Child With Trauma - How To Cope?

dakotix

DIS Dad #852 from Central Massachusetts
Joined
Jul 12, 2012
We're taking our adopted son in a month. He is 4 and has a lot of trauma stemming from his time as a foster child. I can't get too deep but basically he has been diagnosed with PTSD which mimics the symptoms of ADHD.

Some days he's great while other days he's off the wall and has serious control and anger issues. That's par for the course with a 4 yo normally but with him it's magnified. If he doesn't get his way the day can easily turn into a nightmare.

Our plan is to just let him lead as much as we can. We're also going to get disability pass so we don't have to contend with too many lines. Are there any other tips from parents with children with similar issues? We'll be at AKL for 10 days.
 
I don't have anything useful, but you might also want to cross-post on the DISabilities forum (if you haven't already).

You know your kid best, but would having a small "to do" list help? Or have him pick 3 things he absolutely needs/wants to do so he feels "in control".
 
My nephew has autism and due to his uncontrolled anger (mainly toward himself, even at age 4), I wouldn't recommend he go to WDW no matter how much I'd love for that to happen. Is your child a threat to others? Does he throw things? Just please be careful regarding others safety. I say that with all the compassion in the world of course, but there are others to think about. I hope it works out.
 
My nephew has autism and due to his uncontrolled anger (mainly toward himself, even at age 4), I wouldn't recommend he go to WDW no matter how much I'd love for that to happen. Is your child a threat to others? Does he throw things? Just please be careful regarding others safety. I say that with all the compassion in the world of course, but there are others to think about. I hope it works out.
He's been to Disney before and he is not a threat to others.
 
He's been to Disney before and he is not a threat to others.

Great! I hope ya'll have a wonderful trip. The spectrum (not that he is on it) is SO varied, I just wanted to put it out there and explain my own experience. I've seen some parents at WDW lose it on kids that I thought were probably not in control (outside of the usual toddler fits), and it's heart breaking. Not my place to say anything, but heartbreaking. The disability access is a godsend to a great number of people (me included); I'm sure it'll help ya'll a great deal. Have a great trip. The one other thing I might suggest is to let him sleep in the morning as long as he needs. Most people will say RD FOREVER, but kids that age need rest too. Just a thought, again have a great time.
 
Great! I hope ya'll have a wonderful trip. The spectrum (not that he is on it) is SO varied, I just wanted to put it out there and explain my own experience. I've seen some parents at WDW lose it on kids that I thought were probably not in control (outside of the usual toddler fits), and it's heart breaking. Not my place to say anything, but heartbreaking. The disability access is a godsend to a great number of people (me included); I'm sure it'll help ya'll a great deal. Have a great trip. The one other thing I might suggest is to let him sleep in the morning as long as he needs. Most people will say RD FOREVER, but kids that age need rest too. Just a thought, again have a great time.
Thanks. It's a tough age because its hard to diagnose anything aside from the PTSD. He's very smart, super social and not shy at all. He just has a very hard time when things go off the rails -- whether it be something simple like a certain flavor of drink not being available or being over tired and not knowing how to turn him self off. Like i said typical 4yo stuff but to the exteme at times. thanks for the advice!
 
Think of your ways "out". You are there for 10 days, so if it is a horrible day, you don't have to stay at the park that day ... or for the amount of time it takes to calm down. That being said, maybe look for quiet areas with less stimulus in the parks you can head for. You are staying at AKL, so the last thing I'd think you would want is to be at MK in total meltdown mode and throw the your son on the bus for the ride back to AKL - which could mean waiting for the bus for ten minutes and a 10-15-20 minute ride on the bus once it gets there - all with a kiddo screaming I don't want to go.

Also think of food options. Do caffeine and sugar cause more issues? If they do, do you have a plan ahead of time to work around the kiddo demanding a Mickey Bar when you know the Mickey Bar will cause a sugar related meltdown. The plan can be simple - tell him we don't eat Mickey Bars but we buy character popcorn tubs and eat popcorn ... or whatever you use as an alternative.

