Thinking about not exchanging gifts this year..

[MeggyScumEsquire]

Our family moved to a secret Santatype exchange for a similar reason - we were all grown except for one child who we all still buy for, and buying gifts just got the sake of it didn't make any sense. We actually forgot to draw names for this year so we still just be doing a get together and Christmas dinner.

There are also websites where you can make wishlists as well if you want to try to get things someone may actually want. I did an exchange with friends and it felt really strange to make a wishlist as an adult, but in the end everyone got some things they actually liked!

 

[lifesavacation]

I wish my husband’s family would give up giving gifts. He has 2 brothers and each are married with kids. One hasn’t worked in 20+ years and is a quiverful believer. He can’t afford to clothe and feed his family, and he gets by on a lot of help from his church community. The last thing in the world I want is for him to spend their money on us. We don’t want or need anything and it makes me nauseous when I see him carry in gifts and he can’t afford shoes or glasses for their kids. His other brother goes over the top crazy buying for everyone.

 

[CT Yankee]

Maybe suggest a gift exchange where each person buys for one person. That way it is still the fun of gift giving but at a lower cost.

We do this in our family. It makes it much easier. We also give people the choice to opt out of the exchange list if they would rather not participate - no questions asked.

 

[Hikergirl]

We decided years ago to stop exchanging with dh's family. We don't even buy for the kids (now the youngest is 15).
We just make it a point to have a big get together during the holidays.
If that is how you feel you can let everyone know now that you don't plan on exchanging gifts. Or you can suggest a doing a game type gift exchange like the pp's mentioned.

Don't feel bad about suggesting it, you never know the others may feel the same they are just waiting for someone else to speak up.

 

[Disney_Alli]

I went handmade this year and knit everyone blankets. My Husband's family goes the Secret Santa route so I spend months finding scarf and shawl patterns I could knit for whoever I picked and recipes for homemade body scrubs and bath bombs, etc... when my husband made inquiries into favorite colors after the draw he was informed neither person we were assigned wanted anything except a $50 gift card (the gift max) to a specific store. So much for gift cards not being allowed in the gift exchange. I told him to buy it for them and be done with it. I guess now I'll have more time to knit my own scarf I've been waiting on...

ETA All that and I never made my point which was that I wish they'd do away with this for the adults but it's not my family so not my choice.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I’m not nearby to Any of my immediate family/siblings etc. I typically make many phone calls, then search, then wrap, then pack and then ship.
I’m seriously considering not doing any of it this year .. the nieces/nephews are All college aged and/or work full time. They are adults who basically get what they want for themselves or from their parents.
The last one,a high schooler will get money...ugh, boring but at least she can get what she wants.

It’s honestly not about the money... it just seems to be a waste of my energy fussing about and/or requesting items/list of wants. There really aren’t any true needs ( that I can fill... though if I’d have won that lottery.. some would be getting a house, vehicle and some Solid medical care coverage, but I digress)
So...not much spontaneity and just seems wasteful.
I’ll think on it some more...
I’ll still go Overboard on my dad... it brings me such Joy ... and him, well he gets a kick out of it.
And that makes me Xtra happy.
I much prefer shopping for the less fortunate and/or donating in peoples names..
Still have time to decide..
Blessed Holiday Season one/All.

 

[SC Minnie]

We stopped exchanging about 10 years ago. My mom still gets us a little something-- usually something she made. She give the grandkids a something and usually money with it (they are all grown and there are 4 greatgrands now). The adults though don't exchange. I pay for my mom's cellphone all year and she says that enough for her Christmas and birthday- she doesn't want or need anymore stuff. My brother and I pay to have someone take care of my dad's grass so that's his gift from us.

We stopped because it got to where everyone was buying stuff just to have a gift and it was stuff no one wanted or needed. A couple of us were going through some tight times so we decide to stop. Things have gotten better money wise but we haven't started back and everyone is fine with that.

 

[ronandannette]

I’d probably try something like talking to your adult cousins and agreeing not to buy for each other this year, and agreeing that you’ll all only buy for your own parents. That would pare it down quite a bit.

It does seem appropriate though to keep buying for the aunt and uncle that have no other family - it probably means something to them to be remembered, and they likely also enjoy giving whatever little thing it is they give to each of you.

 

[bellebud]

We do a 'gift fight' for the adults. Whoever wants to participate does. Lots of fun, and you only buy 1 gift.

 

[SaintsManiac]

I had already decided not to gift to extended family this year when they suggested we take a break. I am thrilled. I usually spend ALL of Christmas Eve wrapping gifts and baking cookie gifts for my cousins. It's getting old.

 

[smiths02]

Maybe suggest a gift exchange where each person buys for one person. That way it is still the fun of gift giving but at a lower cost.

Thanks, everyone for the replies. It was one thing when our grandparents were alive and wanted to give gifts to their grandchildren but they have both been gone for a few years. Thinking of what to give 9 adults every year is so difficult. None of us have the need to open a bunch of gifts anymore. It isn't the focus like it was when we were little.

I think the idea of either doing a secret Santa, drawing the names on Thanksgiving, or a grab bag could be fun.

I was going to say that my in-laws (we see extended family on Christmas mid-morning, usually) went to Secret Santa (chose names at Thanksgiving) then more of a white elephant (but with actually decent gifts with a $20 limit). It was still fun. Then when the economy hit people hard, we just stopped doing exchanges with extended adult family members.

