At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[mummabear]

Okay. Now I'm getting really confused. How did we get from talking about a kid who's starting kindergarten in a few days not wearing pants to a diaper wearing toddler in a high chair without a shirt? Huge difference.

Stephk1981 said that it makes her CEO ge to see even a baby without a shirt on....

 

[Disney Doll]

Frankly I think children should learn appropriate social behavior and wearing appropriate lower garments (pants or shorts, depending on the season) when company is over is one of those lessons.

I do get tired of parents who use the “hes only (insert age here)” as if a child of a certain age cannot begin to be taught appropriate social behavior.

 

[maxaroni]

First, I believe to each his/her own. For me, I won’t get into other peoples parenting, as long as the child(ren) are not being harmed/abused. We all have our own ideas and am sure all of these pantless kids will turn out fine.

However, for us, our son (25) was raised since a baby as we are. To us, walking around or eating at the table in a diaper, is the same as us sitting in our underwear. We don’t walk around or eat in our underwear, neither is DS. We also didn’t Feed baby food out of the jar, we used plates/bowls, even as a baby. I tried nursing DS but it ddn’t Work out for us. So, bottle feeding he was always in my arms, not a bottle propped up. Now, stating this, I don’t expect all to agree, but it shouldn’t matter.

 

[Nancyg56]

First, I believe to each his/her own. For me, I won’t get into other peoples parenting, as long as the child(ren) are not being harmed/abused. We all have our own ideas and am sure all of these pantless kids will turn out fine.

However, for us, our son (25) was raised since a baby as we are. To us, walking around or eating at the table in a diaper, is the same as us sitting in our underwear. We don’t walk around or eat in our underwear, neither is DS. We also didn’t Feed baby food out of the jar, we used plates/bowls, even as a baby. I tried nursing DS but it ddn’t Work out for us. So, bottle feeding he was always in my arms, not a bottle propped up. Now, stating this, I don’t expect all to agree, but it shouldn’t matter.

I agree with you in regards to "to each their own" philosophy. I do not remember letting my kids have dinner with guests while they were wearing their underooos, however like you, I believed the parenting decision was mine. If someone else was comfortable with their kids in their unders, why not? I would never interfere, and for me, this is where my comments came in.

I know that my parenting decisions were ever at odds with how my DMIL wanted my kids raised, and I resented that she or my FIL would constantly make comments to DH knowing that there was going to be a discussion between us after which I would be angry, husband would be angry, and no one would be thanking either one of them. After Donald passed away the three of us needed to have a "come to Jesus" meeting because while I would welcome any suggestions they had regarding the parenting of my children, I would never again tolerate either one of them undermining my decisions in front of the kids. Even in close knit families where members can all have a hand in caring for the kids, there are boundaries that no one should ever cross. The whole "village" thing can be taken way too far by some "well meaning" people who may be doing their dandiest to trump a parent for whatever reason they may have.

 

[Hrhpd]

I agree with you in regards to "to each their own" philosophy. I do not remember letting my kids have dinner with guests while they were wearing their underooos, however like you, I believed the parenting decision was mine. If someone else was comfortable with their kids in their unders, why not? I would never interfere, and for me, this is where my comments came in.

I know that my parenting decisions were ever at odds with how my DMIL wanted my kids raised, and I resented that she or my FIL would constantly make comments to DH knowing that there was going to be a discussion between us after which I would be angry, husband would be angry, and no one would be thanking either one of them. After Donald passed away the three of us needed to have a "come to Jesus" meeting because while I would welcome any suggestions they had regarding the parenting of my children, I would never again tolerate either one of them undermining my decisions in front of the kids. Even in close knit families where members can all have a hand in caring for the kids, there are boundaries that no one should ever cross. The whole "village" thing can be taken way too far by some "well meaning" people who may be doing their dandiest to trump a parent for whatever reason they may have.

Bravo. This is it in a nutshell. Everyone has their limits. Personally, while I don't see an issue with a 5 year old, I cringed while reading a pre-pubescent 12 year old would be in her underwear with company. Although, weirdly I admit, I would have absolutely no issue with her in a bikini. Everyone has their idiosyncrasies and beliefs on the proper way children should be raised.

