An experience today which made me sad

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was surprised that someone would see a 60+ year old woman lying on the sidewalk in a residential neighborhood, and not stop and ask if she was OK, or needed any help.

I understand the gut reaction to think about it with your age but that basically removes the "kindness to strangers who seemingly are in need" part to it. Anyone who falls could be viewed as needing help no matter the age or gender. Just checking if someone is alright should be done no matter who fell.

I'm sorry that the person who passed you didn't happen to notice you nor offer help and hopefully your injuries are minor overall. I do know sometimes people do get into a zone while walking or running at least it seems that way when I'm out and about in our neighborhood most have headphones or ear buds in looking straight ahead without seeing too much or their heads are in their phones as they walk. Truthfully I'd just like pedestrians to walk on the sidewalk instead of the street or at the very least walk on the correct side but that's probably fruitless in hoping for that.

 

[georgina]

Curious: did you ask for help?

I didn’t actually see her until she passed by, and I knew my ride was coming. I was wondering who I would have called if he wasn’t home, the 2 people I thought of are both out of town. 911, I guess.

To be honest, I am not sure what I would have done if I had seen you. I just drove a half mile to the bank and passed 3 people lying on the sidewalk. The homeless situation around here is out of control, Sacramento is supposed to have the largest homeless population in the nation.

I live in a somewhat mixed neighborhood of million dollar townhomes and low income housing. You might see homeless people on the business district streets, but not lying around in front of houses.

 

[georgina]

So sorry, you just never know what goes through someone's head. Were you actually laying on the sidewalk or sort of sitting on the curb. I ask because, maybe if you were sitting she thought you might just be taking a rest, playing Devils Advocate here.

I know it wouldn't happen in our neighborhood, we don't have sidewalks but we are a small neighborhood, maybe 20 or so houses. While everyone doesn't know everyone, we do all sort of know to look at someone if they normally walk or run in the neighborhood. I feel sure if any of us older folks were sitting or laying down, there would be 10 people around us faster than you could say howdy. There is a neighborhood across the road from us that does have sidewalks that I used to jog in and sometimes still walk in, I could see someone over there ignoring someone in that situation.

Flat out laying there, head bleeding.

 

[TwoMisfits]

In this society, I can see both sides. If you didn't see the fall, a person in society can think they are passing a possible drug user, possible drunk, possible con, or possible person who needs help. As a single female likely without any weapon and possibly any phone, I can see her both going by or stopping to help. It's where society is now.

That said, I've personally stopped to help an old lady who couldn't carry her groceries on my daily walk this year. She never asked for help, but it was obvious she needed it (and other folks had passed her), and I carried her stuff a 1/2 mile before we had to part ways (b/c I was going one way and her another). I told my spouse I felt bad I didn't go all the way back with her, but I had no phone, and wasn't sure I'd make it home if I tried to carry it all the way to her house (she was not a 1st language English speaker, so our communication was more limited than normal).

I always wondered how far she still had to go, but she thanked me profusely when we split ways, said she'd been praying to God for help and he delivered, so hopefully not too far. I remember the prayer part the most...not often you can personally answer folks prayers and then have them tell you so...and for not doing all that much.

 

[Lumpy1106]

Is it really helping from an altruistic standpoint when you get upset over someone's reaction?

I agree in being nice although sometimes we just have bad days (or life is just not going our way) and our responses don't reflect what is really going on however when an immediate response in the situation you gave is to just be rude right back or have some sort of clause to your help, it calls attention to your motives in offering the help in the first place

The police were on their way. If he needed help, he was getting it. If he was just drunk and didn't want to get arrested (far more likely), he was given warning. What motives? I was innocently walking my dog. I never said I was the hero here.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The police were on their way. If he needed help, he was getting it. If he was just drunk and didn't want to get arrested (far more likely), he was given warning. What motives? I was innocently walking my dog. I never said I was the hero here.

There's irony in your comments, all I can really say

 

[QueenIsabella]

I'm sorry this happened to you, but don't be too harsh on the passer-by. We all hear stories about scams, from "accidental" car accidents to porch pirates to Nigerian princes. She may have thought you were perpetrating some kind of scam--or, as others have said, were on some manner of substance. YOU know you weren't drunk or scamming, but if she didn't recognize you--how would SHE know?

I live in a nice neighborhood, and on our block, we look out for each other. However, around the corner is an apartment complex--easy walking distance--and there are some sketchy people there. My husband locks his car in the driveway because it's been rifled through a couple times. We also have motion-sensor lights and a Ring camera, but it still happens.

