The Day the Mickey Died II - Saving Mr. Panic Attack *update 10/2*

[jane2073]

Are those your actual Christmas Cards? If so, they a epic!!



If not, shame on you for being an "epic Christmas card tease".

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Are those your actual Christmas Cards? If so, they a epic!!



If not, shame on you for being an "epic Christmas card tease".

To borrow from an old Seinfeld episode........they're real.......and they're spectacular

 

[crazyfordisney2000]

YAY!! I LOVE your trip reports!!!!

OMG, socks and sandals!!!! My son wears black socks pulled up to his knees with SANDALS!! It's disturbing to say the least, but I'm grateful the he doesn't care what others think, and does whatever HE wants. (he's 12) He's not swayed by others. That's what I keep telling myself!!

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

I've got....a......plan. Yikes!

“The devil’s in the details”

At least, that’s what my Grandpa once told me……..just before he hired me to rototill his entire, weed-riddled vegetable garden…….for a shiny, new quarter I believe. But remember, back in those days you could buy a 10 oz soda pop for a quarter……..and what boy in his right mind wouldn’t be willing to give up his whole Saturday to do back-breaking labor in the hot sun for a single, solitary, icy-cold Coca-Cola?

And, let’s not forget about the bottle deposit. That’s another 5 cents……….actually 10 cents if I could just figure out a way to get it to Michigan.

“Hey, you’re not talking about that Michigan deposit bottle scam again are you?”

“No, no…..I’m off that. I couldn’t crunch the numbers. It drove me crazy.”

Anyway, it was a figure of speech that I had never heard before. But, I think what my Grandpa was trying to tell me was that sometimes it’s the small things that you need to watch out for. Unfortunately, I was so distracted with trying to figure this out……..that I dug up a whole row of his prize tomatoes.

But don’t worry, he took it out of my salary.

In our household, the same principal applies to planning a WDW vacation. No detail is too small and we love every minute of the process. Well, maybe I shouldn’t include our kids in that statement. They pretty much think we’re crazy……..for this and a myriad of other reasons.

So, I should say that Tinkershell and I love planning. Honestly, it’s one of our favorite parts of the whole trip. There’s nothing quite like the thrill of sitting down and mapping out the optimum days to visit each park. We look at historical data. We look at forecasted data. We look at qualitative and quantitative data. All of this data is then processed and analyzed for the express purpose of creating the perfect plan. We have a name for this state of scheduling nirvana……..we call it Tinkershell’s non-negotiable itinerary…….and once it’s created there's no going back......not ever.

Obviously, selecting your park days is just the first step. We’ve still got meals to schedule. Tinkershell is a nut for Le Cellier…..so that’s got to fit in there somewhere. It’s a little pricey……..but I don’t mind going to an upscale restaurant every once in awhile........because it’s one of the few places where I’m called “sir” without it being followed up by “you’re making a scene.” DD Woob’s favorite food on the planet is fried chicken……so obviously 50’s Prime Time and Hoop Dee Doo have to be entered into the equation. Neither of our kids is crazy for the buffet in Germany……but do you think that stops me from holding my breath until I get a dinner at Biergarten? No, it doesn’t………plus they can’t afford to let me hold my breath anymore because, at this point in my life, every last one of my remaining brain cells is a precious commodity.

All of this dining information must then be fed to the itinerary…….which is now beginning to pulse and glow.

And, that’s just the tip of the iceberg really. Over the years, we’ve established the tradition of making shirts for each trip. Granted, our earliest efforts resulted in something that one CM in Epcot described as “looking like we were caught in an explosion at a Baskin Robbins factory.” I’d like to tell you that his assessment was harsh and overly-critical. That’s what I’d like to tell you. But, over the years, we’ve refined the process and now we can produce a shirt that incorporates the fun but leaves out the humiliation and social stigma.

Actually, the shirts didn’t look half bad after a couple of these puppies


Also, a couple of months before the trip, we start taking family walks together in the evenings. This is important for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it helps to build the excitement leading up the vacation. Secondly, it we don’t do it I’m going to be huffing and puffing like Don from “Monsters University” and lagging behind everybody because I’m having a small heart attack. At the end of the walk each night, we top it off by gathering in our kitchen and doing the chicken dance. Our kids thought that this part of the walk was tremendously fun when they were little……..now, not so much. So, for the most part, Tinkershell and I do the chicken dance alone……..while our kids check the house to make sure that all of the blinds are down.

