Was I the jerk here?

[brockash]

What irritates you? That I don't see a downside on moving? I don't. Let's change the scenario just a little...

You (general) get to the theater early and select seats. It's a row of 10 seats... they pick seats 5 & 6. A group of three comes in and takes seats 1-3. Another group of three comes in and takes seats 8-10. So now seats 4 & 7 are empty. A couple comes in and asks you to slide down one so they can sit together. Would you move? Are they "entitled"?

And now that I think about it, someone earlier correctly pointed out person #1 isn't going to talk to #6. But what if they're three couples watching together? Split up the couple? "Too bad, so sad?"

Yes they are entitled! I would never dream of asking other ppl. to move because of my poor planning. This is a prime example of entitled behavior.

 

[Moliphino]

And now that I think about it, someone earlier correctly pointed out person #1 isn't going to talk to #6. But what if they're three couples watching together? Split up the couple? "Too bad, so sad?"

They could try to find two seats together somewhere else. If they wanted to all sit together they should've made sure to get there early enough to do so.

 

[Karin1984]

Yes they are entitled! I would never dream of asking other ppl. to move because of my poor planning. This is a prime example of entitled behavior.

I would totally have asked, because the experience doesn't get that much worse or better for them to move. The OP can of course say no, and I would accepted it if he said it in a normal way. But if he said it like the OP wrote, yes, I would be annoyed. I would think "Jeez, it's just a question".

I do not think he's a jerk, but I do not think it's entitlement to ask a question. It's only entitlement if they went to theater staff and told the OP to move.

 

[StageTek]

Not a jerk.

We do the same thing - get there early so we can be where we want to be. We do that for parades at theme parks. We do it for fireworks viewing. We will wait at some restaurants so we can sit at a table we like.

And very often people show up a long time after we did and want us to move to make way for them. Just a few seats over - just a few feet to the right so they can all be together - just a little back so their child can see better.

The exact same thing happened to me just before the lockdown. I took my father to a movie theater to see a special screening of an old film we both love - one he took me to when I was a child. We arrived early to get the perfect seats. About five minutes after the movie started a group arrived and wanted us to move over so they could be center and not off to the side. One of them told us sitting to far to the side made her dizzy. I said, "Oh my God! My dad has the same issue. I always though he was making it up. That's why we got here before the movie started."

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Back when there weren't reserved seating at our theaters (which they all basically are and have been for quite some time now) I was the same way, we got there early, we sat down and I would politely decline moving my seat. It would annoy me when people seats down would move and then expect us all to shift our seats, like no that's not really how it works, you didn't ask if I wanted to move don't speak for everyone in the row. It's even more annoying when it's done during the previews like what the OP described, I'm trying to enjoy them, it's dark enough in the theater, just cut your losses and look for random seats.

Now that said there were a few movies that we went to for premieres or special events where the attendants would make everyone move around to get everyone in but that's a tad different.

On the other hand I probably would have just said if they asked me to move "no" in a nice way without elaborating too much.

 

[Smugpugmug]

Not a jerk.

We do the same thing - get there early so we can be where we want to be. We do that for parades at theme parks. We do it for fireworks viewing. We will wait at some restaurants so we can sit at a table we like.

And very often people show up a long time after we did and want us to move to make way for them. Just a few seats over - just a few feet to the right so they can all be together - just a little back so their child can see better.

I've had this happen to me too. Perhaps the firework/parade example would've been better to use than an airplane.

I remember one time my sister and I were at Disneyland and we wanted to see the night time parade. So we camped out a good hour or so beforehand and grabbed a spot right on the curb on Main Street. I brought a blanket for us to sit on and we waited. At the VERY last second, a family with three kids squeezes past the crowd behind us and tries to shove their kids in front of us. We stopped them from doing so and we had to take the blanket off the ground because the parents tried to pull the blanket out from under us so their kids could sit on it too. Was I rude to block three kids' view of the parade? Sure. But we made the effort to grab a spot early and that was what we wanted to spend our park time doing.

