know all the details, it was funny Not so much at first, because I really wanted that original arrangement. if you order as early as Dh did, they should be able to get it right or at least call and let him know so he could have chosen something else or I could have). I hope you got it, You just had to be there.

He has something up his sleeve for tomorrow, but I don't know what. I told him he could just buy me a Coach purse at the outlet Saturday He has no idea what they cost

It was odd for DH to bring up the baby thing without me mentioning it first. He doesn't really like children, he is jealous of me spending time with my cousin's children and make my life miserable when they are over. It was such a shock because he knows how I feel at this point. I go back there too and it is easier, unless I see someone like that Octo mom and i just get furious. Dh wasn't here when I was going through the IUI's, he was in California with his Army unit, mom had to deal with me and I was not a nice person. He was there on Christmas eve when I got the bad news about the lst one not working. I had fallen asleep on the couch and thought I heard the phone, but couldn't really wake up, so he had to tell me and he had tears in his eyes. that was 2004. I have half an attic full of baby clothes, my crib, toys, books, a very nice expensive stroller/car seat combo, and a car seat for an older child, but I can't let go of them just yet, I do keep thinking in the back of my mind, what if I get my miracle and I have gotten rid of my babies stuff. I already experience a theft of some of my stuff from my storage unit, that was like losing a part of my life. It isn't where I can see it or stew over it, but I know it is there and almost feel comforted by it.


I don't know if I could handle a miscarriage. I know I couldn't, but to at least be able to know that I could get pregnant, that would help alot. I can't even get pregnant, that is what bothers me most.

Yeah, anywho.....

Don't worry about your grammar and spelling. I am bad at it. I think faster than I type and that is hard.

My dinner break is oer, so I better get back to work

Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

DD, I just have to vent. He has done it again. He sent me something, via UPS to the hospital, it goes to a central location and I may never see this item again.

Well, I got him to tell me what it was, a Vermont Teddy Bear. I despise teddy bears. I have never liked them. I am soooo mad right now, I could spit nails, but I just want to sit here and cry, because he has messed up another V Day for me. I don't know how I am going to enjoy the trip tomorrow, because everytime I look at him, I will get angry.

UUUUUHHHHHH I am so mad

I wish for once, he would do something that wouldn't get screwed up. I wish he would think before he does something. I wish he would get to know me and what I like. I don't understand how he doesn't, we have been together for over 8 years. It is like somebody has to hold his hand for him to be able to do something. He said it was because mom wasn't here, she always took him to get me something. I want him to put his heart into it.


ETA: The bear was found, I don't know what made me do it, but I called the switchboard and they had it there, why I didn't ask, but our last name was spelled wrong, so I guess they thought it didn't belong to anyone here. I am still not happy about it being a teddy bear, and it looks weird, but the white sash on it says Udderly in Love so I have softened, stupid old sap I am.

Suzanne

 

[Disney Darling]

I thought I'd pop in to say I'm so sorry for being MIA.

I have gotten stuck reading the Twilight Saga and wish I hadn't.

I am a reasonable, generally sensible woman. I can't believe the emotions and obsession I've had with this series. If you haven't read it, I just don't know how to explain it.

I thought my friends and family were crazy when I saw how it affected them. My one friend would literally sit in the tub until the water was cold, she couldn't pull herself away. I, like her, am losing sleep because I just can't put these 500, 600, 700 page books down. When I'm not reading them, I'm thinking about them. . . well, the characters.

I've cried, I've laughed.

It's so annoying to me how they've had such a hold on me.

I'm on the last book now and I'm a bit relieved. I'm sad because their stories will be over, but relieved that this means I will be able to get back on with my life. I know that sounds absolutely INSANE, as I explained earlier, I'm generally a reasonable, well-grounded person but these books have made me crazy.

Anyway, when I pull myself out of this final book and give myself time to grieve (gosh that's a strong word ) then I can find myself back w/ more time to post.

 

[want2bamommy]

Here is a potpourri of topics I'd love to hear about from others who, like me, are childless but didn't really choose it, and have decided to move on (hey, I'm 45, it isn't going to happen).
1. How you coped with childlessness that you didn't choose, and how you've moved on, or are moving on.
2. Do you think being childless has helped or hurt your marriage? (Sorry if this is a little too serious!)
3. Your favorite restaurants at Disney. (Unofficial guidebooks always complain about the Disney food, but I love to eat at Disney!)
4. Pets, pets, pets!!