And, when the countdown calendar goes up, then you know you’re getting close.


Usually, Pal Mickey is a big help in planning. It’s like he was born with an innate knowledge of all things Disney.

He credits his computer chip………but I think he’s just being modest.

However, it was during our planning sessions that I first started to suspect Pal Mickey might be up to something. If you’ve read my previous trip report, you know that we had an unfortunate incident with Pal Mickey on a previous vacation.

FYI, not my fault……..but even so, I do carry some guilt. If you combine this with the fact that Pal Mickey is a chronic prankster, then you’ve got a perfect recipe for revanche.

"It’s called revenge……and it’s best served cold"

"But it can easily be reheated……in the microwave of evil"

"Well……I think your warranty is about to expire"

"Maybe I got an extended warranty"

"Warranties are invalid…….if used beyond their intended purpose"

"Girls, girls, you're both pretty......can I go home now?"


Next up: Keeping a close eye on Pal Mickey

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

YAY!! I LOVE your trip reports!!!!

OMG, socks and sandals!!!! My son wears black socks pulled up to his knees with SANDALS!! It's disturbing to say the least, but I'm grateful the he doesn't care what others think, and does whatever HE wants. (he's 12) He's not swayed by others. That's what I keep telling myself!!

Hey crazyfordisney2000, I remember you.

"Not swayed by others", I like that. I'm going to start using that to explain away my innumerable eccentricities.

 

[NCDisneyMom]

YAY!! I LOVE your trip reports!!!!

OMG, socks and sandals!!!! My son wears black socks pulled up to his knees with SANDALS!! It's disturbing to say the least, but I'm grateful the he doesn't care what others think, and does whatever HE wants. (he's 12) He's not swayed by others. That's what I keep telling myself!!

Actually, he IS swayed by others, as this is the "style" now. I didn't believe it, either, when my son walked out of the house like that last summer (at age 13). But, we were headed to our local amusement park, and lo and behold, there were hundreds of other teen boys wearing this fashion faux pas originally meant just for old men. Who knew!

And Peter, I'm loving this trip report! Can't wait to read more!

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Keeping a close eye on Pal Mickey

So, now it’s the eve of our travel day……….more commonly known as “travel day eve”……and we were just making sure we haven’t forgotten anything critical.

1. Printed out the boarding passes – check
2. Cancelled the newspaper – check
3. Dressed up a mannequin in clothes and a wig and set it on an old-fashioned record player so it would spin in front of the window like a party guest……..and added a life size cut-out of Michael Jordan riding on a model train track that will loop back and forth behind the mannequin creating shadows on the drapes to add depth to our deception……..and set up a series of horrific concealed traps in case someone is waiting for us to leave on vacation with the intention of taking all of our stuff…….so that instead of finding an empty house with no stuff when we return home, all we find is a battered, smoking, nail-gun riddled body – check and double-check

Ok, I know what a lot of you are thinking right now……..”I can’t believe he still gets the newspaper. “

Well, I like to do the crossword puzzle, ok…….and not online where you can cheat. I’m old school.

All that remained was to do a quick check of the clothes in my luggage to make sure Pal Mickey hadn’t spiked them with some itching powder or stuck a banana peel in there for me to discover later. As I mentioned before, Pal Mickey has always been a prankster. Most of the time, it’s just little things like soaking my toothbrush in lemon juice…….or pointing at an imaginary stain on my shirt and then bopping my nose with his finger when I look down.

But as the trip approached, it seemed to me that he was ramping things up a bit. First, he filled the shower head with green food coloring……..and then followed me around singing “you’re a mean one Mister Grinch” at the top of his lungs every time I went out in public. Next, he bet me five bucks that I couldn’t balance two cups of grape juice on the back of my hands……….and then left me, palms down on Tinkershell’s best tablecloth, while he went to the movies. By the time he got back, I was so mad I could have strangled him…….except I had the world’s worst case of “dead arms” so I couldn’t get a grip.

He’s always got this “who me?” look on his face……..which it totally annoying.


