Horrible Thing Happened Late Saturday Afternoon

i can imagine what a nightmare to go through! so sorry. i dont think seeing a therapist could hurt. is it possible to plant a tree in your yard, in honor of this young man, in the sightline of the wreck? that way eventually you dont have to stare at this spot and you see a lovely tree. is that silly?

Not silly at all, a great idea. Thank you.:flower3:
 
Oh Grandma - what you did was amazing. You were there, you cared, you called for help and you tried to save a man's life. I'm sorry the outcome wasn't as you wanted but someone higher up has bigger plans for this man :) Deep breath and pride yourself for being an amazing person who cares about others.
 
Bless your heart. You did everything you could do. Don't second guess that. It is a reminder of how life changes in an instant. I agree that talking to someone might help. An objective opinion can often put things in perspective.
 


You're facing what every medical personnel has faced at one time or another. And you are being unfair to yourself. You could not save him with the injuries he had and the skills and equipment you had available to you in that moment. That's really all it comes down to, it wasn't a lack of caring on your part. You jumped in there and did the best you could. And you have to forgive yourself for not being God and being able to save every life. Also, my husband is a paramedic and he has told me more than once that he has never personally witnessed anyone surviving when their heart stopped from a traumatic injury. He said people with injuries that severe rarely survive, its possible when they are at a trauma center when it occurred and they could get them into surgery asap. But when their heart stops outside of the hospital it's just impossible to keep them alive long enough to get them into the hospital, into surgery, and stop the internal blood loss.
 


You did all the right things and were a total blessing to this man, despite the outcome. Your efforts showed great value to/for that man in the last moments of his life. Your actions were life affirming.

I'm sorry you all had to go through this.
 
So sorry you had to go through this, MIGrandma. So sorry for the young man and his family. Sad situation all around but you did what you could do. :hug:
 
MIGrandma, you did everything you could. Don't doubt your response.

That said, it is not something you will forget. 25-30 years ago I came on an accident that had just happened. I remember everything about how I responded and I still have questions. I am a medical professional, a physical therapist, and had to keep my CPR current. I went to the car right after it was broadsided. The lady in the passenger seat was unresponsive but there was an unrestrained toddler in the car. My response was to immobilize the toddlers neck and try to keep her calm and breathing while waiting until, what seemed like hours, the paramedics arrived. Later I found that the passenger died. I have always wondered why it never occurred to me to attempt CPR on her.
 
I’m so sorry. I witnessed a fatal accident many years ago. I immediately ran to the car and was prepared to help the driver in any way I could but, without being too graphic, there was nothing left of him to help. :guilty:

The situation you were in was traumatic and you will need time to process it just like you would any other trauma. I’d say I was pretty affected by the accident I witnessed for probably a full year or so. I replayed it in my mind every time I drove through that intersection, I became jumpy behind the wheel, and it easily could’ve morphed into a fear of driving had I not made a concerted effort to prevent that from happening. To this day, it still bugs me that I’ll never have an answer for how he possibly could have run that red light. But it definitely gets easier with time until eventually it’s just a distant memory.

Two days is nothing. You’ve barely had time to start processing what happened. Be kind to yourself, take your time, feel your feelings, and reach out for support if you need it. :flower3:

ETA: I like the idea upthread to plant a tree in the sightline. Sometimes it helps bring closure if we feel like we can finally do something in situations where we didn’t have any control.
 
Last edited:
Pre-warning: It sounds like you want to make sense of this. To do that we have to think about it in some detail for just a bit. I'm going to use some descriptive language that is not meant to shock or offend but could be upsetting none the less.
...

Let me address your regrets...
I feel so terrible that we couldn't do more. I regretted that I didn't hold his hand as he died.

Based on your description of the accident, it sounds like he was buckled in. Roll overs are very good at throwing people who aren't buckled, especially when the door is compromised.

So he was rattled side to side with extreme force. Bear with me, this might end up being comforting in a sense... Within a fraction of a second of the man realizing something is wrong, the truck has gone sideways and rolled. Side curtain airbags are a thing, but this doesn't sound like the kind of truck with them and in any event, they do not continue their protection beyond the first impact. So in less than a second he's gone from zipping along (too fast but that's how some people do it) to having his head bonk the door window and or ceiling of the car. In that blink, his awareness was shut off like a switch.

There is much to regret over any senseless loss of life, but offering him comfort in this moment would not have made much difference to him, he just wasn't there.

As for whether or not you could have done more. No. The crash broke the man's ribs and punctured his lungs. If a fully equipped ambulance had been on the scene when it happened they may have been able to stabilize him, but the EMT being 15 minutes away essentially made this outcome inevitable. Even if they had got there immediately, I'd be generous to put his odds of pulling through at 1 in 20.

As for the guy pulling him from the truck? They definitely tell you not to move an injured person in most circumstances. This would definitely have been one of those circumstances. The main reason is that if the man had a broken neck, moving him could have caused damage to his spinal column. Moving the man did him no favors, but it's not the reason he died.

Sounds grim and horrible. I'm sorry for that. The take away is that he didn't suffer, and anything you think you might have done differently almost certainly wouldn't have helped.

Here's the good news... You learned that you would do something in the event of a tragic accident. Many people don't. They gawk, get their phones out and call maybe. Maybe they record the scene on video for the news to play later. You did something. In this particular instance, it would never have been enough, next time it might be the crucial decision that saves a life. It's never a source of regret to try your best and fail.

Here's a bit of cautionary tale... The fact that you're thinking about this, this strongly, after the fact is an indicator of traumatic stress. What you went through really isn't something we're programed to handle, and if you think it might be a problem then definitely err on the side of talking to a professional about it. Doesn't have to be a big deal, see a brain wrangler once a week for 2 or 3 weeks, make some time with a clergy, really any occasion where you can talk about what you went through in a normal way. Not always an easy thing to do with friends or family but sometimes that can be all you need.
 
Even in the hospital, there are some we just can't get back. It is hard and traumatic for many of us, too, especially when it's someone we've come to know. I think you did a fine job - thank you for being there for him.

I agree that you are showing a bit of PTSD, perhaps, but I'm guessing there's more of a reason for that than just this happening. I know your daughter is going through cancer treatment and that might play into it a bit. Because PTSD happens when there's a threat to a life, or an actual loss. Seeing this happen to a young person probably made you internalize it more as a Mom, just as you're already worried about your daughter's health and wellbeing, if that makes sense.

I'm glad that writing it out and responses here are helping you. I agree it won't hurt to talk to someone - not just about this but maybe also about the fears you have about your daughter, some that you may not even have realized.
 
OP I know you are regretting not hdi g hos hand as he died.
You did more, you desperately tried to save his life, and in his last minutes he knew people were trying to take care of him
 

GET A DISNEY VACATION QUOTE

Dreams Unlimited Travel is committed to providing you with the very best vacation planning experience possible. Our Vacation Planners are experts and will share their honest advice to help you have a magical vacation.

Let us help you with your next Disney Vacation!





Top