Asperger's and Santa Claus

[Luv Bunnies]

We're having a little struggle with our DS15 w/Asperger's and Santa Claus. He says he absolutely believes in Santa (yes, I said he's 15!) and he's sure Santa will be coming this year to bring him presents, eat the cookies, drink the milk and take the oatmeal to the reindeer. He's a very smart kid and usually very matter-of-fact about things. But he's emotionally younger than his age and still takes that childlike view of many things. Our typically-developing 12 year old DS has it all figured out and has tried to convince his brother to no avail.

Personally, I think it's fine for him to believe what he wants. He goes to a school for kids with Asperger's and many of them still hold their belief as well. Others have tried to convince him of the truth but he didn't believe them. However, we don't feel compelled to perpetuate it any longer. He asked us the question, we told him the truth and he refused to believe it. But if we continue taking the cookies and moving the fireplace screen aside, he'll think we were lying and that he's been right all along! I don't want him to feel crushed on Christmas morning, but I feel like it's time to let him see the truth for himself.

Has anyone had this issue with an older autistic child? I really think he believes and he's not pulling our legs. He doesn't have the capacity to tell a lie because he's so matter-of-fact!

 

[bookwormde]

Either way he is going to think that you have been "lying" (not big deal since his logical side new it was a fantasy for a long time). I am quite sure that his logical side knows reality, but the belief that there is such a generious and magical person is held onto at some level by lots of people at some level.

Why not transfer the prep work to him (putting out the cookies). It should be an interesting experiance, If the cookies are there in the morning then he will have to reationalize that, if they are gone (assuming you do not eat them) then you will know that he just enjoys perpetuating the magical story in his mind (unless santa really did eat them).

bookwormde

 

[NotUrsula]

This is why we never did the whole Santa/Easter Bunny thing with DS. (That and he was terrified of the idea of a bearded stranger breaking into the house.)

 

[SmallWorld71]

I really don't have any suggestions for you; just wanted to share that my brother and sister-in-law will be facing this issue soon with DNephew11 who also has Asperger's. He believes in Santa with all his heart. Good luck with your decision.

 

[brergnat]

This is why we never did the whole Santa/Easter Bunny thing with DS. (That and he was terrified of the idea of a bearded stranger breaking into the house.)

Yep, us too. Had a great time explaining that one to the grandparents...

Actually, two years ago, we did it for the sake of our younger son (who was 2 at the time). We did the cookies and milk, and food for the reindeer thing. He went along with it, but I don't think he really believed at all. It was fun for him, but I think he knows we buy all the gifts, since he sees the toys at Target and Toys R Us...he's too smart to think that the "elves" make all the toys.

OP, the absolute only way you will be able to "convince" your DS that there is no Santa is to take him with you when you do the Christmas shopping. I know it will mean no surprises on Christmas morning, but if he sees you actually buying the gifts and wrapping paper (get him to help you wrap them, even), he will "get" that YOU have always been Santa.

 

[LMC]

I just had the santa talk with my DS15 last month. I figured he was in the 10th grade now so it was time he knew so he wouldn't be made fun of at school. Of course he didn't believe me. We had a very lengthy conversation about it. Then immediately following he asks about the easter bunny, so I let him know that the parents are the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy and that there is a person inside those characters at the happiest place on earth. I still think he wants to believe I am pulling his leg and would give the most convincing arguments for santa's existence but I guess he will see come December.

 

[Bearshouse]

The clients I worked with still believed too. Their parents tried to explain it too. So one family finally said Santa retired. The other one said that since there were so many kids in the world that he had to stop coming so he could make it to all the houses.

Just and idea.

Bearshouse

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

This is why we never did the whole Santa/Easter Bunny thing with DS. (That and he was terrified of the idea of a bearded stranger breaking into the house.)

This cracked me up! This is exactly our situation. I had to tell dd there was no tooth fairy because she was seriously freaking out about somebody coming near her while she slept. Then I had to dodge the 1,000,000 questions:

how does she get in?
is she a person?
does she wear clothes?
where does she live?
what does she do with the teeth?
etc
etc
etc


So now she knows no magical people are breaking into our house to give her things. Now I have the problem of her telling everyone else and I hear the questions about why does everyone think it's real, mom?