I wasn’t too concerned about it until I started having this recurring dream:

It’s the middle of the night and I’m walking down a concrete corridor. It’s completely dark except for moonlight shining through small windows set high on the walls. On either side of me, barred jail cells extend down the corridor, but they all appear to be empty…….except for the last one on the left. From that cell, I can hear a noise. When I reach the end of the hall, I find a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling so I pull the chain. The swinging light casts shadows from the bars back and forth on the block walls of the cell. In the corner, I see someone doing chin-ups from an old, overhead pipe. His head is down and he’s dressed in a tattered, white t-shirt and filthy jeans. On the plush white knuckles of either hand, I see tattooed the letters “P” “P” “A”. “Peter Panic Attack”, I whisper. As if in response to the sound, he slowly lifts his head and I see his face. With a start, I stagger back until I hit the bars of the cell behind me. The face is Pal Mickey’s…….and he looks angry. At first, there is condemnation in his eyes……..but then they begin to change…….into eye-size little bowls of Quaker instant oatmeal.

That’s typically where I wake up. As near as I can figure, the dream is mostly a manifestation of my guilt for what happened to Pal Mickey in WDW. The oatmeal part is a puzzler but here’s my best guess.

On the back of the oatmeal box, you have the option of preparing it with milk or water. As a kid, we had very little money and my mother always used water. My friend's mothers always used milk and that was extremely traumatizing for me.

Now, I've noticed that, in the dream, sometimes the oatmeal is apples and cinnamon…….and sometimes it’s strawberries and cream…….but it’s always made with water. I can tell because it's not as creamy......or filled with love.

So there you have it. The real question was whether or not this dream was being sent to me as some kind of a warning……and we were leaving for WDW in the morning.

Next up: Day one

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Actually, he IS swayed by others, as this is the "style" now. I didn't believe it, either, when my son walked out of the house like that last summer (at age 13). But, we were headed to our local amusement park, and lo and behold, there were hundreds of other teen boys wearing this fashion faux pas originally meant just for old men. Who knew!

And Peter, I'm loving this trip report! Can't wait to read more!

Thank NCDisneyMom. If dressing like an old men is becoming stylish, you might want to suggest that your son try wearing a comb-over.

 

[jrj]

Your latest update you are too funny

Nail gun riddled body... Prison cells... Oatmeal... Omg... I'm laughing so hard can't breathe need oxygen I'm dying over here

 

[jane2073]

We use half milk and half water for our oatmeal.
Only partial love in our house!

 

[marymac123]

Loving your report so far!

 

[FancyNancy]

Subbing!Cant wait to read more.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Your latest update you are too funny

Nail gun riddled body... Prison cells... Oatmeal... Omg... I'm laughing so hard can't breathe need oxygen I'm dying over here

deep breaths jrj......deep breaths

We use half milk and half water for our oatmeal.
Only partial love in our house!

Well, I'm sure you make up the difference elsewhere. There are other ways to show you care besides oatmeal.

Loving your report so far!

Thank you marymac123 and welcome

Subbing!Cant wait to read more.

Welcome aboard FancyNancy. Thanks for posting

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Day One

So, it’s the morning of our WDW travel day and I need my family to be efficient and banging on all cylinders.

It’s like I always say:

Me: “You know…….a family ……”

Family (interrupting): “Is like an enormous clock”

Me: “Is like an enormous cl…..yes, precisely! It only works if all the little cogs mesh together. A clock must be clean, well lubricated and wound tight.”

That’s usually the part when they all stop listening……get up……and leave the room. But, it doesn’t make it any less true.

If I had my way, our home would be furnished with an individual fireman’s pole for each member of our family. On our travel day……as soon as all 17 perfectly synchronized alarm clocks went off in unison……each family member would clamber out of bed and rush to their respective pole. On the trip down, they would automatically slide into whatever clothing they had chosen for the day and land squarely in their shoes at the bottom.

The biggest flaw in my plan is the fact that we live in a one story rambler, so at this point, everybody would be in the basement. Not a problem. As the family is trudging up the stairs back to the main floor, I could install little mechanical arms that would come out of the walls to brush teeth and apply deodorant. Then, I simply usher everybody into the minivan and…….toot sweet…….we’re off to the airport.

Viola!

Tinkershell says no to the fireman’s poles……….or the little mechanical arms……which she claims don’t even exist.

Yeah right…….looks like somebody needs to watch a little bit more television.

Anyway, despite this complete lack of cooperation, we were loaded up and headed for the airport. On this trip, we had my mother ride along with us so she could drive our minivan back home. She didn't mind. She was happy to do it for a couple of reasons: first, she still carries guilt around from the whole oatmeal debacle; and second, she gets the thrill of taking our sweet minivan out for a spin.

