A Disney birthday with hurt feelings

littleblackegg

DIS Veteran
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
OK-To be ENTIRELY candid, I am really seeking empathy and tut-tuts from the Disney masses. Hopefully, I can adequately explain the situation and be as fair and objective as possible. My best friend and I have been friends for about 25 years. She has an adult daughter, 27, who is a bit of an introvert who is also prone to anxiety and depression, but is in no way severely disabled by this. She works in a job and has a far amount of responsibility, has friends, etc. They are in a really enmeshed relationship and my friend treats her daughter like she is about ten. She cleans her home, buys all her groceries, buys her clothes, covers all her screw-ups, etc. We were going to a birthday party at Downtown Disney last weekend for her daughter's birthday (we live about an hour and a half away). Her mother sent us a text message a few days before to tell us the party had been cancelled because of the daughter's anxiety. It turns out it had not been cancelled, just the guests had been cancelled. The daughter wanted to have a mother/daughter party instead. This really hurt my feelings, as I was looking forward to it, and it seemed terribly rude.
 
well if that is what the daughter needed or wanted for her birthday then that is what she should get, I know this will come a cross as rude but it is not about you. If you want to go to disney go by your self go to down town disney walk around meet new people stop into a store and just have a day for your self. I am sorry but you will not get any sympathy form me on this one
 
your friend did nothing wrong. her daughter was probably feeling overwhelmed by it all or merely craving time with only a few close loved ones. that is most certainly not unusual for someone with anxiety or depression. It is her day.
 
I'd be hurt if I was the only guest cancelled but in this case it just sounds like the daughter wanted to spend her birthday the way she wanted to spend her birthday! I know lots of people who would feel anxious about having a birthday party, including my adult son. He is in no way depressed or suffering from anxiety....he just doesn't like birthday parties!! Never has!!!

Could you and your friend take a trip to Downtown Disney on your own? I suspect you would have a better time anyway!
 


I understand being hurt because your friend fibbed a bit telling you the party was cancelled completely, rather than being totally honest with you and cancelling it and being up front about the daughter just wanting something for her and her mother. Obviously we always wish those closest to us would be honest with us in the first place, rather than finding out later what really happened.

That said, it is the daughter's birthday. On her birthday, of all days, she should be able to spend the day how she wants. I understand the disappointment of not getting to see your friend...but it is the daughter's day.

Can you talk to your friend about meeting up for a DTD day, just the two of you?
 
If "the guests were canceled," then the party was indeed canceled. The birthday girl wanted to go out with her mother instead. It's her birthday and her party (or lack thereof), not yours. You can plan your own party for your own birthday.
 


While I agree that the daughter should be able to celebrate her birthday the way she would like, the time to make her wishes clear was not a few days before the party when other guests had already made plans. She's 27 - not 7. I think it was rude & insensitive to her "guests" to "cancel" at that late date. Hosts do have a responsibility to their guests, just as guests have responsibilities to their host.
JMHO
 
While I agree that the daughter should be able to celebrate her birthday the way she would like, the time to make her wishes clear was not a few days before the party when other guests had already made plans. She's 27 - not 7. I think it was rude & insensitive to her "guests" to "cancel" at that late date. Hosts do have a responsibility to their guests, just as guests have responsibilities to their host.
JMHO
If she is prone to anxiety & depression... well, unfortunately those things don't always follow the rules of etiquette by announcing their impending arrival.
 
The party WAS cancelled because if there are no guests then there isn't a party. Youll know next time to decline any invitations you get to attend their get togethers.
 
My DD16 no longer wants to do anything with anyone because of people feeling left out/hurt feelings! She has anxiety, and in this world of no privacy, you cannot do anything without it being communicated to a zillion people and people ending up mad at her for not being invited: perhaps this happened here, and the daughter just wanted to forget about it!

I invited 4 girls to go to the NYC ballet with us. I didn't even tell DD. We ate before we went....IT BECAME A RIDICULOUS MESS because others found out and felt excluded! I had actually bought 10 tickets, but we used 6...I could easily have brought more.

Don't take it personally. Downtown Disney does not require special admittance....If you want to go, go!
 
I understand you wanted to go celebrate her birthday, but honestly her mom did cancel the party. She opted to just go out the two of them, so that isn't a party at all.
Try to empathize with her anxiety; my DD has it too and isn't into big groups. Heck, neither am I!
The most important thing is that she got to do what she wanted for her birthday.
 
If this is a one time thing... changing plans last minute... I'd not worry about it. It if happens again, I'd probably fess up and tell my friend that I am hurt and would like a better explanation next time. However, I will say, I'm not sure your friend isn't enabling her daughter's condition. As a therapist I have found that sometimes the best healing comes from facing your fears with support of those who you trust and with whom you feel safe. Maybe suggest this to her, if it appears appropriate for your relationship.
 
It's odd that she was going to spend her birthday with her mom and her mom's friends. Unless she had friends her own age that were invited and that she also cancelled on? Anyway I would definitely see if your friend is up to a one-on-one day at downtown disney with you as well!
 
So you feel the birthday girl's Mom treats her like shes's 7, but you want poor you comments because the birthday part with guests was cancelled?

It's her birthday, she isn't required to celebrate it the way others want her to.
 
When you sre dealinng with someone who suffers from extreme anxiety you have to know this is something that can happen. Sometimes we want a big party and plan for such and then life happens. I've planned dinners with friends and family just to call them a fee days before and say sorry guys my anxiety is crazy right now and I would prefer to just go out with my fiance if at all. Sometimes having to be "on" for an event is what causes the issues not the number of strangers or place but actually those who you are friendly with who you won't be able to just ignore.
 
Actually, I didn't want "poor me" comments at all. I feel I overreacted, which I stated about a dozen times. I apologized. I also appreciated the comments that were shared with me, and thanked the posters for their input.
 

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