If he is dead set on certain drinks, check and see if the park serves them or take them with you - I have a Dr. Pepper only kid, and WDW doesn't serve DP.
 


If you're at AKL for 10 days, plan on about half being just at the resort. There is so much to do at the resort itself, and it could be a nice break from the crowds of the parks.
(Maybe this was your intention anyway) AKL is such a beautiful and relaxing place!

Also, guessing that you'll have a stroller. A lightweight blanket is nice to have along. You can hang it from the shade, to give your son his own little "fort" to block out the world for a bit if needed.

Have a nice trip!
 
Thanks these are the kinds of things that really help us prepare. Our main goal is to make this a fun and comfortable trip for him.
 
I've been to WDW several times when my older son was little. No PTSD, but he had the charming habit of passing out and seizing if he got overstimulated. Good times! Anyway, here are a few suggestions to add to the others on this thread:

- set your expectations low. Maybe plan all your FP for the morning, and consider if you stay past lunch time, it's gravy. Obviously, work this around his typical schedule at home--if he likes to sleep in, plan to hit the parks later and plan FP for realistic times. But, know that you won't see and do everything. It's okay. You can go back. You also may find that he's enchanted by the ducks, or the trains at Epcot, or some other little thing that isn't on your agenda.

- make sure he's getting enough sleep. Lack of sleep makes everything worse.

- most kids this age love the hotel pool, and AK has a nice one. Plan on devoting a good chunk of time to the pool, preferably on most days. The animals are also a huge draw. For a 10-day trip, I'd plan on at least 2 "resort days" so the child can relax and recharge.

- make sure he eats reasonably healthy. I know it's a vacation, it's easy to let this slide. I'm not suggesting no treats, just make sure things are balanced. When we went as a family, my niece (literally, 2 months younger than my fainting-goat son) was constipated for 6 days. Poor kid was miserable, but parents didn't seem to connect the dots.

- preparation, preparation, preparation! Bring snacks, to head off a sugar-crash meltdown. Bring things to do in line. If new things can set him off, find Youtube videos of some of the rides, so he knows what to expect. Talk him through what a typical morning might be ("First, we'll have breakfast in the room. Then we'll walk to the bus stop. We need a bus that says, "Magic Kingdom". We'll ride the bus to the park, then we have to go through the turnstiles...").
 
QueenIsabella had some great advice. Not much I can add to that. The DAS pass will be a great help. Time your meals for downtime in between and a getaway from the heat depending on what time of year you are going. If you need a quiet space, look for a cast member. They are always there to help.
 
Have you tried a weighted blanket? The make them kid sized too. There really good at calming individuals with PTSD, OCD, and panic attacks. I bought one and it has made a difference in my life.

AKL is a great relaxing resort. You chose well.
 
My biggest suggestion is to plan ahead and do social stories with pictures. Outline exactly how things will go, things that the child may need to be flexible about, possible disappointments that will pop up, how you plan to handle behavioral outbursts. There will be surprises and things that pop up but the more you can prepare him for, the better: You will go on fun rides but you may have to wait. Sometimes the rides break and we may have to try something different or come back. Make sure you are eating and drinking so you have enough energy to stay at the parks. If you need a break, use your words, the rides will still be there after the break. There may be a line for the potty. The potty flushers are LOUD but they won't hurt you. If you're having a hard time we will find a quiet place to sit until you're ready to keep going. The buses might be crowded. Put in pictures of what lines will look like getting into the parks, in the parks, etc.
When my girls were little we did social stories (and read them every night) leading up to both of their Disney trips and it helped a lot! We didn't anticipate quite as many issues as we had with the loud toilets but other than that we could remind them of what we had talked about and it helped quite a bit. I echo packing some moderately healthy, filling snacks- at that age my kids were so overwhelmed they often wouldn't eat at meals but would eat a granola bar, dried fruit, or peanut butter sandwich in the stroller.
Good luck and have fun!
 