That said, I firmly believe that if it works for their family, then it is absolutely ok to raise their children their way. Now that my children are grown, I look at some of my friend's also grown children and am wowed at what wonderful adults they turned out to be even though I questioned (to myself) the parenting when they were younger. There are even a few instances where I sometimes wish I had incorporated some of the methods I was skeptical of back then. Hindsight is always an eye opener.

The crux of the OP's problem, not only with her post but her history of posts, is that she believes she is "entitled" to rights as a guest in someone's home and that she is "entitled" to reprimand children due to her child rearing beliefs. She strongly believes she is right and her sister is wrong and she enforces "her" beliefs in her sister's home.

Even if I thought a child was going to grow up as an ax murderer, I would only intervene if there was abuse happening. If a child without a shirt, a child without pants, a baby in a bikini (another hot topic on here,) would make me uncomfortable, but I would never, ever say anything to the child. It is not my place. As history has shown me, my way just may not be the only way. My kids are wonderful, but so are the adult kids of my other friends who did things completely differently.

I would venture to guess that the 5 year old's quick backtalk to the OP "I don't have to" was influenced by being told that he didn't have to listen to his meddling aunt and that he only had to listen to his parents. Or, he overheard his parents talking about how meddling she was in their child raising.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I haven't read thru this whole thread, but something tells me that the above post just NAILS it.

The issue that I am seeing that is so much bigger than a young preK child without pants is the issue between the OP's sister and the sister's husband. The husband is the child's father. The OP has not only interjected herself in an issue between the child and the mother and the father... But has interjected herself between a husband and wife.

That is not okay in my world.

 

[Nancyg56]

I haven't read thru this whole thread, but something tells me that the above post just NAILS it.

The issue that I am seeing that is so much bigger than a young preK child without pants is the issue between the OP's sister and the sister's husband. The husband is the child's father. The OP has not only interjected herself in an issue between the child and the mother and the father... But has interjected herself between a husband and wife.

That is not okay in my world.

I agree. There is way more to this IMO. To be honest, if my husband responded to my sister's interference that way when he knew it was an issue for me, the most uncomfortable conversation between me and anyone would be with my husband. I feel that is we are not presenting a united front we have bigger concerns than underroos on a kid. I think I posted upthread somewhere what my DH reaction would be towards any one of my family members interfering in our decisions.

 

[DaddysPrincess]

As history has shown me, my way just may not be the only way.

**slow clapping**

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

Huh. I guess I’m crazy; my kids always wore shorts or pants around the house. That said, I wouldn’t tell their child what to do in their house. But that’s me.

 

[Hikergirl]

It is not crazy to expect your kids to be dressed in your own house or yard.
It is not crazy to let your kids be in their underwear, pjs, shirtless in their your house or yard.
It is not crazy to go to someone else's house and think it is crazy that they let their kid eat in their underwear.
It is not crazy to go to someone else's house and think it is not a big deal that they let their kid eat in their underwear.
It is crazy to go to someone else's house and order their kids to do something just because you think they should.

 

[wvjules]

My daughter age 12 is the same way. First thing that happens when she comes home the pants are off. And she lives in her T-shirt and underwear. Maybe. My son also prefers to lounge in his underwear. Over summer break due to the heat my kids usually sleep in their underwear and usually eat breakfast in their underwear. And yes my kids will remain so when we have certain guests over. This includes family members that we are close with such as grandma or Ants and uncles cousins etc.

You allow your 12 year old daughter to be in a shirt an undies when you have guests? I can't even imagine a 12 year old that would be comfortable begin only in undies with mom and dad let alone uncles, cousins, etc.

 

[stephk1981]

My friend has a neighbor that mows his lawn in a speedo. He’s between the age of 70 and 80.

Definitely love the mentality of to each their own or there’d be no fun for any of us.

I may have heart attack or go blind if I witnessed this lol! At least he is entertaining the neighborhood. This is why discussion boards are fun, we all have different opinions and can respect each other's

 

[moon]

Frankly I think children should learn appropriate social behavior and wearing appropriate lower garments (pants or shorts, depending on the season) when company is over is one of those lessons.

