Can you have compassion for someone yet still hold them responsible?

Can you have compassion for someone yet still hold them somewhat responsible for their problem?

  • Yes

  • No


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kdonnel

DVC-BCV
Joined
Feb 1, 2001
It would appear that many believe that having compassion for someone or their situation is mutually exclusive from also holding them somewhat responsible.

Here are some examples:

  1. A worker who has no savings at all who is furloughed or let go.
  2. Someone who lives beside a river known to flood who's home is destroyed in a flood.
  3. Someone who comes down with lung cancer after working 30 years as a bartender.
  4. A homeowner who needs a new roof but has no money set aside for the roof.
  5. Someone who needs a new transmission but once again has no money set aside for repair.
  6. Someone who's home is destroyed by a hurricane that lives 5 miles or less from the coast of Florida.
  7. Someone who is living a lifestyle beyond their income.
 
It would appear that many believe that having compassion for someone or their situation is mutually exclusive from also holding them somewhat responsible.

Here are some examples:

  1. A worker who has no savings at all who is furloughed or let go.
  2. Someone who lives beside a river known to flood who's home is destroyed in a flood.
  3. Someone who comes down with lung cancer after working 30 years as a bartender.
  4. A homeowner who needs a new roof but has no money set aside for the roof.
  5. Someone who needs a new transmission but once again has no money set aside for repair.
  6. Someone who's home is destroyed by a hurricane that lives 5 miles or less from the coast of Florida.
  7. Someone who is living a lifestyle beyond their income.

Sure, you were knocked down and saved by the bell and you're eye is swollen shut. But you get back in there to the other thread for round 2 and knock em out champ. And keep that right arm up. He's killin you with the left jab.

DING DING DING.
 


No, I don't think you can. The root meaning of compassion is to suffer with. The process of deciding who's at fault, and coincidentally it's hardly ever the one deciding, is a process of separating yourself out from the suffering of others. It's the very opposite of compassion.
 
In some of your examples, you can be compassionate but still hold someone responsible for their situation by providing a loan to help them out rather than bailing them out with a cash grant.
 


Sure, you were knocked down and saved by the bell and you're eye is swollen shut. But you get back in there to the other thread for round 2 and knock em out champ. And keep that right arm up. He's killin you with the left jab.

DING DING DING.
Whoa. Looks like a nerve took a hit on the other thread.


Yep. Spin off number 2 for this guy from that thread.
 
You have some very bizarre examples, in fact more than half of them I could easily see a scenario where they are in that spot but not "responsible".

However, to answer you question, absolutely yes you can. I do it more times than I can count. Working in insurance claims, I see accidents happen where someone is hurt or heaven forbid killed. It's an accident...a horrible one. You can feel compassion for the at fault driver, but they are still held responsible.
 
You have some very bizarre examples, in fact more than half of them I could easily see a scenario where they are in that spot but not "responsible".

However, to answer you question, absolutely yes you can. I do it more times than I can count. Working in insurance claims, I see accidents happen where someone is hurt or heaven forbid killed. It's an accident...a horrible one. You can feel compassion for the at fault driver, but they are still held responsible.
I agree that the examples are terrible. I think in order to be compassionate you have to have some humility, I don’t know that the OP does.
 
I would agree that the examples give are more about passing judgment than whether there is any compassion or not.
The thing is... It is not my place, or any other person's place or obligation to 'hold another person responsible'.
That idea is very presumptuous.

Being compassionate and helpful is one thing.
Passing judgement and pointing fingers is another.

it is nice to 'help' people. But, IRL, there are many people who feel entitled...
Sometimes the only true help is knowing that other people sometimes need to feel the consequences of bad decisions and irresponsibility.
For every 'giver' out there, there might be numerous 'takers' scoping them out like predators.
 
It would appear that many believe that having compassion for someone or their situation is mutually exclusive from also holding them somewhat responsible.

Here are some examples:

  1. A worker who has no savings at all who is furloughed or let go.
  2. Someone who lives beside a river known to flood who's home is destroyed in a flood.
  3. Someone who comes down with lung cancer after working 30 years as a bartender.
  4. A homeowner who needs a new roof but has no money set aside for the roof.
  5. Someone who needs a new transmission but once again has no money set aside for repair.
  6. Someone who's home is destroyed by a hurricane that lives 5 miles or less from the coast of Florida.
  7. Someone who is living a lifestyle beyond their income.

Well it all depends on the person and the situation.

1. I don’t hold them responsible if their situation does not allow for the savings.

2. We have a lot of that here. People living on the river because it is land that was handed down to them. They may or may not have a choice. Not everyone can just pick up and move. But if it was my family or friend, I would help them through the flood and then help them figure out if they can change the situation. But I would NEVER be so bold as to sit back and say it’s their fault.

3. What the heck does being a bartender have to do with lung cancer? But, my question to you would you rather the bartender have a job or would you prefer to support him? Not my place to judge someone’s chosen career. (And bartenders can make a lot of money so they would probably be able to save your required 10% and more)

4. Insurance usually pays for that but I would be more inclined to help that person figure out how to get a loan or save the money for a roof. Again not my place to judge.

5. Same as 4

6. Ok, this one I will argue thru the fires. Hurricanes do not hit the same place every year. Some places do not get one every 15 years. Some places never get hit more than once. To say “Well you shouldn’t live there” is being very sanctimonious. And just wrong

7. For SOME people, yes they are living beyond their means but not every income even allows for that. There are incomes that barely cover basic needs. But hey, I have done it. I have spent money I couldn’t really afford to and paid the price later. As long as they aren’t asking me for money, not up to me to decide what they should and shouldn’t spend.


You sure do seem to be spending a lot of time justifying being judgemental.
 
I work in an office full of people that show compassion, caring, guidance, mentorship and we do make sure people understand that sometimes bad choices compound upon life circumstances. However, I am 100% sure none of us sound sanctimonious or callous. Life happens and it's hard and for some there is no where but up but when constantly being kicked in the face it's hard as hell to do anything that propels one up the ladder of progress.
 
Well it all depends on the person and the situation.

Truer words were never spoken (or in this case, typed) Individual circumstances and contributing factors could really have given people no savings...things like illnesses, whether the individual or extended family, divorce, death in the family. Each situation is different. There is no blanket answer to the question.
 
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