I've been to WDW several times when my older son was little. No PTSD, but he had the charming habit of passing out and seizing if he got overstimulated. Good times! Anyway, here are a few suggestions to add to the others on this thread:

- set your expectations low. Maybe plan all your FP for the morning, and consider if you stay past lunch time, it's gravy. Obviously, work this around his typical schedule at home--if he likes to sleep in, plan to hit the parks later and plan FP for realistic times. But, know that you won't see and do everything. It's okay. You can go back. You also may find that he's enchanted by the ducks, or the trains at Epcot, or some other little thing that isn't on your agenda.

- make sure he's getting enough sleep. Lack of sleep makes everything worse.

- most kids this age love the hotel pool, and AK has a nice one. Plan on devoting a good chunk of time to the pool, preferably on most days. The animals are also a huge draw. For a 10-day trip, I'd plan on at least 2 "resort days" so the child can relax and recharge.

- make sure he eats reasonably healthy. I know it's a vacation, it's easy to let this slide. I'm not suggesting no treats, just make sure things are balanced. When we went as a family, my niece (literally, 2 months younger than my fainting-goat son) was constipated for 6 days. Poor kid was miserable, but parents didn't seem to connect the dots.

- preparation, preparation, preparation! Bring snacks, to head off a sugar-crash meltdown. Bring things to do in line. If new things can set him off, find Youtube videos of some of the rides, so he knows what to expect. Talk him through what a typical morning might be ("First, we'll have breakfast in the room. Then we'll walk to the bus stop. We need a bus that says, "Magic Kingdom". We'll ride the bus to the park, then we have to go through the turnstiles...").

Oh wow thanks for putting so much thought into that.. I'm relieved to know some of what you suggested has already been implemented.. We're definitely going to tweak our plans based on some of the suggestions here.
 
Have you tried a weighted blanket? The make them kid sized too. There really good at calming individuals with PTSD, OCD, and panic attacks. I bought one and it has made a difference in my life.

AKL is a great relaxing resort. You chose well.
Thanks. Yes we have a weighted blanket which he uses at night. We're definitly going to bring that with us.
 
There are some great suggestions here and its obvious that a lot are coming from experienced and seasoned parents of 'non-neurotypical' children.

It sounds like he has a hard time dealing with changes and things not necessarily going as they see them, your best friend here is youtube! Having youtube as a precursor to help show them what it is like, what rides are like, what sights and sounds you can expect etc... really help take the edge off the unknown. Download the My Disney app on your phone and look at wait times and periodically check in and play fun games like 'guess the time for mine train' or 'which ride do you think is down right now'... that way they get used to the fact there are wait times as well as rides breaking down. This really helps with showing them that 'you' are not in control of those things and are at the mercy of the parks. I find this to be a really good strategy at setting expectations and norms.

Social stories may also be useful if its something they have be exposed to before. Involve them in the planning aspect with regards to fast pass choices, and guide them with what they can choose from and have elements of 1st choice, 2nd choice etc.. so there are always backups in place should things not go according to plan lol.

I would also consider looking in the disabilities section and looking up the DAS system, as this may be something that would create some element of 'norms' for them that will allow much better control and flexibility with the environment.' In addition, feel free to use headphones for some quiet time with them. There are some really cool noise cancelling headphones that can be used to great effect, whether this be just to block out noise, or to listen to their favorite music. I would also suggest a nice stroller with a good pull down canopy, as this will be a place to allow them to create a personal 'bubble' away from people and time to themselves. And as has already been suggested, make sure they hydrate well and have some calories in their system. All that excitement and heat makes them dehydrated and low on energy so keep it up with water / fluids and some good snacks!