I do get tired of parents who use the “hes only (insert age here)” as if a child of a certain age cannot begin to be taught appropriate social behavior.

I agree. As for being "comfortable", if the child is used to being dressed starting at an early age, s/he won't feel uncomfortable dressed' At least that's the way it was when I was a kid. Company or not, we were always dressed, and I don't remember ever feeling uncomfortable. I was used to it, and it was normal for me.

 

[moon]

My daughter age 12 is the same way. First thing that happens when she comes home the pants are off. And she lives in her T-shirt and underwear. Maybe.

Maybe what?

My son also prefers to lounge in his underwear. Over summer break due to the heat my kids usually sleep in their underwear and usually eat breakfast in their underwear. And yes my kids will remain so when we have certain guests over. This includes family members that we are close with such as grandma or Ants and uncles cousins etc.

How old is your son?

 

[Nancyg56]

You allow your 12 year old daughter to be in a shirt an undies when you have guests? I can't even imagine a 12 year old that would be comfortable begin only in undies with mom and dad let alone uncles, cousins, etc.

For us, this would not be in our comfort zone. I would not tell the child to get dressed, however I would tell my sibling that while I accepted that this is their decision, my DH and I would not be comfortable there. Some things are beyond what I am okay with for my family, and young ladies or teen boys running around in skivvies is one of them.

 

[BLAZEY]

I would venture to guess that the 5 year old's quick backtalk to the OP "I don't have to" was influenced by being told that he didn't have to listen to his meddling aunt and that he only had to listen to his parents. Or, he overheard his parents talking about how meddling she was in their child raising.

Nope he was told not to back talk.

 

[Nancyg56]

Nope he was told not to back talk.

Here is the thing. This is not your kid. Period. All of my nieces and nephews are adults now, and several have children of their own. I babysat for all of them. I spent a good deal of time with my siblings, their kids in their homes, and they spent that time with me as well. I also have a teen DGD. My DD and my DSIL lived with us for a period of time while they saved for a home and I was DGD caregiver. When the children were in my care I established rules of behavior. The same held true with my DGD. When she was entrusted to me I reprimanded her if her behavior merited a scolding or some sort of consequence. I have the little girls on my street with me a lot as well, and when they are with me they know the deal. They MUST wear underwear.

Now, when they are with their parents I stay out of any discipline. I never even intruded on my DD and DSIL when they lived with me. There would never be a day when I would overstep by disciplining, enforcing or in any way, shape or form intruding on a parent's rules. I am not supporting a child back talking an adult, however I would let Mom and Dad handle it. The furthest I would go if a kid backtalked me or was rude would be to say "Excuse me?" and move on. I can honestly say that not one of my family members, or the kids who I cared for ever did this. My question to you is why did your nephew back talk you? I have never needed a parent to intervene for me in regards to how children spoke to me, but I believe there is a reason for that.

I was once told by my peers who worked with me, and who were know to have trashy mouths that they could never slip in front of me. I asked why. The explanation was that there was something about me that made them remember their manners. The young man was complimenting me rather than complaining about the way they minded their mouths. Perhaps you should look at why a 5 YO was so emboldened that he defied you.

 

[ShayBells]

I agree. As for being "comfortable", if the child is used to being dressed starting at an early age, s/he won't feel uncomfortable dressed' At least that's the way it was when I was a kid. Company or not, we were always dressed, and I don't remember ever feeling uncomfortable. I was used to it, and it was normal for me.

I put DS in pjs as a little kid. He woke up in his underwear. Every. Single. Night. I gave up on the pjs. He’s more comfortable sleeping like that. It’s definitely not a learned behavior and just an individual comfort level. If you and your family like being in clothes that’s awesome! But I didn’t just let my kid run around naked his whole life and now he’s “learned” to like being in underwear.

 

[ShayBells]

I’ve got a quick question for those who think 5 year old boys should wear pants all the time. Out of curiosity, should girls wear pants/shorts under dresses?

Is this a double standard? Is the pant less boy okay if his shirt is hanging down to his knees cause it’s two sizes too big?

Is the 12 year old girl okay if her T-shirt hangs down to her knees?

 

[old lady]

About eight, I would believe it would be a good idea to.