A Disney birthday with hurt feelings

[MakiraMarlena]

She wasn't picking on you. She cancelled ALL the guests. maybe she really did not think her daughter could handle it.

 

[Angel Ariel]

zombie thread alert...thread is from July

 

[LuLa1972]

I agree and disagree. If that is what the daughter wanted to for her birthday that's fine but your friend should have been honest with the reasoning.

I agree whole heartedly. Mom should have been honest with you. If you friends for 25 years, I think you would have understood.

 

[WanderLit]

I am the mother of high-functioning, mentally ill adult daughter. Unless you spend a lot of personal time around her, you might not notice she is "off". Part of the reason she can function so much in the "real" world is because I backfill the "crazy gaps" with seemingly "normal" activities and excuses. It's hard work supporting someone with depression and anxiety and facilitating a "normal" experience for them.

Sometimes the relationship seems unhealthy or "enmeshed" to outsiders because they don't have the shared experiences of going through that hell with us. The rest of the world just doesn't "get it" most of the time. I have fibbed and fudged and made excuses to save my daughter's face or pride and give us happy experiences through the years. Yes I "cover" for her needs when they might seem "unreasonable" to mainstream people who don't get it. It's a real struggle trying to make the "square peg" of mental illness align with with "round holes" of other people's expectations.

If you care for this friend. Tell her you are so happy she can give her daughter the individual attention that she needs. Tell you you're there for her. Tell her you understand and that you hope she feels more confident in your friendship in the future. Tell her s't safe to be honest with you because you'll never judge her and NEVER begrudge her the times her daughter's unpredictable needs might change your plans together. Be a real friend.

 

[Nettester]

I think it's a little odd that your friend planned a birthday dinner party for her adult daughter and invited her OWN friend (or friends). If it was a family party, it would make a little more sense. But I think your friend may have overstepped and set the stage for an uncomfortable, too large production, especially, knowing her daughter is challenged with anxiety. Please understand how difficult mental illness is. A lot of "high-functioning" people may have the same outward appearances as yourself. But inside, they may be just barely holding it together. If this young woman really wanted a dinner party with friends, at 27, I think she would be planning it herself with her OWN friends. I don't blame her for canceling, even on short notice. Your friend may have been trying really hard (with good intentions) to make this work up until the last minute. The issue really is with the dynamic between your friend and her daughter. I wouldn't take it personally.

 

[DisneyGeekyParadise]

I think it's a little odd that your friend planned a birthday dinner party for her adult daughter and invited her OWN friend (or friends). If it was a family party, it would make a little more sense. But I think your friend may have overstepped and set the stage for an uncomfortable, too large production, especially, knowing her daughter is challenged with anxiety. Please understand how difficult mental illness is. A lot of "high-functioning" people may have the same outward appearances as yourself. But inside, they may be just barely holding it together. If this young woman really wanted a dinner party with friends, at 27, I think she would be planning it herself with her OWN friends. I don't blame her for canceling, even on short notice. Your friend may have been trying really hard (with good intentions) to make this work up until the last minute. The issue really is with the dynamic between your friend and her daughter. I wouldn't take it personally.

Hey, pretty sure this is a zombie thread....it's from 2015 and people haven't really commented on it for awhile I think.

 

[WanderLit]

Hey, pretty sure this is a zombie thread....it's from 2015 and people haven't really commented on it for awhile I think.

That's ok, I'm sure others who may have similar experiences or feelings might read through the thread and be edified. That's why the threads from 2015 stay up and unlocked. LOL

 

[KnittingMom]

My DD16 no longer wants to do anything with anyone because of people feeling left out/hurt feelings! She has anxiety, and in this world of no privacy, you cannot do anything without it being communicated to a zillion people and people ending up mad at her for not being invited: perhaps this happened here, and the daughter just wanted to forget about it!

I invited 4 girls to go to the NYC ballet with us. I didn't even tell DD. We ate before we went....IT BECAME A RIDICULOUS MESS because others found out and felt excluded! I had actually bought 10 tickets, but we used 6...I could easily have brought more.

Don't take it personally. Downtown Disney does not require special admittance....If you want to go, go!

In the so-called "old" days, it was considered rude to discuss a social engagement unless you knew that everyone in the conversation had also been invited. Maybe we need to revive that rule.

 

[RainbowBrite]

As someone with anxiety and depression, I have been in your friend's daughter's position. I almost couldn't make myself walk down the aisle at my own wedding because I was so anxious about everyone looking at me. we work so hard at not letting people see the full extent of our anxiety that even if everything appears fine to you on the outside, it may not be. I don't think your friend did anything wrong. I have cancelled plans many, many times because I'm freaking out at the last minute.