And finally, embrace the differences! Focus on the enjoyment of you and your family and don't worry about perceptions. People get really hung up on 'don't take them at any cost'... well if that were the case then the vast majority of society wouldn't be allowed out the house lol. You will have a great time.
 
There are some great suggestions here and its obvious that a lot are coming from experienced and seasoned parents of 'non-neurotypical' children.

It sounds like he has a hard time dealing with changes and things not necessarily going as they see them, your best friend here is youtube! Having youtube as a precursor to help show them what it is like, what rides are like, what sights and sounds you can expect etc... really help take the edge off the unknown. Download the My Disney app on your phone and look at wait times and periodically check in and play fun games like 'guess the time for mine train' or 'which ride do you think is down right now'... that way they get used to the fact there are wait times as well as rides breaking down. This really helps with showing them that 'you' are not in control of those things and are at the mercy of the parks. I find this to be a really good strategy at setting expectations and norms.

Social stories may also be useful if its something they have be exposed to before. Involve them in the planning aspect with regards to fast pass choices, and guide them with what they can choose from and have elements of 1st choice, 2nd choice etc.. so there are always backups in place should things not go according to plan lol.

I would also consider looking in the disabilities section and looking up the DAS system, as this may be something that would create some element of 'norms' for them that will allow much better control and flexibility with the environment.' In addition, feel free to use headphones for some quiet time with them. There are some really cool noise cancelling headphones that can be used to great effect, whether this be just to block out noise, or to listen to their favorite music. I would also suggest a nice stroller with a good pull down canopy, as this will be a place to allow them to create a personal 'bubble' away from people and time to themselves. And as has already been suggested, make sure they hydrate well and have some calories in their system. All that excitement and heat makes them dehydrated and low on energy so keep it up with water / fluids and some good snacks!

And finally, embrace the differences! Focus on the enjoyment of you and your family and don't worry about perceptions. People get really hung up on 'don't take them at any cost'... well if that were the case then the vast majority of society wouldn't be allowed out the house lol. You will have a great time.

Thank you. I love the headphones idea. We routinely watch the rides on you tube. All of our fast passes are in the morning and we're planning daily trips to the pool if weather permits otherwise there's a ton of other things for him to enjoy at AKL.
 
Oh wow thanks for putting so much thought into that.. I'm relieved to know some of what you suggested has already been implemented.. We're definitely going to tweak our plans based on some of the suggestions here.
My son had a real rough time for the first 5 years--the passing out and seizing wasn't the only issue. We still managed to take him to WDW every year, but we had to manage our expectations. We have wonderful memories and pictures of him with lipstick kisses on both cheeks (Cinderella and Aurora, if memory serves). He's now 21, and has Asperger's, anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, and is extremely introverted. Traveling with him remains a challenge. For better or worse, he prefers to stay home most of the time. You just learn to do what you need to do to give your child the best possible vacation, on their terms. I hope you have a great trip--I know you're trying to do your best for your precious child.
 
We internationally adopted my youngest, and she had major trauma and other institutionalized issues. We go to disney every year and kind of have our own system. The stroller is her safe place when she is overwhelmed. We rent a GT city mini from Kingdom Strollers because the shade folds down enough that it can almost cover her completely and give her some respite. We have a bag with headphones, a little soft blanket, and her favorite water bottle.

We make sure to keep her hydrated with proteins snacks every few hours, and we never push her past her limit. If she’s overwhelmed, we go to a quiet section of the park, like over near Pirates, and we eat a snack and enjoy the peace for a minute. If we’re still struggling, we go back to the resort. My husband and the other kids stay at the parks, so there is no sibling resentment. I will say the rides do calm her. The stimulation from the roller coasters and spinning rides regulate her better than anything. She does not handle height requirements well because she feels left behind, which triggers her PTSD. We did TBRI therapy and Theraplay with her, and it has worked wonders. Both the Connected Child and The Whole Brain Child have been great books for parenting children with trauma!
 

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