Pay for kid that doesn't live at home?

_Kristi_ · Jul 22, 2019

My parents paid for our vacations at that age.

Calee · Jul 22, 2019

My parents paid my way on vacations until I was about 25, and even now they help some on trips. I think it means a lot to them for us to vacation together and they never wanted finances to keep me from coming.

marchingstar · Jul 22, 2019

My parents (well, my in-laws) paid for a family trip when I was in college. They covered big expenses like air fare, hotel, and tickets.

We saved up what we could and treated the family to a nice dinner in Epcot. It was much less $ than they paid, but it was proportional to our income. It’s what we could afford, even with saving for a few months.

I think one day, the roles will reverse and we’ll be treating them to a family vacation.

monica9 · Jul 22, 2019

my sisters and I are all in our 40's (6 more months until I am!) and we all have husbands and children. Our parents pay for us to all go on a cruise together (13 of us) but we are in charge of souveniers, tips at the end of the week and any drinks. But, that's because they want to treat us and for all of us to go together which we still would even if we paid ourselves. I think Disney is an expensive trip that will be hard for a 19 year old to swing on her own. If you can afford it, I'd do it. Just tell her she had to pay for food and anything else she wants to buy there.

Bjkandma · Jul 22, 2019

At 19, I would pay for her to go. I still pay for family vacations (adult children in their 30s and grandchildren). I l ive on a very fixed income and save every where and every di me I can. To me it's about making family, lifetime memories We always have a good time and I never regret spending the money.

they supplement, buying "treats" and little extras. But they help me throughout the year. I'm handicap and this is a way to thank them.

bjscheel · Jul 22, 2019

Where your daughter is still currently living at home and not too established out on her own yet by the time you go I would probably pay for her at least this time. I paid for my DD20 this year for our family vacation to Tennessee. She had just graduated community college but has been paying her own apartment rent and groceries for the last two years. We fly on points, hotel was only nominally more expensive for a 3rd adult, so mainly we paid for activities and food. She did slip away and buy her own souvenirs a couple of times.

Next year remains to be seen. We'll probably do Disney. She is just starting a job now in her field but I'm not sure if it's going to be full time soon and how much she would be able to put toward a trip. I'm guessing we'll still pay, or let her buy her park ticket if she insists (and she might). Again, flights on points and not much difference in hotel cost. The girls have suggested they start paying their own way when married, if they continue to travel with us. They are also assuming they will be married by their mid-20s which could be but who knows? We will play it by ear based on the current year's situation.

QueenIsabella · Jul 22, 2019

I agree with most other posters--if you want her to go, you should pay for her to go. If you want her to pay, you can invite her, but don't expect that she can afford the trip--she'll likely say "No".

Every family is different. My DD24 loves to travel. Sometimes she travels with us and we pay, sometimes she travels on her own and she pays. For example, we went on a family vacation last week. She was invited (and we would have paid), but didn't go. Instead, she's in Alaska, hiking with her boyfriend. They don't have a lot of money, so it's a camping/hiking vacation, versus our all-inclusive one. She's perfectly happy with her decision, and judging by the photos, they're having a marvelous time. I should mention that she's also a college graduate with a full-time job who lives 800 miles away from us, so mostly independent (we still have her on our medical insurance).

She will be going on a 12-night cruise with us next summer.

smadath · Jul 22, 2019

Was this trip planned before she decided to move in with her boyfriend? Was she included at that point? If it was and she was then I think you should pay. Not doing so might seem like a punishment because she decided to move out.

If it wasn't planned or didn't include her before her decision, then I agree with most other posters, it's up to you! If she's to pay, she probably won't be going.

annadreamsofdisneyworld · Jul 22, 2019

I would pay for her. It would be hard for a 19 year old to afford Disney prices. My parents still pay for a significant portion of our trips (hotel + flight, or just flight), and I'm 34 and married with kids. My parents aren't even going on these trips, but they know it's important to me and my kids, they are kind and generous, and they can afford to do so, whereas my husband and I couldn't afford to take our family without their help.

MickyLynn · Jul 22, 2019

We're using 2 years of points for a 3 generation family trip in 2020 and not asking for anything towards the rooms, and we don't have kids. I think I can safely say that I'd pay for my daughter in any circumstance. The way I see it, my parents and aunts paid for me over the years, so this is the very least I can do for them and my sister's kids. No reason to overthink it, there's no wrong answer.

Aurora79 · Jul 22, 2019

If you want her to go on the trip (and I hope you do), then yes, you should pay.

TangledHairDon'tCare · Jul 22, 2019

monica9 said:
my sisters and I are all in our 40's (6 more months until I am!) and we all have husbands and children. Our parents pay for us to all go on a cruise together (13 of us) but we are in charge of souveniers, tips at the end of the week and any drinks. But, that's because they want to treat us and for all of us to go together which we still would even if we paid ourselves. I think Disney is an expensive trip that will be hard for a 19 year old to swing on her own. If you can afford it, I'd do it. Just tell her she had to pay for food and anything else she wants to buy there.

I’m glad I’m not the only one! I’m 40 and my parents paid for all of us to vacation in Destin last summer. It’s not like they gave us spending money but they footed the bill for the house, travel expenses and many of the meals.