I haven't definitely "moved on" yet (I promise NO TTC talk here) but I hope that it is ok to post here. My name is Melissa (a.k.a. Missie from the Childless but not by choice thread). I've been married to Mark for over 12 years now who is in the Army and currently deployed for a year (he's only been gone 5 weeks so far). We have a 6 year old Mini-Schnauzer named Sarge who we ADORE!!

1) I'm at the point now where I am seriously contemplating moving on but DH doesn't agree so we'll have to discuss this a lot more when he get back in January.
2) Gosh that is a tough question...I guess a little bit of both to be honest. There of course has been a ton of pressure and stress put on each other while we were TTC and didn't have any successful pregnancies. I think we are stronger for having gone through it though when I truly relfect back on it.
3) Well I LOVE the food at Disney too! LOL. Some of my favorite meals have been at places that are less popular, I think. My 3 favorite meals have been at the Princess Akershus DINNER where I LOVE the Traditional Kjottkaker! I also love character meals so that I can take pictures to scrapbook, lol. My second favorite was Wolfgang Puck's Restaurant (The Upstairs Dining Room) at Downtown Disney. I had the Wiener Schnitzel with Warm Austrian Potato Salad. YUMMO!!! The third meal that I loved from start to finish was at Mama Melrose (I said it was an unpopular view, lol). I had the Breads and Spreads appy (when that was included on the DDP), Penne Alla Vodka with Pancetta and then the Honey Hazlenut Ricotta Cheesecake. OMG!!! I have tons of other great meals too so I would be a fan of disney dining, lol.
4) Pets...well I mentioned our little pooch in my intro. He is a good boy who keeps Mommy company while Daddy is away. Whenever I cry or get sad he truly knows and comforts me! With Dh being gone and me being 6 hours from "home" it can get lonely sometimes. He is a great companion!

I look forward to getting to know you! I have a bunch of reading to catch up on now, lol.

Melissa

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hey Missie,

Good to see a familiar poster. How are you doing? I know it can get awfully lonely when Dh is gone. Mine was in the Army when we met and getting to the end of his active duty days, then we had 5 years of Reserves and that wasn't too bad, until he started driving trucks and was gone, except for his reserve weekends, but he was gone to them and I hardly saw him for a good portion of a year.

I really couldn't deal with Dh being gone now, I have become very clingy since mom died. I hate even being away from him to go to work some days. I know I need help.

I forgot where I was going with this Dh came in with food, be back later.......


Suzanne

 

[Disney Darling]

Hey Missie!! to our little corner of the Dis.

I've been MIA for a few days due to my current obsession w/ the Twilight series. I'm almost done - - - - THANK GOODNESS - - - - then I can hopefully have my life back. I've also started school last week and I have class tonight and tomorrow night so that's taking some of my time too.

I didn't bring the book w/ me today so that I can focus on my assingment at lunch today, instead of reading.

Anyhooo, glad you stopped by to introduce yourself and I look forward to chattin' some more.

 

[want2bamommy]

i thought i was doing ok with the moving on part. but something happened last week. we happened to be at a restauant with some of my husband coworkers. a very casual affair. one of his coworkers showed up for dessert and brought her 3 year old with her. not a big deal. but while we were waiting for the check, she leans over to me and says "aren't you ready for one yet". people say the dumbest things. i barely know this women and i'm not about to discuss all we went through and how we have chosen to stop trying. i was bothered for hours after this. so i guess i still have some baggage.
kate

Hi, Kate! I'm sorry about the dumb comments that people make. I always chalk it up to others not understanding how hurtful it is if they haven't experienced infertility. That doesn't soften the blow at all but I have to tell myself that.

By the way we are neighbors ! I am just an hour north of you in Fort Drum. I go to Syracuse (not in the winter though) 1-2 times per month for a Support Group (for weight loss surgery) and a little shopping . LOL.

Melissa

 

[want2bamommy]

Hey Missie,

Good to see a familiar poster. How are you doing? I know it can get awfully lonely when Dh is gone. Mine was in the Army when we met and getting to the end of his active duty days, then we had 5 years of Reserves and that wasn't too bad, until he started driving trucks and was gone, except for his reserve weekends, but he was gone to them and I hardly saw him for a good portion of a year.

I really couldn't deal with Dh being gone now, I have become very clingy since mom died. I hate even being away from him to go to work some days. I know I need help.