 

[ireland_nicole]

maybe there's something wrong with us as parents, but I don't see why it's a problem that DD still believes. We have presented her with the rational argument, but she is convinced that Santa and more importantly Mickey and the princesses are real. At the end of the day, she's going to be "different" with or without her belief, and it makes her happy. So we have chosen not to push the issue with her. I think I would look at it differently if it scared her, but honestly I don't mind, it just one of many things that are interesting and unique about her

 

[Piper]

maybe there's something wrong with us as parents, but I don't see why it's a problem that DD still believes. We have presented her with the rational argument, but she is convinced that Santa and more importantly Mickey and the princesses are real. At the end of the day, she's going to be "different" with or without her belief, and it makes her happy. So we have chosen not to push the issue with her. I think I would look at it differently if it scared her, but honestly I don't mind, it just one of many things that are interesting and unique about her

I agree. It doesn't really matter! Let them believe. A lot of kids would benefit from not trying to grow up too fast!

 

[JESW]

I really thought this post would be the opposite - about an Aspie not believing! I also have a ds15 with Asperger's and he gave up believing in Santa many years ago when he started thinking about it logically and came to his own conclusion that there was no way there could be someone who did all they say Santa does!

You just never know how these kids will think!

Jill

 

[Melisande]

I am afraid to even ask DD12. I was never sure weather or not she believed or just played along since she is deathly afraid of the man in the red suit anyways. I have never gotten a successful picture of her with Santa. I stopped trying after she was 4 and my mom begged me to try one last time. DISASTER!

 

[mbb]

Our boys - identical twins - were freaked out too, by the whole stranger danger in my room!

So, Santa wrote them a letter...from the Tooth Fairy and the EB, as well.

Explaining that "mom and dad would look after all those things, and not to be afraid of good magic, you know, Pixie Dust!"
Parents know how magic works, because after all, faith, hope and pixie dust what brought us together as a family. When you grow a little more, you will carry on that responsibility of keeping the magic for other little children".

We were always upfront with the boys that moms and dads had to pay for the Santa stuff...which is why Santa never brings them the "big" gifts. Those are always from mom and dad. Santa brings the "accessories", and charges our Visa

It just breaks my heart when I think of some of the othe kids in their class, wondering why others get fab stuff from Santa, and not them.

...and the Tooth Fairy never takes their teeth.

According to them, Mom gets to keep their teeth, and that's why the TF doesn't leave as much money

HTH!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree. It doesn't really matter! Let them believe. A lot of kids would benefit from not trying to grow up too fast!

I really don't mind if he chooses to believe. It's just that my DH and I won't be perpetuating the myth anymore by playing along and making it look like Santa visited our house. It will be interesting on Christmas morning to see if he stops believing or just thinks Santa forgot us this year. In any case, we have told him the truth and will no longer participate. What he believes will be up to him. Although, the other day we got into the conversation again and he said, "OK, fine...he doesn't exist." I'm not sure if he was serious or just trying to get me to cool it!

 

[worm761]

DS is 14 and I am not sure if he still believes or not. What we did was last year, no presents were marked from Santa. He either did not notice or just did not care because he never said a word about it.

Now, how is this for a problem? My DD is only 10 months old. Just as I am convincing DS that Santa doesn't exist, I am teaching DD that it does. So, do I just not do Santa with DD? I have no idea. She will turn one right before Christmas so I don't think this year will that bad. Next year though...who knows.

 

[Earstou]

My ds was 11 when we told him. He was being teased at school a lot, and we didn't want Santa to be another issue he could be teased about. We approached it by saying we felt he was mature enough to know the truth. We also explained that we had done the Santa thing because it was fun and exciting. We asked him not to tell his little cousins, so that they could still have the fun of Santa. He took it all very well.
He always seems to have better conversations when we are driving, so I told him while we were in the car.

Later, on the way home, he asked if his 20 yr old sister knew, and if maybe we should tell her, too!

 

[blondietink]

My DS age 18 and Autistic and DS age 20 with Down syndrome still believe in Santa and probably always will. I see no reason to try and convince them otherwise. They are so happy during the holiday season! However, the 18yo seems to believe that Santa can read his mind, and only verbalizes what Santa is supposed to bring him for presents one week before Christmas. We are working on making a list right after Thanksgiving, so "Santa" has time to find the gift requested.

By the way, Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer are also very much believed in around here. The stuffed Frosty we have goes with him everywhere, including airplanes. (We found a back-up Frosty on E-Bay in case he gets lost or worn out.)