But I see the other side too because my MIL would never in a million years give us money for a vacation or offer to pay for one. At 18, DH was completely on his own without assistance from his parents and I lived at home until I was 23! You do what’s right for your family OP!

AnnieBearJamboree · Jul 23, 2019

My mom has paid for two different Disney vacations for me after I entered “adulthood.” Both she told me were gifts - one for Christmas, and one for graduating college. She paid for airfare, tickets, meals, everything. She didn’t buy me any souvenirs, but she did buy me a sweatshirt when I got cold one night. :earboy2:

YesterDark · Jul 23, 2019

I'm assuming she's an average 19 yo going to college or having a entry level job/low hourly wage job.

My oldest is 6, so I'm a bit a ways from these kind of decisions, but I would probably pay for everything but then asks my adult kids to bring money to contribute to meals and buy souvenirs.

Miffy · Jul 23, 2019

jwright820 said:
Ok, so I have a daughter who will be 19 in sept and is moving out of our house to live with her boyfriend.....she plans to move our later this year. We are planning a disney trip for March 2010.....Does anyone here think I should pay for her to go on the trip with us (her boyfriend is not going) or should I make her pay for her trip? I have no clue

The key to your dilemma is bolded: a trip in March 2010 is going to be very difficult to plan, even for yourself!

But, all kidding aside, either you want to pay for your daughter or you don't. It's completely up to you--your daughter, your finances, your trip. Me? I'd pay. But I'm not you.

verleniahall · Jul 23, 2019

19 is an adult - and if she wants to play house with her boyfriend, then treat her an adult - if she wants to go, then she needs to pay her way.

This is coming from the person who was married at 19

smiths02 · Jul 23, 2019

verleniahall said:
19 is an adult - and if she wants to play house with her boyfriend, then treat her an adult - if she wants to go, then she needs to pay her way.

This is coming from the person who was married at 19

My point was that 19 is an adult whether or not she lives with her boyfriend. Unless there is an aspect of punishment for moving out with her boyfriend as you imply, she should be treated as an adult whatever the case.

Adults don't always pay their way. People do give gifts in families.

We went on vacation with ILs in 2009...we split it 50/50. We went on vacation with ILs in 2017, they paid everything for all of us (and my mom!). We took them on a cruise last year and paid for everything---it was for their 50th anniversary. Guess someone should have told them they were adults "playing house" and should have paid for their own way?

My mom could never afford to take me on a vacation, so she didn't even as a kid. DH's parents (and great aunt/uncle) have taken him on vacations. We have taken DH's parents and my mom on trips. We "played house" at 19.
Somehow, we are home-owning, tax-paying, self-sufficient people.
I really don't think that the way a family finances vacations or not has a lot to do with if a 19 year old learns responsibility.

Have3Kids&aHusband · Jul 23, 2019

I agree it all depends on your family and what you would like to do. When we went to Disney with my husband's parents, we each paid for our own trips. His parents couldn't afford to pay for us, but pretty sure they would have if they could. My parents actually stopped paying for vacations once we turned 18. I'm from a large family and the youngest, so I would actually go on vacations without some of my siblings. It was my parents way. For my own kids, I hope I will be able to afford to take them on a vacation once in a while when they are older and have a family. I have friends whose parents do this and it is such a nice treat for them. My husband's sister's in-laws also pay for vacations at times and again super fun for her family. Again, just hoping my husband & I will be able to do this for our kids when they are adults.

MamaD · Jul 23, 2019

I went to Disney World at 19 as predeployment leave, with my dad and my sister. We worked out a division of paying for everything - it was split 3 ways, with him paying more because he had more saved up than either of us did, and we were each expected to have our own money for suveniers and any extra food beyond the dining plan (which we'd gotten with the room), and I used my military access to get cheaper tickets for everyone.

I'd decide first how important it is to you that she go, and how much you're willing to pay. Then see if she wants to go (or if she CAN go), and work out what she's willing or able to pay. But treat her like an adult and involve her in the decision, so you're not surprised or disappointed by the results.

luvmy2babies · Jul 23, 2019

I'm in the "if you want her to go be prepared to pay" camp. I'd probably come up with everything except spending money (and meals if you aren't on the DDP). And I'd include meals if you want her to eat with you and you want to do table service.

My children are still at home; but I hope to be able to treat them to vacations after they grow up. Hopefully they would still choose to vacation with me at least before they are married with their own families. Anything after that would be gravy.

I had minimal vacations growing up. My parents divorced early in my life and my mom and I didn't have money for vacations. I spent summers with my father's family or with my maternal grandparents during the days while my mom worked. I was able to do sleep away camp in middle school and we had a couple of vacations once she remarried.

I did have a cousin get married in another state shortly after I graduated college and she did pay for me to have my own hotel room which was generous.

Now, she's single again and I'm widowed. She has given my children spending money for previous vacations even though she wasn't going. Thankfully I'm in a position to treat her now. The last two years I got us a condo at the beach for Thanksgiving and in 3 weeks we are taking her to Disney for the first time. Surprising her not with the trip itself; but that it will be all expenses paid except spending money. We'd like her to develop a love for the place before the sticker shock. :lmao:

I will say even though you didn't outright say it, if you have any issues with her moving out and/or moving in with her boyfriend, I wouldn't let it influence the decision. Make it simple. If you want her to go and you can afford to take her, go ahead.

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