Just last week, my minivan was opened and a bag was gone through. I spend a LOT of time in my car, waiting for DS17 (who doesn't have a license yet, but has a job and does dual enrollment--a LOT of my time is waiting for him!). So, this bag held a couple puzzle magazines and a novel, as well as some cheap, dollar store candy. They took the candy...and left the $300 leather Patricia Nash bag! (Makes me think it was a guy). And they never found my stash of change/ones (for Salvation Army kettles).

I still don't lock my car in the driveway, but I need to remember to pull in the bag until next semester.

 

[gshanny]

When we stopped to help someone that was od'ing not one other person stopped. It was obvious something was going on since her car was stopped in the middle of the intersection. If we hadn't stopped she would be dead now.
A co-worker slipped on ice in the parking lot and not one parent stopped to help her during morning drop off as she crawled to the curb. I wonder what they would have said if we had done the same for their student.......
Then there was the person who saw my grandmother had fallen on her driveway and stopped to help her. The gym she went to helped her when she fell, and even paid part of her hospital bill despite not being at fault in in any way.
I try to be helpful whenever I can. It doesn't take much time out of my day when it happens. I figure I might be paying it forward for a family member or friend.

 

[Lumpy1106]

There's irony in your comments, all I can really say

The guy could be drunk, could be crazy, was definitely not nice or cooperative, and I had a dog on a leash I needed to control. I didn't want his problems to be my problems - so I called the cops. If the guy had been nice, or maybe even offered a bit of an explanation as to how I found him sprawled out on the ground then I can assure you my actions would have been different. That was not the case.

Curious - let me offer you a what-if; what if instead of me, it was a solo woman in this situation? What would you have recommended she do?

This should be good...

 

[tvguy]

I live in a somewhat mixed neighborhood of million dollar townhomes and low income housing. You might see homeless people on the business district streets, but not lying around in front of houses.

Yeah, my wife's best friend had to step over a homeless person sleeping outside her office in a shopping center. The people I saw today were on a sidewalk that borders a shopping center parking lot and low income apartments.
The issue we have had in my residential areas has been with people sleeping in their cars in front of our houses. It is a public street, so nothing we can do as long as they don't stay more than 72 hours, but I did not appreciate them leaving piles of trash next to their car on my lawn.

 

[GAN]

Flat out laying there, head bleeding.

I certainly would have stopped to ask …just sitting there, probably not

 

[maxaroni]

I am sorry this happened to you. We recently were entering a restaurant that had a couple of steps to get in. There was an elderly couple coming in right behind us, my DH held the door for them. As the woman was coming in, she tripped on one of the steps and fell, my DH immediately turned and offered her a hand. She started yelling at him to leave her alone. Her husband said “she’s fine”, it was awkward but my DH didn’t hesitate to try and assist. My point is that sometimes there is more to the story than one can see.

 

[WDWEPCOT]

Absolutely appalling behavior I’m so terribly sorry it happened to you
I am also very sorry that you fell and hurt yourself having an injury myself that causes me too often fall over air I can relate to this I’m so very sorry this happened to you I hope you heal very fast it was a really good thing you had your phone with you that you could contact someone to come to your rescue! I hope you’re stranger doesn’t ever find their selves in that position it’s not a place you want to be
I live alone and I often think about things like this and I was very touched when my neighbor told me that they put their cameras on me to keep an eye on me when I’m outside to potty my dog to make sure nothing happens and just in case something did that they would know about it so that they could come help we have a lot of wildlife and I have pesky deer I’m often having issues with in regards to my yard they think it’s their yard which seriously seriously it’s not funny deer can be dangerous but being alone I could fall anything could happen and I’ve tried to get into the habit to have my phone with me so I could call someone my wildest dreams would I pass somebody on the street laying there injured or maybe injured and not inquire hey are you OK do you need some help? Just my opinion but it’s absolutely appalling behavior
I hope you feel better very soon!!!

 

[SpaceMan5]

Hope you heal quickly!

Maybe it’s more comforting to think that person could have had any number of things going on themselves. You just don’t know. Yes, maybe they were insensitive and flat out ignored your predicament. Maybe they were autistic, just given a pink slip, some other life shock. Without knowing it’s not really worth feeling sad or disappointed.

