Akwaaaard

china mom

DIS Veteran
Joined
Feb 15, 2010
Enjoying my first trip to Disneyland. Having a blast. Then, I get a text telling me that my estranged brother has died. He has been dead to me for about 20 years now so I shrug and move on.

In the mean time, someone posted about it on Facebook and here I am getting sympathy messages from distant relatives.

So, do keep posting my happy vacation pictures or what?
 
I don’t necessarily think you should stop but how much will their judgement effect you? If it’s going to bother you, I would t post the pictures.

The other question, would be how will your pictures make other family members feel? Is there a sibling or parent that will be hurt by seeing you post pictures rather than grieving? I wouldn’t want to make their grieving worse.
 


How close could these people be to you if they had no idea you two were estranged? I wouldn't worry about it, but then if you really need to then explain your estrangement.
 
LuvsJack. Both parents are gone. The one brother I have a relationship with hated the decedent more than I did.

I am hearing from overseas relatives who don't know our family dynamic. I guess I'm not all that concerned with their opinion
 


I'd keep posting the pictures.

I understand awkward family death situations. Several years ago my husband's uncle my marriage died. He had cheated on my husband's aunt with a much younger woman and divorced his wife and married the other woman. Half the people at the funeral had known the guy when he was married to my husband's aunt and apparently never knew they divorced, and the other half only knew him when he was married to the much younger woman. Husband was deployed so he could not go to the funeral but family members said it turned very awkward very fast when the two sides realized what happened.
 
I don’t post any vacation pictures or mention vacation until after I get back—I don’t want anyone knowing my house is empty even though my friends list on Facebook has been pruned back a lot. So I’d personally hold off.
 
I don’t post any vacation pictures or mention vacation until after I get back—I don’t want anyone knowing my house is empty even though my friends list on Facebook has been pruned back a lot. So I’d personally hold off.
I’m with you. I just always think l, when I see vacation pics, that now every burglar in town knows that person’s house is empty for a week.
 
I agree that your concern should be your parents and anyone else in the family who might actually be grieving.

I'm not suggesting that you don't enjoy your vacation, merely that you can still have a wonderful time without posting pictures.
 
Sorry for your loss. No matter what the level of disengagement was or is, I personally would not post pictures at this time. People who are posting their condolences perhaps do not know the history, but are truly well meaning.
 
Do not feel guilty about enjoying your vacation, especially if you were estranged. As far as posting pictures, if you enjoy doing that then go ahead. If someone sends you condolences, just thank them and move on.
 
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I don't do most social media but that would be my first thought. Wouldn't posting while you're away be an invitation to every burglar in town?
 
LuvsJack. Both parents are gone. The one brother I have a relationship with hated the decedent more than I did.

I am hearing from overseas relatives who don't know our family dynamic. I guess I'm not all that concerned with their opinion

Oh. Well then I don’t guess I would worry too much about it.
 
I guess it kind of depends on how important posting pictures to FB is for you.

If posting the pictures is integral to you having a good time on your vacation then keep posting them.

If you can still have a great time without posting the pictures, then it may be easier (or involve less drama) if you just enjoy your vacation without posting them right now.

Personally I wouldn't bother explaining a 20 year old estrangement to overseas relatives, seems like that ship has sailed and it's really of no concern to them.
 
Just as an FYI, our rule, in the past, had always been not to post pictures when on vacation. But we have someone living with us and she and the dogs can protect the house.
 
LuvsJack. Both parents are gone. The one brother I have a relationship with hated the decedent more than I did.

I am hearing from overseas relatives who don't know our family dynamic. I guess I'm not all that concerned with their opinion

If you are not concerned with their opinion why did you even bother to ask the question here? Personally, I wouldn't be posting my big smiling face right away. Even though you weren't close to him, he was still a human being and I'm sure his loss mattered to someone, somewhere. Nothing wrong with at least trying to seem reasonably respectful.
 
THere are 2 people who are already "dead" to me, so if they actually died when I was on my vacation, and my circumstances were as yours, no one that would be hurt, I would simply continue on my vacations, and post pictures as normal. In my family there are some people whose feelings I need to consider, so I would step a bit back, however in yours? Nope....post away.
 
If you want to post the pictures, then post away. You can't stop living when someone dies. Not everyone reacts the same way to death.
 

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