Adult ADHD & homeschooling...yikes! (longish)

[graygables]

I am now convinced that I, too, have ADHD (my 6yo DD was recently dxed). I've thought so for a very long time, but my recent learning about it has made me seriously consider that is my difficulty. The only thing I see differently than what the books say was that I never got bad grades. I was always finished with my school work well before my classmates (I worked ahead), so I spent a lot of time being an "aide". I only had 3 days in kindergarten before I was moved up. I was also sick a lot as a child and my parents believed in travelling a lot, so I was out of school more than I was in. I've always had a difficult time keeping a job and my lack of routines is unbelievably bad. College was an unbelievable struggle for me. I am having a very hard time even admitting any of this, I never did understand what was WRONG with me although I've always sensed that something was. My parents used to tell me I was "too smart to behave this way" and I always believed that since I was smart, that I must be "mis-wired" somewhere.

All that said, I homeschool DDs with a virtual charter school and I am so discouraged and ready to quit, only DH will have nothing of that. I CANNOT maintain any kind of routine or schedule AT ALL. I try the FlyLady system, but without routines, it is very difficult. 4th grade DD has Asperger's and 2nd grade DD is ADHD/ODD. It is almost impossible to keep them on task. I am not in a position to be formally dxed and I am certainly not in a position to take meds as I have no health insurance and can't afford to have anything show up on my "record" when I am finally able to apply for it.

Does anyone have any experience with adult ADHD? Any coping mechanisms/tricks to use when dealing with this kind of situation?

 

[HaleyB]

First off let me say, me too. I have the same story, with the addition of also being dyslexic. I too always got good grades, but like you I raced ahead of the class and finished my work early most of the time. I have an excellent memory, and I think that is the only way I made it through school at all. I never could do the readings unless they interested me, but would memorize the lectures so I was ok on the tests. I too have always had trouble with jobs as I am not able to stick to a task.

Fly lady helps me but only to a point. I think the real thing she did for me was remind me to make lists. Lists help me some, although honestly nothing helps me much. My laundry is always forgotten half done and just about two years ago a friend was over while I was cleaning my house and she had a good laugh over how I skip around between rooms and tasks so much. That might explain why I feel like I never get anything 'done'- I might do the dishes, but then I am off to clean a toliet and the kitchen counters are a mess- so even though I did some of it it seems undone.

How to cope- well my solution is not to, in a way. I can't really change the way I am wired and wouldn't really want to. I try to make lists and I (which is modified fly lady) try to focus on one room/area a day. Laundry, my DH took over (bless his soul). I never beat up on myself for my 'failings' because my son is ADD and I want him to know that it is ok to not be like everyone else. One thing I have learned is I am much more externally motivated than most adults. I like to be told what to do, because the endless options sometimes make me freeze up. DS is the same way, so I don't ever ask him what he wants to do- I tell him start with spelling, then reading, then.... we use a slient clock with him which serves the same purpose as the timer w/ fly lady. I try to use a timer with myself, but I forget to set it more often than not

The other side of the ADD coin is hyper focus and I use this to my advantage as much as possible. If I am on a roll I don't stop. Sometimes this means I clean my house top to bottom in one day (or night, more often).

On a Disney note, I love the Tourguidemike.com site and I wonder sometimes if he is a bit ADD because so many people say his layout and logic is hard for them to deal with, and for me it seems so natural.

So I don't think I am much help, but at least you are not alone. Researchers think about 10% of the over all population is ADD.

 

[graygables]

Thank you so much for your reply! It really helps knowing that I'm not alone (and that I have a 'twin' out there!!! ) I was just about to fall out of my chair about TourGuideMike's...I know EXACTLY what you mean and I love his site!!! I, too, am a late-night house cleaner...I just don't vacuum and wake everyone up

I've got to find a way to get started in the mornings. I hate mornings as it is (those late night cleaning/work sessions, I'm sure) and it was much easier when we unschooled, but now we are in a public school system (sort of) and we have to keep up with their curriculum and such.

Thanks again SO much!

 

[babyblues68]

I don't have any advice for you. But your not alone! My husband has ADHD. He has a genious IQ and was always ahead. He always finished his work before everyone else. He didn't have structure at home but did at school. He got 3 college scholarships. When he didn't have the structure of high school he couldn't stick with it in college. He just got DX this year at 37. It was such a relief for him. His meds have made a would of difference. I wish you well.

TC