Hubby to the rescue! Hope you both have a wonderful New Year

I have seen many of your posts Genie+, respect you and I know that you mean well but I would not have ignored a person in distress as @georgina described. I have been dealing with a life shock of my DD24 undergoing brain surgery to remove a tumor and my DD21 having surgery due to endometriosis all at the same time. I feel I have been more empathetic to those in need during these personal stressful times.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Sidewalk? I’ve stopped on roads and highways at accidents if no other first responders are there. I absolutely would’ve stopped to help you.

That said, I do think that we live in a day and age where people can be scared, and that’s a shame. I had a lady come up to my window at a light in the city the other night (as often happens) and she was right up against my window very obviously making her eye twitch on purpose so I would roll my window down and give her money. I was happy when the light changed because it was unsafe to do so then and there. (I think she had seen my uniform and hospital ID.)

Sadly we live in a time where scams are not uncommon and I hate to see it, but I can sort of understand why someone might not want to stop. I don’t think that’s the vast majority of people, though.

 

[Living42Day]

If you were a scammer, you would have had to have been pretty dedicated to the craft if you were bleeding. It makes me sad that there are people out there like that. We have some neighbors across from us who are super unfriendly and anti-social as well, a couple about my age (late 20s) where mom bought the house for them. The mom is nice and friendly, which is how I found that info out.

They will literally not make eye contact with you if you happen to be outside or are walking past them on the sidewalk. They will hurry and get their phone out and play a loud Youtube video so I guess to avoid interaction. I'm not the only one they do this with, they're just unfriendly to everyone. They'll also sit in their car or go back in their house if someone is passing by while they leave the front door.

I suspected they had some type of spectrum disorder but he works at a bank, so who knows. She seems to possibly be a CNA because of the scrubs she wears, but again - who knows. I have social anxiety, but I don't take things that far.

If you see someone laying on the ground and bleeding, you stop and ask if they need help or call the police for a citizen assist.

 

[Living42Day]

Also - this made me think of a very sad situation that happened last year. A man committed suicide on the train tracks right in the busy area of town. There was a convo going on about why the area was shut down for an extended period of time on Facebook. One person commented that their wife passed by him, I guess he was kneeling down on the tracks and she didn't think much of it until she called her husband when she got to the store 20 minutes later.

Had she called the cops, maybe he would still be here today. There is no expectation to get out and help (and put yourself in danger), but at least do something. The officers could have called to have the train stopped while they quickly investigated or forcibly moved the man from the area. I can't imagine seeing someone like that and not thinking to act.

 

[slo]

I was out for a walk in my neighborhood this afternoon. I stepped on a loose rock, twisted my ankle badly, and fell. Luckily DH was home and I called him to come pick me up. While I was lying on the sidewalk waiting, a woman walked by and completely ignored me! I was surprised that someone would see a 60+ year old woman lying on the sidewalk in a residential neighborhood, and not stop and ask if she was OK, or needed any help. Made me sad.

i am no stranger to ankle issues, this one feels like a pretty bad sprain. I also hit my head on the sidewalk and have a small cut where my sunglasses were pushed into my head. Guess I’ll be sitting around this afternoon with ankle up & ice packs,

How’s your ankle and head today @georgina ?
Please give us an update with how you’re doing.

 

[LuvOrlando]

@georgina hope you are doing better today, it stinks this happened to you. Personally, I would expect it but I'm from one of the NYC boroughs where you learn to never even make eye contact as people are very territorial about their circumstance, which makes me wonder where you are located.

Not a bad point - but should have been offered without asking.

Similar vein;
I was out walking my dog one night when I cam across an older man sprawled out on a rock planter in the common space between the sidewalk and street. I asked if he needed a hand, at which point he countered with some rude sarcastic remark. "what does it look like", something like that, but in a nasty way. For a brief second I tried to figure out how to secure my dog while helping him, then quickly dismissed the idea. I responded, "Forget it, I'll let the police handle it", then called the police non-emergency line. Dude was probably drunk, and I'm sure the police either handed him a citation for being drunk in public, or arrested him if he hadn't found a way to get up and be on his way before they got there - I wouldn't know, I left. All he had to do was be gracious in return, but no.

annnnd this is why people don't ask, it is sad but in some areas the question can spin out wildly because many people take any contact as an intrusion & invasion of privacy, different strokes and all that.

 

[shh]

A co-worker slipped on ice in the parking lot and not one parent stopped to help her during morning drop off as she crawled to the curb. I wonder what they would have said if we had done the same for their student.......

That is absolutely disgusting. To be a parent with a child at that school and not stop to help the people caring for your children? Bunch of low lifes. Karma can be a you-know-what.