I forgot where I was going with this Dh came in with food, be back later.......


Suzanne

Hi Suzanne! Girl I miss you!! I'm so happy to find you here and I look forward to our convo's about Disney and life! You and DD (Disney Darling?) seem to be hitting it off too! I hope I can keep up, lol.

You know how it is with the deployments....some days are better than others! I am going home to NJ for Easter Weekend and I'm really looking forward to that. I need some family time, you know? Then my Mom is coming to visit me for 5 days after Easter which will be great. I'm trying to convince my Sister and her family to visit along with my BIL/SIL and their kids, lol. Having company just helps!

Talk to you soon girlie!

 

[want2bamommy]

Hey Missie!! to our little corner of the Dis.

I've been MIA for a few days due to my current obsession w/ the Twilight series. I'm almost done - - - - THANK GOODNESS - - - - then I can hopefully have my life back. I've also started school last week and I have class tonight and tomorrow night so that's taking some of my time too.

I didn't bring the book w/ me today so that I can focus on my assingment at lunch today, instead of reading.

Anyhooo, glad you stopped by to introduce yourself and I look forward to chattin' some more.

Hi, Disney Darling! It is great to "meet" you!!! I did catch up with all 8 pages and it seems that you and Suzanne have kept this little group going! I'm hoping that we can keep it active discussing our FAVORITE topic...Disney of course, lol.

It is the happiest place on earth for me but I'm a little worried about my upcoming trip after reading what Suzanne said about going with a child after going the adults only route most of the time, lol. My niece will be great though....she has NO IDEA about the trip and won't find out until the week before we are going. I'm excited about that.

Melissa

 

[want2bamommy]

I knew it would happen so I don't know why I get my hopes up! Mark's 2 week leave is now changed to August. It is better than July at this point but it is just disappointing because I really wanted to make ADR's ahead of time for the 4 meals we REALLY want (LeCellier, Akershus Dinner, HDDR and Cape May breakfast). I don't see us actually getting LeCellier or Akershus for dinner with a week or less advanced notice.

Just a bit bummed and needed to vent.

Thanks!
Melissa

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hey Missie,

I am sorry you have to move your trip to August. August isn't that bad, well later in the month is isn't. We are currently booked for June 6-13, Sept 20-26, which I am changing to 23-26, and Dec 16-2. I hope we get to keep all those dates. I definitely have to go for my birthday in June, I will need thr distraction with this being my first birthday without mom. I cried a good bit in December without her, because there were so many things that reminded me of her.

Don't worry about taking your neice, you will do great. I handle my oldest cousin best, she is almost 11 and has been 3 times. It is her little brother 7 and little sister 3 that were a hand full. They were good, just busy. The 7 year old is Autistic and he can get over excited and hard to handle and well the 3 year old is 3 going on 18, she is such a little Diva. Taking an older child is a piece of cake, especially if they are ordinarily well behaved.

Our 3 trips this year will be only Dh and me. We are going to do some things we haven't done yet. We want to go to a water park, probably BB, we want to rent some type of boat and sail on Bay Lake, we want to do maybe 1 or 2 of the tours. We are both looking forward to having some alone time, especially Dh. He asks daily if it is June yet. We want to do MNSSHP again in Sept, that was alot of fun and we got in on the BB Free Dining Special, that will save me abit of money, we want to try some adult places to eat, maybe Coral Reef. Dec has become a tradition to celebrate our Anniversary and is our Christmas present to each other.

Don't worry about getting the places you want, I don't think it will be that much of a problem, seeing as Disney isn't too crowded right now.

Suzanne

 

[hematite153]

I knew it would happen so I don't know why I get my hopes up! Mark's 2 week leave is now changed to August. ... I really wanted to make ADR's ahead of time for the 4 meals we REALLY want ...I don't see us actually getting LeCellier or Akershus for dinner with a week or less advanced notice.

I get that your dates may change again, but, is it possible for you to make ADRs for the two or three dates that you think are most likely? You would have plenty of time to cancel the ones you can't use so that someone else could get them later. (Remember, the ADR booking window is now 90 days, so, nobody's booked anything for August yet.)

By the way, all. My DW and I are headed to wdw for March break in a few weeks. We're planning a nice relaxing adult vacation. I enjoy reading your conversations and keeping track of how things are going in your lives even though I don't really belong as a regular poster.