 

[smiths02]

I went handmade this year and knit everyone blankets. My Husband's family goes the Secret Santa route so I spend months finding scarf and shawl patterns I could knit for whoever I picked and recipes for homemade body scrubs and bath bombs, etc... when my husband made inquiries into favorite colors after the draw he was informed neither person we were assigned wanted anything except a $50 gift card (the gift max) to a specific store. So much for gift cards not being allowed in the gift exchange. I told him to buy it for them and be done with it. I guess now I'll have more time to knit my own scarf I've been waiting on...

ETA All that and I never made my point which was that I wish they'd do away with this for the adults but it's not my family so not my choice.

So people are just passing around $50? Ugh...so silly

 

[RUDisney]

We do a white elephant exchange. We all buy something for $15 or less. We draw numbers for the order in which you will select a gift from the pile. The first person has to select from the pile, but then after that, you can choose to select from the pile or to "steal" an already opened gift. The person with the last gift is in the best position.

It's a lot of fun doing it this way.

We all buy for our parents and the kids, but for the adults, it gives everyone a gift and the whole party a lot of fun. You can get very creative with a $15 limit. Last year, my DS picked a bathroom gift that was very popular. It had poopouri, funny TP and a motion light for the bowl for at night.

 

[minniecarousel]

We do a gift exchange: on Thanksgiving we each make a list and put it in a basket, then I make sure everyone has picked one. Only one brother is out of state & he, his wife & daughter give me a list with gift card ideas. Our limit is $40. So it sometimes feels like a GC trade. And for some reason, I’m the one responsible for it. I’m sending out an email this week letting everyone know I need someone else to be the organizer. I’d like to drop it completely. (There are 20-25 of us, ages 21-76!) The organizing part is reminding the out-of-State family to get me their lists, then picking some for them. Also, I don’t want to pick my husband or son & that’s the same for the other families.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Ugh, the holidays... I don't spend time with my side of the family for the holiday since my parents both passed away. My IL's are another story. We really only get together for Christmas and bless my MIL who is 84 & not in the greatest health, but that woman and my FIL love Christmas. They go all out every year but I wish they wouldn't. We don't need anything and what we do ask for we generally don't get because she shops and buys the 4 of us girls the exact same things with some small exceptions. Its easy for her to do that and I understand why she does it. I just wish we could forgo the gift giving and concentrate on time with the family instead. I don't know what this year is going to bring since she just had a mini TIA a couple weeks ago and is pretty tired. She asked me about my list and I told her I don't need anything.

My SIL on the other hand lol...she emailed us a week ago with her list. BTW she is a 57 yr old single woman without any children and she wants gifts hence the list. I laugh because its presumtious of her to assume I want to buy her something when i am getting a consumers reports subscription whether I asked for it not from her.

Don't make me feel like I have to get you a gift, that is the worst!!!

I want to know what a Dirty Santa exchange is!!!!!

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

Good luck,

I've posted before about my suggestion to my husband's family that we stop exchanging between the adults. It didn't go well. at. all. .

We couldn't buy for them one year because of finances. That didn't go well either.

Some adults really are as bad as kids when it comes to Christmas. I've even suggested we don't exchange and instead spend the money to go on a trip together. Nope, they were all for the trip but still wanted presents.

They are already asking for lists this year. Can't wait to see what's on theirs. Hopefully there will be one or two things that aren't either $$$$$$$ or only available from the little mom and pop collectible/antique/whatever store in their town that doesn't take phone orders or do gift certificates.

 

[kirstenb1]

I think it's fine, but ask everyone now, before they start buying gifts.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

I want to know what a Dirty Santa exchange is!!!!!

Dirty Santa is where all the wrapped gifts go in a pile and everyone who is participating draws a number. #1 gets to pick a present and open it. Number 2 has the option of opening a present or stealing #1's present. Number 3 has the option of stealing either of the two open presents or opening another one and so on. There are several variations of the rules, but this is the gist of it.


lots of fun when everyone understands the nature of the game.

 

[Hikergirl]

So people are just passing around $50? Ugh...so silly

That is what it came too for our family. We had stopped buying for adults except (our parents and grandparents) and decided to just buy for the kids in the family. Each adult picked a name and we'd get that child a gift. We'd done it that way for a few years but it got to the point where we were all just buying GCs and exchanging those. I don't know who was the first to suggest just stopping all together because it was ridiculous but we all agreed.
Now we just spend a couple nights together during the Christmas break and it is wonderful. The kids never missed getting gifts, they were just happy to spend time with their cousins since we don't live in the immediate area. It really is a perfect family holiday for us.

 

[pweyl36]

The celebration we do with my grandparents, dad and step-mom, brother, aunt, uncle, and cousins, we all just mainly gift the kids (4 kids between 3-9). My cousins and us are the next youngest age group, but the youngest is turning 18. My grandparents do something for everyone, though we've been trying to get them to cut back and save some money. All the rest of us either don't exchange or give something small and homemade from the kids.

Last year, we did a sock exchange amongst the adult women that was fun. Each bought a pair of crazy socks and filled it with whatever we wanted. I did a mix of practical and gag gifts, from a mini flashlight, pepper spray, small picture frame, fancy gum to an enema, slippers made out of feminine products, and the original iPad made from the same with a big googly eye. That was a blast.

We also did a game for anyone who wanted to participate. Someone in the family bought a bunch of scratch off lottery tickets and some candy and wrapped them all throughout a giant ball of Saran wrap. We took turns rolling doubles with dice while the next person unwrapped. Whatever you unwrapped before doubles were rolled, you got to keep, and then it moved in the circle to the next player. Everyone ended up with a lottery ticket or some candy and it added some fun to the day.

We did the ball thing , that is so much fun, we also put in mini liquor bottles too.