That's why I don't think the OP or anyone else who has done this is in the wrong. I can't stand the entitlement of people, especially if they're the ones coming in at the last minute.

 

[MamaBelle4]

I don't think you were a jerk, but I would have just moved. Personally, I never would ask someone to move, but if someone asked me and it didn't alter my experience, I'd move. Why make things harder on people? Not feeling the same way doesn't make you a jerk.

I mean everyone is just assuming that the group was late because of poor planning or whatever but it could have been any number of reasons. Maybe someone got a flat or there was an accident on the interstate or traffic or they've never been there before and left in plenty of time but got lost. These types of things happen too. I know I've run late to my share of functions, sometimes because of something within my control, and sometimes because of something completely outside of my control.

If moving didn't alter my experience, I would not have hesitated.

 

[Kennywood]

I've had this happen to me too. Perhaps the firework/parade example would've been better to use than an airplane.

I remember one time my sister and I were at Disneyland and we wanted to see the night time parade. So we camped out a good hour or so beforehand and grabbed a spot right on the curb on Main Street. I brought a blanket for us to sit on and we waited. At the VERY last second, a family with three kids squeezes past the crowd behind us and tries to shove their kids in front of us. We stopped them from doing so and we had to take the blanket off the ground because the parents tried to pull the blanket out from under us so their kids could sit on it too. Was I rude to block three kids' view of the parade? Sure. But we made the effort to grab a spot early and that was what we wanted to spend our park time doing.

That's why I don't think the OP or anyone else who has done this is in the wrong. I can't stand the entitlement of people, especially if they're the ones coming in at the last minute.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Now they were annoyed and you second guess yourself. How often did you think about what you said during the movie and not pay attention? Nobody wins.

I doubt the OP is really doubting their decision but just felt like posting about it. I wouldn't really concern myself with other patrons being annoyed because I was not accommodating this request. Any time it happened to me (which thankfully wasn't a huge ton) I quickly moved on and watched the movie.

I would totally have asked, because the experience doesn't get that much worse or better for them to move.

That might be where your viewpoint lies. I'm not going to ask someone to move seats for me in this case. I walk in late for whatever reason look up and see "welp guess we'll split up". I do not take it upon myself to ask others to move in this situation. Sometimes the issue becomes when people see NBD in asking without considering others, then it almost becomes a contradiction to then cry foul that others aren't thinking of others if that makes sense.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I mean everyone is just assuming that the group was late because of poor planning or whatever but it could have been any number of reasons.

I never assume that, we know how things can happen, you hit all the red lights, the ticket attendant is slow or there's just a long line, concessions is taking forever, etc

However, it doesn't alter my viewpoint, I take it like how I would handle the situation. I'd be like "dang it this sucks we're going to get crappy seats or I doubt we'll be able to find seats together". I do not however think "let's just ask if people will move". It's disruptive to the movie experience anyhow especially if it's during the previews and I would feel bad enough entering a theater that late having to make sure I don't obscure people's view that I would try to be as non-obtrusive as possible and whispering or asking in a normal tone to someone to move is not that.

In the grand scheme I'm sure it could be said no huge harm no foul but neither is not being able to sit next to each other. Even now with reserved seating this can happen.

 

[sheilafri]

Yes they are entitled! I would never dream of asking other ppl. to move because of my poor planning. This is a prime example of entitled behavior.

Is it, though? What is the big deal with asking? If the answer is no then move on. Now, if you act all huffy about being denied, that seems to me to be where an entitled attitude shows up. Common courtesy all around is a good place to start—ask nicely, decline nicely. Move on without nasty comments on either side.

 

[soccerdad72]

Is this one of those threads where you answer simply based on the thread title? Yep, you're a jerk.

Kidding - no, you were fine in what you did.

 

[Karin1984]

I doubt the OP is really doubting their decision but just felt like posting about it. I wouldn't really concern myself with other patrons being annoyed because I was not accommodating this request. Any time it happened to me (which thankfully wasn't a huge ton) I quickly moved on and watched the movie.