Funny thing, DD Woobie doesn’t share her grandma’s enthusiasm for driving the trusty minivan. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was embarrassed by it. With ample leg room…….sliding doors on both sides……and built in cup holders, what more could a teenage girl ask for? I tell you, kids these days get embarrassed by the weirdest things. Last spring, we went to her high school awards night……and I wanted to wear my gold sparkly top hat that says "Happy New Beer! in big letters on the front and has straws running up to two plastic cups attached to the sides.........but she insisted that I leave it in the car. I spent the whole night making needless trips back and forth to the refreshment table.......when I could have been enjoying my fruit punch in style.

A few years ago, a skycap at our airport gave us a secret tip. I was right in the middle of peppering him with a series of endless questions about why he was called a “skycap” when he was one of the airport employees that never leaves the ground…….when he interrupted me and told me that, if we used the international flights terminal entrance to the airport, we would find that the security lines were much shorter.

I think he was just trying to get rid of me…….but he was also right. Since then, we no longer join the multitudes at the domestic flights terminal……swelling up against the security check area like orcs trying to breach the wall at Helm’s deep. Now, we saunter into the international terminal……..stepping around the occasional rolling tumbleweed along the way…….and hand our identification to a guy whose tipped back on the rear legs of his chair and playing a slow, bluesy tune on his harmonica.

Ten minutes later, we’re through security and eating orange chicken at Panda Express……….and honestly, what’s more international than Panda Express? It's like actually being in China.

With a family of four, we have a slight issue when it comes to flying. For the most part, flights have seats in groups of three. Ergo, one of the Panic Attacks always ends up sitting with two strangers in the row of seats across the aisle.

Yeah well, that Panic Attack would be me.


Typically, this is what I see across the aisle


It isn’t too bad until the rest of the family's party really starts jumping over there. When the lights start flashing and the loud repetitive bass-booming music kicks in……….and they set up the velvet ropes and the bouncers start letting other people in………it can get a little depressing sitting all by myself across the aisle.

But, not on this trip. The seatbacks had a t.v. and it was a beautiful Saturday for college football. At one point, I had to shush the flight attendant doing the safety announcements because I couldn’t hear the game.

Unfortunately, I also got stuck with Pal Mickey. He isn’t required to purchase a seat on the flight because he can fit in a carry-on bag. I’m pretty sure that’s why infants don’t need a ticket either. Anyway, he was in my bag so he ended up being my problem.

It wouldn’t be so bad if he would just sit and watch the game. But, his favorite thing to do is to climb up and push the attendant button. Then, when they come to check on me, he does his “floppy body” thing like he’s some inanimate toy. It’s so annoying. Also, when they’re doing the seatbelt check, he unbuckles mine just before they walk by. He does the same thing with my tray table when it’s supposed to be in the upright and locked position. The attendant will just be swinging their head in my direction when I'll hear it drop with a bang.

I finally had to cram him back in the carry-on………because the attendant was talking to the air marshal and pointing in my direction.

Next up: Arriving in Orlando

 

[jane2073]

I have read several trip reports where the mom has to sit with the kids and the dad gets to sit by himself, and they are usually tinged with a little bitterness. This is the first time where the dad feels like he is missing out on fun by not sitting with his family. Very refreshing.

 

[crazyfordisney2000]

Actually, he IS swayed by others, as this is the "style" now. I didn't believe it, either, when my son walked out of the house like that last summer (at age 13). But, we were headed to our local amusement park, and lo and behold, there were hundreds of other teen boys wearing this fashion faux pas originally meant just for old men. Who knew!

And Peter, I'm loving this trip report! Can't wait to read more!

LOL!! I've seen people at our gym wearing them like that, but my DD girlfriends always ask me "Why does he wear his socks like that, it's so annoying!!"

 

[crazyfordisney2000]

I can't believe pal mickey is still alive and kicking!

 

[FancyNancy]

Mini vans still exist? What is this ancient mode of transportation you speak of???

 

[SusieBea]

Oh, my gosh, where have your trip reports been all my life? (I actually am one of those who in fact has perused the perimeter for eyes peeping through closed blinds, carrying an empty Kroger bag, deliberately bending down to pick up air. Sad, but true... Confession is good for the soul. ) I'm in. Write on!

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Very entertaining report, thanks! Joining in.

Now to go back to read your first report....