That might be where your viewpoint lies. I'm not going to ask someone to move seats for me in this case. I walk in late for whatever reason look up and see "welp guess we'll split up". I do not take it upon myself to ask others to move in this situation. Sometimes the issue becomes when people see NBD in asking without considering others, then it almost becomes a contradiction to then cry foul that others aren't thinking of others if that makes sense.

I think the OP is second guessing himself, as it is a few days later, and he is still thinking about it. He didn't move on.
I wonder if it's about the act of wanting to stay where he was or the tone of voice. I do not have a problem with him wanting to stay where he was, he was there first. I have questions about how he said it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think the OP is second guessing himself, as it is a few days later, and he is still thinking about it. He didn't move on.
I wonder if it's about the act of wanting to stay where he was or the tone of voice. I do not have a problem with him wanting to stay where he was, he was there first. I have questions about how he said it.

IDK people post a lot of stuff that they don't really second guess. Just looking for what others would do, conversation starter and all. I could post what I did at a restaurant and ask questions but not really second guess what I did. Maybe seek combined validation but not really second guessing. People do that a lot here on the Community Board. Who knows maybe the OP is but just by them posting doesn't mean they dwelled upon in a moral way.

On the last sentence in my first comment on the thread I had said I would have said no in a nice way without elaborating so I don't entirely disagree with you there.

 

[Sinder]

Is it, though? What is the big deal with asking? If the answer is no then move on. Now, if you act all huffy about being denied, that seems to me to be where an entitled attitude shows up. Common courtesy all around is a good place to start—ask nicely, decline nicely. Move on without nasty comments on either side.

I don't think asking in itself screams they suffer from a case of entitlement mentality, it's their response to the OP that does.

 

[sam_gordon]

If moving didn't alter my experience, I would not have hesitated.

IMO, this is the key. Does the request, if fulfilled, alter my experience? If no, I'd move. If yes, then I wouldn't.

And I agree tone (on both the person asking and the one being asked) plays into it also. Simply asking the question, IMO, does not make one entitled. HOW you ask the question, or how you RESPOND the answer CAN.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't think asking in itself screams they suffer from a case of entitlement mentality, it's their response to the OP that does.

Totally agree with that also. EXPECTING someone to do something that helps you is entitled (and/or reacting negatively when you get turned down).

 

[BamaGuy44]

I don't think you were a jerk, but I would have just moved. Personally, I never would ask someone to move, but if someone asked me and it didn't alter my experience, I'd move. Why make things harder on people? Not feeling the same way doesn't make you a jerk.

I mean everyone is just assuming that the group was late because of poor planning or whatever but it could have been any number of reasons. Maybe someone got a flat or there was an accident on the interstate or traffic or they've never been there before and left in plenty of time but got lost. These types of things happen too. I know I've run late to my share of functions, sometimes because of something within my control, and sometimes because of something completely outside of my control.

If moving didn't alter my experience, I would not have hesitated.

I get this viewpoint, but it won't affect their enjoyment of the movie to sit somewhere else, either. So why should they be the one to get to choose their seats, and not me? Why does their preference supersede mine? Why make it harder on me?

 

[Sinder]

IMO, this is the key. Does the request, if fulfilled, alter my experience? If no, I'd move. If yes, then I wouldn't.

And I agree tone (on both the person asking and the one being asked) plays into it also. Simply asking the question, IMO, does not make one entitled. HOW you ask the question, or how you RESPOND the answer CAN.

To be fair, the OP was actually entitled to those seats.

 

[BamaGuy44]

I think the OP is second guessing himself, as it is a few days later, and he is still thinking about it. He didn't move on.
I wonder if it's about the act of wanting to stay where he was or the tone of voice. I do not have a problem with him wanting to stay where he was, he was there first. I have questions about how he said it.

I felt like my tone was perfectly polite. I certainly wasn't mad, just not inclined to move. 100% agree how you say things is as important as what you say, as far as not being a jerk.